On a scale from 1-10...I feel like a 2 right now. And that is only because I am trying my hardest to be positive. I feel like a 2 as a mother, a 2 as a teacher, a 2 as head of this household, a 2 as a housekeeper, a 2 as a friend, a 2 as a christian...and the list goes on...
I just can't get up to par. I just can't keep up. Everything is a mess no matter how hard I try...and I am exhausted from trying. I try to give my all to everything...and it is NOT working. I know we are not supposed to go by feelings...but what happens when someone actually tells you you are low on the scale! What happens when you ask your child for a hug you are in desperate need for and they reply with, "no thanks, I'm good." What happens when you have to drag loads of work to your own kid's ball practice and they are constantly reminding you to watch them, but you are weighed down with work for a job you are a 2 at anyways?!
I am search for answers that I cannot seem to find...
I don't know what God wants me to do...but right now I feel like a failure at life.
Why am I trying so hard if I am not passing the grade anyways?
I am pausing here just trying to find some hope...some ability to climb my way back to the top again...back to the sunlight...praying.
Well...I do know this, in our weaknesses, there is where we find Christ's strength. So God...take my 2 and make it a 10 please! Not for me, but for Your glory Lord, so that I can shine as a light for my boys to see Your ways, for my co-workers to see Your strength in me, for my friends and family to see how amazing You are through my life.
Well...I guess there is a reason I did not get to finish this post before I went to the basketball game for my son...God speaks to us in many ways, as my last post stated; today it was at a basketball game. The half-time talk that they have for Upward basketball spoke about facing challenges and how God wants to make us stronger through the things that we have to go through. During the game, a boy fell down pretty hard, and skinned up his knee. It took him a bit to get back up, and at first he hopped around a little, but the minute the game resumed...you would have thought he just drank a 5 hour energy drink- he was full speed ahead ready to play hard like nothing had ever knocked him down in the first place.
See where I am going with this? Yes, we go through things that are overwhelming and at times cause us to feel defeated, crushed, destroyed, stressed, exhausted....but...the point is...we HAVE TO GET BACK UP AND PLAY THE GAME AND PUT THE PROBLEM IN THE PAST AND LEAVE IT THERE AS IF IT NEVER EXISTED! BECAUSE THEN GOD CAN GROW US IN OUR STRENGTH AND CREATE A STRONGER, WISER PLAYER!
And He does not want us to be a player that holds our head down in shame when we are weak...we are human, so He knows we are weak, that is when we lean on Him even more than normal for His strength and support. That is when we cry out to Jesus and He comes and picks us back us, steadies us while we find our footing again...and then restores our joy, peace, and strength so that we can press on.
As our boys played an awesome game, I loved seeing the joy and confidence on their faces as they score a basket...and how many points for a basket? 2. 2 points for each shot...and you have to take it one shot at a time. One basket at a time to win a game. You have to forget about the one you missed and focus on the next shot. 2 points at a time...and give it your all with each shot focusing only the goal; knowing that The Coach will give you guidance you need to be victorious! AMEN!
I just can't get up to par. I just can't keep up. Everything is a mess no matter how hard I try...and I am exhausted from trying. I try to give my all to everything...and it is NOT working. I know we are not supposed to go by feelings...but what happens when someone actually tells you you are low on the scale! What happens when you ask your child for a hug you are in desperate need for and they reply with, "no thanks, I'm good." What happens when you have to drag loads of work to your own kid's ball practice and they are constantly reminding you to watch them, but you are weighed down with work for a job you are a 2 at anyways?!
I am search for answers that I cannot seem to find...
I don't know what God wants me to do...but right now I feel like a failure at life.
Why am I trying so hard if I am not passing the grade anyways?
I am pausing here just trying to find some hope...some ability to climb my way back to the top again...back to the sunlight...praying.
Well...I do know this, in our weaknesses, there is where we find Christ's strength. So God...take my 2 and make it a 10 please! Not for me, but for Your glory Lord, so that I can shine as a light for my boys to see Your ways, for my co-workers to see Your strength in me, for my friends and family to see how amazing You are through my life.
Well...I guess there is a reason I did not get to finish this post before I went to the basketball game for my son...God speaks to us in many ways, as my last post stated; today it was at a basketball game. The half-time talk that they have for Upward basketball spoke about facing challenges and how God wants to make us stronger through the things that we have to go through. During the game, a boy fell down pretty hard, and skinned up his knee. It took him a bit to get back up, and at first he hopped around a little, but the minute the game resumed...you would have thought he just drank a 5 hour energy drink- he was full speed ahead ready to play hard like nothing had ever knocked him down in the first place.
See where I am going with this? Yes, we go through things that are overwhelming and at times cause us to feel defeated, crushed, destroyed, stressed, exhausted....but...the point is...we HAVE TO GET BACK UP AND PLAY THE GAME AND PUT THE PROBLEM IN THE PAST AND LEAVE IT THERE AS IF IT NEVER EXISTED! BECAUSE THEN GOD CAN GROW US IN OUR STRENGTH AND CREATE A STRONGER, WISER PLAYER!
And He does not want us to be a player that holds our head down in shame when we are weak...we are human, so He knows we are weak, that is when we lean on Him even more than normal for His strength and support. That is when we cry out to Jesus and He comes and picks us back us, steadies us while we find our footing again...and then restores our joy, peace, and strength so that we can press on.
As our boys played an awesome game, I loved seeing the joy and confidence on their faces as they score a basket...and how many points for a basket? 2. 2 points for each shot...and you have to take it one shot at a time. One basket at a time to win a game. You have to forget about the one you missed and focus on the next shot. 2 points at a time...and give it your all with each shot focusing only the goal; knowing that The Coach will give you guidance you need to be victorious! AMEN!
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