weakest link

Have you ever had one of those days (or weeks) when you just feel like you can't do anything right?

I am having a moment right now...and just want to cry my heart out.

Won't drag you into the details this time; besides, I am sure you can fill in the blank with your own feelings of inadequacies and sorrow when you are having one of those days where you can just hear the world saying "YOU ARE THE WEAKEST LINK!"

But I do know in moments like this, I can cry at the feet of my Father, that way when I am all cried out, I can look up...and I will see hope.

He is always there to wipe the tears from my eyes, and whisper promises to my heart to encourage me to continue to walk in faith and to remind me that I am a child of God and He has made me wonderful.

The pastor's daughters beautifully sang this worship song this morning in church and it is my prayer right now:

"The more I seek You...the more I find You. The more I find You...the more I love You. I want to sit at Your feet. Drink from the cup in Your hand. Lay back against You and breathe...feel your heartbeat. Your love is so deep. It's more than I can stand. I melt in Your peace...it's overwhelming to me."

If your having a "weakest link" moment...take your troubled heart to the Heavenly Father, and let Him replace the pain with peace.

For Love and Laughter

Just listing some RANDOM things that I just LOVE and things that just make me LAUGH:


Gotta Love: When Riley wrote me a note on my bed out of Wikki-Sticks that said: I love you. And then it said: For you, and had a bracelet made out of the Wikki-Sticks.

Gotta Laugh: OK, I'm Blonde and hear all the blonde jokes so here is one of my favorites: A Russian, An American, and a blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on the moon!" The blonde said, "So, we will be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and American looked at each other and shook their heads, "You can't land on the sun, you'll burn up!"
To which the blonde replied, "We are not stupid you know, we are going at night!"

Gotta Love: Looking at family photo albums with the boys. Well...until Brayden saw an old picture of me and said "Wow, that is you mom? You were skinny!" Then don't make the mistake I did by asking, "Why, what am I now?" Because you won't laugh! I got, "You know...big." With emphasizing hand motions around the waist area. Ha ha.

Gotta Love: Walking barefoot on the beach, building sandcastles, and watching the boys chase the waves!

Gotta Laugh: I talk so much that people's voicemail even cut me off...it makes me so mad! I always yell "I wasn't finished yet!" Also Gotta Laugh: when your boys keep getting in trouble at school for talking way too much and you tell your friends and they say...wow, that apple falls far!!

Gotta Love: When the boys score a soccer goal! Gotta Love even more when on the way home Riley says, "I am so proud of myself, I went out there and believed in myself, mom!"

Gotta Love and Laugh: Watching the boys dance, especially when they did their own dance to the "Pants on the Ground" song!

Gotta Love: Singing praise songs with the boys, hearing them know the words, and worship God is awesome. Also, one night when I was tucking Riley in, he had his hand on my face and eyes close and was quiet. After a few minutes he said, "I'm done." I said, "With what?" He said, "I was praying over you."

Gotta Love: getting an unexpected, encouraging txt from a friend!

Gotta Laugh: OK, another good blonde joke...this blog is after all is called Random Blonde. Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench outside, and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is further away Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde said, "Helloooooo, can you see Florida???"

Gotta Love: When you try something new and accomplish it or enjoy it.

Gotta Laugh: Watching Friends. I have all ten seasons and still laugh like it is the first time watching it every time I watch them. But I Gotta Love: watching a TV show or movie with the boys and they get so tickled at something they laugh so hard and for so long, that days later they are still laughing and repeating the line. My boys always bring so much joy, love, and laughter to my life!

Gotta Love: Laughing with best friends. Gotta Laugh: Until your stomach hurts when you are on a kiddie roller coaster with her and she is screaming a death scream at the top of her lungs while the kids look at her like she is insane!! And your laughing so hard your crying...or else your crying from getting slapped and beat by your frightened best friend!! (love you Tina and I gotta love and gotta laugh every time I am with you! Don't worry she gave me permission to share this!)

Gotta Laugh: When you pray for patience and you hit every red light in town. God sure has a sense of humor :)

Gotta Laugh: When your child finds your tickle spot and shows no mercy!

Gotta Love: Doing something special for someone special.

Gotta Love: music that fits the mood, time to read a good book, getting pedicures and buying new flip flops, "kisses" from God, cheesecake to cheer you up, talking with my mom, daydreaming, a good workout, getting my new cooking magazine, having a good hair day, funnel cakes at the fair, and giant hugs.

Gotta Love: Living in the freedom of Christ and accepting His grace.

carry me...

Late last night, I was walking with Brayden to our car after an already long day, which was about to get even longer. We were celebrating Relay for Life day at school, and then we went to a high school to do the Relay for Life 24 hour walk. It is an event that helps raise money to find a cure for cancer. We had already been hanging out at the school for a few hours, and we were getting ready to camp out, but I had to run an errand so Brayden came with me. As we were walking, I could just feel how tired Brayden was as he was sluggishly dragging behind me while I held onto his chubby, soft, little hand. So I decided, even as tired as I was, to pick him up and carrying him the rest of the way to the car. Then there was the sweetest moment between Brayden, who is usually not very much of a gentle, snuggly person, and I. He leaned onto my shoulder from the exhaustion, and then picked his head back up, and so very gently kissed me lightly on the cheek, and then put his head back down. It was to say thank you so much for carrying me because I am too tired to do the journey on my own.

How many time has Jesus "carried" you through something that you were just too weak to handle on your own? How often has he picked you up when you wearily cried out that you just can't take another step?

When the burden is too much, when the pain to to deep, when the journey is too rough...we have a Heavenly Father who cares enough to pick us up in His strong enough arms and carry us.

But we need to remember, as Brayden did, to show our thankfulness...

Life is good. It all just depends on how you look at it.

HANG IN THERE!

"They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary they will walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

Do you feel like you are just hanging in there? Are you tired and weary? Like your fingers are slipping and your loosing your grip? Well...

DO NOT LOSE FAITH!

This verse is another promise for you from a loving Father who knows about carrying the weight of the world on His shoulders...literally (think of the weight He carried on the cross)...so, whatever you are carrying...whatever you are are worried about...whatever you are anxiously awaiting for...

LET IT GO, BUT DON'T LET GO OF THE ONE WHO IS HOLDING ON TO YOU!

He has it all under control. And when you stop trying to fix it all yourself...when you stop trying to control it all...when you relax about what lies ahead...when your release your burdens and pain...

YOU WILL LIVE A HAPPIER LIFE! YOU WILL SOAR WITH PEACE!

selfish weight

I have struggled with weight for a long time. I have went through the array of eating disorders. Right now I seem to be in the vacuum stage...suck in whatever food is available...lol... I have enjoyed my share...and other's shares...of a good box of girl scout cookies. I have had trainers and been on major diets. I have been tormented with mirrors. Weight is not something fun to deal with.

But lately I have been dealing with a different kind of weight...

In church on Easter Sunday we began to sing a praise and worship song that says: "I'm desperate for you. I'm lost without you." And I began to weep internally at the weight of the thoughts about way I have been acting. I have been very selfish lately. I have been desperate for a lot of things...

I have been desperate for a house. For a man...even just to be kissed and hugged by a man would be nice. For financial stability. For a career in writing an motivational speaking. For the boy's dad to get out of our lives (if you are reading this and don't know that situation...it is bad. He does not ever have their best interest/safety in mind) For this extra physical weight to just miraculously fall off and to be healthy and in good shape. I was really desperate to win that 42" flat screen at our school fundraiser.

I want, I want, I want, I want....

As I sang this song, I thought, Lord...I am so sorry; I know it is your desire for me to long for you above all else. This is something I know, have always known, but have not been living out recently.

Now, please understand that my desires are not wrong...well maybe the T.V. is being a little selfish...lol, but most of the things I long for are not bad things (and as far as my ex-husband goes, of course my first desire is that God change his heart, and he become the man of God the boy's need him to be). But....when my desires take precedence over my love and longing for God...that is when there is a problem. His word says to seek Him and His righteousness FIRST!

God wants to bless us and do great things in our lives. I know He has done so much in my life. And I am so very thankful for the abundance of His love and blessings. I know He hears the desires of my heart, and longs to bless me with those things as well. But...I must seek after Him with my whole heart first. I must let go of this selfish weight that I have been carrying around. Lay it at His feet. And focus more on loving and worshiping Him....then as the verse continues to say: "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, AND ALL ELSE WILL FALL INTO PLACE"

Now that doesn't necessarily mean that a flat screen T.V. will just appear on my wall or that prince charming will be FedExed to my doorstep (which would be so much easier than dating at my age)....but it does mean that God has my best interest in mind and His will for my life will fall into place and my life will be full of His abundant joy and peace.

Give your desires to Him. You will not be let down living your life for the One who gave His life for you. He is alive and well and hears your prayers. Be desperate for Him and let all the other weight fall off of your life.

(I was thinking after I posted this that I left some things unclear...as far as the eating disorders go...that was high school/early college things I had delt with and I will share more about that later. Weight and image can be a dangerous struggle and I want to share my heart and what God has done in my life and is doing in my life. Also, dealing with the boys father, I again want to stress that I do want God to change his heart...as awful as he can be to deal with and as easy as it is to say I want him out of their lives....I am the one who chose him even when I knew it was not right. But that is in the past and God forgives and we move on. But I have learned so much about the power of words; therefore again I want God to do great miracles in his life so that their dad will be a man of God they can look up to.)

beyond blessed

My boys just came home from their dad's....I miss them so much when they are gone. And even though they were only gone a night this time....it was still so great to have them in my arms again. Although it was a sad moment when I asked Riley to come give me a hug, and he crawled up on my lap, and I realized he was almost too big to get on my lap and hold. He is 8....rounding up, that is closer to 10 than a 5 years old. Ten...that is getting into the two digit numbers...he is growing up! He just seems so big tonight when I wrapped my arms around him. Enjoying each day with them is a precious gift from God. Watching them grow and learn. Seeing their awesome personalities develop even more as they grow into strong young men. Watching their talents emerge...talking seems to run in the family as a talent...lol...but they have their own things that make them unique. Riley is into science/nature...loves animals, plants, rocks, ect. And he is awesome at building things...that kid can put those Lego sets together in no time. Brayden has a natural talent in sports, and anything requiring danger apparently...Mommy is hoping he is not a future stunt performer!! (but if that is what he wants...it will definitely help keep my prayer life active!) They are just awesome young men, and I am beyond blessed!

It's the little moments that really mean a lot to me as a mom. Our secret handshakes before bed. When we are dancing around the living room. When I am trying to beat them at games...lol. Riley telling a silly story, as his dimples show the joy all over his face. Brayden's bright blue eyes dancing when he is being goofy. They way Brayden used to call Riley "Brudder"...now he has learned to say his "th" sound now, and that has changed. I smile at their growth, but also fight the Mommy tears as I watch them change from toddlers to, soon enough, teens. (They are already too much into girls, and I am worried the "teenage" years are starting early for me...a little help please!!) So, I treasure the moments that Riley ask me to pray over him at night, or the way Brayden squeezes so tight when he hugs, and the times we wrestle...well until Mommy gets hurt...they are tough! I cherish the "I love you more than a million chocolate cakes" and cuddle times. I praise God for the blessings of my boys.

So many special memories are created everyday. Each day is a gift. Each moment, each new adventure, each small miracle, each joyful outburst, each sweet embrace, each outing spent with friends, each phone call from my supporting, loving family....all these things make up a blessed life.

And on top of the list of blessings: on this Easter, I celebrate a risen Savior. A heavenly Father that is ALIVE, and is always there for me!! He hears my prayers. He comforts my soul. He gives me rest. He loves me. He pours blessings down on my life. He showers me with mercy and grace. He died for me, and He now lives for me!

Do not allow the message of Easter to get old. As for me, I can watch some of my favorite love stories over and over, and still enjoy them. Easter is a reminder of the greatest love story ever.

"For God so loved the world, He gave His only begotten Son, and whosoever believes in Him, shall not perish, but have everlasting life." JOHN 3:16

Let your heart be filled with love and thankfulness for the One who loves you unconditionally and will love you forever. Count your blessings this Easter, and don't forget the number one blessing we all can put on the top of our list: the love of Jesus.