Cute Cookie Cop

"WHO STOLE THE COOKIE FROM THE COOKIE JAR?!".....um, yeah...um...that was me...my expanding waist line no longer hides the guilt.

I need a cute cookie cop to come tell me, "FREEZE...STEP AWAY FROM THE COOKIES!" And yes, he has to be cute because I find that it helps you loose weight when you have someone really good looking holding you accountable...like when I had a hot trainer at the gym...when I found out he was gonna be pinching my body fat every two weeks...it sure enough made me want to loose it all the more!!

Yes...I am talking about a very frustrating, personal subject today. Weight.

I love food. I have a food obsession. I am also one of those emotional eaters. I have battled with food for decades. In high school it started out with stomach problems which resulted in a lot of weight loss, and I could not keep anything down. Since I was used to throwing up (sorry for the gory details to come), once the stomach problems went away, and since I enjoyed the smaller body size, I begin forcing myself to throw up. Raping my stomach of any food inhaled from overwhelming emotions, I caused my body a lot of turmoil. I have been through the array of eating disorders; I am now in the vacuum cleaner stage...you know, suck up everything in sight stage.

When I left my ex-husband, I put on a lot of weight. I was actually called obese by doctors. I'm very ill about this now because he was defiantly not worth that period of depression and the weight that came with it. I was in a very dark place for awhile, but...my faithful Savior pulled me through, and over the years He has firmly established me to be a strong, confident woman of God. I know who I am in Christ now, and the size of my clothes does not change the calling of Christ in my life to be a light to people around me. I cannot be a light if I hold my head down in shame, guilt, insecurity, and depressive darkness. So...I had to let go of the weight...all of it...not the physical, but the emotional, mental, past weight. He moved me forward, and for that I am forever thankful.

But...unfortunately I still struggle with physical weight, and it is so frustrating!! I worked very hard to loose over 50 lbs. I went to the gym everyday, sometimes twice a day. I hired the hot trainer, who I wanted to slap every time he said the word lunges! I ate tuna, chicken, brown rice, fish, and green vegetables until I never wanted to see that crap again! I did work very hard, and lost a lot of inches, but I also honestly had help towards the end of my labor. Since I was labeled obese, I was able to get a pill from the doctor to help me get the rest of my weight off....and I really wish I had that pill now because it worked, and I was skinny. I looked and felt amazing. I am just being very transparent about my struggles. I have tried to get on that pill again in spite of the side effects. This is how much I have struggled with weight thoughts/obsessions. The pounds are piling back on, and weighing me down in so many ways.

It is summer now and I am so ready to hit the beach; however, I am feeling so gross in clothes that I cannot even imaging being in a swim suit. I am writing about this today because I know physical appearance and confidence is something so many struggle with...so before I continue to ramble on about this topic...let me get to my point. I have finally changed my motivating factor on the weight issue...instead of spending hours in front of the mirror checking to see if any inches had been shed after each workout, or to cry as the belly bounces around after inhaling another batch of cookie dough from another lonely weekend....I am ready for a new outlook on the way I look...again...God has established a Christ confidence in me, and I know I am an amazing woman of God on the inside. But...I need to stop complaining and whining about my outer beauty. I get so frustrated because I have been single for so long, and I worry that it is because I am not a size zero. I question my looks and cry thinking that is why I spend every Saturday alone, and will forever sleep with nothing but a pillow to hold. But, as much as I want a man that looks good too (just being honest, I am very much a chest girl, and want a man with a nice chest...and nice hands too...and bicepts..and...let me just stop there...lol), but that man can be extremely hot, and be a complete jerk, and that doesn't work for me....I want a good man of God. And I want a man that loves me for me, too. Because I know I have a lot to offer. And that is the outlook you need to have too. BE CONFIDENT IN WHO YOU AND KNOW THAT YOU ARE AN AMAZING CREATION OF GOD THAT HE CAN USE TO CHANGE THE WORLD AND THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS ABOUT YOUR OUTER APPEARANCE IN THE EQUATION IS...IF YOUR WEARING A SMILE :)

I would much rather a man come to my door first thing in the morning when I have raccoon eyes and the bride of Frankenstein hair and him fall in love with my fun-loving personality. I would rather a man see me on the treadmill at the gym sweaty, nappy mess, jello-rolls jiggling all over the place, and think I am amazing because I am holding my head high while I walk around smiling in confidence. Hey, and at least I am trying to do something about the jelly rolls....but...I am then just going home and rewarding myself with cookies after working so hard at the gym...lol...see told ya I have a problem....lol.

My point is...to be confident. As far as the weight issue. I have come to the realization that if I am trying to loose weight just to be skinny and hot...it gets to overwhelming and seems impossible, and I feel defeated every time I pick up a snack. But...now I am looking at it like this: I want to be healthy. I want to be around for a long time and be able to keep up with the two amazing blessings that God gave me. Riley and Brayden. And they are hard to keep up with!! LOL. They are so full of energy, and I want to be the same. I want to get in shape to be the best mom I can be.

My body is the temple of the Lord, so I want to take care of it. That should be our motivating factor. And just remember with all the struggles and frustrations: we "can do ALL things through CHRIST who gives us STRENGTH"!

See the Difference?

THIS IS YOUR MIND ON THE DEVIL...

THIS IS YOUR MIND ON CHRIST...

ANY QUESTIONS?

I HOPE THAT YOU CAN SEE THE DIFFERENCE IN THE ROOM BEFORE AND AFTER CLEANING...WHY IS IT SO HARD SOMETIMES TO SEE THE DIFFERENCE IN OUR MIND WHEN THE DEVIL BEGINS HIS ATTACK?

WE NEED TO BE AWARE OF WHAT THE DEVIL IS DOING IN OUR MINDS IN ORDER TO TAKE UP OUR ARMOR AND KICK BUTT!!! BECAUSE IN CHRIST WE CAN DEFEAT THE DEVIL AND HIS MIND TRICKS!

When attacked by the devil we begin to experience confusion, doubt, anxiety, fears, worry, insecurity, and just a great big mess happens...like in my room when I became too tired to focus on what needed to be done, and I just let it go until I didn't have a bedroom anymore. But once I set my mind to it, I had the energy and focus to get it looking awesome, even my closet is clean and organized! It looks great, and I am so much more peaceful now. That is what happens when we set our minds on Christ.

When we listen to His words...peace comes. When we listen to His words...confidence comes. When we listen to His words...strength comes. When we listen to His words...wisdom comes. When we listen to His words...joy comes.

So set your mind on the greatness and glory of Christ! Call on Jesus and rejoice as He delivers you from the darkness in your mind. Allow Him to do some major spring cleaning and refresh your spirit.