Old Song

Walking into my kitchen, I saw something I had forgotten I had written awhile ago on my chalkboard.  It was an old song, but it was exactly the reminder I needed today...

"Turn your eyes upon Jesus.

 Look full in His wonderful face, 

and the things of Earth will go strangely dim, 

in the light of His glory and grace."

All the things we worry and fret over...fade when we focus on the Heavenly Father.
Remember that and turn to Him. Let go of everything else weighing you down and breathe in His peace.  

wiped out and washed over

Have you ever been standing in the ocean with your back to the waves?  Maybe it was to wave at a friend on the shore, or maybe it was because you forgot for a moment about the source of power lurking behind you.  Suddenly you are wiped out and washed over with a force you fear you cannot compete with. For those watching it may even seem funny at first.  For you, it can quickly become frightening as the waves slap forcefully into your back, knocking the wind out of you for a moment. Dragging you beneath the weight of rushing water, the fierce waves are ready to pull you into the deep as they send you tumbling along scraping your body against the sandy bottom. This may not be too bad, except for the millions of sharp broken shells mixed in with that sand that are now tearing at your sensitive skin feeling like course sandpaper instead of powder soft sand that you like to bury your feet in. Finding your footing for the next few minutes is a huge challenge as the relentless waves continue their attack. You could have handled all this had you saw it coming.  You are a good swimmer, you love the ocean, but...your back was turned for that moment as the  enormous wave was formed and found you.

I woke up two nights ago with this metaphor on my mind because this is one of the ways the enemy works.  Blindsiding you, he attacks when you think you are standing firm and least expecting it. I was enjoying my summer and everything was going fine....then suddenly I found my self in a really sad, confused, frustrated mood.  Attacked with turmoil, I have had a hard time finding my footing these last few days and I am not sure why. Just so many emotions rushing over me crushing me; I went to bed with my mind just swarming with negative thoughts about myself.  This is something, if you have read many of my blog post, that I have faced often over my life; however, I have felt stronger than ever these last few years able to battle them mostly with ease...but like I said, it is when you are not expecting it that the Devil knocks you off your feet. I lay there dwelling on everything I had been doing wrong lately. Do any of these rants and ravings sound familiar to you? I am a failure. I messed up my bank account again, how stupid can I be? I cannot even get a nice home for my boys with a backyard for them to play in because I have messed up too many times in my life with career choices and managing money. I can't even keep the small apartment we have clean, how hard can it be? I am a failure at that too.  I barely cook anymore...which is why my bank account is far too often bouncing as we parade around to the surrounding fast food places far too often. I am too hard on my kids. I am too annoying to my friends, I am too confused to make a decision, I am too unfocused to get anything done. Have I mentioned I am a failure?

I hate to even write these transparent feelings, because then of course I feel even worse allowing the world to see my weakness; however, I also know that there are others out there that can recognize the rapid fire lies that can attack the mind and disguise themselves as truths to be weighed down with- leaving you feel miserable. If you are reading this and you have been there...or are there now...you are not alone.  Another lie  that comes with the relentless rambling of lies above is that you are the only one that does not have it all together, everyone else can handle all that life throws at them, you are alone in your mess.  Well...you are not alone.  I have been faced with the tormenting lies most of my life.  But more importantly than knowing that you are not the only one that faces the crashing, crushing battle of emotions is that again knowing you are not alone- BECAUSE JESUS IS WITH YOU!

If you listen you can hear his truths above the turmoil. You are "wonderfully made".  You are His beloved child and if you can choose to believe that you will be able to see further than all those flaws you think you have- to the beauty that He knows you have. Listen to His loving words to you and allow Him to give you strength to stop the lies from streaming into your soul.

In order to get past this mood that I am in...I have to choose to rise above it. I cannot go by how I feel...because if you have been reading...I am not feeling too great right now.  I have to choose to listen to the voice of the One who loves me unconditionally and continue to move forward focusing on His truths.  This morning I woke up choosing to do this.  I remembered a quote I read in Joyce Meyer's book Living Beyond Your Feelings that matches my metaphor with the ocean perfectly, "Feelings are much like waves, we can't stop them from coming, but we can choose which one to surf." - Jonatan Martensson.  I have a lot of rushing emotions trying to tangle me up into a mess of misery, but I have to choose to surf on the positive, powerful truth the the joy of the Lord is my strength. I have to know that He can fill me with peace and joy the minute I ask Him to. He can shut the lies up, so go to Him!

Listen to the words of this song and believe the truth that He loves you and you are wonderful.

Fears & Friends

Combining two quick lessons today with one story.  My friend, a few kiddos, and I went to a water park yesterday and had a fun day.  I was so proud of my oldest son who faced his fears and tried the trapeze swing into the water! He was very reluctant to say the least....firmly stating several times he was not getting on!  I began to remind him of the strong, confident young man he was becoming. See he is my mini-me and shares a lot of the same fears and insecurities that I carried for far too many years; therefore, I have been praying over him and speaking confidence in him all the time.  He has come so far!  He has been speaking confident, praying confident prayers, and trying new things that initially strike fear in his sweet self.  So, I was so proud when he did this!

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.  Isaiah 41:10

For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. 2 Timothy 1:7

Living life in fear is something the Devil loves to see because when we live afraid, we are unable to be productive for building the kingdom of God.  If you are someone who allows fears to weigh you down, then began speaking the verses above into your life daily!  Speaking His promises into your life is how you battle against the lies of the Devil telling you to sit back timidly and fearfully and let life pass you by because you cannot handle it.

So face life with courage and the power of Christ that lives in you and enjoy life abundantly like Riley did once he faced his fear!

He did not do this alone, along with the power of Christ in Him and Mommy's reminders that he can do all things through Christ-he also had an awesome friend encourage him!  I was so proud and thankful for my friend's son who was there for Riley yesterday.  He talked to him and encouraged him to try something new.  It was so awesome (I wanted to say precious, but I guess since we are talking about young men, I will choose awesome...lol) to see him give a good pep talk to Riley.  This is what we are called to do as Christians, "therefore encourage one another and build each other up". 1 Thessalonians 5:11

Let us remember this daily!  We can build up or tear down with our words, so we need to consider them carefully. Yes, this is heard all the time, but do we really take it to heart and do it?  I ask because I know the answer for myself...sadly, no.  If you know me, you will know this is an understatement- I love to talk.  Not only do I love to talk, but I ramble a bit...lol...I can blame it on the ADHD, but I still need to pray and remember this daily- to be careful with my words!  I blurt out things without thinking and I talk endlessly, so I know in the mist of the millions of words that come out of my mouth in a minute some of them are not always positive, uplifting, encouraging, or good.  We all need to remember what that verse tells us to do-and do it!  Remember to be there for people and help them grow with our words of grace, love, kindness, and thoughtfulness. 

Corny Christina

The only part I like about doing dishes is when I have a strainer to wash.  Yes, I still love playing with it and watching the bubbly water come up through the holes; I may be 34, but I still find that cool.   Yes, I am corny and I know it!

But that is OK, I love my corny self :)

Because I know that I am wonderfully made like Psalm 139:14 promises!  This is just your reminder that whatever makes you-you, you are wonderfully made and special :) So be confident! Jesus believes in you!  And we are talking about the One who helped create everything, (the highest mountains, the powerful, enormous oceans, and all the creatures in it, the sky-I mean wow, have you ever really just watched the sky, and the most amazing unique flowers covering this planet...that oh yeah, He made it too!) and He looks at little ole you and thinks-YOU ROCK!  He thinks you are the best creation of all!  So smile and believe it!

If it helps you can dance around and sing, "I'm sexy and I know it!"  Sorry...that M&M commercial just cracks me up....anyways...believe in yourself and live your life confidently!  AND START NOW! Don't wait until you feel confident- make the choice today to just be confident today!

Face it alone?

I tend to tackle enormous projects all by myself.  Yes, I do like to think this five foot frame is full of force and fierceness ready to take down anything I come up against; I show off my muscle-what I imagine is muscle, far too often. This often takes form in rearranging my small apartment. I think part of it is the ADHD, part of it is trying to make a home out of this small space, but maybe part of it is that challenge and the excitement when I get it done! Knowing that I can move anything, no matter how big or heavy make me feel strong and powerful....yet it does not take long until the mass of the mess quickly diminishes my hopes.   I rapidly realize I should not have tried to accomplish such a huge project all on my own....

I am so glad I do not have to do this with life's challenges!  No matter how big the circumstance, the problem, the sickness, the obstacle, the pit, the desert, or the pain-

I DON'T FACE IT ALONE! 

I FACE IT WITH A 

FAITHFUL SAVIOR!

Call on Jesus now! He is there to lovingly help you through everything you face.  He is there to carry you when you can no longer walk, to comfort you when you feel like no ones cares that you're crying, to challenge you to become more like Him, to hand out grace when the darkness says you are not worthy, and to make you victorious in the battle!  He will give you strength to handle all things...no matter the size of your muscles :)  Philippians 4:13 promises this!

Here is just one picture of my mess; it is like this in every room right now! Seriously can't even get into the bathroom! LOL.  So you can see what I try to face alone...it is so much better to face things with Christ or your mess can get overwhelming and you can become buried alive in it.

Carrying a Mountain

It is 4:30 AM, but I just had to get up and write about the amazing thing Jesus has just done in my life.  I will not go in to any of the specific details because this is very personal, but I would like to share a picture of what He has for me, and I pray as you read this Jesus begins to do the same miracle in your life! I believe without a doubt that if you go to Him and ask, it will be done!

I woke up with weight on my shoulders.  I literally felt like I was carrying a mountain...I began to feel the actual pressure of all that weight pressing me deeper into the couch I was sleeping on.  I couldn't move under the mass of it, I could hardly breathe.  This is a mountain I have been carrying for a long time too, but it became massivly clear to me tonight; the image of it all was so fresh and real that I knew I would be crushed forever if I did not find a way to cast that mountain out of my life.

So, I went with the sweet advice of a new amazing friend.  I spoke with her a day ago about several things, but this major mountain in my life came up as well.  This mountain is so hard to think about, to share, or to face, but her advice was just what I needed- and God knew that :)

Again, I will not go in to details, but bottom line it once again deals with insecurity; one of the Devil's main tools he uses for destruction in my life...and sadly many others.  I write about this often, and I pray every time I write that God uses my story to help others find the answer to victory in this vicious battle against feelings of unworthiness. The only answer is Jesus.  The only way out is to grab on to His hand and allow Him to pull you out of the life-threatening, relentless snares of Satan.

My compassionate friend reminded me once again to find my worth in Jesus. She gently reminded me of the unfailing love of Jesus.  She told me to climb into His lap and allow Him to brush His hands through my hair and calm my soul. These are the powerful words she spoke to me that I speak to you now as well...and some may think this is corny, or unrealistic, or pointless to even try- but I am telling you it is vital to your victory!

You must go to Him- He is waiting for you!  HE LOVES YOU!  There is nothing you can do, or have done that can change His love towards you.  He sees you as beautiful.  So do it now, like I just did.  Crawl up into His lap- see yourself doing this- image the powerful creator of the universe holding you in His arms right now...and as powerful as He is, He is so gentle and loving as He brushes His nail-scarred hands through your hair.

Then as I laid there, He showed me the deepest, largest root of insecurity that had been burried down in my heart.  Jesus had done a lot of gardening in my life over these last eight years and had been pulling out roots of insecurity, but this one I did not even know was still there, nor did I realize the havac it was beginning to create in my mind.  This one had become a moutain of weight in my life that was beginning to crush my spirit....but as I lay there my amazing Savior not only revieled this root to me, but He also revieled His power to me!
He reminded me of  these verses,
"Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”  Matthew 17:20
And Matthew 21:21, "Jesus replied, “Truly I tell you, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and it will be done.


I am a child of God, and the same power that raised Christ from the dead lives in me, I am able to cast moutians into the sea and live in FREEDOM!  So I did.  And I was able to freely move again!  I was free to move, free to dance, and free to get up and praise the name of Jesus in this blog post at 4:30 AM!  I know my worth is found in Jesus Christ alone and that allows for the weight of worthlessness to be cast off my shoulders and for me to run forward weightless in Christ confidence!  I pray that right now, whatever mountain you are carrying, you crawl into the merciful lap of Christ and find the strength to cast it out -causing a dance party like no other dance party because you are once again FREE IN JESUS!

screwed up door slammer

I don't even know what to say right now...

No, that doesn't mean I am speechless...sorry, that is only on very rare occasions. I just don't even know where this blog is going to go; I am typing from a hurting heart.

I am really devastated for many reasons; mainly at the way I just acted, and how it effected my precious boys.  I just slammed the door in their daddy's face....

I can go on and on about how he deserved it...but...
I am disgusted with myself for the way I just hurt the boys- I once again let me emotions determine my reactions to a situation. 

They were so hurt...and then so confused that my sweet ten year old ended up apologizing to me!  So, now I even feel worse. 

Lord, I just want it to all be fixed for them! I don't want them to have to deal with all this mess anymore!  I cannot believe how royally bad I not only screwed up my life when I married that insane man, but these amazing young boys will forever have to pay for my mistake. I am just really hurting and don't know what to do.  How do I take away their hurt and confusion?  How do I get them through this situation when there is no end to it?  They will always have to deal with this split home with two completely different lifestyles going on. 

And sadly...so many have to deal with this.  It breaks my heart and brings raging anger in me at the same time!  Someone needs to stand up and take the enemy down!  I just asked what can I do?  The only thing I can do- PRAY!

And its the only thing I need to do-because praying powerful prayers to a faithful Father = positive results. (A.K.A. = MIRACLES)

And I still believe in miracles!

I may not be able to fix their dad's mindset and turn him into a Christian, I may not be able to fix all the problems for those I love, and I may not be able to fix every broken home and heart...BUT I KNOW SOMEONE WHO CAN!

And He is not a door slammer, He is One who is knocking at your heart's door just wanting to come in and pour out love and mercy on you. And, He is One who can repair all that is broken!  And, He is One who can take something painful and replace it with peace.  And, He is One who can take all the mistakes, the missteps, the wrong turns, and the faults and turn them into something strong, beautiful, amazing, and something that glorifies the God of the universe! He can use all that we have faced to create strong roots of faith in us that are not easily shaken and that allow amazing attributes to blossom from our lives in order to draw others to Him.

My powerful prayers will help proclaim all that God can do in the lives of my boys, and all those dealing with brokenness right now.  Praying without doubt will unlock so many miracles!  

You see, what just happened the devil started to use as yet another stumbling block to either allow me to focus on my bitterness towards the irresponsibility of their dad, or to focus on my many mistakes as a mother, however, my loving Jesus brought all His words of truth back to the forefront of my heart and mind and allowed me to remember the power of prayer.  Even the power of prayer for my enemies.  I pray right now-first of all for forgiveness for my behavior, and then I will accept His grace and move on with my powerful prayers; not allowing another trap of the devil to distract me- condemnation- because I know God's truth- "there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus". I pray for my boys to grow up to be strong warriors in the Kingdom of God.  I will also pray for their dad to find the love of an amazing Savior and for His mindset and heart to reflect the Heavenly Father so that he can be an amazing earthly father to these boys.  I will also continue to take the devil down by praying for me to be used by God to continue to attack and fight against the battle of insecurity that rages in our world and allows those enslaved by it to be blindly led into things like marrying someone who is not God's best for them, or many terrible things as the darkness takes over.  But I, as a warrior princess for Christ, will continue to shine the light of Christ in those dark pits and pull people from them and point them to Jesus!

So let me use my righteous anger to slam the door in the devil's face and say- it stops here!

Jesus- I believe in your almighty power and I pray with faith for those who are hurting tonight to first of all find you in such a real way that they never let go, and also for their pain to be replaced with peace, strength, and joy in the powerful name of Jesus! And all God's people said- Amen!

A Game of Chess

My boys and I play chess, they are very good at it!  Now anyone who knows me, knows that when it is game time- I play to win, no matter who is on the opposing team! I am a Momma that will take her boys down, and I am not afraid to say it! LOL....all in fun of course, I'm am not a mean competitive person- mouthy- but not mean.  I just love playing games and having fun! That being said, I must also say...my boys beat me at chess most of the time, like I said they are very good at it; they see moves way ahead of time, they have great strategies, and can plan out how to win far in advance.

Unfortunately, we have an enemy that plays this game very well also; however, he plays to destroy.  He knows his adversary well, and he knows the strategies to corner them into defeat....read further for instructions on how to win-every time!

The devil's key move against me is to create circumstances in which I will be left feeling completely unloved, like a failure, like everything is my fault, and like everything is wrong with me- the battle against insecurity.
I married a man that was not a christian...he was very emotionally abusive, manipulative, deceitful, and domineering. The devil used that situation to create a dark, destructive pit for me to dwell in for awhile. Everything was my fault in our relationship- or so he told me and I believed. I was not pleasing enough to him, giving enough, I did nothing right, I was unworthy and unloved.
These last 8 years on my own, God has given me strength to fight the devil back in the battle against insecurity, and God has done amazing things in my heart, mind, and life in order to daily be transforming me into a strong, confident woman of God.  My passion is to work with others to build their Christ-confidence, allowing them to always know and believe the truth- they are "wonderfully made" by a Jesus who loves them UNCONDITIONALLY.

Guess who does not like this....an enemy who knows how to play chess.  Last night he picked and unsuspecting pawn to come in from an angle I did not see, and strike hard. Opening old wounds of insecurity as the words of this person sounded too familiar.  Telling me everything was my fault, I was wrong, I was not acting like a Christian, and the worst part of all....throwing my past in my face; past mistakes that I have actually learned from and God used to create a stronger woman, and definitely a smarter women....a past God use to build me...but the devil wants to use to break me. A past that a sinister Satan wants to use to remind me I am unworthy. However, you see the enemy has forgotten my key player that makes my opponent incapable of moving any further in the game, a player that allows me my undefeated record- JESUS CHRIST- CHECK MATE!

You see, I am not that weak girl lying on the bathroom floor gripping a bottle of pills contemplating ending my worthless life anymore.  I am a wonderfully made child of God!  I will have moments of weakness, even moments where I was not sure I would be able to keep breathing from the choking grip of insecurity, but those moments pass with the power of praise and prayer!  Calling on Jesus in the mist of my weakness, and when I find my self surrounded by blinding walls of defeat, I see the nail-scarred hand reach out and hold onto mine.  Pulling me up from the pit, He puts me in His strong arms and soothes my spirit; allowing peace to take over the pain.  Not only does He remind me of who He is, he also reminds me of who I am...I AM A CHILD OF GOD AND HE IS FOR ME!

In a world full of fighting, hatred, bitterness, backstabbers, cheaters, liars, and an enemy lurking around using anything and anyone to be destructive tools in his game, it is important to know how to fight back- it is important to know that Jesus is for you!  He is on your side and He comes with all the power, all the wisdom, all the mercy, all the joy, and all the peace!  Remember that he loves you unconditionally and He is there for you.  I had Kari Jobe's song "You Are For Me" on replay last night (very powerful song and it is on my Music on My Mind page check it out).  We need that reminder often- we are worthy and we are wonderfully created by a Savior who loves us. Whisper that to your heart, tell it to your mind, speak it out loud, share it with others, and shout it at Satan!  When we call on Jesus, the devil has to flee...GAME OVER! And then the best part for a girl who likes victory- WE WIN!

STAND IN CONFIDENCE TODAY!

A Plan

Right now I might be just surviving,
but soon I will be more than thriving.
My Savior picks me up in His strong arm-
carrying me so Satan can do no harm.
God has great plans for me.
This I know even though I cannot see.
Things may have been tough,
but God knows when I've had enough.
His word declares, He does not put more on us than we can bare.
But if the battles are this big, Lord give me a Superwoman cape to wear!
However, looking back, I now have praises to sing-
because many of those challenges have made me more like my King.
It can be hard when you don't see God's plan written clearly on paper,
and it can bring worry to know our lives are just a vapor.
It makes you want to question every waking minute,
but belonging to the Creator, you must know- you're in it to win it!
His plans may not be completely clear to us,
and we feel like we can't hear Him through all life's chaos-
But please don't give up, don't worry, don't fret.
Just get in His word and you will see through the fog- you can bet.
Go to Jeremiah 29:11
and believe in that promise from your Father in Heaven.
Faith is what it takes to run this race,
So don't look at the obstacles, just keep your eyes on His face.

Brownies are not for Breakfast

Yes, the title leads to confession...I did eat a cream cheese brownie for breakfast, but hey it was so yummy!  However, brownies are not for breakfast...I am not feeling that great right now.
Just like brownies are not for breakfast, condemnation is not for Christians.  As a child of God we are called to rise above and not stay down. Notice I did not say, we are not to fall down...we all will fall.  Falling is part of life, condemnation is not.  When we make mistakes, we ask forgiveness, accept it, then move on.  We don't live each day with the guilt of our mistakes, with the pain of our past, or with the worries that we try to carry all on our own.  We cannot rise above with all that weight on our shoulders.
So...let it go!  Give it all to a God who loves you so much that if you allow your heart to be filled with all His love, there will be no room for all the negative things the devil tries to trap you with in order to keep you down. Like one of my new favorite songs by Jared Anderson says, "Heaven meets Earth like a sloppy wet kiss, my heart turns violently inside of my chest, and I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about, the way that He loves us, Oh, how He loves us." (This video is on my Music on My Mind page)
Live with His peace that passes all understanding, in order to do that you have to make room for it in your life.  You have to clear out all the clutter, things like: guilt, doubt, worry, anxiety, stress, fear, insecurity, and of course the sins that we sometimes hold tight to.  With the strength of Christ, you can let go of those things and move on to better things, so many great things He promises for His children.  Read His word and seek those promises, and then speak them into your life today!  When you clean out the mess, replace it with His abundant mercy, grace, love, joy, and peace because it IS FOR YOU!  His arms are open...run to them- you will not find condemnation..YOU WILL FIND COMFORT!

Face it with Joy

I can laugh in the face of circumstance
with Christ as my Savior, Satan don't even take a chance-
cuz all Heaven's power
will devour
anything that gets in my way
"Get thee behind me, Satan," is what I say!
"You have already a great loss,
cuz my Jesus paid the price for me on the cross;
so I am a child of God- and heir to the throne.
His greatness in my life through all this mess is shown-
as I give God the glory in all I go through,
even the tough times cuz they make me stronger and wiser too."
"You see, my enemy, the challenges help me grow more like Him
and keep my bright light for Christ from growing dim.
Even though at times I feel weak and weary-
I have the power of Christ in me, and Devil you know you think it's scary!"
So no I won't back down when my days look full of gloom-
Christ and I are victorious so Devil meet your day of doom!
Therefore, I can laugh in the face of the giant
cuz on my awesome God I am  reliant;
He builds my faith and makes me strong,
and fills me with joy as I sing this praise song!

Clear Vision

We need to love and see people the way  that Jesus sees
and yes...even our enemies.
Jesus loves unconditionally;
that is the way love is suppose to be.
Yet, far too often our love is criteria based-
and then in a certain box someone is placed.
We make it so hard for people to rise above-
when our Heavenly Father pours out on us, nothing but abundant love.
So when we share love, when others we view-
we must always remember: they are a creation of God too!

plans...

When we see all the impossibilities in front of us...God sees a perfect plan ahead of us." - Christina Gail

Reading Karen Kingsbury's newest book Loving (the fourth book in the Bailey Flanigan series), I have just been reminded of God's perfect plans and perfect timing. Her books always leave me challenged, encouraged, praying...and crying! Her characters are people I just want to sit down and have lunch with, talk with, enjoy time with, and learn from! I promise she must have a camera in my house and see what I go through, because every time I pick up one of her books, it speaks to my heart and soul; it is exactly what I need to hear! These moments I know are divine appointments from God himself, a God who loves me and cares about me enough to plan perfect moments when His love is shown to me in such amazing and creative ways that I fall deeper in love with Him each time. She may not have a camera into my heart, but my God does. He knows me by name, He knows my every thought, and He knows what I need, when I need it. He has perfect plans and perfect timing!

The confusion throughout the journey is not where my focus needs to lie..but my eyes need to stay on the Savior; trusting that even when the path is clouded with circumstances, His vision is perfectly clear! He can guide me through the thickest, steepest, hardest, most challenging parts along the hike. He will get me to where He wants me to be and I will be right on time.

'For I know the plans I have for you,' says the Lord, 'plans to prosper you, plans to give you hope and a future.' (Jeremiah 29:11)

Captions

It may be because I have been teaching my students about text features, it may be because I was just reading and part of the story was talking about paparazzi capturing pictures of a couple and writing lies for tabloids, or it may be just because I have been thinking about my reaction to things, but whatever the reason....I have been thinking a lot about what my life captions may read.
If someone were snapping constant pictures of my life...what would the images portray? What would the captions say?
Would they read: "Frustrated mom yells at precious boys", "Overwhelmed single mom drags herself through life barely able to hang on", "Exhausted and stressed lady on rampage", Judgement hypocrite preaches the word, but forgets to share love to all", "Insecure, lonely lady holds head down in shame of past regrets", "Negative Nancy strikes again!" "Worried and worn, she stumbles on all obstacles", "Christian caught on camera with a face of discontent for all the blessings that have been lavished upon her, that somehow never seem to add up to being good enough?", "Mother far too busy too focus on the pleading child next to her that is begging for love and time". Is this what the actions and expressions of my life exhibit?
I am afraid to answer....
I am so thankful for the grace and love of Christ that forgives me, teaches me, guides me, renews me, and sets my feet on the right path no matter how many times I stumble. And this is what I know and strive towards:
We as Christians are to reflect the image of Christ, lets see what He says we should show in our life,
"And he began to teach them.
He said:
Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 4 Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God. Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."
Matthew 5:2-10 (Sermon on the Mount)

This is just a small portion of the many wonderful, powerful words from Jesus and the truths in the Bible that show how we are to react to life, how we are to live, how we are to love...

I want my life to show Christ. I pray I daily draw closer to Him in order to learn more about Him, draw closer to Him, and truly reflect His joy, His peace, His strength, His wisdom, and His love.
I want my life to reflect Philippians 4:13, "I can do all things through Christ who give me strength." I want my life to show 1 Corinthians 13, "Love is patient, love is kind...". I want my life to illustrate Philippians 4:6-7, "Be anxious for nothing, but in all things with thanksgiving, present your request to God and let the peace of God which transcends all understanding guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

I created this for fun, thinking of the idea of captions, but it is the precious joy...and just plain goofiness of my boys that remind me of the joy of the Lord and how our lives should reflect that joy. These boys really know how to make me laugh, and inspire me to shine even brighter for Jesus as I am suppose to be a light for them and it is my job as a mother to disciple them. So I ask myself, what does my life show them, these awesome, lovable boys?

drought

Going through a season of drought or wondering in the dessert for years is a blessing in disguise that can cause you to hunger and thirst more for Jesus.

I have come to be thankful for the "withouts" in my life. If you know me, you know I have spent years complaining and whining about being alone...now I am more than thankful for the wisdom and protection of a Heavenly Father. I am so thankful for the time alone that He has blessed me with to draw closer to Him, to learn more, to become a stronger, wiser woman of faith.

I am finally on God's side with His timing and ways on the whole "finding Prince Charming" idea. I am finally done complaining, begging, and desperately seeking after (very stupid) attempts at being noticed and touched by a man. And all my friends said, "Amen!" I have finally seen the blessing in what God has been doing over these years. For starters, he has saved me from what could have been many unwise choices. Being put in the line of temptation- I have quickly found that I am too weak on my own (and this was shocking to me for I like to joke about how strong I am! lol). However, without God- we are just weak piles of dirt! So...I fell hard into the temptations...and if I told you the stories, you have every right to call me an idiot! I would add lol...but we all are in that position far too often...and we all understand; which is why we all NEED A SAVIOR! Not a Savior who condemns, but a Savior who loves and shows mercy and grace- His name is Jesus!

I am now thankful that men either find me hideously unattractive or completely invisible! I used to say this all the time, for not one of them seem to look my way, and it has often left wounds of insecurity over the last decade. Now...I see God's purpose and plan of it all. His great, wonderful purpose and plan! He knows my heart's desire of having a husband. But more importantly He knows when I am ready and when that man is ready to come together as one and create a beautiful, Godly family. He knows who the right man is for the job, He knows when the timing is perfect, He knows who will be someone my boys can look up to and who can be a model of Jesus in their life, He knows....ALL THINGS.....so I am done doubting His plan!

I am done seeking after my own ways. Even if Paul Walker himself walked up and asked me out, if he is not who God wants for me, I would say no....then I would allow my sister to slap me one good time...lol...but...then I would know that I am choosing God's way, not my own.

I am thankful for the drought in my life; it has left me desperately seeking Jesus. Craving for Him and His righteousness; I have found the truth and power of these words from one of my favorite worship songs, "The more I seek You, the more I find You. The more I find You, the more I love You." He has been "building me up in my most holy faith" over the years, teaching me, preparing me for His plan, and loving me all along the way of my heartache, struggles, and pain. Endless hours of tears and loneliness, I have finally realized...have not really been spend alone. Jesus was (and is) always there, and His comfort and peace is far more than any human can ever give. Therefore instead of looking at my "without", I am looking at WHO I AM WITH!

Jesus is faithfully there, and He has been doing amazing things in my life over this decade of drought. And my blessings and reasons to be thankful far outweigh the lack! In your wilderness and weaknesses, find the way to the open, loving arms of Jesus; allow Him to comfort you, and teach you during this time. A great new friend of mine said she heard this on the radio and I love it- during this time where I feel like I am not producing any fruit (like nothing good is coming from my life or going on in my life) that is when God is working on the roots!

Well, during this drought, I feel God is just building, thickening, and preparing my roots for a season of great produce! When the rains come my roots will be ready to soak up all God has for me!

Preventative Prayer

Praying before going into a battle, (facing a circumstance you know will be challenging) sure beats having to pray for healing after it has left you wounded.

I learned that the hard way this weekend. I went ice skating, and seeing as how I have not been in over a decade, it was a painful experience! I fell, and have the large, colorful bruise to prove it. I was talking to a friend who went with me, and I told her she rocks because she did not fall. She said that is because she was praying the whole time not to fall. I quickly realized my problem- I forgot to pray before hand, now I am left praying away the pain in my throbbing thigh!

Why do we far too often use God as a last result? We are His children and hold His power within us. He is our loving Father who has great plans for our lives. We have everything we need to go into any situation with confidence knowing that through all things we are more than conquerors. Why do we wait until after we have made a mess of things, fallen flat on our face (or bottom if you are ice skating) to call out to Jesus?

Speak His promises and truth into your life daily in order to be better prepared for new adventures (or challenges). Pray first! Seek God first and all else will fall into place! Ask God for guidance as you start each day, ask Him to steer you in the right direction to avoid pitfalls and traps strategically placed by the enemy trying to destroy your life. Knowing that we are in a war with the deceiver, why would we not "pray without ceasing!" (1 Thess. 5:17)

2

On a scale from 1-10...I feel like a 2 right now. And that is only because I am trying my hardest to be positive. I feel like a 2 as a mother, a 2 as a teacher, a 2 as head of this household, a 2 as a housekeeper, a 2 as a friend, a 2 as a christian...and the list goes on...

I just can't get up to par. I just can't keep up. Everything is a mess no matter how hard I try...and I am exhausted from trying. I try to give my all to everything...and it is NOT working. I know we are not supposed to go by feelings...but what happens when someone actually tells you you are low on the scale! What happens when you ask your child for a hug you are in desperate need for and they reply with, "no thanks, I'm good." What happens when you have to drag loads of work to your own kid's ball practice and they are constantly reminding you to watch them, but you are weighed down with work for a job you are a 2 at anyways?!

I am search for answers that I cannot seem to find...
I don't know what God wants me to do...but right now I feel like a failure at life.

Why am I trying so hard if I am not passing the grade anyways?

I am pausing here just trying to find some hope...some ability to climb my way back to the top again...back to the sunlight...praying.

Well...I do know this, in our weaknesses, there is where we find Christ's strength. So God...take my 2 and make it a 10 please! Not for me, but for Your glory Lord, so that I can shine as a light for my boys to see Your ways, for my co-workers to see Your strength in me, for my friends and family to see how amazing You are through my life.

Well...I guess there is a reason I did not get to finish this post before I went to the basketball game for my son...God speaks to us in many ways, as my last post stated; today it was at a basketball game. The half-time talk that they have for Upward basketball spoke about facing challenges and how God wants to make us stronger through the things that we have to go through. During the game, a boy fell down pretty hard, and skinned up his knee. It took him a bit to get back up, and at first he hopped around a little, but the minute the game resumed...you would have thought he just drank a 5 hour energy drink- he was full speed ahead ready to play hard like nothing had ever knocked him down in the first place.

See where I am going with this? Yes, we go through things that are overwhelming and at times cause us to feel defeated, crushed, destroyed, stressed, exhausted....but...the point is...we HAVE TO GET BACK UP AND PLAY THE GAME AND PUT THE PROBLEM IN THE PAST AND LEAVE IT THERE AS IF IT NEVER EXISTED! BECAUSE THEN GOD CAN GROW US IN OUR STRENGTH AND CREATE A STRONGER, WISER PLAYER!

And He does not want us to be a player that holds our head down in shame when we are weak...we are human, so He knows we are weak, that is when we lean on Him even more than normal for His strength and support. That is when we cry out to Jesus and He comes and picks us back us, steadies us while we find our footing again...and then restores our joy, peace, and strength so that we can press on.

As our boys played an awesome game, I loved seeing the joy and confidence on their faces as they score a basket...and how many points for a basket? 2. 2 points for each shot...and you have to take it one shot at a time. One basket at a time to win a game. You have to forget about the one you missed and focus on the next shot. 2 points at a time...and give it your all with each shot focusing only the goal; knowing that The Coach will give you guidance you need to be victorious! AMEN!

Bombs

Working on a bulletin board at work Friday afternoon, I was very caught up in my own thoughts. Overwhelmed and distracted, I was completely unaware of the bombs exploding in my classroom! Apparently the boys and some friends were playing some game on my computer and bombs were exploding at max volume! They were loud enough that the teacher across the hall had gone into my room to see what was going on, yet I was still working away and oblivious; as my mind was running around the massive demanding to do list, as well as wrestling with some big decisions and circumstance. I stayed unaware of the war in my room until another teacher finally got my attention by asking what is that noise? How did I miss that? I was asking myself as I ran in quickly trying to help them get the computer shut off and stop the thunderous explosions.

I believe God speaks to us in many ways...yet we often continue to beg God for wisdom and answers and guidance; unaware of the fact that He may have already tried to show us the way...we were just too caught up in our own chaos to hear His powerful voice. We are often too busy racing around to really focus on His peaceful guidance. Or, like I am so completely guilty of, we seek first after our family's advice, our friends' opinions, media's take on the subject, or anything else, until we are still left in the dark...then we beg God as a last result.

Like I said, guilty party speaking here. I do all of the above. I am a single mom of two boys who feels like I have to be Super Women + the Energizer Bunny + vampire with the super speed and ability to stay awake for a lifetime all in one! I know this is most of us...life is demanding most of the time...but...God says, "be still and know that I am God" (Isaiah)

When do we do this? It also says "seek FIRST the Kingdom of God." (Matthew) When do we do this? I believe God speaks to us and guides us often, as well as blesses us often in so many different ways...we just need to open our ears and eyes and hearts...and notice the explosion of God's love, peace, joy, strength, and wisdom all around us everyday!

Now, when I learn exactly how to do this and get perfect enough at doing this...I will surly post it on my blog....don't hold your breath for that or look for the update until I am in Heaven....but if they have Internet access up there...I will post about perfection right away :)
In the meantime...I will just keep pressing on toward the goal and daily be transformed into the image of Christ.

Will you press on with me? Together we will encourage and remind each other to, "be still and know God is God!" And, if we do seek after Him...we WILL FIND HIM, and His love and wisdom He will share! There are so many promises to that in His word...I would post some examples...but I am going to make you do some work this time...seek after Him, get in His word and find Jesus! Pray His promises and receive. Seek His wisdom and you will find!

Pastries

My son, who was cheering for the Giants during the Superbowl, could not say the word Patriots. He kept calling them pastries. Now, I am not too sure that these huge, muscular, tough, professional footballs players would actually like it if there team really was named the Pastries- a sweet baked food; sorta looses some strength wouldn't you say...

Well, I am on a team as well. I am on God's team. So let's look at the name of my team. God.

I had to pause there for a moment just at the mention of His name. God = omniscient (all knowing), omnipotence (all powerful), and omnipresence (everywhere at all times); this is whose team I am on!

So then...why do I lesson the strength of my team far too often? Why do I downgrade the power with my doubts? Why do I weaken the power with my worry? Why do I forfeit the game because of my fears?

With God as my coach, I have no reason to hold back in life, I have no reason to waist away fretting over all the details that need fixed, I have no reason to think that I will walk away from this game in defeat! The amazing thing is, I don't even have to wait for the end of the game to find out who wins!! GOD'S TEAM WINS! This is already a promise! I can start my victory dance now!!! Oh, two things I really love are winning and dancing! So this is great news to me!

I need to remember whose team I am on, and not just whose team I am on, but the POWER that comes with playing on God's side! Maybe you needed that reminder today too.
Maybe you want to be part of this amazing, powerful, joyful team as well....all you have to do is ask.

Call on Jesus and He will answer. He will take you into His arms and love on you in a way you have been searching for all your life, but have yet to been satisfied with by worldly love...His is far greater than you can ever imagine. So ask Him now to come into your heart and you will forever be changed...and...welcome to the team! God's team!

Now, like any good football team, we have to practice before the Superbowl...we have exercises that we have to go through that are hard, we have parts of us that need a good workout, we have endurance training, strength training, we have to learn/memorize the playbook, and we have to stay focused on the goal, knowing and believing there is victory! But if our coach believes in us...then we should march onto the field in confidence and prepare for daily victories, expect great things, and just enjoy being on God's team!

Under Construction

Remember the old school children's church song, "He's still working on me. To make me what I ought to be. It took Him just a week to make the moon and the stars. The sun and Earth and Jupiter and Mars. How loving and patient He must be, cuz He's still working on me."
Well...that song...and being broken in my prayer time on the way home from another great small group Church time, inspired this rap...lol...well at least I like to think I can rap, but...I guess you could also just call it a poem.

I'm under construction
Made by God himself - His creation
Being reformed and put through the fire
By the hands of the Sanctifier
To be tried and true
Knowing I face all things with You
The all powerful Father
Who never leaves me to bother
With all this mess on my own to be depressed
But in Your capable hands I offer it up so not to be stressed
As each day I learn more how to let go
And how to live more like Christ so my life does show
His mighty power and grace
For us humans trying to run a rat race
But never keepin up on my own might
That's why I must have God be my guiding light
Cuz when I try to juggle an everything falls
I learn that first I shoulda made some calls
Out to a Savior whose strength is all I need
Seek Him and His kingdom first in order to succeed.
Knowing that if I mess up
Won't hold my head down in shame and give up
But accept His grace and His perfection
Cuz I'm a child still under God's construction!


I am so glad that He is still working on me...
I am so glad that I am daily being sanctified and transformed...
I am so glad He is a patient and loving Father who always picks me back up when I fall flat on my face, when I screw up royally, when I sin, when I hate, when I hurt, when I break...
I am so glad that He is teaching me and guiding me...
sometimes gently, and sometimes more firmly...
but I am so thankful that I am under His construction plan!