Cookies Crumble

Cookies crumble...but...they still taste good!

I baked some cookies for a church fellowship tonight, and they just broke and crumbled when I tried to get them out of muffin tins. They were a disaster. And I was already in a bad mood. I am talking fire-breathin' dragon, screaming/shoutin', want to take out all my frustrations on a punchin' bag type of mood. Not for any reason in particular, more like an accumulation of things. A giant pile of a mess in my mind. Just frustration mixed with sorrow, mixed with exhaustion. Get the picture? Ever had one of those days/weeks/months???

But...the cookies are not only still edible, but also they still taste sweet and delicious!
Life can be tough...but...God is still good.

On the way to the pastor's house, the praise music was on in the car, and the boys and I were singing out from the depths of our heart to our heavenly Father who loves us. And these words once again spoke to my heart from the Hillsongs Kids song "This Is The Day"

"It doesn't matter what I face. It doesn't matter what comes my way. I know that you care for me, so it's alright. Yeah so it's alright. This is the day my God has made. I've got a reason to celebrate. To jump up and down, and spin all around. And to shout it, hey, this is the day!"

I can't say it any better than that! I just pray that whatever you are facing, you (and also speaking to myself here) are able to praise God in the mist of it, and allow Him to continue to give you the strength to press on. And that He may give us the joy to dance in the devil's face; showing him- we are not defeated, but we are children of God who know how to live an abundant life filled with power and peace!

lil slugger BIG HITTER

You will never hit a home run if you don't step up to the plate and start swingin'.

I am short...we all know that. I am 5'1" (and I like to claim an extra 1/2 inch...but I don't think I technically own that half), but...I have a lot of competitive drive in me...just ask my friends. :) I think it is to make up for the short stature.

When it comes to playing games/sports I don't like to loose.

So why do I quit, or in my mind say I can't, so many times before I even have the chance to try and succeed when it comes to certain things in life? Awhile ago, one of my facebook post said "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can....man, forget that little engine, I KNOW I CAN!" Confidence is the key! I should have that attitude everyday when it comes to all areas of life, not just board games. LOL.

I may be a lil slugger, but with God as my coach, I am a BIG HITTER!

Step up to the plate and let God guide your swing, and with Him you CAN and WILL accomplish anything.

Mind Mixer

Do you ever feel like you go from one mood to the next in a matter of 1.5 seconds? Lately I feel like my moods flash faster than lightening. Now...as a woman of course I can blame this on "that time" I suppose...but no matter what the cause it....it is driving me crazy. I get frustrated and think why can I just not be stable in my thoughts, moods, and feelings?! Why is my mind always mixed up?

I write about battles of the mind and insecurities often because that is what I know. That is why God deals with in me almost on a daily basis. That is what He continues to bring me through, to teach me more about, to take me to higher levels in understanding and greater levels of depth into His greatness and wisdom on.

I am a fighter. I am someone who loves to win, I have stated that many times over. SO NO DEVIL YOU CANNOT CONVINCE ME TO QUIT!

"NOW MOVE OR I WILL RUN YOU DOWN!" This is a quote from a doctor in Grey's Anatomy running a trauma operation, and not giving up on her patient in spite of all odds being stacked against her. It is a mock training used to teach the doctors to keep going strong, to not give up, and to use what they have for the fight not focus on what they don't have. Why can we not take this aggressive approach when fight is in our mind?

We have God on our side. We have Christ within us! We have it all! WE CAN DO THIS WHEN WE USE WHAT WE HAVE! So let us call out to Jesus for strength, joy, wisdom, and peace. Then accept it when He gives it to us, and then kick some serious butt in the fight! SERIOUSLY!

Don't quit. Don't give up. Don't believe the lies the enemy parades in front of your face in order to distract you from the truth your Savior establishes in His word for you.

MoRe RaNdoM ThiNKinG

Only 3 nights left until my boys come back! I miss them so much. I miss their smiles. I miss their laughter. I miss our random dancing break-outs. I miss their big hugs. I miss our secret handshake. I miss our prayer times together. I miss the random funny things they say. I miss tucking them in. I miss our wrestling matches. I miss our cuddle time. I miss watching Man VS. Wild with them. I just can't wait until they get back. I am just so blessed to have them in my life :)

OK...so here are some more things spinning around my cooky cranium.

1. Why can talking not count as exercise??? I would finally be able to shop in the stick figure people section!! LOL....I mean, you do use muscles to use your mouth...seriously, should count for an entire body workout!

2. Who in the world do they use to make the average length for petite pants? NBA players?? Because it is not your average short person!! Yes...it is pretty bad when you shop in the petite section, and they are still too long :(


3. "I got a pocket, got a pocket full of SUNSHINE!!"
OK, so it is all about our attitude. Mind over matter. I truly am a very blessed child of God who has many reasons to smile, to be confident, to praise God, to be at peace, to be full of joy....so I need to knock off the pity parties, the sour-puss attitudes, the worrying...and just SHINE FOR THE KINGDOM OF GOD. :) My circumstances do not dictate my mood...my Savior (my SONSHINE) brings joy to my life regardless of my surroundings and situations that I have to face in life...because with Him...I can do all things!

4. Originally my plan has been: if I get remarried that man will have to take me to Italy on our honeymoon...new plan: just go to Italy on my own and find a hot Italian to marry so he can speak that beautiful language to me all the time...now that is something I would actually shut up for!!! LOL

5. Still no maid?! Seriously...anyone want the job? I pay with Oreo Bon Bons!!


6.
I'm all about the heat...just sayin'. Now, in the books and the first movie I am very much team Edward, but...in New Moon, my alliance suddenly shifted in the first shirtless scene, and continued to grow during the rain scene as I was left drooling over the dogs! LOL...see now living here in NC, whenever I hear "GO PACK" I don't think NC State, I think, "Where? Where's Jacob?!" That was for Twilight fans only, sorry...LOL

7. I so want to be a fighter jet pilot. "I feel the need, the need for speed."

8. I just realized that Disney Channel has not been on all week!!! I am starting to have Suite Life sorrows, missing magic from Waverly Place Wizards, and my days have been cloudy without Sonny...JK...although some of those shows are cute...Mommy shows are nicer!!! I am officially caught up on Grey's, and may actually stay up to watch it tonight! :)

9. Can you tell I am bored? LOL...Although I have no reason to be sitting here playing around on a computer because of #5 alone, but....there is always tomorrow for that! LOL.

10. Now, let's all practice being positive, repeat after me, "I am blessed and highly favored, saved by the grace of a mighty Savior." And try this, "I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made" Psalms 139:14. Keep going you're doing great, now say, "All things work together for the good for those who love God" Romans 8:28. And add, "In Christ Jesus, we ARE MORE THAN CONQUERORS!" Love that one...because I am all about the winnin' and conquerin'! :) Now...just stay focused on the Father and it's all good :)

HAVE A BLESSED WEEKEND!

RaNdoM WeekLY ThOuGhTs

Ok...not sure how helpful or "spiritual" these are going to be...but...this is just what you get when you leave a lonely ADHD blonde alone in her apartment for 10 days with no kids....LOL. And...this is just day 2...so there may be more to come! Scary, I know! I miss my boys!

1. OK, when the cute guy behind the counter ask if you need help out with your groceries...YOU SAY YES YOU IDIOT! YES!

2. Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you feel like a nut...OK, I know how the jingle actually goes, but I just always feel like a nut.

3. Activities that are not suited for people with ADHD: hunting...although the idea of shooting a gun seems cool, especially if the target looks like my ex-husband...guess we would have to be hunting donkeys though...ok...sorry you are right that was not nice. sorry. anyways, hunting...it is my understanding that you have to sit there quietly....SCRATCH THAT OFF MY ACTIVITY LIST!
Also, taking a bubble bath, everyone says while the boys are gone, relax, take a nice hot bubble bath...I just find that I do not sit well...and the bubbles only keep you entertained for so long...

4. Oh...wait. THAT'S right....I DON'T have a maid...oh man!!!!

5. Activities for the lonely NOT to do: watch romance and/or sappy, crappy movies!!! Why do I torture myself?! I forgot how dramatic that Nick Sparks guy can be!!

6. PUT THE OREOS DOWN!!!

7. Dancing and laughter are the best stress relievers so do them often! "Shake your groove thing! Shake your groove thing...ya, ya. Show me how to do it now. Get up and shake it! Get up and shake it!"

8. I want to learn how to play the drums!!! I loved listening to the drums at the ECU football game. Maybe that will also help me take out some frustrations....hmmmm...I might go through a lot of drum sets...

9.








10. Even if you're single...YOU MUST REMEMBER TO SHAVE THOSE LEGS! OK, yes this is embarrassing to say, but...I am that great of a friend that I will just put it all out there and bare the humiliation if it saves someone else from the same mistake; because you don't want your BFF to call and say hey lets go get a pedicure since neither of us have our boys. Then get there only to remember that you have to pull up your pant legs to stick those legs in the tub, and THEN get stuck with a male doing the pedicure, and THEN remember they also do the massage on not only the feet but also the LEGS! Yes...yes it was very embarrassing!!! But hey...we all had a good laugh...especially the lady rubbing my friends legs who just kept saying..."Oh, how nice and smooth." while laughing at the poor guy who got stuck with GORILLA GIRL!!! LOL.
(and yes...I really do shave...that was a just very rainy week) Hmmmm....last thought...I share way too much information....hmmmm maybe that is why I'm still singe.
BUT...I say if you can't laugh in life, especially at yourself...then you are the one with the issues :)

From Within

"If we all cut off the parts we don't like, we'd have nothing left." - a quote from a women in the television show Grey's anatomy talking to her son about plastic surgery.

Confidence comes from within. And from within we find Christ living in us.

He created us in His image...that is a pretty powerful image to be formed after. He created us wonderful. He says so in His word. Why then do we let so many outside opinions/standards determine what/who we are when the answer is found within.

I am a child of God. That's it. Period. And I am confident in who I am.

Are you? You should be. Because Jesus loves you UNCONDITIONALLY. So...accept His love and walk in confidence, and let NOTHING from the outside SHAKE that confidence.

"You created the deepest parts of my being.
You put me together inside my mother's body.
How you made me is amazing and wonderful."
Psalm 139:13-14

"Seriously Christina...Do you get it yet?"

Here are some questions that must be running through the mind of God when He thinks of me...

"Seriously Christina...do you get it yet?" "Has in sunk into that thick skull of yours?" "When are you just going to let go and trust me completely? After all the times I have come through for you, why do you still doubt?"

Thankfully He is a persistent God full of love and grace that just keeps coming--forever pushing through the tough terrains of my brain trying to get me to hear His voice above the chaos.

My God has always come through for me. I could give you all the examples, but I would be typing until my fingers fall off because He has always been there for me. He has proven time and time and time again that He has my back, and His perfect plan in being worked out in my life daily as He uses all things to draw me closer to Him....so why do I still go through those times of doubt and worry? Why do I allow my mind to be filled with anxieties and insecurities?

Today, once again God has brought me closer to Him, pulled me through a rough patch, picked me up and dusted me off, encouraged me in many ways, and given me reason to continue to praise Him.

"Christina...I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING....Let go, and let me do My job...your only job...is to just believe and walk by faith." This is the message He is lovingly whispering to my heart...(although sometimes I believe He may just have to bust out the mallet and pound into my head...LOL) I get it God...and Thank you!

Hebrews 11:1 "1 Faith is being sure of what we hope for. It is being certain of what we do not see."

The important thing to remember is that no matter what is going on in your life, God is in control, and He has a perfect plan that we just need to trust in. Praising Him and serving Him in not something that should be circumstantial....well, God life is going good so You are good, and I will praise you now....THAT IS NOT HOW IT WORKS! We are to always, always, always continue to seek after Him with our whole heart, and praise Him for He is worthy to be praised. That's it. Period.

Mountain top - praise Him. Valley - praise Him. Drowning in an ocean - praise Him. Trapped in a pit - praise Him. Soaring above like and eagle - praise Him.

Like Nike says: Just Do It! Well....JUST PRAISE HIM!

This is a song that my sister once shared with me, a friend has just shared with me, and I just heard it on a friends blog...good song by Mercy Me called "Bring the Rain"

"I can count a million times people asking me how I can praise You with all that I've gone through. The question just amazes me can circumstances possibly change who I forever am in You. Maybe since my life was changed long before these rainy days It's never really ever crossed my mind to turn my back on you, oh Lord My only shelter from the storm, but instead I draw closer through these times. So I pray...bring me joy, bring me peace, bring the chance to be free, bring me anything that brings YOU glory. And I know they'll be days when this life brings me pain, but if that's what it takes to praise YOU, Jesus bring the rain."

GOD HAS A PERFECT PLAN AND PERFECT TIMING...TRUST HIM!

CAN'T BACK DOWN

Now...I am a competitive person...a fun competitive person though, at least I think so. I like to talk a lot of junk. I have a big mouth, I guess you could say...LOL. I love to joke about my massive muscles and how strong I am! (I think it is to make up for the short stature)

But I have seem to forgotten about my strength...

We are in a spiritual battle and the battle is in our minds. I have written about this a lot lately because this is what I am facing: anxiety attacks, doubt, fears, insecurities, and listening to the lies loudly pounding in my mind. This is a fight and it is not the time to be weak!

I have forgotten that I love a good competitive battle; so it is time to stand firm and start kickin' some butt!

Through Christ I am strong enough to handle all things! (Philippians 4:13)

WE CAN'T BACK DOWN! The devil is no match for a child of God! He is nothing, and through Christ we are more than conquerors! (Romans 8:37)

I am a strong, confident, victorious woman of God!

And He has given me with promises of His word and power of His Spirit to take the stand against the lies terrorizing my mind and replace them with peace and freedom!

Lesson Learned

My Mother came to this realization very quickly...she made the connection for me...she helped open my eyes...Mom's rock like that!

I was telling her about this after school program that I am now a coach of. It is a program that challenges higher leveled kids with problem solving skills, and creative thinking. I was excited to join this team because creativity is my strong point. They also have to perform a skit; acting is my strong point...lol...well I do love to be up in front of an audience (I hope to be a motivational speaker someday along with my writing career). Anyways, I was excited and thought it would be a great thing to embark upon. However, I have found out that as a couch, basically I can do nothing. My hands are tied behind my back and my mouth is closed....now for those of you that know me...you can already see where I am going with this...my mom did quickly.

I have to keep my mouth shut????!!!! I don't understand that. That does not compute with my brain. I can not give them any ideas, touch anything, or help in any way. It has to be all the kids work. I have no control...

So my mom says with a chuckle, "Maybe God is trying to teach you something through this."

Learning to keep my mouth shut and relinquish control is hard for me...

A great friend has also shared this same advice with me earlier this week...so yes, apparently God is trying to teach me something. I was telling him how overwhelmed I was, and how I had a lot on my mind. He said tell me what's wrong maybe I can help. I said pick a topic and then typed out the very long list of things bothering me. His response was this:

Just put God first....you are trying to control too much when God is the one who makes the decisions.

Well said.

I need to just let it all go. Lay it in the hands of the Father...they are big enough to hold it all. And His ways are perfect and His timing is perfect so I need to stop trying to control everything. Just relax in His peace. Lesson Learned.

TRAPS!

The following are some definitions of TRAP on the Web:

*a device in which something (usually an animal) can be caught and penned
*something (often something deceptively attractive) that catches you unawares
*to hold fast or prevent from moving
*ambush: the act of concealing yourself and lying in wait to attack by surprise
*something by which one is caught or stopped unawares

The boys and I have been watching a lot of Man Vs. Wild online...we love that show (although we love the show for different reasons, but....let's just say all three of us love the show...and if you have ever seen Bear Grylls, then you can imagine why Mommy loves the show...anyways...). The other day he was setting traps to catch food; so now the boys are all about "setting some traps" around the house, and talking all about traps, and carrying around materials to set traps. It got me thinking about the traps set by our enemy to lour us away from the path of God and eventually destroy our lives.

The Devil sets his traps up in our minds. He knows the perfect bait to use. He knows our weaknesses: insecurity, fears, addictions, anxiety, negativism, depression, worry, loneliness...he is an enemy who studies his prey and strongly seeks after their soul; therefore he sets up the perfect trap and before you know it...SNAP! You're caught.

The battlefield is in our minds. The enemy whispers those lies the triggers the trap and we begin to weaken and fall into a dangerous, dark place. BUT....I am here to tell you, I understand, I have been there...AND THERE IS HOPE! DO NOT GIVE UP! Let me give you the survival tips you need to get out of the trap!

1. Remember, if you fall...THERE IS NO CONDEMNATION IN CHRIST! WALK IN HIS GRACE WITH YOUR HEAD HELD HIGH. One of his main pieces of bait is the idea that once you fall, make a mistake, screw up...you are a failure and unloved by a God who is ashamed of you. THIS IS A LIE. Christ died on a cross so that you can live under His grace. Accept it daily and know that God is always there loving you.

2. Know that Christ is your strength! He lives in you and you have the power in you to fight back! Have the promises of God (His word) written upon your heart and use it against the enemy who is powerless in the presence of our Almighty God. Use verses such as: "You will keep him in perfect peace, him whose mind is steadfast because he trust in You." Isaiah 26:3. Also, "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7. Search His word for His promises and speak them...in the name of Jesus - the devil has to flee.

3. When caught in the snare - SING HIS PRAISE and receive His strength, accept His peace, and be released from bondage in order to soar above every circumstance in your life!

4. PRAY! Cry out to Him...He will faithfully answer.

You need to be aware of the traps the the devil sets, BUT WALK CONFIDENTLY IN CHRIST! Know that He will faithfully guide you and always offer His strength, peace, joy, grace, and love.

"For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, BRINGING EVERY THOUGHT INTO CAPTIVITY TO THE OBEDIENCE OF CHRIST." 2 Corinthians 10:4-5.

Pray for God to help you fight the war that rages in your mind, and to avoid the traps,and bring those thoughts captive, lay them at His feet and replace them with peace!


Photography by: Mary Goin

peace

"To set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace." Romans 8:6

drowning...

Anxiety attacks are scary things...

Lately I have been experiencing these. It is like the panic of drowning. Remember the story I told about getting flipped of the four-wheeler into a crik and I thought I was going to drown. I thought I was trapped under the four-wheeler in an ocean of water with no way out...now yes all things turned out fine, and that was a great day in spite of that moment, but at the time I felt trapped, overwhelmed, powerless, afraid, lost in the darkness and depths of something more powerful than I am pulling me into its pit, destroying me.

That is what I am feeling now...I am drowning.

Have you ever felt like you had more on you than you can bare?

I am so blessed, but I just feel so overwhelmed with the responsibilities of this new job, being a single mom, dealing with my desires and the emptiness of my heart...just so much going on in my mind. Yes, the battlefield really lies in our mind. And mine seems to take any battle and multiply the intensity of it times a million.

BUT, "I know that You are for me (Lord), I know that You are for me. I know that You will never forsake me in my weaknesses. I know that You have come now...even if to write upon my heart...to remind me who You are." -by Kari Jobe

He is here, with me, ALWAYS. He is fighting the battle with me in my mind. And with His strength and POWERFUL PEACE, I am an over comer in Jesus name! I can breathe!
I can worship! I can praise Him! I can speak against the attacks of the devil and in JESUS NAME HE HAS TO FLEE!

"So faithful. So constant. So loving and so true. So powerful in all you do. You fill me. You see me. You know my every move. You love for me to sing to You." -KJ

I will sing praise from my lips Lord, for You are so powerful and so mighty and I am thankful for Your faithful presence in my life. You are my lifeguard always on duty, and you have saved me from the powerful storm trying to swallow me whole. You have pulled me from its treacherous waves, and placed me again on solid ground. You have breathed peace back into my soul. I can stand again. I can move forward. I can shout to the world the joy of the Lord is my strength. I love you Lord. Thank you.

God Hears

I love how a song can just speak right to your heart, tear right into your soul, bring peace, bring hope, and bring joy...

I have been a little down lately...and it is because of my lovely over-active, messed up, moody mind. I know that being overwhelmed and tired has a lot to do with my emotional coaster (I absolutely love my new job, but...there is just so much work that goes with it that my mind is trying it's hardest just to shut down and give up) but anyways, I just have a lot of other questions and thoughts spinning around up there--and the outcome in my emotions has been sorrow. Hurt and pain seem to be my best friends lately. And I know that I really have no reason to be down; I am abundantly blessed, I do know that. But I am confused...and no, not because I am blonde :p

I want to know, why ______________________?
And I can fill that blank in with a lot of questions.
I want to know when_______________________?
Same for that blank.

I won't bore you with the questions, because I know you can fill in the blanks yourselves I am sure with your own...

But let me quickly tell you what just shot through the darkness of my mood and pierced my heart, tightened up my attitude, gave me peace, hope, joy, and a deeper love for my Savior...

"Well God is still God when He's quiet."

This is from an amazing song called "God Hears" by Newsong.
I very much recommend listening to this song if you need encouragement.

God is still in control. God still works miracles. God still answers prayers. God still loves us. God still showers us with mercy, grace, and abundant blessings. God still fills us with peace when He hears our heart crying out to Him.

The song goes on to say,
"Well, God is still God even when He's quiet, and all your questions come. When all you thought you have is gone. When you feel lost somewhere in the silence, and fear comes rushing in...don't give up you're not alone...cause God is here, and there are no words to speak. God is here, and His healing runs deep, and all those questions you have just disappear, cause God hears....and when it feels like all your faith has disappeared...let the presence of His love reach through your fear...cause God hears."

Breathe in His peace today.

On a lighter note...

Just For Fun:
I created a Help Wanted Ad...

HELP WANTED

I am a fast-talkin, flip-flop wearin, sweet-tea drinkin, chocolate lovin, blonde-haired, fun-sized kind of girl looking for help!! Please respond if you can provide any of the following services and/or meet any of the following criteria. The pay is minimal, but tasty...you will be working for Oreo Bon Bon's.
You can call me at 1-800-SHORTIE. Or reach me via email: dateadork.com

MAID: I am a very busy single mom of two boys = a messy apartment. I need help! The apartment is small; therefore, you must have good organizational skills in order to make things work. Must enjoy a variety of smells (I have two boys in the house, and I have learned...boys are gross) Also, is in strong support against the fight to destroy all ants! (Apparently this apartment is built on top of the central ant command station to all ants in the universe). And must figure out a better way to put away laundry as opposed to our "throw it anywhere" system!

HAIR STYLIST: Don't you just hate how you can never fix your hair the way they do at the salon!! I just got my hair cut, with side bangs, and I'm in the process of "training" them! And besides...I just love to have my hair played with!! So as long as you don't pull...you're hired!

MAKE-UP ARTIST: I am 32 and have yet to figure the stuff out!! I even panic when I walk down the make-up isle in the store. I am often told I look like a teenager...although even teenage girls know how to wear make-up. I would like to look like a professional woman please, yet still a very natural look...no throw back to the 80's bright colors or anything! (and I don't miss huge hot pink and lime green scrunchies and teased bangs with enough hair spray at one time to destroy the ozone layer for all eternity...just another note for the person applying for the hair stylist job)

BUSINESS MANAGER: First of all, the most important aspect of this job would be handling my bank account...because I am a blonde that likes to bounce more than Tigger! OK, not that I like to bounce my account, it really upsets me and I try (somewhat, although trying probably means actually keeping track and checking on it), but I do want to do well with my account and money, but math is my weakness. I have finally realized why I subconsciously wear flip flops all the time...I need those toes out in the open to give me ten extra digits to help with the adding!
Also, any other paper work that is required for life and my job--will be all your responsibility because...I JUST DON'T LIKE IT!

PERSONAL TRAINER:I need someone to help me to put the Oreos down! Trainer must be tough, but also kind when I need it as well. Must be hot...hey it defiantly helps when a hot trainer has to do a body fat pinch!! I found this out when I actually had a trainer years ago. He said every two weeks he would do a body fat pinch. I said, "What is that?" He said, "Just like it sounds, I pinch your fat." If you have to lift your shirt, and let a hot guy pinch your fat...YOU WILL GET IT OFF FAST!

***Also seeking after a sexy, sparkling, shirtless vampire for...well do I really need to give an explanation for this one!
I would have said werewolf, cuz that kid is hot!! But, I thought of my skin-tone...and yes I would be more compatible with vampires. And, let's not forget my "Sparkling" personality!!

Don't Care = Don't Hurt?

"Don't care - don't get hurt...
that's the way it's gotta be.
Livin' life actin' hard,
but on the the inside no one can see;
you're cryin' out, 'God if you're really there-
show me you're face...show me you care."

This is part of a rap I wrote while in college working with some pretty tough inner city kids. Yeah, I wrote a rap, I got mad skillz, yo! LOL. But, right now those lines are stirrin' up something fierce in my mind...

If you don't care...you don't get hurt...right?

This is another one of those post that as I am writing this I hope I end up with a positive outcome (like What's the Point?)....but right now, I am not sure...

I am hurting...and I am tired of hurting.

Why do I have to be so sensitive? Why do I have to care so much? Why do I have to need people around me so badly? Why can I not be just pack up and move back home because I miss my family? Why do I desperately need communication and touch that I ache so deeply when I am all alone or when I don't hear back from friends when I try to communicate with them? Why do I have to be alone, and why does it have to hurt because I am...who really cares right?! It is not a big deal.

Why can't I be like Paul and "be content no matter what the circumstance"? Anytime I feel like I get to that point, something triggers an emotional mess in my mind...and the waterworks began again...and I am left hurting.

So I just need to toughin' up...but it seems like I am an all or nothing type person though. I am either super passionate or I just need to stop caring...

I have done this before- this whole harden the heart thing to get by. Right now, I feel like I need to pull every ounce of strength within me to build the walls again, and just keep pressing forward...like a line from one of my favorite movies, P.S. I Love You says, "Alone or not alone, you have to move forward."

Why can't I do that?
Family around or no family, husband or no husband, friends or no friends...
Why do I care?
It hurts too much.

Have you ever dealt with this? Sometimes I feel like I am the only one who is this sensitive or crazy...
If you are feeling this way...take a deep breath with me and know this:

We are not alone.

A song that I often have on replay, "Only You" by Adie, has this line that pierces my heart every time I listen to it while I seek after God in the mist of the storms raging in my mind,
"And it's just You and me, Lord".
So why can't I make that enough?

He is enough.
He always comforts me.
He always answers back.
He always takes care of us.
He always fills me with His peace that passes understanding.
He always wipes away tears and fills me with joy overflowing.
He always shows me He is working everything out for the good.
He always gives me the strength to press on.
He always shows me He is there.
He always loves me.
He is enough.

Thank you Lord, for being there for me. Thank you, Lord for "fearfully and wonderfully" creating me (Psalms 139:14) ...you gave me this huge, compassionate heart to reach the world for You...I don't want to ever stop caring. I know we all go through times of hurt, but that just means there is a hurting world out there that NEEDS A HEALING GOD! And I want to be there to point others to You, Lord. To show them Your love covers all.

And thank you, Lord...You do know my personality (You created me) You know my need for others; You have always, no matter where I am at, placed so many wonderful people in my life that love and support me. I am not alone because You have blessed me with the most amazing family and friends. I do know that, Lord, and I thank You for them. And I thank all of You for always being there and I am sorry I am just being a dramatic, emotional mess right now. I know this time of hurting will pass, You always lift me back up when I am down. YOU ARE FAITHFUL, LORD!

If you are hurting today seek after Jesus with all your heart...HE WILL BE THERE! And His arms will be wide open ready to pour His love and peace on you.

Focus

What is your mind focusing on right now?

The overwhelming rush of negative thoughts, depressing emotions, your faults, fears that force you to live in a constant state of anxiety, stressful circumstances.....

Or on the blessings, joy, peace, and love that surround us if only we would open our eyes to all the Lord has to offer and clear our minds of the chaos.

I have a hard time with this....and I am sure I can say accurately...we all do.

I have spent the majority of my life focusing on my faults, and my shortcomings, and my failures, and my weaknesses, and my stressful situations. Thankfully God has been working on this over the last few years, and has been digging up the roots of insecurities and fears in my life and creating a strong, confident woman....but a human woman who still deals with thoughts...a human woman with ADHD who deals with many overactive thoughts bombarding my mind at a constant intense speed. So I can very much relate to someone who has to fall at the feet of their Heavenly Father often, and beg for a renewal of the mind!!

This came to my heart and mind tonight while talking with a friend about the war that rages in our minds.

FOCUS ON THE FATHER....NOT YOUR FAULTS.

Because His word says:

"MY GRACE IS SUFFICIENT FOR YOU, FOR MY POWER IS MADE PERFECT IN WEAKNESS."
2 Corinthians 12:9

And

"I can do all things through Christ who gives us strength."
Philippians 4:13

Also

"May you be strengthened with all power, according to His glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy, giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light. He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins."
Colossians 1:11-14

So

DON'T GIVE UP!!

We can get through this! We just have to daily CHOOSE to allow the promises of the Lord to take control over our thoughts, and kick the Devil's butt at the boxing match in our mind! And you know I love to use my muscles any chance I get!! LOL....however, this is just mental muscles that I need to daily allow God to develop in me so that I can stand firm in my faith!

I love Joyce Meyer's book Battlefield of the Mind, and I am going to start reading it again! I highly recommend it if you are dealing with overwhelming thoughts pulling you into dark pits that seem far out of reach of the Father's hands....

Thankfully He is there at the call of His name. Call on Jesus today. Allow Him to be your strength in this daily battle of mindsets!

An Encouraging Story

While I was at a teacher's orientation this week, a man who works at our central office read the following inspiring story to us...and yes it took everything within me not to cry in front of hundreds of new colleagues. Yes, I am a big cry baby...lol.
I asked for a copy of it so I can share it with you...get the tissues ready. And if you don't cry, don't make fun of me for crying! I wish I knew the author, so I could give credit...but I hope you find encouragement today!

One day I decided to quit...
I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality...I wanted to quit my life.
I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.
"God," I said. "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?"
His answer surprised me...
"Look around," He said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?
"Yes," I replied.
"When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them. I gave them light. I gave them water. The fern quickly grew from the earth. Its brilliant green covered the floor. Yet nothing came fro the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo."
"In the second year, the fern grew more vibrant and plentiful. And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo." He said.
"In the third year, there was still nothing from the bamboo seed. But I would not quit. In the fourth year, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed. I would not quit." He said.

"Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth. Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant...BUT just six months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall."

"It had spent five years growing roots."

Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive. I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle."

He said to me, "Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots?"

"I would not quit on the bamboo. Neither will I ever quit on you."

"Don't compare yourself to others," He said. "The bamboo had a different purpose than the fern. Yet, they both make the forest beautiful."

"Your time will come," God said to me. "You will rise high!"

"How high should I rise?" I asked.
"How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return.
"As high as it can?" I questioned.
"Yes," He said. "Give me glory by rising as high as you can."

I left the forest and bring back this story. I hope these words can help you see that GOD WILL NEVER GIVE UP ON YOU. He will never give up on you

Never regret a day in your life.
Good days give you happiness.
Bad days give you experiences;
both are essential to life.

KEEP GOING...

Happiness keeps you sweet
Trials keep you strong
Sorrow keeps you human
Failures keep you humble
Success keeps you glowing
BUT ONLY GOD KEEPS YOU GOING!

calm your soul...

There is just something about laying by the pool or out on the beach that takes the weight of the world off your shoulders…although being blonde haired/blue eyed/and having skin whiter than the Cullen family; doing this WITHOUT SUNSCREEN is NOT recommended!

But...as a child of God, we can have this PEACE AT ALL TIMES!

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your request be made known to God. And the PEACE OF GOD, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and you minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7

No matter what you are going through right now...the peace of God is there for you. Just call out to Him...He can find you even in your darkest moment (He's got perfect night vision). And His peace will calm your soul. His Spirit will comfort you and renew you. Jesus can restore joy and laughter back into your life, and allow you to walk in strength and confidence!

TODAY'S THREAT! BE AFRAID...BE VERY AFRAID!

First of all let me start by saying how blessed I am with wonderful family and friends; no matter where I have been in my life (OH,FL,NC) God has placed numerous amounts of amazing people in my life...given that I am very much a needy people person, this is the biggest blessing to me. Whenever I think of it, it overwhelms me with the amount of love and support I have surrounding me at all times. To all of you: THANK YOU!

My BBFF was again just giving me some wonderful, much needed encouragement just now. And I am sure she wants me to grasp this concept so much that if she was standing next to me she would have wanted to literally beat it into my head...although she can't because she knows I am stronger than her with my massive muscles concealed in this short 5 foot frame of mine. But...anyways: she was wishing that I could really see in myself what other's see in me.

Why can't we?

I was just thinking about this earlier today while I was in a Science workshop for my new 2nd grade teaching job. The very tiny trainer had given this astronaut costume she was wearing to another teacher to put on as she was demonstrating an idea we can utilize in our classrooms; the other beautiful, very petite woman made a comment something along the lines of "Oh, I am not your small size, and I won't fit into this." To which the very small trainer replied, "Oh, I am like twice your size!" This is what we do...focus on only the negative in ourselves, yet are very aware of all the positive attributes that make up all those amazing people around us....you know, the ones we will never compare to...THIS IS SO STUPID!!!! WHY DO WE DO IT????? And yes, as my sons would say, Mommy that is not a nice word--but it is the truth! It is stupid--point blank. And we need to stop doing that right now in Jesus name and realize our own self worth!

"I WILL PRAISE YOU, FOR I AM FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE" Psalm 139:14

So many of us can quote this verse, yet so few of us believe it, accept it, nor live it.

Shockingly, I am going to make this short and sweet.
I AM AN AMAZING CHILD OF GOD!
AND YOU ARE TOO!
BELIEVE IT IN JESUS NAME! AND LET US WALK IN THAT CONFIDENCE....OR I WILL BEAT YOU DOWN WITH THOSE MUSCLES I WAS TELLING YOU ABOUT! AMEN! LOL.

It's All About You, Lord

You are my everything, Lord
You are my breath of fresh air after drowning in chaos
You are my strong wind of motivation
You are my better than chocolate on an emotional day
You are my strength, making me like a lily in a ditch standing tall,
beautiful, and bold
You are my uplifting moment found in the middle of a hot bubble bath
You are my knight in shinning armor always there to rescue me
You are my favorite song to dance to
You are my peace in unbearable moments
You are my comfort like the perfect pair of flip flops when you need them
You are my whispers of hope found in the dark
You are my direction, my lighthouse, always guiding me back to You
You are my calm in the storm
You are my positive outlet
You are my grace when I have fallen or lost my way
You are my joy that causes me to sing praise to You

You are found in the hug of a best friend
You are found in the laughter of children running barefoot in rain puddles
You are found in an encouraging txt from a loved one
You are found in the power of the oceans waves
You are found in holding the chubby little hand of your child
or holding the strong hand of someone who adores you
You are found in unexpected miracles
You are found in flower surprises
You are found in family vacations and fishing trips
You are found in moments of desperation or moments on the mountain tops
You are found in a fun competitive game of volleyball with a church family
You are found in new adventures
You are found in the rainbow among the dark storm clouds that gives us
hope to move on
You are found in the worshiping of a young boy while listening to
his mp3 player
You are found in the quiet moments
You are my everything, Lord