Have you ever had one of those days (or weeks) when you just feel like you can't do anything right?
I am having a moment right now...and just want to cry my heart out.
Won't drag you into the details this time; besides, I am sure you can fill in the blank with your own feelings of inadequacies and sorrow when you are having one of those days where you can just hear the world saying "YOU ARE THE WEAKEST LINK!"
But I do know in moments like this, I can cry at the feet of my Father, that way when I am all cried out, I can look up...and I will see hope.
He is always there to wipe the tears from my eyes, and whisper promises to my heart to encourage me to continue to walk in faith and to remind me that I am a child of God and He has made me wonderful.
The pastor's daughters beautifully sang this worship song this morning in church and it is my prayer right now:
"The more I seek You...the more I find You. The more I find You...the more I love You. I want to sit at Your feet. Drink from the cup in Your hand. Lay back against You and breathe...feel your heartbeat. Your love is so deep. It's more than I can stand. I melt in Your peace...it's overwhelming to me."
If your having a "weakest link" moment...take your troubled heart to the Heavenly Father, and let Him replace the pain with peace.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
For Love and Laughter
Just listing some RANDOM things that I just LOVE and things that just make me LAUGH:
Gotta Love: When Riley wrote me a note on my bed out of Wikki-Sticks that said: I love you. And then it said: For you, and had a bracelet made out of the Wikki-Sticks.
Gotta Laugh: OK, I'm Blonde and hear all the blonde jokes so here is one of my favorites: A Russian, An American, and a blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on the moon!" The blonde said, "So, we will be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and American looked at each other and shook their heads, "You can't land on the sun, you'll burn up!"
To which the blonde replied, "We are not stupid you know, we are going at night!"
Gotta Love: Looking at family photo albums with the boys. Well...until Brayden saw an old picture of me and said "Wow, that is you mom? You were skinny!" Then don't make the mistake I did by asking, "Why, what am I now?" Because you won't laugh! I got, "You know...big." With emphasizing hand motions around the waist area. Ha ha.
Gotta Love: Walking barefoot on the beach, building sandcastles, and watching the boys chase the waves!
Gotta Laugh: I talk so much that people's voicemail even cut me off...it makes me so mad! I always yell "I wasn't finished yet!" Also Gotta Laugh: when your boys keep getting in trouble at school for talking way too much and you tell your friends and they say...wow, that apple falls far!!
Gotta Love: When the boys score a soccer goal! Gotta Love even more when on the way home Riley says, "I am so proud of myself, I went out there and believed in myself, mom!"
Gotta Love and Laugh: Watching the boys dance, especially when they did their own dance to the "Pants on the Ground" song!
Gotta Love: Singing praise songs with the boys, hearing them know the words, and worship God is awesome. Also, one night when I was tucking Riley in, he had his hand on my face and eyes close and was quiet. After a few minutes he said, "I'm done." I said, "With what?" He said, "I was praying over you."
Gotta Love: getting an unexpected, encouraging txt from a friend!
Gotta Laugh: OK, another good blonde joke...this blog is after all is called Random Blonde. Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench outside, and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is further away Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde said, "Helloooooo, can you see Florida???"
Gotta Love: When you try something new and accomplish it or enjoy it.
Gotta Laugh: Watching Friends. I have all ten seasons and still laugh like it is the first time watching it every time I watch them. But I Gotta Love: watching a TV show or movie with the boys and they get so tickled at something they laugh so hard and for so long, that days later they are still laughing and repeating the line. My boys always bring so much joy, love, and laughter to my life!
Gotta Love: Laughing with best friends. Gotta Laugh: Until your stomach hurts when you are on a kiddie roller coaster with her and she is screaming a death scream at the top of her lungs while the kids look at her like she is insane!! And your laughing so hard your crying...or else your crying from getting slapped and beat by your frightened best friend!! (love you Tina and I gotta love and gotta laugh every time I am with you! Don't worry she gave me permission to share this!)
Gotta Laugh: When you pray for patience and you hit every red light in town. God sure has a sense of humor :)
Gotta Laugh: When your child finds your tickle spot and shows no mercy!
Gotta Love: Doing something special for someone special.
Gotta Love: music that fits the mood, time to read a good book, getting pedicures and buying new flip flops, "kisses" from God, cheesecake to cheer you up, talking with my mom, daydreaming, a good workout, getting my new cooking magazine, having a good hair day, funnel cakes at the fair, and giant hugs.
Gotta Love: Living in the freedom of Christ and accepting His grace.
Gotta Love: When Riley wrote me a note on my bed out of Wikki-Sticks that said: I love you. And then it said: For you, and had a bracelet made out of the Wikki-Sticks.
Gotta Laugh: OK, I'm Blonde and hear all the blonde jokes so here is one of my favorites: A Russian, An American, and a blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on the moon!" The blonde said, "So, we will be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and American looked at each other and shook their heads, "You can't land on the sun, you'll burn up!"
To which the blonde replied, "We are not stupid you know, we are going at night!"
Gotta Love: Looking at family photo albums with the boys. Well...until Brayden saw an old picture of me and said "Wow, that is you mom? You were skinny!" Then don't make the mistake I did by asking, "Why, what am I now?" Because you won't laugh! I got, "You know...big." With emphasizing hand motions around the waist area. Ha ha.
Gotta Love: Walking barefoot on the beach, building sandcastles, and watching the boys chase the waves!
Gotta Laugh: I talk so much that people's voicemail even cut me off...it makes me so mad! I always yell "I wasn't finished yet!" Also Gotta Laugh: when your boys keep getting in trouble at school for talking way too much and you tell your friends and they say...wow, that apple falls far!!
Gotta Love: When the boys score a soccer goal! Gotta Love even more when on the way home Riley says, "I am so proud of myself, I went out there and believed in myself, mom!"
Gotta Love and Laugh: Watching the boys dance, especially when they did their own dance to the "Pants on the Ground" song!
Gotta Love: Singing praise songs with the boys, hearing them know the words, and worship God is awesome. Also, one night when I was tucking Riley in, he had his hand on my face and eyes close and was quiet. After a few minutes he said, "I'm done." I said, "With what?" He said, "I was praying over you."
Gotta Love: getting an unexpected, encouraging txt from a friend!
Gotta Laugh: OK, another good blonde joke...this blog is after all is called Random Blonde. Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench outside, and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is further away Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde said, "Helloooooo, can you see Florida???"
Gotta Love: When you try something new and accomplish it or enjoy it.
Gotta Laugh: Watching Friends. I have all ten seasons and still laugh like it is the first time watching it every time I watch them. But I Gotta Love: watching a TV show or movie with the boys and they get so tickled at something they laugh so hard and for so long, that days later they are still laughing and repeating the line. My boys always bring so much joy, love, and laughter to my life!
Gotta Love: Laughing with best friends. Gotta Laugh: Until your stomach hurts when you are on a kiddie roller coaster with her and she is screaming a death scream at the top of her lungs while the kids look at her like she is insane!! And your laughing so hard your crying...or else your crying from getting slapped and beat by your frightened best friend!! (love you Tina and I gotta love and gotta laugh every time I am with you! Don't worry she gave me permission to share this!)
Gotta Laugh: When you pray for patience and you hit every red light in town. God sure has a sense of humor :)
Gotta Laugh: When your child finds your tickle spot and shows no mercy!
Gotta Love: Doing something special for someone special.
Gotta Love: music that fits the mood, time to read a good book, getting pedicures and buying new flip flops, "kisses" from God, cheesecake to cheer you up, talking with my mom, daydreaming, a good workout, getting my new cooking magazine, having a good hair day, funnel cakes at the fair, and giant hugs.
Gotta Love: Living in the freedom of Christ and accepting His grace.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
carry me...
Late last night, I was walking with Brayden to our car after an already long day, which was about to get even longer. We were celebrating Relay for Life day at school, and then we went to a high school to do the Relay for Life 24 hour walk. It is an event that helps raise money to find a cure for cancer. We had already been hanging out at the school for a few hours, and we were getting ready to camp out, but I had to run an errand so Brayden came with me. As we were walking, I could just feel how tired Brayden was as he was sluggishly dragging behind me while I held onto his chubby, soft, little hand. So I decided, even as tired as I was, to pick him up and carrying him the rest of the way to the car. Then there was the sweetest moment between Brayden, who is usually not very much of a gentle, snuggly person, and I. He leaned onto my shoulder from the exhaustion, and then picked his head back up, and so very gently kissed me lightly on the cheek, and then put his head back down. It was to say thank you so much for carrying me because I am too tired to do the journey on my own.
How many time has Jesus "carried" you through something that you were just too weak to handle on your own? How often has he picked you up when you wearily cried out that you just can't take another step?
When the burden is too much, when the pain to to deep, when the journey is too rough...we have a Heavenly Father who cares enough to pick us up in His strong enough arms and carry us.
But we need to remember, as Brayden did, to show our thankfulness...
How many time has Jesus "carried" you through something that you were just too weak to handle on your own? How often has he picked you up when you wearily cried out that you just can't take another step?
When the burden is too much, when the pain to to deep, when the journey is too rough...we have a Heavenly Father who cares enough to pick us up in His strong enough arms and carry us.
But we need to remember, as Brayden did, to show our thankfulness...
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
HANG IN THERE!
"They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary they will walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31
Do you feel like you are just hanging in there? Are you tired and weary? Like your fingers are slipping and your loosing your grip? Well...
DO NOT LOSE FAITH!
This verse is another promise for you from a loving Father who knows about carrying the weight of the world on His shoulders...literally (think of the weight He carried on the cross)...so, whatever you are carrying...whatever you are are worried about...whatever you are anxiously awaiting for...
LET IT GO, BUT DON'T LET GO OF THE ONE WHO IS HOLDING ON TO YOU!
He has it all under control. And when you stop trying to fix it all yourself...when you stop trying to control it all...when you relax about what lies ahead...when your release your burdens and pain...
YOU WILL LIVE A HAPPIER LIFE! YOU WILL SOAR WITH PEACE!
Monday, April 5, 2010
selfish weight
I have struggled with weight for a long time. I have went through the array of eating disorders. Right now I seem to be in the vacuum stage...suck in whatever food is available...lol... I have enjoyed my share...and other's shares...of a good box of girl scout cookies. I have had trainers and been on major diets. I have been tormented with mirrors. Weight is not something fun to deal with.
But lately I have been dealing with a different kind of weight...
In church on Easter Sunday we began to sing a praise and worship song that says: "I'm desperate for you. I'm lost without you." And I began to weep internally at the weight of the thoughts about way I have been acting. I have been very selfish lately. I have been desperate for a lot of things...
I have been desperate for a house. For a man...even just to be kissed and hugged by a man would be nice. For financial stability. For a career in writing an motivational speaking. For the boy's dad to get out of our lives (if you are reading this and don't know that situation...it is bad. He does not ever have their best interest/safety in mind) For this extra physical weight to just miraculously fall off and to be healthy and in good shape. I was really desperate to win that 42" flat screen at our school fundraiser.
I want, I want, I want, I want....
As I sang this song, I thought, Lord...I am so sorry; I know it is your desire for me to long for you above all else. This is something I know, have always known, but have not been living out recently.
Now, please understand that my desires are not wrong...well maybe the T.V. is being a little selfish...lol, but most of the things I long for are not bad things (and as far as my ex-husband goes, of course my first desire is that God change his heart, and he become the man of God the boy's need him to be). But....when my desires take precedence over my love and longing for God...that is when there is a problem. His word says to seek Him and His righteousness FIRST!
God wants to bless us and do great things in our lives. I know He has done so much in my life. And I am so very thankful for the abundance of His love and blessings. I know He hears the desires of my heart, and longs to bless me with those things as well. But...I must seek after Him with my whole heart first. I must let go of this selfish weight that I have been carrying around. Lay it at His feet. And focus more on loving and worshiping Him....then as the verse continues to say: "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, AND ALL ELSE WILL FALL INTO PLACE"
Now that doesn't necessarily mean that a flat screen T.V. will just appear on my wall or that prince charming will be FedExed to my doorstep (which would be so much easier than dating at my age)....but it does mean that God has my best interest in mind and His will for my life will fall into place and my life will be full of His abundant joy and peace.
Give your desires to Him. You will not be let down living your life for the One who gave His life for you. He is alive and well and hears your prayers. Be desperate for Him and let all the other weight fall off of your life.
(I was thinking after I posted this that I left some things unclear...as far as the eating disorders go...that was high school/early college things I had delt with and I will share more about that later. Weight and image can be a dangerous struggle and I want to share my heart and what God has done in my life and is doing in my life. Also, dealing with the boys father, I again want to stress that I do want God to change his heart...as awful as he can be to deal with and as easy as it is to say I want him out of their lives....I am the one who chose him even when I knew it was not right. But that is in the past and God forgives and we move on. But I have learned so much about the power of words; therefore again I want God to do great miracles in his life so that their dad will be a man of God they can look up to.)
But lately I have been dealing with a different kind of weight...
In church on Easter Sunday we began to sing a praise and worship song that says: "I'm desperate for you. I'm lost without you." And I began to weep internally at the weight of the thoughts about way I have been acting. I have been very selfish lately. I have been desperate for a lot of things...
I have been desperate for a house. For a man...even just to be kissed and hugged by a man would be nice. For financial stability. For a career in writing an motivational speaking. For the boy's dad to get out of our lives (if you are reading this and don't know that situation...it is bad. He does not ever have their best interest/safety in mind) For this extra physical weight to just miraculously fall off and to be healthy and in good shape. I was really desperate to win that 42" flat screen at our school fundraiser.
I want, I want, I want, I want....
As I sang this song, I thought, Lord...I am so sorry; I know it is your desire for me to long for you above all else. This is something I know, have always known, but have not been living out recently.
Now, please understand that my desires are not wrong...well maybe the T.V. is being a little selfish...lol, but most of the things I long for are not bad things (and as far as my ex-husband goes, of course my first desire is that God change his heart, and he become the man of God the boy's need him to be). But....when my desires take precedence over my love and longing for God...that is when there is a problem. His word says to seek Him and His righteousness FIRST!
God wants to bless us and do great things in our lives. I know He has done so much in my life. And I am so very thankful for the abundance of His love and blessings. I know He hears the desires of my heart, and longs to bless me with those things as well. But...I must seek after Him with my whole heart first. I must let go of this selfish weight that I have been carrying around. Lay it at His feet. And focus more on loving and worshiping Him....then as the verse continues to say: "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, AND ALL ELSE WILL FALL INTO PLACE"
Now that doesn't necessarily mean that a flat screen T.V. will just appear on my wall or that prince charming will be FedExed to my doorstep (which would be so much easier than dating at my age)....but it does mean that God has my best interest in mind and His will for my life will fall into place and my life will be full of His abundant joy and peace.
Give your desires to Him. You will not be let down living your life for the One who gave His life for you. He is alive and well and hears your prayers. Be desperate for Him and let all the other weight fall off of your life.
(I was thinking after I posted this that I left some things unclear...as far as the eating disorders go...that was high school/early college things I had delt with and I will share more about that later. Weight and image can be a dangerous struggle and I want to share my heart and what God has done in my life and is doing in my life. Also, dealing with the boys father, I again want to stress that I do want God to change his heart...as awful as he can be to deal with and as easy as it is to say I want him out of their lives....I am the one who chose him even when I knew it was not right. But that is in the past and God forgives and we move on. But I have learned so much about the power of words; therefore again I want God to do great miracles in his life so that their dad will be a man of God they can look up to.)
Saturday, April 3, 2010
beyond blessed
My boys just came home from their dad's....I miss them so much when they are gone. And even though they were only gone a night this time....it was still so great to have them in my arms again. Although it was a sad moment when I asked Riley to come give me a hug, and he crawled up on my lap, and I realized he was almost too big to get on my lap and hold. He is 8....rounding up, that is closer to 10 than a 5 years old. Ten...that is getting into the two digit numbers...he is growing up! He just seems so big tonight when I wrapped my arms around him. Enjoying each day with them is a precious gift from God. Watching them grow and learn. Seeing their awesome personalities develop even more as they grow into strong young men. Watching their talents emerge...talking seems to run in the family as a talent...lol...but they have their own things that make them unique. Riley is into science/nature...loves animals, plants, rocks, ect. And he is awesome at building things...that kid can put those Lego sets together in no time. Brayden has a natural talent in sports, and anything requiring danger apparently...Mommy is hoping he is not a future stunt performer!! (but if that is what he wants...it will definitely help keep my prayer life active!) They are just awesome young men, and I am beyond blessed!
It's the little moments that really mean a lot to me as a mom. Our secret handshakes before bed. When we are dancing around the living room. When I am trying to beat them at games...lol. Riley telling a silly story, as his dimples show the joy all over his face. Brayden's bright blue eyes dancing when he is being goofy. They way Brayden used to call Riley "Brudder"...now he has learned to say his "th" sound now, and that has changed. I smile at their growth, but also fight the Mommy tears as I watch them change from toddlers to, soon enough, teens. (They are already too much into girls, and I am worried the "teenage" years are starting early for me...a little help please!!) So, I treasure the moments that Riley ask me to pray over him at night, or the way Brayden squeezes so tight when he hugs, and the times we wrestle...well until Mommy gets hurt...they are tough! I cherish the "I love you more than a million chocolate cakes" and cuddle times. I praise God for the blessings of my boys.
So many special memories are created everyday. Each day is a gift. Each moment, each new adventure, each small miracle, each joyful outburst, each sweet embrace, each outing spent with friends, each phone call from my supporting, loving family....all these things make up a blessed life.
And on top of the list of blessings: on this Easter, I celebrate a risen Savior. A heavenly Father that is ALIVE, and is always there for me!! He hears my prayers. He comforts my soul. He gives me rest. He loves me. He pours blessings down on my life. He showers me with mercy and grace. He died for me, and He now lives for me!
Do not allow the message of Easter to get old. As for me, I can watch some of my favorite love stories over and over, and still enjoy them. Easter is a reminder of the greatest love story ever.
"For God so loved the world, He gave His only begotten Son, and whosoever believes in Him, shall not perish, but have everlasting life." JOHN 3:16
Let your heart be filled with love and thankfulness for the One who loves you unconditionally and will love you forever. Count your blessings this Easter, and don't forget the number one blessing we all can put on the top of our list: the love of Jesus.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
stick a fork in me....I'm done!
I am TIRED...weary, exhausted, worn-out, drained, fatigued, bushed, beat, used-up, and all gone. (sorry was having fun with the thesaurus...lol) But that is how I feel. The last few weeks have just been busy and the To Do List seems to never end.
Now we have had some great times this last few weeks. This weekend, according to my son was "the best ever!" (celebrating a friend's birthday and his; so good reason to be joyful) But it just seems like I have been pouring myself thin, and I am just ready to crawl into bed and sleep through spring break! And seeing as how it looks like it will be nice and warm; I want to head to the beach and relax in the calming but empowering atmosphere of God's amazing creation!
I NEED REJUVENATED!! I NEED ENERGY!!
But I have found (from trying far too often) that although energy drinks work...they don't last, and if you mix one of those with chocolate...you get a lovely buzzing feeling going on in your brain, you start acting a little goofy/hyper...and then you crash. That is not what I am looking for.
I need a source of strength.
I am thankful that these well known verses remind me where to look for what I need:
THE JOY OF THE LORD IS MY STRENGTH!
I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO GIVES ME STRENGTH!
So....even when the many things demanding my attention and focus pile on me leaving me dragging my sluggish body to bed longing to sleep for weeks...I need to remember where my strength and source of life and freedom come from:
"God, I need a refreshing renewal. I thank you Lord for all Your blessings and the joy you bring to my life. I thank You for always being there. For lifting me up when I am down. For carrying me when I am weak. For loving me when I am unworthy. For not condemning me when I am guilty. For sending me kisses from Heaven in sweet, unexpected ways in all that goes on around me, causing me to smile...take a deep breath...and enjoy this life you have blessed me with. But right now Lord...I am done! I am just plain tired, and want to forget all the responsibilities and troubles and chores (yes Lord I know the floor needs swept so bad that if you collected all the crumbs there would be a feast...but I am tired!) Help me Lord....maybe send Merry Maids or something please. (I am glad God has a good sense of humor :)
I just need you Lord. I need your strength. I praise You Lord for the seasons changing and Spring arriving. I thank You Lord for the flowers blooming and the heat rising...it does make me feel alive again and ready to get motivated! Just help me to focus Lord. Help me to keep my priorities straight....You first...and then all else falls into place! Give me rest Lord....good rest so that I will wake and be ready to tackle the to do list with the energy of my six year old! I love you Lord, and I praise Your holy and wonderful name. Lord if anyone else is feeling the same beat-down, worn-out, dog-tired feelings I am experiencing...be with them Lord. Uplift them. Encourage them. Give them strength and joy! In Jesus name. Amen."
p.s. the floors did get swept don't worry :)
Now we have had some great times this last few weeks. This weekend, according to my son was "the best ever!" (celebrating a friend's birthday and his; so good reason to be joyful) But it just seems like I have been pouring myself thin, and I am just ready to crawl into bed and sleep through spring break! And seeing as how it looks like it will be nice and warm; I want to head to the beach and relax in the calming but empowering atmosphere of God's amazing creation!
I NEED REJUVENATED!! I NEED ENERGY!!
But I have found (from trying far too often) that although energy drinks work...they don't last, and if you mix one of those with chocolate...you get a lovely buzzing feeling going on in your brain, you start acting a little goofy/hyper...and then you crash. That is not what I am looking for.
I need a source of strength.
I am thankful that these well known verses remind me where to look for what I need:
THE JOY OF THE LORD IS MY STRENGTH!
I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO GIVES ME STRENGTH!
So....even when the many things demanding my attention and focus pile on me leaving me dragging my sluggish body to bed longing to sleep for weeks...I need to remember where my strength and source of life and freedom come from:
"God, I need a refreshing renewal. I thank you Lord for all Your blessings and the joy you bring to my life. I thank You for always being there. For lifting me up when I am down. For carrying me when I am weak. For loving me when I am unworthy. For not condemning me when I am guilty. For sending me kisses from Heaven in sweet, unexpected ways in all that goes on around me, causing me to smile...take a deep breath...and enjoy this life you have blessed me with. But right now Lord...I am done! I am just plain tired, and want to forget all the responsibilities and troubles and chores (yes Lord I know the floor needs swept so bad that if you collected all the crumbs there would be a feast...but I am tired!) Help me Lord....maybe send Merry Maids or something please. (I am glad God has a good sense of humor :)
I just need you Lord. I need your strength. I praise You Lord for the seasons changing and Spring arriving. I thank You Lord for the flowers blooming and the heat rising...it does make me feel alive again and ready to get motivated! Just help me to focus Lord. Help me to keep my priorities straight....You first...and then all else falls into place! Give me rest Lord....good rest so that I will wake and be ready to tackle the to do list with the energy of my six year old! I love you Lord, and I praise Your holy and wonderful name. Lord if anyone else is feeling the same beat-down, worn-out, dog-tired feelings I am experiencing...be with them Lord. Uplift them. Encourage them. Give them strength and joy! In Jesus name. Amen."
p.s. the floors did get swept don't worry :)
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Love Letter
June 2,2009
To My Prince of Peace,
I thank you my Prince for you devoted love; you know the very depths of my heart, yet you continue to pour out your love in countless ways upon my life. I thank you that in my darkest hours, you come for me. Your grip is strong as you uplift me. Your arms are gentle as you carry me. Thank you my Prince of Peace that when the hazy clouds of confusion come in to damper my mood, toy with my emotions, and destroy the foundation on which our relationship is established, You pass through with your sword and bring refreshing clarity.
At last I can breathe again, thank you my merciful Prince. Your shield of protection has blocked the intruders from further attacking the depths of my mind; for this I am grateful, my powerful Prince. My faithful and loyal Prince of Peace my love and desire are for you alone. I stand in awe of Your majestic beauty that outshines even the grandest of sunsets that fall below the horizon by the command of your voice. You are my love, oh triumphant Prince. Your words of endearment are what I long to hear above the chaos of life forever crashing in from every side, threatening me to fall in their destructive overbearing pits of darkness in which my fragile human hands alone are not strong enough to claw out of. But my honorable Prince of Peace—you are for me! Your fight is for me! The pain you have born was for me, my most loving Prince. And in return, I will live for you. What Your will is, oh Most High, as will be mine. May our hearts be as one my trusted Prince.
I will praise you and sing of your comforting touch. I will laugh with joy as your soothing Spirit over-rides all that once used to pull my shoulders to the ground. I will dance when darkness rears it’s ugly face, for it is by Your strength, my valiant Prince, that moves the rhythm of my heart. I will now stand, when once I was not able. For once upon a time the poisonous roots of insecurity were wrapped tightly around my very being; choking the life you created, mighty Prince. But not now! And no longer! For my merciful Prince—You saw me loosing life with every passing struggle—and You came. You came to me. You crossed through all to find me; through Heaven and Hell—to get to me. You came faithfully to my rescue my merciful and loving Prince. You came. Not with harsh words of condemnation, but with sweetly spoken promises. To remind me not only of who You are, but also of who I am in You. I am Your beloved. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am precious in Your sight. I am created with a purpose.
And as for You my all-knowing Prince, you come whispering promises never to leave me nor forsake me….in my simple human form, I try to respond to this, “but in my weaknesses Lord….” But before I can finish my thoughts of unworthiness Your battle-scarred hand comes firmly but lovingly to my mouth to hush my troubled words. You promise again to never leave me and it is an unconditional and everlasting promise.
This and many other promises are made by You my loving Prince, My Savior and You write them in red letters of love upon my heart, so even if I feel You are absent, I can declare these powerful words from the mountaintops and in the valleys. I know Your truth is spoken for my ears to hear, for my mind to comprehend, for my heart to hold, and for my life to live out. In the promises of my Prince I will stand firm. For He did not come so that I may struggle alone, but so that I made ride victoriously with Him on His white horse truly living the abundant, joyful life. Oh, my Prince is the true writer of “happily-ever-after fairy tales” that really do come true. There is the “scary” parts of course, but I do not have to cower from them, I have a protector for times such as those, and He has empowered me with self-defense techniques which I can find in His words of truth.
I love you my Prince of Peace, and my prayer is that my heart would desperately and passionately seek after You alone. May I also experience deeper levels of Your love and wisdom; and as I seek You above all, then may I see Your promise that all else will fall into place.
As I boldly approach my Prince, I have one last request as I bring my love letter to a close. When I began to grow and willingly dive deeper into the depths of Your supernatural being, and my life begins to reflect the greatness of who You are, I have a great desire that I wish for you to take from Your lips straight to the throne of the Most High God. As You and I ride off on you white horse into the eastern sky, may we together grab onto the multitude of bruised and fatigued hands that I see trying to conquer the circumstances that reek havoc on those battling with negative, hopeless mindsets. Souls that were created by a loving Father who still hears their shrieking cries amongst the battlefield. May we, my peaceful Prince, take them with us? Please my Lord. The fight is not over yet. I wish that none be left alone to suffer; I know this is Your heart's desire as well.
Please allow them to look up from their defeated dungeons and allow them to see our hands reaching to them. Allow them to see Your sweet freedom that is available to them now! Oh, my loving Prince, let us fight together for them!
I praise You with my whole heart. I thank You for strength, for the joy You have filled my life with, for Your blessings that rain down upon me. I praise You Lord. I adore You. I stand in awe of You my Prince. And lastly, I thank you my Prince, for Your peace that passes all understanding. I love You.
Forever Yours,
Christina Gail
To My Prince of Peace,
I thank you my Prince for you devoted love; you know the very depths of my heart, yet you continue to pour out your love in countless ways upon my life. I thank you that in my darkest hours, you come for me. Your grip is strong as you uplift me. Your arms are gentle as you carry me. Thank you my Prince of Peace that when the hazy clouds of confusion come in to damper my mood, toy with my emotions, and destroy the foundation on which our relationship is established, You pass through with your sword and bring refreshing clarity.
At last I can breathe again, thank you my merciful Prince. Your shield of protection has blocked the intruders from further attacking the depths of my mind; for this I am grateful, my powerful Prince. My faithful and loyal Prince of Peace my love and desire are for you alone. I stand in awe of Your majestic beauty that outshines even the grandest of sunsets that fall below the horizon by the command of your voice. You are my love, oh triumphant Prince. Your words of endearment are what I long to hear above the chaos of life forever crashing in from every side, threatening me to fall in their destructive overbearing pits of darkness in which my fragile human hands alone are not strong enough to claw out of. But my honorable Prince of Peace—you are for me! Your fight is for me! The pain you have born was for me, my most loving Prince. And in return, I will live for you. What Your will is, oh Most High, as will be mine. May our hearts be as one my trusted Prince.
I will praise you and sing of your comforting touch. I will laugh with joy as your soothing Spirit over-rides all that once used to pull my shoulders to the ground. I will dance when darkness rears it’s ugly face, for it is by Your strength, my valiant Prince, that moves the rhythm of my heart. I will now stand, when once I was not able. For once upon a time the poisonous roots of insecurity were wrapped tightly around my very being; choking the life you created, mighty Prince. But not now! And no longer! For my merciful Prince—You saw me loosing life with every passing struggle—and You came. You came to me. You crossed through all to find me; through Heaven and Hell—to get to me. You came faithfully to my rescue my merciful and loving Prince. You came. Not with harsh words of condemnation, but with sweetly spoken promises. To remind me not only of who You are, but also of who I am in You. I am Your beloved. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am precious in Your sight. I am created with a purpose.
And as for You my all-knowing Prince, you come whispering promises never to leave me nor forsake me….in my simple human form, I try to respond to this, “but in my weaknesses Lord….” But before I can finish my thoughts of unworthiness Your battle-scarred hand comes firmly but lovingly to my mouth to hush my troubled words. You promise again to never leave me and it is an unconditional and everlasting promise.
This and many other promises are made by You my loving Prince, My Savior and You write them in red letters of love upon my heart, so even if I feel You are absent, I can declare these powerful words from the mountaintops and in the valleys. I know Your truth is spoken for my ears to hear, for my mind to comprehend, for my heart to hold, and for my life to live out. In the promises of my Prince I will stand firm. For He did not come so that I may struggle alone, but so that I made ride victoriously with Him on His white horse truly living the abundant, joyful life. Oh, my Prince is the true writer of “happily-ever-after fairy tales” that really do come true. There is the “scary” parts of course, but I do not have to cower from them, I have a protector for times such as those, and He has empowered me with self-defense techniques which I can find in His words of truth.
I love you my Prince of Peace, and my prayer is that my heart would desperately and passionately seek after You alone. May I also experience deeper levels of Your love and wisdom; and as I seek You above all, then may I see Your promise that all else will fall into place.
As I boldly approach my Prince, I have one last request as I bring my love letter to a close. When I began to grow and willingly dive deeper into the depths of Your supernatural being, and my life begins to reflect the greatness of who You are, I have a great desire that I wish for you to take from Your lips straight to the throne of the Most High God. As You and I ride off on you white horse into the eastern sky, may we together grab onto the multitude of bruised and fatigued hands that I see trying to conquer the circumstances that reek havoc on those battling with negative, hopeless mindsets. Souls that were created by a loving Father who still hears their shrieking cries amongst the battlefield. May we, my peaceful Prince, take them with us? Please my Lord. The fight is not over yet. I wish that none be left alone to suffer; I know this is Your heart's desire as well.
Please allow them to look up from their defeated dungeons and allow them to see our hands reaching to them. Allow them to see Your sweet freedom that is available to them now! Oh, my loving Prince, let us fight together for them!
I praise You with my whole heart. I thank You for strength, for the joy You have filled my life with, for Your blessings that rain down upon me. I praise You Lord. I adore You. I stand in awe of You my Prince. And lastly, I thank you my Prince, for Your peace that passes all understanding. I love You.
Forever Yours,
Christina Gail
Friday, March 19, 2010
TGIF
TGIF.....THANK GOODNESS IT'S FRIDAY :)
THIS IS THE DAY THAT THE LORD HAS MADE, LET US BE REJOICE AND BE GLAD IN IT!
It is easy to praise God on a Friday heading into a beautiful, warm, sunny weekend....BUT....
We need to remember to praise God everyday: On Monday mornings, on cloudy days,on irritable days, and on nothing seems to go right days.
Like my favorite kids book My Many Colored Days by Dr. Seuss says "Some days are yellow, some days are blue. On different days, I'm different too." We change moods often....
But God is consistent. He is always there. He is always loving. He is always merciful. He is always faithful.
So even in our ever changing roller coaster of a life: PRAISE GOD EVERYDAY FOR HE IS WORTHY TO BE PRAISED!
THIS IS THE DAY THAT THE LORD HAS MADE, LET US BE REJOICE AND BE GLAD IN IT!
It is easy to praise God on a Friday heading into a beautiful, warm, sunny weekend....BUT....
We need to remember to praise God everyday: On Monday mornings, on cloudy days,on irritable days, and on nothing seems to go right days.
Like my favorite kids book My Many Colored Days by Dr. Seuss says "Some days are yellow, some days are blue. On different days, I'm different too." We change moods often....
But God is consistent. He is always there. He is always loving. He is always merciful. He is always faithful.
So even in our ever changing roller coaster of a life: PRAISE GOD EVERYDAY FOR HE IS WORTHY TO BE PRAISED!
Thursday, March 11, 2010
when the stars go blue...
God speaks to us in so many ways it is amazing....
For me, one way He often speaks to me is through music because I love music and always have it on.
The last two nights I have been sort of down...not negative or in a bad mood...just some things on my mind, I need a hug, could cry for a bit, and then be OK type of mood....
So, I was watching One Tree Hill, (which of course watching a drama when you are already down is not highly recommended) and the song came on "When the Stars Go Blue". And one of the repetitive lines in this song ask, "Where do you go when you're lonely? Where do you go when you're blue?"
So? Where do you go to drown out your sorrows? I know the world has plenty of things/places/people to offer a "solution"....but when its all said and done..the sorrows are still there, the void is still painful, and the heart is still empty.
I know where you can go when you are so lonely the emptiness leaves you lost in a world of billions of people....
I know where you can go when the sorrow stings so deep you ache, and swear you'll never see the light of day again....
I know where you can go when the weight of the world on your shoulders pushes you into a pit of depression...
I know where you can go when you need comfort...
At the feet of Jesus.
He understands loneliness...his disciples fell asleep on Him at a very crucial moment in His life...and he prayed in the garden alone before His death.
He understands pain and agony...He pleaded with God in so much agony He sweat drops of blood.
He understands rejection...thousands yelled out release Barabbas and crucify Jesus.
He understands betrayal....hello--Judas.
He understands sorrow...Jesus wept.
He understands death....he bore all our sins on a cross.
BUT....He also understands love and faithfulness better than you could ever imagine....Jesus is there and will never leave you nor forsake you. Cry at His feet, and He will wrap His arms of love around you. Now, I have often argued that, well....I want someone who is actually standing before me to wrap their arms around me and love on me....but take it from this person who has been alone for a decade now, (well almost a decade, seems like a century) and has learned that there is nothing like the peace and comfort of Jesus. Many a nights I have "wept at His feet", and He has filled me with such peace the overrides all the pain...the circumstances may not change, but my heart is filled with His love, comfort, peace, strength, and also joy!
No person or place or thing can compare to the love and peace of Jesus. His love is unconditional and everlasting. His peace passes all understanding. His shoulders are big enough to bare the pain, sorrow, and burdons so....YOU DON'T HAVE TO!!
So...when your stars go blue...go to the creater of the stars. Go to Jesus and you will find all that you need.
For me, one way He often speaks to me is through music because I love music and always have it on.
The last two nights I have been sort of down...not negative or in a bad mood...just some things on my mind, I need a hug, could cry for a bit, and then be OK type of mood....
So, I was watching One Tree Hill, (which of course watching a drama when you are already down is not highly recommended) and the song came on "When the Stars Go Blue". And one of the repetitive lines in this song ask, "Where do you go when you're lonely? Where do you go when you're blue?"
So? Where do you go to drown out your sorrows? I know the world has plenty of things/places/people to offer a "solution"....but when its all said and done..the sorrows are still there, the void is still painful, and the heart is still empty.
I know where you can go when you are so lonely the emptiness leaves you lost in a world of billions of people....
I know where you can go when the sorrow stings so deep you ache, and swear you'll never see the light of day again....
I know where you can go when the weight of the world on your shoulders pushes you into a pit of depression...
I know where you can go when you need comfort...
At the feet of Jesus.
He understands loneliness...his disciples fell asleep on Him at a very crucial moment in His life...and he prayed in the garden alone before His death.
He understands pain and agony...He pleaded with God in so much agony He sweat drops of blood.
He understands rejection...thousands yelled out release Barabbas and crucify Jesus.
He understands betrayal....hello--Judas.
He understands sorrow...Jesus wept.
He understands death....he bore all our sins on a cross.
BUT....He also understands love and faithfulness better than you could ever imagine....Jesus is there and will never leave you nor forsake you. Cry at His feet, and He will wrap His arms of love around you. Now, I have often argued that, well....I want someone who is actually standing before me to wrap their arms around me and love on me....but take it from this person who has been alone for a decade now, (well almost a decade, seems like a century) and has learned that there is nothing like the peace and comfort of Jesus. Many a nights I have "wept at His feet", and He has filled me with such peace the overrides all the pain...the circumstances may not change, but my heart is filled with His love, comfort, peace, strength, and also joy!
No person or place or thing can compare to the love and peace of Jesus. His love is unconditional and everlasting. His peace passes all understanding. His shoulders are big enough to bare the pain, sorrow, and burdons so....YOU DON'T HAVE TO!!
So...when your stars go blue...go to the creater of the stars. Go to Jesus and you will find all that you need.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
It's Go Time Baby!
Recently the Nike slogan has been running through my mind..."Just Do It". My own six year old has his favorite saying with a similar idea, "It's go time baby!".
Both of these are statements requiring action...setting things in motion....getting a move on it....full speed ahead!
Are these slogans you can relate to? Or, do you find yourself holding back...at a stand still....dazed and confused...lost....settling?
I think we far too often make excuses, and just sit back; watching life pass us by....
As Nike and my son would agree...it's time to move forward and get actively aggressive in our lives.
Now, what came to me today, after Nike's slogan continued to bounce around in my brain for about a week....was the fact that I (and perhaps you) need to quit making excuses and JUST BE THE WOMAN OF GOD HE HAS CALLED ME TO BE! TO LIVE MY LIFE ABUNDANTLY-- WHICH REQUIRES ACTION ON MY PART!
God has chosen me. I am a child of His. And He has a purpose and plan for my life...to be prosperous and successful, and to be a light for the lost. So why am I just sitting around waiting thinking the following: I am not ready, I am not who He wants me to be just yet, I am too old/young, I have not fully developed my talents to the degree of any usefulness, I am not aware of my purpose/career in life at this time, I have messed up too much to shine for the world to see...
Yes, the old song "He's still working on me" is true....BUT...that doesn't mean while He is working on me I am to sit upon a shelf in some dusty, old, run-down workshop and just do nothing!!
God wants me to just do it!! To get out there in this world with my head held high and live out a life full of the joy of the Lord so that those seeking after something to fill their void will look at me...a christian...and say "I want that!!"
My pastor often states, Christians are the ones who are supposed to be setting the standards in this world...yet it is well known that the number one reason for atheism is: Christians.....
THERE IS A SERIOUS PROBLEM WITH THAT! HOW DO WE FIX IT?
WELL....IT STARTS WITH THE PERSON YOU SEE IN THE MIRROR EVERYDAY....
Are you just pleasantly living in a pit just hoping to hold on until the coming of Christ? Or, are you living your life as the aggressor force like my son saying, "IT'S GO TIME BABY!"?
I am ready to do the will of God! I am ready to live my life with a smile on my face even in the mist of sorrow, and dance in the darkness, and display a positive presence (not acting like I ate a bowlful of bitterness every morning), and I am ready to shout it from the rooftop that I have a reason for living and that reason is JESUS!
2 Timothy states that God does not give us a spirit of fear, but one of power, love, and a sound mind....
Stop being afraid of all those lies creeping around in your cranium that are holding you back from all that He has called you to do....know that God has already equipped you with what you need-- His spirit, a powerful spirit, to help you live life boldly before Him!
STOP HOLDING BACK FROM LIFE FOR FEAR OF FAILURE AND START LIVING KNOWING HE IS ALWAYS THERE WITH YOU AND YOU CAN LIVE IN FREEDOM!
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Make a Joyful Noise
"Make a joyful noise unto the Lord"
This song just came to mind....and my response to that was....yeah, I am sure that would be better than the "waaa,waaa,waaa" He normally hears out of my mouth...lol.
As a parent, I often find myself getting on my children while they throw a tantrum, and then a few minutes later thinking....OK God, I get it...I throw my adult tantrums far too often as well...
How often do we "stomp our feet" and "throw a fit" when we don't get what we want? Or when things don't go they way we like them to go? It may not look as bad as when a child throws a hissy fit....but news flash...it is the same thing...
OUCH...I KNOW THAT HURTS...
It hurts me, too every time I get a God check on my attitude...
When we "pout" about life, we are complaining to God, and basically telling Him, "You just ain't getting it right God" Hmmmmm...I wonder how much He likes to hear that.....probably about as much as we like to hear the whining, complaining, arguing, door slamming, fussing, and fit throwing of our children...
I don't know about you, but it grates my every nerve to hear all that mess...
Now, thankfully we have a very loving, compassionate, understanding Heavenly father, and we can ALWAYS go to Him about anything. I am not trying to say don't be real with God. He knows all, and knows our heart, and wants us to go before Him with an open and honest heart. But what I am trying to say it that we need to often check our spirit, our tone, our attitude, and our heart...
Are we just always whining to Him? Or in the mist of being real with Him, are we also making a joyful noise before Him...one that He can take delight in? We are called to forever sing praises to Him, for He is worthy!!
There is always something to be thankful for--count your blessings! If you take time to notice, there is always something beautiful that God has created for us to enjoy, and hello--smile about! Throughout your day, God is there in all you do and encounter...praise Him for it! Let your heart be filled with joy, and share it with the world...I know...I was just thinking I sound like those women in beauty pageants that say, all I hope for is world peace. (I was just thinking of the movie Miss Congeniality lol) Well...what is wrong with that?? Nothing.
SO STOP COMPLAINING AND START PRAISING!
I promise...the more you do it...the lighter you will feel...and the happier you will be. When positive words are always on your lips, and praise to God is always in your heart...you will find you are living the abundant life God promises for you.
The words in the song "Take Control" by my friend Devin Williams always helps me with my attitude check times: "When I open my eyes...let Your light shine. When I open my mouth...let Your words come out. My life is Yours. My life is Yours" Also, repeat this verse, "Create in me a pure heart, oh God, renew a steadfast spirit within me" Psalm 51:10. When you find yourself in a slump...pray these words, and allow God to heal your heart so that you can sing a song of praise.
BE POSITIVE! MAKE A JOYFUL NOISE!
Sunday, February 28, 2010
The Unknown
The fear of the unknown has caused too much stress in my life over this last month...
One of these unknown fears is: will I have a job next year; being a single mom of two young boys, financial stability is important....I am a teacher assistant, and I was one of the last ones hired; so my job is not guaranteed each year....for this school year, I found out a week before school started that I could have my job back....it was not a fun summer...spent far too much time worrying and looking for a job. I have my license to teach, but I have yet to find a teaching job in this area either. So, the once again straining my brain question is...what will I be doing in a few short months when I have no income once again?
Another fear category for me is, of course...the whole mess of the dating at thirty plus years old....which leads to the fear of being alone...forever...
I often find myself thinking...will it really work out at meeting someone at this point in life? What if we are too much set in our own ways to come together as one? I think when you meet someone when you are younger...you grow together in realizing who you are, and comfort comes easier....now my fears of this unknown world of meeting someone at my age sound like the following....
I like things the way I like them....I like my living room and bedroom decorated the way I want them to be....don't really want someone to come in and try to replace my Italy print with a football poster....lol....(I am kidding...I do believe in compromise though...you can hang it up...in the garage...lol...sorry...I am laughing...I guess this is not something I should post under my profile on any dating sites...lol)
Ahh, which leads to the fear of the dating sites....hmmmmm....so many psycho people out there...how do you know? And I have already had one bad encounter a long time ago with that....when the guy called me he was like a perverted freak!! It is scary out there!!
Also,I talk way too much and I have often wanted to beat myself over the head thinking..you are annoying the mess out of everyone...just like Sandra Bullock in All About Steve....so just shut-up every now and then! lol But in the end of that movie...she is loved by so many and she is confident in who she is...even as different as she is...I am thankful God has brought me to that place :) But I want someone who shares the same passion for communication as I do...is that out there?
Another fear with dating is, I am a single mom of two strong-willed, hyper young boys....will someone really want to take that on and love them like they are his own?
Being a single mom of the above listed type...I usually go to bed exhausted...which means....when I wake up...it is a scary site...a hot mess if you will :)
I am pass the age of thirty which means gravity has been presented to me as a gift in a not so pretty package that I want to return!!! Who will want that?
(My boys really are awesome by the way...they bring so much joy and laughter to my life...just wanted to add that)
I have also heard, and I like to say often when people share the short jokes with me...that good things come in small packages...well is short the same thing as small? Not so much...because I am short...I have been compacted....which means the box of cupcakes I ate this weekend has no where to go but around my waist....my legs...look like tree stumps...and I love the flair button I have on facebook..."I was pale before Twilight made it popular"....
Now my fear is that I am pretty much scaring off any potential guy out there who I might have had a chance with....lol....
So...the fear of the unknown....what will someone think when the find out all this stuff about me? What if I cannot provide for my kids by the end of summer? Will I ever fulfill my dream and become a published writer? Will I become a crazy cat lady and live alone forever? (I prefer fish though...so maybe I will just have an apapterment full of fishtanks...lol When will I ever get a house? When will I become more organized?
So many questions running through my mind....
But I want to introduce those nagging thoughts about the unknown...to the ONE I KNOW!
Lord, I give it all to you...I may not know the answers to all this mess spinning around out of control in my head...but you are an Omniscient Heavenly Father....you know all!
This verse broke me last night, and as I continually repeated it...I found the peace I needed, and I was able to place all my worries, fears, and doubts into the hands of my Savior...
"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble" Psalm 46
Let go of your unknown worries and questions and rest in the peace that passes all understanding...
One of these unknown fears is: will I have a job next year; being a single mom of two young boys, financial stability is important....I am a teacher assistant, and I was one of the last ones hired; so my job is not guaranteed each year....for this school year, I found out a week before school started that I could have my job back....it was not a fun summer...spent far too much time worrying and looking for a job. I have my license to teach, but I have yet to find a teaching job in this area either. So, the once again straining my brain question is...what will I be doing in a few short months when I have no income once again?
Another fear category for me is, of course...the whole mess of the dating at thirty plus years old....which leads to the fear of being alone...forever...
I often find myself thinking...will it really work out at meeting someone at this point in life? What if we are too much set in our own ways to come together as one? I think when you meet someone when you are younger...you grow together in realizing who you are, and comfort comes easier....now my fears of this unknown world of meeting someone at my age sound like the following....
I like things the way I like them....I like my living room and bedroom decorated the way I want them to be....don't really want someone to come in and try to replace my Italy print with a football poster....lol....(I am kidding...I do believe in compromise though...you can hang it up...in the garage...lol...sorry...I am laughing...I guess this is not something I should post under my profile on any dating sites...lol)
Ahh, which leads to the fear of the dating sites....hmmmmm....so many psycho people out there...how do you know? And I have already had one bad encounter a long time ago with that....when the guy called me he was like a perverted freak!! It is scary out there!!
Also,I talk way too much and I have often wanted to beat myself over the head thinking..you are annoying the mess out of everyone...just like Sandra Bullock in All About Steve....so just shut-up every now and then! lol But in the end of that movie...she is loved by so many and she is confident in who she is...even as different as she is...I am thankful God has brought me to that place :) But I want someone who shares the same passion for communication as I do...is that out there?
Another fear with dating is, I am a single mom of two strong-willed, hyper young boys....will someone really want to take that on and love them like they are his own?
Being a single mom of the above listed type...I usually go to bed exhausted...which means....when I wake up...it is a scary site...a hot mess if you will :)
I am pass the age of thirty which means gravity has been presented to me as a gift in a not so pretty package that I want to return!!! Who will want that?
(My boys really are awesome by the way...they bring so much joy and laughter to my life...just wanted to add that)
I have also heard, and I like to say often when people share the short jokes with me...that good things come in small packages...well is short the same thing as small? Not so much...because I am short...I have been compacted....which means the box of cupcakes I ate this weekend has no where to go but around my waist....my legs...look like tree stumps...and I love the flair button I have on facebook..."I was pale before Twilight made it popular"....
Now my fear is that I am pretty much scaring off any potential guy out there who I might have had a chance with....lol....
So...the fear of the unknown....what will someone think when the find out all this stuff about me? What if I cannot provide for my kids by the end of summer? Will I ever fulfill my dream and become a published writer? Will I become a crazy cat lady and live alone forever? (I prefer fish though...so maybe I will just have an apapterment full of fishtanks...lol When will I ever get a house? When will I become more organized?
So many questions running through my mind....
But I want to introduce those nagging thoughts about the unknown...to the ONE I KNOW!
Lord, I give it all to you...I may not know the answers to all this mess spinning around out of control in my head...but you are an Omniscient Heavenly Father....you know all!
This verse broke me last night, and as I continually repeated it...I found the peace I needed, and I was able to place all my worries, fears, and doubts into the hands of my Savior...
"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble" Psalm 46
Let go of your unknown worries and questions and rest in the peace that passes all understanding...
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Praise
I just want to give praise to my awesome, loving Heavenly Father....
Recently I was playing a game with the boys when suddenly I had a cramp in my foot...Brayden came to my rescue as he yelled out to Riley, "quick brudder, I need a needle, a wrench, and a bowl of mash potatoes!"
We could not stop laughing....
If you ever get a cramp...I don't know...maybe try Brayden's remedy :)
But I was thinking about that recently, and this came to mind....
Isn't it amazing how God knows exactly what we need it our life.....EVEN IF THOSE THINGS MAKE NO SENSE TO US!!
When things happen in our lives...no matter how random they may seem, no matter the good, or unfortunately the bad, the laughing until your stomach hurts times, or the cry until your completely drained times, when a door opens, or when a door closes....we must remember that ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR THE GOOD FOR THOSE WHO LOVE GOD! (Romans 8:28)
In our human minds we may not understand why things happen or why we are dealt a certain deck of cards....but God does understand....AND HE HAS A PERFECT PLAN!
JUST HAVE FAITH
God is working on your life...and He knows what He is doing!
I thank you God for all that you have done in my life.
I praise you Lord for you are holy and wonderful.
I thank you for your faithfulness.
I praise you Lord for your creative beauty surpasses all.
I thank you Lord for your grace and love.
God you are my God and I will ever praise You!
Recently I was playing a game with the boys when suddenly I had a cramp in my foot...Brayden came to my rescue as he yelled out to Riley, "quick brudder, I need a needle, a wrench, and a bowl of mash potatoes!"
We could not stop laughing....
If you ever get a cramp...I don't know...maybe try Brayden's remedy :)
But I was thinking about that recently, and this came to mind....
Isn't it amazing how God knows exactly what we need it our life.....EVEN IF THOSE THINGS MAKE NO SENSE TO US!!
When things happen in our lives...no matter how random they may seem, no matter the good, or unfortunately the bad, the laughing until your stomach hurts times, or the cry until your completely drained times, when a door opens, or when a door closes....we must remember that ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR THE GOOD FOR THOSE WHO LOVE GOD! (Romans 8:28)
In our human minds we may not understand why things happen or why we are dealt a certain deck of cards....but God does understand....AND HE HAS A PERFECT PLAN!
JUST HAVE FAITH
God is working on your life...and He knows what He is doing!
I thank you God for all that you have done in my life.
I praise you Lord for you are holy and wonderful.
I thank you for your faithfulness.
I praise you Lord for your creative beauty surpasses all.
I thank you Lord for your grace and love.
God you are my God and I will ever praise You!
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Walking Backwards
I was doing hall duty this morning when I had to get on a student for walking backwards....now me, being the graceful person that I am...lol...I would have not been able to accomplish that task, however she was managing just fine. But doing my job...I have to keep students at bay from dangers...such as falling or running into things/people....so I had to ask her to walk the right way.
Now...what does the word of God teach us about heading backwards...
"Forgetting what is behind, and straining towards what is ahead" Philippians 3:11-13
Hmmmmm....perhaps God is trying to keep us away from heading down a dangerous path with this warning....no good can come from staying in a state of mind focused on all the negative things that have made there presence well known in our lives.
We are called to LET GO OF OUR PAST....LEAVE IT IN THE PAST!
And we are to focus on the good that the Lord has planned for us ahead.
Like this student, some of us may seem to be managing just fine walking backwards and dredging up the past as we keep it constantly on our present mind....at least we think we are managing fine....but if we cannot let go of the mistakes,the hurt,the pain, and the what if questions...then we will never be able to grasp all that is in store for those who believe.
A song I used to sing in college, based on a scripture, says "No eye has seen, no ear has heard...the good that the Lord has prepared for those...who wait on Him to bring good news...I am the potter and you are the clay"
This states that we cannot even imagine what God has planned for us, and that if we willingly allow Him to form us and shape us...He will do extraordinary things in our lives.
If he is willing (once we confess our sins) to put them behind him, and forget about them....then why do we not do the same?
Learn from the past yes...but do not live in the past!
I have learned so much from the mistakes I have made and things I have been through, but I will not allow those mistakes to continue to bring the weight of condemnation on my shoulders so that I can not rise above it and live victoriously each day. I want to be able to walk straight ahead into a promising future!
Now...what does the word of God teach us about heading backwards...
"Forgetting what is behind, and straining towards what is ahead" Philippians 3:11-13
Hmmmmm....perhaps God is trying to keep us away from heading down a dangerous path with this warning....no good can come from staying in a state of mind focused on all the negative things that have made there presence well known in our lives.
We are called to LET GO OF OUR PAST....LEAVE IT IN THE PAST!
And we are to focus on the good that the Lord has planned for us ahead.
Like this student, some of us may seem to be managing just fine walking backwards and dredging up the past as we keep it constantly on our present mind....at least we think we are managing fine....but if we cannot let go of the mistakes,the hurt,the pain, and the what if questions...then we will never be able to grasp all that is in store for those who believe.
A song I used to sing in college, based on a scripture, says "No eye has seen, no ear has heard...the good that the Lord has prepared for those...who wait on Him to bring good news...I am the potter and you are the clay"
This states that we cannot even imagine what God has planned for us, and that if we willingly allow Him to form us and shape us...He will do extraordinary things in our lives.
If he is willing (once we confess our sins) to put them behind him, and forget about them....then why do we not do the same?
Learn from the past yes...but do not live in the past!
I have learned so much from the mistakes I have made and things I have been through, but I will not allow those mistakes to continue to bring the weight of condemnation on my shoulders so that I can not rise above it and live victoriously each day. I want to be able to walk straight ahead into a promising future!
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Love Life
Well...Valentine's Day rolls around again...a day of love!
So...my thoughts about Valentine's Day....hmmmm....
This last few years I have to admit I have had mixed feelings about the day...I play tug-a-war between being the bitter, lonely old maid with a disdain for the day (being alone on two special days in one. it is also my birthday. not cool...lol) and still being the romantic at heart who loves to share the love :)
I saw the movie Valentine's Day this weekend with some awesome friends, and had a great time laughing! I loved the idea of the hating Valentine's Day party...when the girl brought out the huge pinata heart to beat on with a bat...I was like...awesome!....lol...ok...now let's focus on the positive since I got that off my chest...ha ha ha....I am mostly joking...but also want to let all of you who also had no hot date for today...I understand....but let me tell you now about someone who does love you and who is there for you....
Valentine's Day is a day to celebrate love--and there is a Heavenly Father who loves you so much that His word states "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that WHOSOEVER believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life" Notice the word in all caps and bold print...whosoever...hey that includes YOU! HE LOVES YOU! AND THAT IS SOMETHING TO CELEBRATE!
So this is for you...the one who may be feeling unlovable, the one who feels left-out, the one who feels like one of the ogres instead of the fairy princess...don't count yourself out of a love that is unconditional and everlasting. He is there to be your valentine...your prince...your savior. And not just on one day out of the year....but EVERYDAY!
Now let's also talk about what our awesome God who loves us wants us to do with our life....
LOVE LIFE AND LIVE IT ABUNDANTLY!
My pastor talked about this today....to love life and have good days. (If you have read my last two post...you know I needed to hear about having some good days...lol...and for a side note...I have risen above the negative mood and I am back to my bubbly, goofy self again, and I am so thankful for God restoring peace in my life and for placing amazing friends in my life who love me and encourage me)
So...we are to love life and have good days. We don't have to wait until we get to Heaven to have a glorious life. We are to enjoy life now...even in the mist of this negative world...we are to be positive and live life abundantly! I know someone may read this and say well that is easy for you to say, but you don't know my life....well...if you have been reading my blogs...I do know.....but I also know that this is true...with the joy of the Lord as my strength I can dance in the face of darkness, I can laugh when I want to cry,and I can enjoy all that God has for me....success and blessings. joy and peace. strength and wisdom. Its all for me! And for you! He loves you and He promises these things to you! SO SEEK AFTER THE ONE WHO LOVES YOU, WHO COMPLETES YOU, WHO DIED FOR YOU, AND WHO LIVES FOR YOU! AND HE WILL SHOW YOU HOW TO REALLY LOVE LIFE!
What does the Bible say about love?
"Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Remember these words...check your heart and ask yourself....is this the kind of love you are showing towards those you love? And to all?
I pray that you have had a blessed day today on this special day. I also pray you continue to share the love everyday! I pray that love and laughter are poured out abundantly in your home!
So...my thoughts about Valentine's Day....hmmmm....
This last few years I have to admit I have had mixed feelings about the day...I play tug-a-war between being the bitter, lonely old maid with a disdain for the day (being alone on two special days in one. it is also my birthday. not cool...lol) and still being the romantic at heart who loves to share the love :)
I saw the movie Valentine's Day this weekend with some awesome friends, and had a great time laughing! I loved the idea of the hating Valentine's Day party...when the girl brought out the huge pinata heart to beat on with a bat...I was like...awesome!....lol...ok...now let's focus on the positive since I got that off my chest...ha ha ha....I am mostly joking...but also want to let all of you who also had no hot date for today...I understand....but let me tell you now about someone who does love you and who is there for you....
Valentine's Day is a day to celebrate love--and there is a Heavenly Father who loves you so much that His word states "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that WHOSOEVER believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life" Notice the word in all caps and bold print...whosoever...hey that includes YOU! HE LOVES YOU! AND THAT IS SOMETHING TO CELEBRATE!
So this is for you...the one who may be feeling unlovable, the one who feels left-out, the one who feels like one of the ogres instead of the fairy princess...don't count yourself out of a love that is unconditional and everlasting. He is there to be your valentine...your prince...your savior. And not just on one day out of the year....but EVERYDAY!
Now let's also talk about what our awesome God who loves us wants us to do with our life....
LOVE LIFE AND LIVE IT ABUNDANTLY!
My pastor talked about this today....to love life and have good days. (If you have read my last two post...you know I needed to hear about having some good days...lol...and for a side note...I have risen above the negative mood and I am back to my bubbly, goofy self again, and I am so thankful for God restoring peace in my life and for placing amazing friends in my life who love me and encourage me)
So...we are to love life and have good days. We don't have to wait until we get to Heaven to have a glorious life. We are to enjoy life now...even in the mist of this negative world...we are to be positive and live life abundantly! I know someone may read this and say well that is easy for you to say, but you don't know my life....well...if you have been reading my blogs...I do know.....but I also know that this is true...with the joy of the Lord as my strength I can dance in the face of darkness, I can laugh when I want to cry,and I can enjoy all that God has for me....success and blessings. joy and peace. strength and wisdom. Its all for me! And for you! He loves you and He promises these things to you! SO SEEK AFTER THE ONE WHO LOVES YOU, WHO COMPLETES YOU, WHO DIED FOR YOU, AND WHO LIVES FOR YOU! AND HE WILL SHOW YOU HOW TO REALLY LOVE LIFE!
What does the Bible say about love?
"Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Remember these words...check your heart and ask yourself....is this the kind of love you are showing towards those you love? And to all?
I pray that you have had a blessed day today on this special day. I also pray you continue to share the love everyday! I pray that love and laughter are poured out abundantly in your home!
Monday, February 8, 2010
Transparent
As hard as it is…I want to be completely transparent right now. I say hard because I know people who may read this, and I think…hmmm I would rather them not see this side of me, but my prayer is that this reaches out to someone who needs it. I had said the same with my last post as well because I am having a very, very bad week. But helping others, reaching out to them, and pulling them out of their pit, and facing them in the right direction is important…so if I can share the secrets about my pit, and what God is teaching me in the mist of it, and it helps someone else get the strength to climb out of theirs…then that is what matters to me.
I am ready to give up…well at least ten minutes ago I was…I was done…the end of my rope had been long lost and the pit was painted a hopeless pitch black. It started last Wednesday…I was alone in the house for the first time in a while…and it just all came tumbling down…everything I was trying to hold together let go in the mist of the lonely, empty space. I allowed myself to slip into the pit without even putting up a fight…I gave up. I allowed the emotions to rule again and sanity to slip slowly away…..
And the heaping mounds of dirt just kept piling on top of me making my pit a grave…..
I was just trying to jog out the bitter mood on the treadmill at my friend's house (it had worked the night before, but that was also after hearing a positive message at church…this was after getting more bad news)(I am so sorry Melissa…by the way…and thank you) and I didn’t know weather I was going to puke because I had just stuffed my face trying to drown out the sorrows… or scream as the angry music added fuel to the fire (I was unfortunately in that bad of a mood I kept skipping past the spiritual songs that I should have on replay) or just weep uncontrollably...
So basically all those things took over my mind, and my friend once again became my shrink…..(when I hit the lottery we will settle the bill….lol) I am blessed with amazing friends!! (Thank you Melissa, Tammy and Tina for your words of encouragement tonight. And thank you to all my family...miss you mom, and friends (Linda you have been a great help this week, too! who love and encourage me, and ALWAYS listen...)So we were discussing what is the worst of it? What is at the top of the list…the financial problems? The fact that I will be thirty-two Sunday and still have no career in site? The problems with my amazing ex-husband that never seem to end? (hope you caught the sarcasm with the word amazing by the way)? Things dealing with being a mom? The feelings of failure and unworthiness that have seemed to come back into my life at full-speed after years of battling them, and I have had great victory over them, but apparently they must have missed me because they came visiting this week, and I welcomed them back with open arms...
Or the loneliness?
I am a people person…I LOVE TO TALK…..I will give you a minute to collect yourself…those who know me…because I know that just sent you into shock…
I am very much a people person, and I need communication (no matter what form in may come in…taking, texting, emails, phone calls…touch…) I love to communicate with people…..so that being said…going to bed alone every night for about six years now…..it sucks!
But as my friend so eloquently put it…..would you rather still be in bed with your ex? So….point taken with that…..NOT SETTLING FOR LESS THAN WHAT I DESERVE….AND I DESERVE ONLY GOD’S BEST!
So, while talking on the phone with a friend the worship song "While I’m Waiting" just came to mind as I was throwing my tantrum, and telling my friend I am tired of waiting…..
I am tired of waiting on the career, the man, the ex to fall off the face of the earth….sorry…did I mention I was in a bitter mood…lol…I am tired of waiting on the dreams to become a reality….waiting leads to all the wondering questions that never shut off in my overactive mind… Why? When? What if? What’s wrong with me? What’s the point?
But what does the song say…. “While I’m waiting…I will serve you while I’m waiting….I will worship while I’m waiting”
My friend had told me a few weeks ago she heard this song and thought of me, and was saying all these sweet, positive things about how this song reminds her of me, and how I praise God even while I am waiting on the desires of my heart to be fulfilled…..I am going to try to not start crying all over again while I think….hmmm if she could see me now what would she think…..being the amazing friend she is (Thank you Brenda) I know she would say this too shall pass, and I know the true Christina who praises God in the mist of the storm and dances in the rain is in there somewhere, and just remember who you are in Christ….another friend may say…she needs to come on out before I slap her out of there…..I need both right now…lol…see I am laughing again…
The words continue to say… “I am waiting on you Lord. And I am peaceful. I am waiting on you Lord though its not easy. But faithfully I will wait. I will move ahead bold and confident. Taking every step in obedience.” “I am waiting on you Lord though it is painful….though patiently I will wait.”
I love amusement parks…I love roller coasters…but what is the worst part…the waiting in line…for most people…see I don’t mind it much…because again my talent of talking passes the time for me (maybe not others…sorry Joseph, Joey and Ralph) but I don’t mind waiting in those lines because you can either make the best of it like I do….or you can gripe and complain. But eventually you will get on the ride and you always find (well I do) that it is worth the wait….you scream…you have a blast…you enjoy the ride.
Hmmmm……let me take a minute to breathe that in…..
Faithfully Lord…I will wait….because all you have for me…..is worth the wait.
Your ways are perfect. Your timing is perfect.
This pit is a choice. It is a mindset. And I am filling in the hole with your word and your promises and I will get out and stand firm on your solid rock.
I choose life and life more abundantly….and that is how we live if we worship while we wait.
I am ready to give up…well at least ten minutes ago I was…I was done…the end of my rope had been long lost and the pit was painted a hopeless pitch black. It started last Wednesday…I was alone in the house for the first time in a while…and it just all came tumbling down…everything I was trying to hold together let go in the mist of the lonely, empty space. I allowed myself to slip into the pit without even putting up a fight…I gave up. I allowed the emotions to rule again and sanity to slip slowly away…..
And the heaping mounds of dirt just kept piling on top of me making my pit a grave…..
I was just trying to jog out the bitter mood on the treadmill at my friend's house (it had worked the night before, but that was also after hearing a positive message at church…this was after getting more bad news)(I am so sorry Melissa…by the way…and thank you) and I didn’t know weather I was going to puke because I had just stuffed my face trying to drown out the sorrows… or scream as the angry music added fuel to the fire (I was unfortunately in that bad of a mood I kept skipping past the spiritual songs that I should have on replay) or just weep uncontrollably...
So basically all those things took over my mind, and my friend once again became my shrink…..(when I hit the lottery we will settle the bill….lol) I am blessed with amazing friends!! (Thank you Melissa, Tammy and Tina for your words of encouragement tonight. And thank you to all my family...miss you mom, and friends (Linda you have been a great help this week, too! who love and encourage me, and ALWAYS listen...)So we were discussing what is the worst of it? What is at the top of the list…the financial problems? The fact that I will be thirty-two Sunday and still have no career in site? The problems with my amazing ex-husband that never seem to end? (hope you caught the sarcasm with the word amazing by the way)? Things dealing with being a mom? The feelings of failure and unworthiness that have seemed to come back into my life at full-speed after years of battling them, and I have had great victory over them, but apparently they must have missed me because they came visiting this week, and I welcomed them back with open arms...
Or the loneliness?
I am a people person…I LOVE TO TALK…..I will give you a minute to collect yourself…those who know me…because I know that just sent you into shock…
I am very much a people person, and I need communication (no matter what form in may come in…taking, texting, emails, phone calls…touch…) I love to communicate with people…..so that being said…going to bed alone every night for about six years now…..it sucks!
But as my friend so eloquently put it…..would you rather still be in bed with your ex? So….point taken with that…..NOT SETTLING FOR LESS THAN WHAT I DESERVE….AND I DESERVE ONLY GOD’S BEST!
So, while talking on the phone with a friend the worship song "While I’m Waiting" just came to mind as I was throwing my tantrum, and telling my friend I am tired of waiting…..
I am tired of waiting on the career, the man, the ex to fall off the face of the earth….sorry…did I mention I was in a bitter mood…lol…I am tired of waiting on the dreams to become a reality….waiting leads to all the wondering questions that never shut off in my overactive mind… Why? When? What if? What’s wrong with me? What’s the point?
But what does the song say…. “While I’m waiting…I will serve you while I’m waiting….I will worship while I’m waiting”
My friend had told me a few weeks ago she heard this song and thought of me, and was saying all these sweet, positive things about how this song reminds her of me, and how I praise God even while I am waiting on the desires of my heart to be fulfilled…..I am going to try to not start crying all over again while I think….hmmm if she could see me now what would she think…..being the amazing friend she is (Thank you Brenda) I know she would say this too shall pass, and I know the true Christina who praises God in the mist of the storm and dances in the rain is in there somewhere, and just remember who you are in Christ….another friend may say…she needs to come on out before I slap her out of there…..I need both right now…lol…see I am laughing again…
The words continue to say… “I am waiting on you Lord. And I am peaceful. I am waiting on you Lord though its not easy. But faithfully I will wait. I will move ahead bold and confident. Taking every step in obedience.” “I am waiting on you Lord though it is painful….though patiently I will wait.”
I love amusement parks…I love roller coasters…but what is the worst part…the waiting in line…for most people…see I don’t mind it much…because again my talent of talking passes the time for me (maybe not others…sorry Joseph, Joey and Ralph) but I don’t mind waiting in those lines because you can either make the best of it like I do….or you can gripe and complain. But eventually you will get on the ride and you always find (well I do) that it is worth the wait….you scream…you have a blast…you enjoy the ride.
Hmmmm……let me take a minute to breathe that in…..
Faithfully Lord…I will wait….because all you have for me…..is worth the wait.
Your ways are perfect. Your timing is perfect.
This pit is a choice. It is a mindset. And I am filling in the hole with your word and your promises and I will get out and stand firm on your solid rock.
I choose life and life more abundantly….and that is how we live if we worship while we wait.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
HIBERNATION PLEASE!
Have you ever had a really bad day, and then it just kept getting worse? I was laying in bed alone in the house this afternoon ready to hibernate and not get up until spring because of one of those days....
I wish I was a bear...first they get to stuff there face with food to store up fat for the winter...and the fatter the better (and cuter...which is not so true for me!)and then they get to sleep all winter!! Well..I was working on the first part wishing it would lead into the hibernation when the reality hits me in the face while I was standing in front of a mirror....I am not a bear, and this is not working out for me! Now I am sick to my stomach and overwhelmed with guilt as I throw away the empty Crunch-n-Munch box...at this point begging for the hibernation because of the humiliation I am feeling as I stare at my reflection that I promise you seem to be growing larger by the moment! A bad day led to weakness and weakness led to worthlessness....
So the worst way to end my bad day: I am laying in bed and my son comes in and crawls up in bed with me and says "Mommy, when you send me to me room whenever I am in trouble...I say mean things about you."
I am trying not to drench my laptop with tears as I type this because kick ya when you're down doesn't even began to cut it with this comment....
Have you ever had one of these days???
Although I am someone who usually shares all anyways...this is very hard to post (no one likes to air their dirty laundry for all to see)...but today I was thinking about a comment someone posted listing the realities of life to me, and debating that fact that life could be extraordinary....
Believe me, I do understand the concept of all hell being unleashed, and when it rains it pours.
But I also very personally understand this: when HIS BLESSINGS and PEACE and JOY RAIN....THEY POUR OUT ABUNDANTLY ON MY LIFE AND IT IS EXTRAORDINARY!
I hurt like you hurt, I cry like you cry, I am aching inside as I type this for so many reasons I can't even unscramble them all in order to get them all written down so that you can understand; I get it...life is messy...
As I type this my beautiful son is laying next to me in bed right now, and all I want to do is hold him, and love on him, and take away all the hurt, pain, frustration, sorrow, and anger he has ever felt or will ever feel....but I can't. And that hurts more then the painful words he just spoke to me.
But the reason I can lay my head on my pillow in peace tonight is because I know who can take it all off our shoulders, and whose hands are large enough to hold it....God.
We may not be able to hibernate like bears...but we can rest in His peace! Give it all to God....let it go. Life is messy and we cannot clean it up on our own...I know the best housekeeper :) Release control to Jesus and let Him clean up the mess and he will make something beautiful out of it!
A day lily is my favorite flower and it means something special to me: they are very bright, beautiful flowers that grow wild in ditches.....life can put you into a "ditch" quite often enough....but if you allow Him to....God can create something extraordinary out of that ditch. He will lift you up and bring you to a place where your beauty shines for the world to see. His joy will be your strength so that you will be able to dance in the ditch.
I am not sure how much of this really makes sense because it is late (to me) and I am exhausted....but I am just sharing my heart and I hope it helps....
Also here is another song that I have had on replay all night: "The More I Seek You" by Kari Jobe. Here are the words from the chorus; I pray they bring comfort to your soul: "I want to sit at your feet. Drink from the cup in your hand. Lay back against you and breathe...feel your heartbeat. This love is so deep. It is more than I can stand. I melt in your peace...its overwhelming"
Rest peacefully....allow Him to show you the beauty He already sees in your life :) it is there and He believes in you!
I wish I was a bear...first they get to stuff there face with food to store up fat for the winter...and the fatter the better (and cuter...which is not so true for me!)and then they get to sleep all winter!! Well..I was working on the first part wishing it would lead into the hibernation when the reality hits me in the face while I was standing in front of a mirror....I am not a bear, and this is not working out for me! Now I am sick to my stomach and overwhelmed with guilt as I throw away the empty Crunch-n-Munch box...at this point begging for the hibernation because of the humiliation I am feeling as I stare at my reflection that I promise you seem to be growing larger by the moment! A bad day led to weakness and weakness led to worthlessness....
So the worst way to end my bad day: I am laying in bed and my son comes in and crawls up in bed with me and says "Mommy, when you send me to me room whenever I am in trouble...I say mean things about you."
I am trying not to drench my laptop with tears as I type this because kick ya when you're down doesn't even began to cut it with this comment....
Have you ever had one of these days???
Although I am someone who usually shares all anyways...this is very hard to post (no one likes to air their dirty laundry for all to see)...but today I was thinking about a comment someone posted listing the realities of life to me, and debating that fact that life could be extraordinary....
Believe me, I do understand the concept of all hell being unleashed, and when it rains it pours.
But I also very personally understand this: when HIS BLESSINGS and PEACE and JOY RAIN....THEY POUR OUT ABUNDANTLY ON MY LIFE AND IT IS EXTRAORDINARY!
I hurt like you hurt, I cry like you cry, I am aching inside as I type this for so many reasons I can't even unscramble them all in order to get them all written down so that you can understand; I get it...life is messy...
As I type this my beautiful son is laying next to me in bed right now, and all I want to do is hold him, and love on him, and take away all the hurt, pain, frustration, sorrow, and anger he has ever felt or will ever feel....but I can't. And that hurts more then the painful words he just spoke to me.
But the reason I can lay my head on my pillow in peace tonight is because I know who can take it all off our shoulders, and whose hands are large enough to hold it....God.
We may not be able to hibernate like bears...but we can rest in His peace! Give it all to God....let it go. Life is messy and we cannot clean it up on our own...I know the best housekeeper :) Release control to Jesus and let Him clean up the mess and he will make something beautiful out of it!
A day lily is my favorite flower and it means something special to me: they are very bright, beautiful flowers that grow wild in ditches.....life can put you into a "ditch" quite often enough....but if you allow Him to....God can create something extraordinary out of that ditch. He will lift you up and bring you to a place where your beauty shines for the world to see. His joy will be your strength so that you will be able to dance in the ditch.
I am not sure how much of this really makes sense because it is late (to me) and I am exhausted....but I am just sharing my heart and I hope it helps....
Also here is another song that I have had on replay all night: "The More I Seek You" by Kari Jobe. Here are the words from the chorus; I pray they bring comfort to your soul: "I want to sit at your feet. Drink from the cup in your hand. Lay back against you and breathe...feel your heartbeat. This love is so deep. It is more than I can stand. I melt in your peace...its overwhelming"
Rest peacefully....allow Him to show you the beauty He already sees in your life :) it is there and He believes in you!
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