Really? That was it?

So...I am here in Ohio visiting with my family and enjoying every minute of it. Now if you have read one of my other recent post, "Rough Ridin'" then you would have read about the ten hour trip my friends and I just took up here less than two weeks ago...good times! This is like a sequel to that one, so if you have not read it, you may want to go back...more so for ending of that story. Basically, I was unexpectedly flipped off a 4wheeler in a deep crik in the middle of the night; it was quite the mud-slingin', flip-flop loosin' adventure. But today as I ventured out into the woods to check on my long lost flip flop and see the site of our sunkin' troubles...I was a little shocked at the site of the crik....

Ummm......it didn't seem that big.

Now when I was flipping around under freezing cold water in complete shock to situation...it seemed as if i was drowning in the deepest ocean, but now to look at this lil' spot that I was catapulted in to...it did not seem like such a hyper-ventilating big deal as it did that night.

Isn't that how problems seem on the flip side of things?

When we are in the middle of the mess it seems...well...messy.
When we are in the center of the storm...we see nothing but stress.
When we are in the tough of the turmoil...we are tired and ready to give up.
When we are in the panic of the pain...it is nothing but pitch black pits for us.

But yet...the moment, the circumstance, the sorrow, the storm, the battle does eventually come to an end. Then we are left looking back.
Now I have found most of the time I can look back at these battles and think the same thing I thought standing before that crik today...."Really? That was it?"

Once we are finished with the fight, the fight does not seem to be as big as we thought (most of the time). We see that we made it through, we had strength to survive something that seemed impossible. Here we stand. Victoriously. Watching the rainbow appear after the storm. And we've become a stronger, wiser person because of what we have gone through.

My thoughts: why can we not remember when we go into a battle, or when we are caught off guard by a circumstance that God is in us, and He is our strength, and with Him nothing is impossible; therefore we are already equipped for the battle, and have no reason to fret, and fear, and hyper-ventilate like I did on my dark night in a ditch.
After repeatedly screaming, "Get me out of here!" my friend Danny pulled me out and put my feet (one bare-footed...sorry had to throw in my flip flop loss yet again) but he lifted me out, and put my feet on solid ground and at that moment I knew I was OK....

Well...Christ is our solid rock/our stable ground, and He is with us always. We can always know that we are OK. But yet, we find ourselves screaming in a panic or begging in frustration to our Lord, "Get us out of here!". Now, I am not saying this for you to feel any condemnation for how you react in a crisis, we are human...it is OK; even Christ asked in agony "Father, take this cup from me". I am just offering a helpful reminder that we need to know that no matter what we go through we can conquer it with His strength, peace, and wisdom; knowing that nothing is too big for our God to handle...so we can take on the "BIG ISSUES" confidently in Christ.

Just Jump!

"GOD DOES NOT GIVE US A SPIRIT OF FEAR, BUT A SPIRIT OF POWER, OF LOVE, AND OF A SOUND MIND." 2 Timothy 1:7

what's the point?

Do you ever just feel like giving up, and find yourself asking, "What's the point?"
Well that is where I am at today....

Even as I type this, I am hoping that by the end of my therapy session (typing and writing are therapy for me) I figure out what the point is; the scary thing may be...what if I don't?

That is just where I am at today...sorry.

What is the point of dieting?? I apparently have the body type that has to take drastic measures to become thin and I don't want to spend my whole life dieting...I love to cook and bake, and I am good at it, and I love food...
I mean, why can't I just eat a whole bag of powdered sugar doughnuts, and call it therapy, and it not go straight to my waist! What's the point of even trying if I am never going to be a supermodel?? I mean for starters I think they have a height requirement...and I come out a lil' shy of the right footage. Anyways, also, because I am short, any little bit of weight shows up even more, and right now I just feel like a short, fat tree stump. So, what's the point of trying to loose weight?
Now on to other things bothering me...hope you are ready for an endless ranting and rambling session...lol.

What is the point of working hard or getting a college education when you make no money and have to count out 200 pennies to get together $2 for a son's field trip?

What's the point of having hope for love, when love seems to be as lost as the city of Atlantis?

What's the point of cleaning....don't even need to finish that one...ya'll know!

And...I am also going through a rough time with the boys. I feel like no matter how hard I try, I am a horrible mother, and just can't do things right. I have two awesome, funny, lovable, talented boys...but why do they not listen to me. Why do they keep getting in trouble at school (yes mostly for talking and well....that's bad genetics.) but, today my youngest slapped a girl (he said it was because she slapped him...but that is no excuse!) I am just at my wits end. How do you raise two amazing, Godly young men as a single mom? How do you battle them going over to a father's house every other weekend that thinks he is perfect and above the law and pretty much above God himself, and who never puts the boys safety or best interest as a priority in life? How do you combat/deal with ADHD in your son, when you yourself have it, which only causes you both to but heads!

Ahhhhhhhh....mmmmmmmm.....hold on...I am taking a deep breath....

Thank you Lord...

Wow...I love that when you seek and ask....HE IS THERE....

So...here it is...His answer/His question to me...this literally just came to me during that quick breath...

"WHAT IS THE POINT OF WORRYING, AND BEING ANXIOUS,AND BEING CONFUSED, AND STRESSED WHEN I HAVE IT ALL UNDER CONTROL????"

ROUGH RIDIN'

What do flip flops, four-wheelers, cards, creeks,cakes,kayaks,lies, washing machines, a Lexus, and a party have in common??? Read on to find out...

Driving for ten hours, my friends Kayla, Danny, and I went to visit my family in Ohio. My sister's fiance was throwing her a surprise 30th birthday party, and I wouldn't miss it for the world! We had such a great day, I just want to record some memories of it. :)
First of all...my sister, whom I love dearly, made it almost impossible to surprise! She kept showing up at my mom's house where we were hiding out! I may only be 5 feet tall...but it is still impossible to become invisible in a split second...we had no warning when she walked in the house! I had to quickly take off and hide behind the washing machine! At the same time my mom had to take of at moch speed with the 4 tiered cake she had just finished for my sister! Outside, Kayla and Danny had to casually, but quickly take off for the woods.
As I stayed crouched behind the washing machine, I was praying that I would not burst out laughing! Then I heard my sister began to interrogate my mom. "Who are those people out there? (she must have seen Kayla and Danny, Oh no!) As the questions poured on from there, I was impressed, yet concerned, as my mother very smoothly rambles on a stream of lies to my sister!
Well...unfortunately this was not the first time that day we had to hide! See we got there around 2 am Saturday morning and the party was not until 6 that evening. My awesome, lovely sister showed up to my mom's house 3 times that day!!! It was crazy. And again, we all know I have ADHD, and it is so hard to be still and quiet (Kayla apparently thought I was hilarious to watch, and also had a hard time not busting out laughing as we had to practically be statues in the back room awaiting our cue for a safe reentry into the world!) I went through an array of mood swings as I sat in the stillness; I went from excited, anxious, nervous, scared, mad, and down right angry when my sister was sitting right in the next room just chatting away forever to my family, and seemed to have no plans of leaving any time soon! My step-dad at one point came back to ask if we needed any food or water. LOL.

Well...six o'clock finally came, and we went out to the party! It was a very nice place (Brandon's, my sister's fiance, uncle's place) with a long lake with some paddle boats and kayaks (those were a lot of fun). Kayla and I were out in the paddle boat when I heard everyone yell, "She's here!" We quickly worked those thighs and peddled as fast as we could to get back to shore! I thought for sure she had seen me. But...I guess she didn't so I went to hide behind my brother and his girlfriend. It was so awesome! She was so surprised, and she hadn't even seen me yet. :) Finally, she must have realized I was behind them because she came running around them and jumped on me! It was a precious moment and one I will cherish forever! I LOVE YA MIS!



The party had started, and Brandon took her in to see the awesome cake my mom made (she is so talented). While he was showing her the cake, some of his family was getting his gift to her ready...can you guess what it was? Look back at the list from the begining of this, and take a guess; I will wait on ya go ahead.......yep....you got it! A BRAND NEW LEXUS!
Now, I hate to say this, but I was a little mad. Yes, mad...not out of jealously because Brandon knows when my birthday is, so I will be anxiously awaiting my gift...lol...JK Brandon :) But, no, I was mad because, I was supposed to be the "BIG SURPRISE", and he brings to the party a 2010 beautiful white Lexus with black leather interior and a giant red bow on top! I think Lexus trumps sister surprise...but they have promised to let me drive it to make up for bumping me down on the awesome surprise priorty list :) Well...I may have dreamed up that promise...but I think it is a good idea, right readers?? lol)

So...AWESOME DAY....BUT NOT DONE YET...READ ON!

On to four-wheelers and flip flops...oh yes and the creek (or crik as I would say) this part I will never forget!

When we got home from the party my brother Josh, Kayla, Danny, and I decided to go four-wheeling in the dark. My mom did warn us this was not a good idea. (mom's always know best!)
We were having a blast on the trails in the woods in the back yard. But...my brother decided to do a lil' off road riding! He was trying to find a mud pit to surprise Kayla and Danny (who were on a four-wheeler behind my brother and I). I do believe they were surprised! But hey, you pay a lot of money to get a good mud bath at a spa...they got one for free! So...my awesome, adventurous brother kept going off the trail to find more mud. I had to keep my face buried in his back to keep it from getting ripped off as we traveled through tough terrain. Kayla and Danny finally decided to stay back from us a little, and just keep watching us get stuck...smart move guys! LOL.
So, finally, after the mud all over my body began to dry and my hair was matted to my face, I made the suggestion to go in and play cards instead. After all, we have to leave in a few hours to drive back to NC. (we drove down just to spend Saturday there...crazy, but well worth it!) He seemed to think searching for something in the cool, dark woods was a better idea. (Don't worry Josh, I still love ya!)
So...we rounded a corner to head off the path once again and suddenly...
we were both flying off the four-wheeler.
It is amazing what all goes through your mind in moments like that. I thought for sure I was getting ready to hit solid, thorn-filled ground, and end up with a four-wheeler crushing me to death. However, as we flipped off the four-wheeler, we went flying into a creek....this was a COMPLETE SHOCK TO MY SYSTEM. I was very much unaware we even had a creek with that much water in it in our back yard/woods. I was under very cold water fighting for my life in complete shock thinking that I would never get out because the four-wheeler must be blocking me under. I did find the surface and my feet...however, I was a flip flop short (and if you know of my crazy obsession with my beloved flip flops...this was BAD!) I was just so caught off guard,, and cold and soaked, and scared, all I could say, repeatedly was "GET ME OUT OF HERE, GET ME OUT OF HERE!" (This my friends and family somehow later found very hilarious...not cool guys!)Anyways...long story short...well not so short, but, hours later we got the four-wheeler out of the ditch, and had to go face the parents...all turned out fine, EXCEPT THE LOSS OF MY FLIP FLOP!

I had the best time with my family in that one jammed-packed fun Saturday!!! LOVE YA'LL!!!

Now...I can turn this into a few good lessons such as: life can flip on you at any second without warning, but God will always be there as your anchor, and you can trust in Him no matter what the circumstance. Or, stay on the straight and narrow path!! LOL. Seriously Josh :) Or, when you get down in the ditch, let God be the one to lift you out and put you on the solid rock of Christ....see so many lessons here :)

BUT...I think the most important thing is: just HAVE FUN! ENJOY LIFE AND ENJOY QUALITY TIME WITH THOSE YOU LOVE!

Oh, and P.S.....we did finally go in and play cards...and guess who won!! you got it...your crazy, competative writer of this blog--ME :)

ATTACK AND CONQUER!

Saturday one of my most awesomest friends got married...and yes awesomest may not actually be a word, but I am a writer, and I believe we are allowed to make up our own words...lol...anyways, I had to let her go even though I would have loved to kept her all to myself. Who else am I going to watch Sweet Home Alabama with over and over again? Who else is going to be my most awesomest Cranium partner? (I mean she is defiantly going to miss my humdingers!!) Who else is going to help me search for hundreds of hot wheel cars when the boys lose them? I LOVE YOU ASHLEY AND YOU'RE SO AWESOME! I wish you all the blessings of God in your marriage!

It was a very beautiful wedding! And I had so much fun celebrating her new marriage. AND I CAUGHT THE BOUQUET!!

Now let me tell you...if I could attack my house work like I went after that bouquet...that would be nice...it would always be sparkling clean!

Yes...I ATTACKED AND CONQUERED!! I had a mission and NOTHING, NOT ANY OTHER SINGLE LADY IN THAT PLACE,was going to get in my way! I mean seriously...we all know how loooonnnngggg I have been alone...I know you get tired of hearing/reading about it, sooooo....I was going to get that bouquet!! (because you know what means!! oh, and if your "Mr. Right" and reading this...might want to start saving now, cuz its Italy for a honeymoon, and I'm taking no less!! I mean I screwed up bad enough the first time around...gettin' it right this time!!)



Yep...that is me in the front (silver dress) the shortest but the strongest!! lol.
I WAS VICTORIOUS...AND IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL CATCH!

So...I was thinking...why is it when a crisis comes into my life, I tend to cower back and worry? I had no problems at the wedding getting what I wanted...I saw the goal...the prize was in sight...the obstacles were small in comparison to my confidence (well I guess you could say competitive arrogance). I WAS going home with that bouquet. So, when problems arise that seem larger than life, why can I not go after them in the same confidence?

The word of God says, "Greater is He who is in me than he who is in the world." and "I can do all things who Christ who gives me strength." and "nothing is impossible with God." Therefore, when things arise that seem out of my control...I need to carry myself in God confidence and trust that He is in control. With His strength I can tackle any problem like I tackled those poor girls (love you guys) at the wedding. And...I CAN COME OUT IN VICTORY AGAIN AND AGAIN....and we know I like to win :)

With Christ I win every time...because even if the problem doesn't completely change...I can allow God to change me in the mist of the storms in my life. Gaining Godly character in crisis situations can sometimes be the best things that ever happen to us...even if we don't see it during the storm.

Walk in God confidence today...no matter what the devil throws your way.
Trust in Him and be victorious!

Band-Aid

While singing the song "You Give Love a Bad Name" by Bon Jovi, Brayden had mistaken the words for "Shot through the heart, you're to blame, you give love a band-aid" LOL.

Well, you know what...I think I like that version better. Instead of making love miserable...why can't we heal hearts.

I am thankful that I have a heavenly Father that does heal broken hearts, and puts a band-aid on my pain; renewing me and allowing me to move on and become a better person through the process of healing and growing.

If you have experienced any kind of heartache...bring your sorrow to the Savior and allow Him to heal the heartache and bring joy back into your life.

if you're happy and you know it....

ARE YOU CLAPPING???

Yes, apparently I have kid's songs stuck in my head based on these last two blogs...lol, but I went to bed with this one on my mind.

"If you're happy and you know it, then your face will surly show it. If you're happy and you know it clap your hands."

Hmmmm...I had to ask myself, does my face show the joy of the Lord?

Or does my face show the stress and strain of life?
Does it showcase my pathetic loneliness?
Does it take upon the form of bitterness and pain?
Does it reek with disgust?
Or...does is radiate with love?

What and I portraying to the world by my expressions and actions?

What are you?

itsy bitsy spider

As I was doing my hair in the bathroom this week, I noticed a spider staying in the same spot for most of the week. It never moved. It was a very small spider. The itsy bitsy spider was not climbing up the water spout...now you're going to have that song stuck in your head :)

He was just sitting in the same spot for a few days, and at first I thought...wow, must be a great life to be able to stay in the same spot with no worries, no to-do list, no responsibilities for almost a week!

But then one day, the spider had actually moved into the sink while I was brushing my teeth. The tiny little spider had to fight against all odds to survive as he faced the slippery, steep slope of the sink which was almost too much for him to handle as the current of splashing, rushing water rose in strong efforts to pull it in to the depths of the dark drain!

My thoughts...I bet he wishes he would have just stayed on his spot on the wall!

But...

I thought over the years of my life....

Staying in one safe spot also never amounts to anything. It may be safe, but it never allows for growth, adventure, excitement, precious moments that you wish you could pause forever, moments that take your breath away, joyful moments, silly moments, dancing moments, praising God moments, and falling in love moments...

Don't move equals don't live. Not living equals not feeling alive! I'm not just talking a heartbeat....I'm talking about enjoying the abundant life that God has planned for us!

The spider may have hated that moment in the sink...but think of how he felt when he made it out....VICTORIOUS!

We may go through a lot of mess...but "greater is He that is in me, than he that is in the world"....with God in us we can take on the battle with full force and come out a better person because of it. Life can be hard, but we can still....just enjoy the ride!

What the World Needs Now...is Love Sweet Love

Cleaning my room, major spring cleaning, I found my journal from 1992-1997. It was some interesting reading!! I have not changed much! I was rambling on and on and on about so many random topics firing in from various directions like cannon balls attacking, exploding, doing their damage, but then moving on without notice.

But can you guess what the main topic of a young girl's journal was??? Yes...love!

Pages were filled with details of love; hand holding while walking around a camp ground under the stars, trips to Sea World getting soaked by Shamoo together, surprising him by driving hours to see him, little kisses goodnight making me the "happiest person", sharing intimate secrets about my life with him...worried it would change the way he felt, but it only drawing us closer, having a picnic and playing cards on the beach...well if you can call Lake Erie a beach...after living in NC...um-NO, playing mini-golf together--beating him at mini-golf! So many joyous times, bubbling over with excitement as I experienced the pleasures of dating, falling in love, and growing together with a special guy....

Why do we lose that innocence so quickly?
Why do we spend more time fighting with people we love instead of just enjoying small, special moments such as those above?
Why do we hold on to bitterness instead of hold hands by a lake laughing and learning about each other, and thinking of words we can say to let each other know how special they are?
Why do we not try to love more than we hate?
Why do we hurt, and insult, and tear others down, instead of just giggle and stare endlessly into the eyes of one we love?
Why do we not just appreciate what we are blessed with?

Appreciate the one you are with! Make sure the one you are with appreciates you as well. When he comes up behind you, and wraps his arms around you, and whispers sweet things in your ear...cherish that, and do everything you can to hold on to the innocence and excitement of love....

Because you could be alone.
You could be filled with negative bitterness.
You could be wishing just for one touch...just a brush of his hand across yours.
You could be so full of insecurities that you can't see past your own ugliness in order to except love.

If you have someone who loves you...you are blessed. Realize it.

If your relationship is being torn to shreds, and a bowlful of bitterness, and a dish of disdain seems to be what is for dinner every night; then I pray that God will once again be in the center of your home and family. I pray that God will restore your marriage, and the love and passion that He intended a marriage to be filled with. I pray that the barriers of communication will be broken down, and everything will be opened up and worked out. I pray that you will treasure the one you are with, and that the thoughtful little things will bring smiles to your face. I pray that you will once again have those amazing bursting all over your body, tingling feelings we once had as a young person in love!

Shake It Off!

Laughter truly is the best medicine!

I have been having one of those months...again. I am just very tired! I am a teacher assistant, and we are on the final countdown to summer break, but it can't get here soon enough. The teachers are done, the kids are done,and we need to be done! And here in NC, summer weather is already here, which really means it is time to be out of school and on the beach!

But for me, the end of the school year also brings stress because I am one of those people whose jobs is always on the line depending on the budget. So, that is one reason I have been a little stressed and exhausted. Add to that: no paycheck for two months, I bounce my banking account enough that you can just call me Tigger...get it...loves to bounce :), and I have to deal with an ex-husband who will do anything to ruin our summer plans to go see family in Ohio, and be in my sister's wedding, and I need to lose ten pounds to make sure I can fit into that bride's maid dress, and my spray-on tan, that I really loved, has now worn off so it is the return of the white legs, and the boys and I have so long ago outgrown this shoebox of an apartment that it is driving me stir-crazy, and my "dating life",well seeing as how it is extremely dead...not sure life is the right term...but...my unusual experiences have inspired me to write a new blog...one that will defiantly allow for some good laughs...well I have to laugh, or else cry...and I am trying hard to choose laughter!

Which leads me back to my first statement....laughter is the best medicine!

When it rains...it does seem to pour! This line from Demi Lovato's new song keeps finding its way out of my mouth, and the boys' as well (we love music in our house): "I can make the rain stop...if I wanna...just by my attitude." So, as I sit here alone AGAIN on a Friday night playing Solitaire, the game made for lonely losers who sit alone on weekends...just kidding...well...anyways, back on track. LOL. I sit here and think: I can cry, and go to bed early, and whine and complain about all those things, OR....

I can find reasons to laugh and enjoy life.

It is so much better that way! So, I put in a good comedy, and laughed so hard I couldn't even drink my water because I kept choking on it.

Our mindset is a choice. We can choose to focus on the negative, and be miserable. Or we can live seeking after the positive, and be filled with joy and laughter.

So whatever you are going through right now...SHAKE IT OFF....and the best way to do that is: LAUGH SO HARD YOUR STOMACH SHAKES LIKE A BOWLFUL OF JELLY!! LOL.

Psalms 126:2
Proverbs 17:22
I Thessalonians 5:16

ABUNDANT JOY!

The joy of the Lord is my strength.

listening...

I love listening to music, I love listening to the sound of waves crashing on the shore, I love listening to the sound of laughter coming from children filled with abundant joy, I love listening to the sound of my boys praying, I love listening to the sound of an acoustic guitar outside on a patio while people sit together and praise God, I love listening to the sound of friends and family spending quality time together, I love listening to the sound of a mixer preparing a delicious cheesecake...
There are many things I love listening to, but...
there are also many things I don't like the sound of...
like an empty house, a broken heart, whining and complaining, the sorrow of a confused, hurt, and devastated loved one, and the lies that are whispered in my mind by the master of deception.

What are you hearing in your heart?

A liar telling you you will never be good enough, you will always be alone, the emptiness will never be replaced with joy, dreams are unreachable, desires are a lost hope....the painful negative words can sometimes seem as loud as a jackhammer and easily crowd out the gentle, but amazing, beautiful, and powerful truth that we should be listening to...

A Savior sweetly reminding us: He will never leave us, nor forsake us. And if we seek Him first, everything will be OK and work out for good. We are His beloved children, and He has created us wonderfully and in His likeness. He has great plans for us if we will just trust Him...and most importantly He loves us.

Not only do you need to listen to that, but as it speaks to your heart...you also need to believe it.

weakest link

Have you ever had one of those days (or weeks) when you just feel like you can't do anything right?

I am having a moment right now...and just want to cry my heart out.

Won't drag you into the details this time; besides, I am sure you can fill in the blank with your own feelings of inadequacies and sorrow when you are having one of those days where you can just hear the world saying "YOU ARE THE WEAKEST LINK!"

But I do know in moments like this, I can cry at the feet of my Father, that way when I am all cried out, I can look up...and I will see hope.

He is always there to wipe the tears from my eyes, and whisper promises to my heart to encourage me to continue to walk in faith and to remind me that I am a child of God and He has made me wonderful.

The pastor's daughters beautifully sang this worship song this morning in church and it is my prayer right now:

"The more I seek You...the more I find You. The more I find You...the more I love You. I want to sit at Your feet. Drink from the cup in Your hand. Lay back against You and breathe...feel your heartbeat. Your love is so deep. It's more than I can stand. I melt in Your peace...it's overwhelming to me."

If your having a "weakest link" moment...take your troubled heart to the Heavenly Father, and let Him replace the pain with peace.

For Love and Laughter

Just listing some RANDOM things that I just LOVE and things that just make me LAUGH:


Gotta Love: When Riley wrote me a note on my bed out of Wikki-Sticks that said: I love you. And then it said: For you, and had a bracelet made out of the Wikki-Sticks.

Gotta Laugh: OK, I'm Blonde and hear all the blonde jokes so here is one of my favorites: A Russian, An American, and a blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on the moon!" The blonde said, "So, we will be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and American looked at each other and shook their heads, "You can't land on the sun, you'll burn up!"
To which the blonde replied, "We are not stupid you know, we are going at night!"

Gotta Love: Looking at family photo albums with the boys. Well...until Brayden saw an old picture of me and said "Wow, that is you mom? You were skinny!" Then don't make the mistake I did by asking, "Why, what am I now?" Because you won't laugh! I got, "You know...big." With emphasizing hand motions around the waist area. Ha ha.

Gotta Love: Walking barefoot on the beach, building sandcastles, and watching the boys chase the waves!

Gotta Laugh: I talk so much that people's voicemail even cut me off...it makes me so mad! I always yell "I wasn't finished yet!" Also Gotta Laugh: when your boys keep getting in trouble at school for talking way too much and you tell your friends and they say...wow, that apple falls far!!

Gotta Love: When the boys score a soccer goal! Gotta Love even more when on the way home Riley says, "I am so proud of myself, I went out there and believed in myself, mom!"

Gotta Love and Laugh: Watching the boys dance, especially when they did their own dance to the "Pants on the Ground" song!

Gotta Love: Singing praise songs with the boys, hearing them know the words, and worship God is awesome. Also, one night when I was tucking Riley in, he had his hand on my face and eyes close and was quiet. After a few minutes he said, "I'm done." I said, "With what?" He said, "I was praying over you."

Gotta Love: getting an unexpected, encouraging txt from a friend!

Gotta Laugh: OK, another good blonde joke...this blog is after all is called Random Blonde. Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench outside, and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is further away Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde said, "Helloooooo, can you see Florida???"

Gotta Love: When you try something new and accomplish it or enjoy it.

Gotta Laugh: Watching Friends. I have all ten seasons and still laugh like it is the first time watching it every time I watch them. But I Gotta Love: watching a TV show or movie with the boys and they get so tickled at something they laugh so hard and for so long, that days later they are still laughing and repeating the line. My boys always bring so much joy, love, and laughter to my life!

Gotta Love: Laughing with best friends. Gotta Laugh: Until your stomach hurts when you are on a kiddie roller coaster with her and she is screaming a death scream at the top of her lungs while the kids look at her like she is insane!! And your laughing so hard your crying...or else your crying from getting slapped and beat by your frightened best friend!! (love you Tina and I gotta love and gotta laugh every time I am with you! Don't worry she gave me permission to share this!)

Gotta Laugh: When you pray for patience and you hit every red light in town. God sure has a sense of humor :)

Gotta Laugh: When your child finds your tickle spot and shows no mercy!

Gotta Love: Doing something special for someone special.

Gotta Love: music that fits the mood, time to read a good book, getting pedicures and buying new flip flops, "kisses" from God, cheesecake to cheer you up, talking with my mom, daydreaming, a good workout, getting my new cooking magazine, having a good hair day, funnel cakes at the fair, and giant hugs.

Gotta Love: Living in the freedom of Christ and accepting His grace.

carry me...

Late last night, I was walking with Brayden to our car after an already long day, which was about to get even longer. We were celebrating Relay for Life day at school, and then we went to a high school to do the Relay for Life 24 hour walk. It is an event that helps raise money to find a cure for cancer. We had already been hanging out at the school for a few hours, and we were getting ready to camp out, but I had to run an errand so Brayden came with me. As we were walking, I could just feel how tired Brayden was as he was sluggishly dragging behind me while I held onto his chubby, soft, little hand. So I decided, even as tired as I was, to pick him up and carrying him the rest of the way to the car. Then there was the sweetest moment between Brayden, who is usually not very much of a gentle, snuggly person, and I. He leaned onto my shoulder from the exhaustion, and then picked his head back up, and so very gently kissed me lightly on the cheek, and then put his head back down. It was to say thank you so much for carrying me because I am too tired to do the journey on my own.

How many time has Jesus "carried" you through something that you were just too weak to handle on your own? How often has he picked you up when you wearily cried out that you just can't take another step?

When the burden is too much, when the pain to to deep, when the journey is too rough...we have a Heavenly Father who cares enough to pick us up in His strong enough arms and carry us.

But we need to remember, as Brayden did, to show our thankfulness...

Life is good. It all just depends on how you look at it.

HANG IN THERE!

"They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary they will walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

Do you feel like you are just hanging in there? Are you tired and weary? Like your fingers are slipping and your loosing your grip? Well...

DO NOT LOSE FAITH!

This verse is another promise for you from a loving Father who knows about carrying the weight of the world on His shoulders...literally (think of the weight He carried on the cross)...so, whatever you are carrying...whatever you are are worried about...whatever you are anxiously awaiting for...

LET IT GO, BUT DON'T LET GO OF THE ONE WHO IS HOLDING ON TO YOU!

He has it all under control. And when you stop trying to fix it all yourself...when you stop trying to control it all...when you relax about what lies ahead...when your release your burdens and pain...

YOU WILL LIVE A HAPPIER LIFE! YOU WILL SOAR WITH PEACE!

selfish weight

I have struggled with weight for a long time. I have went through the array of eating disorders. Right now I seem to be in the vacuum stage...suck in whatever food is available...lol... I have enjoyed my share...and other's shares...of a good box of girl scout cookies. I have had trainers and been on major diets. I have been tormented with mirrors. Weight is not something fun to deal with.

But lately I have been dealing with a different kind of weight...

In church on Easter Sunday we began to sing a praise and worship song that says: "I'm desperate for you. I'm lost without you." And I began to weep internally at the weight of the thoughts about way I have been acting. I have been very selfish lately. I have been desperate for a lot of things...

I have been desperate for a house. For a man...even just to be kissed and hugged by a man would be nice. For financial stability. For a career in writing an motivational speaking. For the boy's dad to get out of our lives (if you are reading this and don't know that situation...it is bad. He does not ever have their best interest/safety in mind) For this extra physical weight to just miraculously fall off and to be healthy and in good shape. I was really desperate to win that 42" flat screen at our school fundraiser.

I want, I want, I want, I want....

As I sang this song, I thought, Lord...I am so sorry; I know it is your desire for me to long for you above all else. This is something I know, have always known, but have not been living out recently.

Now, please understand that my desires are not wrong...well maybe the T.V. is being a little selfish...lol, but most of the things I long for are not bad things (and as far as my ex-husband goes, of course my first desire is that God change his heart, and he become the man of God the boy's need him to be). But....when my desires take precedence over my love and longing for God...that is when there is a problem. His word says to seek Him and His righteousness FIRST!

God wants to bless us and do great things in our lives. I know He has done so much in my life. And I am so very thankful for the abundance of His love and blessings. I know He hears the desires of my heart, and longs to bless me with those things as well. But...I must seek after Him with my whole heart first. I must let go of this selfish weight that I have been carrying around. Lay it at His feet. And focus more on loving and worshiping Him....then as the verse continues to say: "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, AND ALL ELSE WILL FALL INTO PLACE"

Now that doesn't necessarily mean that a flat screen T.V. will just appear on my wall or that prince charming will be FedExed to my doorstep (which would be so much easier than dating at my age)....but it does mean that God has my best interest in mind and His will for my life will fall into place and my life will be full of His abundant joy and peace.

Give your desires to Him. You will not be let down living your life for the One who gave His life for you. He is alive and well and hears your prayers. Be desperate for Him and let all the other weight fall off of your life.

(I was thinking after I posted this that I left some things unclear...as far as the eating disorders go...that was high school/early college things I had delt with and I will share more about that later. Weight and image can be a dangerous struggle and I want to share my heart and what God has done in my life and is doing in my life. Also, dealing with the boys father, I again want to stress that I do want God to change his heart...as awful as he can be to deal with and as easy as it is to say I want him out of their lives....I am the one who chose him even when I knew it was not right. But that is in the past and God forgives and we move on. But I have learned so much about the power of words; therefore again I want God to do great miracles in his life so that their dad will be a man of God they can look up to.)

beyond blessed

My boys just came home from their dad's....I miss them so much when they are gone. And even though they were only gone a night this time....it was still so great to have them in my arms again. Although it was a sad moment when I asked Riley to come give me a hug, and he crawled up on my lap, and I realized he was almost too big to get on my lap and hold. He is 8....rounding up, that is closer to 10 than a 5 years old. Ten...that is getting into the two digit numbers...he is growing up! He just seems so big tonight when I wrapped my arms around him. Enjoying each day with them is a precious gift from God. Watching them grow and learn. Seeing their awesome personalities develop even more as they grow into strong young men. Watching their talents emerge...talking seems to run in the family as a talent...lol...but they have their own things that make them unique. Riley is into science/nature...loves animals, plants, rocks, ect. And he is awesome at building things...that kid can put those Lego sets together in no time. Brayden has a natural talent in sports, and anything requiring danger apparently...Mommy is hoping he is not a future stunt performer!! (but if that is what he wants...it will definitely help keep my prayer life active!) They are just awesome young men, and I am beyond blessed!

It's the little moments that really mean a lot to me as a mom. Our secret handshakes before bed. When we are dancing around the living room. When I am trying to beat them at games...lol. Riley telling a silly story, as his dimples show the joy all over his face. Brayden's bright blue eyes dancing when he is being goofy. They way Brayden used to call Riley "Brudder"...now he has learned to say his "th" sound now, and that has changed. I smile at their growth, but also fight the Mommy tears as I watch them change from toddlers to, soon enough, teens. (They are already too much into girls, and I am worried the "teenage" years are starting early for me...a little help please!!) So, I treasure the moments that Riley ask me to pray over him at night, or the way Brayden squeezes so tight when he hugs, and the times we wrestle...well until Mommy gets hurt...they are tough! I cherish the "I love you more than a million chocolate cakes" and cuddle times. I praise God for the blessings of my boys.

So many special memories are created everyday. Each day is a gift. Each moment, each new adventure, each small miracle, each joyful outburst, each sweet embrace, each outing spent with friends, each phone call from my supporting, loving family....all these things make up a blessed life.

And on top of the list of blessings: on this Easter, I celebrate a risen Savior. A heavenly Father that is ALIVE, and is always there for me!! He hears my prayers. He comforts my soul. He gives me rest. He loves me. He pours blessings down on my life. He showers me with mercy and grace. He died for me, and He now lives for me!

Do not allow the message of Easter to get old. As for me, I can watch some of my favorite love stories over and over, and still enjoy them. Easter is a reminder of the greatest love story ever.

"For God so loved the world, He gave His only begotten Son, and whosoever believes in Him, shall not perish, but have everlasting life." JOHN 3:16

Let your heart be filled with love and thankfulness for the One who loves you unconditionally and will love you forever. Count your blessings this Easter, and don't forget the number one blessing we all can put on the top of our list: the love of Jesus.