"To set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace." Romans 8:6
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Sunday, September 19, 2010
drowning...
Anxiety attacks are scary things...
Lately I have been experiencing these. It is like the panic of drowning. Remember the story I told about getting flipped of the four-wheeler into a crik and I thought I was going to drown. I thought I was trapped under the four-wheeler in an ocean of water with no way out...now yes all things turned out fine, and that was a great day in spite of that moment, but at the time I felt trapped, overwhelmed, powerless, afraid, lost in the darkness and depths of something more powerful than I am pulling me into its pit, destroying me.
That is what I am feeling now...I am drowning.
Have you ever felt like you had more on you than you can bare?
I am so blessed, but I just feel so overwhelmed with the responsibilities of this new job, being a single mom, dealing with my desires and the emptiness of my heart...just so much going on in my mind. Yes, the battlefield really lies in our mind. And mine seems to take any battle and multiply the intensity of it times a million.
BUT, "I know that You are for me (Lord), I know that You are for me. I know that You will never forsake me in my weaknesses. I know that You have come now...even if to write upon my heart...to remind me who You are." -by Kari Jobe
He is here, with me, ALWAYS. He is fighting the battle with me in my mind. And with His strength and POWERFUL PEACE, I am an over comer in Jesus name! I can breathe!
I can worship! I can praise Him! I can speak against the attacks of the devil and in JESUS NAME HE HAS TO FLEE!
"So faithful. So constant. So loving and so true. So powerful in all you do. You fill me. You see me. You know my every move. You love for me to sing to You." -KJ
I will sing praise from my lips Lord, for You are so powerful and so mighty and I am thankful for Your faithful presence in my life. You are my lifeguard always on duty, and you have saved me from the powerful storm trying to swallow me whole. You have pulled me from its treacherous waves, and placed me again on solid ground. You have breathed peace back into my soul. I can stand again. I can move forward. I can shout to the world the joy of the Lord is my strength. I love you Lord. Thank you.
Lately I have been experiencing these. It is like the panic of drowning. Remember the story I told about getting flipped of the four-wheeler into a crik and I thought I was going to drown. I thought I was trapped under the four-wheeler in an ocean of water with no way out...now yes all things turned out fine, and that was a great day in spite of that moment, but at the time I felt trapped, overwhelmed, powerless, afraid, lost in the darkness and depths of something more powerful than I am pulling me into its pit, destroying me.
That is what I am feeling now...I am drowning.
Have you ever felt like you had more on you than you can bare?
I am so blessed, but I just feel so overwhelmed with the responsibilities of this new job, being a single mom, dealing with my desires and the emptiness of my heart...just so much going on in my mind. Yes, the battlefield really lies in our mind. And mine seems to take any battle and multiply the intensity of it times a million.
BUT, "I know that You are for me (Lord), I know that You are for me. I know that You will never forsake me in my weaknesses. I know that You have come now...even if to write upon my heart...to remind me who You are." -by Kari Jobe
He is here, with me, ALWAYS. He is fighting the battle with me in my mind. And with His strength and POWERFUL PEACE, I am an over comer in Jesus name! I can breathe!
I can worship! I can praise Him! I can speak against the attacks of the devil and in JESUS NAME HE HAS TO FLEE!
"So faithful. So constant. So loving and so true. So powerful in all you do. You fill me. You see me. You know my every move. You love for me to sing to You." -KJ
I will sing praise from my lips Lord, for You are so powerful and so mighty and I am thankful for Your faithful presence in my life. You are my lifeguard always on duty, and you have saved me from the powerful storm trying to swallow me whole. You have pulled me from its treacherous waves, and placed me again on solid ground. You have breathed peace back into my soul. I can stand again. I can move forward. I can shout to the world the joy of the Lord is my strength. I love you Lord. Thank you.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
God Hears
I love how a song can just speak right to your heart, tear right into your soul, bring peace, bring hope, and bring joy...
I have been a little down lately...and it is because of my lovely over-active, messed up, moody mind. I know that being overwhelmed and tired has a lot to do with my emotional coaster (I absolutely love my new job, but...there is just so much work that goes with it that my mind is trying it's hardest just to shut down and give up) but anyways, I just have a lot of other questions and thoughts spinning around up there--and the outcome in my emotions has been sorrow. Hurt and pain seem to be my best friends lately. And I know that I really have no reason to be down; I am abundantly blessed, I do know that. But I am confused...and no, not because I am blonde :p
I want to know, why ______________________?
And I can fill that blank in with a lot of questions.
I want to know when_______________________?
Same for that blank.
I won't bore you with the questions, because I know you can fill in the blanks yourselves I am sure with your own...
But let me quickly tell you what just shot through the darkness of my mood and pierced my heart, tightened up my attitude, gave me peace, hope, joy, and a deeper love for my Savior...
"Well God is still God when He's quiet."
This is from an amazing song called "God Hears" by Newsong.
I very much recommend listening to this song if you need encouragement.
God is still in control. God still works miracles. God still answers prayers. God still loves us. God still showers us with mercy, grace, and abundant blessings. God still fills us with peace when He hears our heart crying out to Him.
The song goes on to say,
"Well, God is still God even when He's quiet, and all your questions come. When all you thought you have is gone. When you feel lost somewhere in the silence, and fear comes rushing in...don't give up you're not alone...cause God is here, and there are no words to speak. God is here, and His healing runs deep, and all those questions you have just disappear, cause God hears....and when it feels like all your faith has disappeared...let the presence of His love reach through your fear...cause God hears."
Breathe in His peace today.
I have been a little down lately...and it is because of my lovely over-active, messed up, moody mind. I know that being overwhelmed and tired has a lot to do with my emotional coaster (I absolutely love my new job, but...there is just so much work that goes with it that my mind is trying it's hardest just to shut down and give up) but anyways, I just have a lot of other questions and thoughts spinning around up there--and the outcome in my emotions has been sorrow. Hurt and pain seem to be my best friends lately. And I know that I really have no reason to be down; I am abundantly blessed, I do know that. But I am confused...and no, not because I am blonde :p
I want to know, why ______________________?
And I can fill that blank in with a lot of questions.
I want to know when_______________________?
Same for that blank.
I won't bore you with the questions, because I know you can fill in the blanks yourselves I am sure with your own...
But let me quickly tell you what just shot through the darkness of my mood and pierced my heart, tightened up my attitude, gave me peace, hope, joy, and a deeper love for my Savior...
"Well God is still God when He's quiet."
This is from an amazing song called "God Hears" by Newsong.
I very much recommend listening to this song if you need encouragement.
God is still in control. God still works miracles. God still answers prayers. God still loves us. God still showers us with mercy, grace, and abundant blessings. God still fills us with peace when He hears our heart crying out to Him.
The song goes on to say,
"Well, God is still God even when He's quiet, and all your questions come. When all you thought you have is gone. When you feel lost somewhere in the silence, and fear comes rushing in...don't give up you're not alone...cause God is here, and there are no words to speak. God is here, and His healing runs deep, and all those questions you have just disappear, cause God hears....and when it feels like all your faith has disappeared...let the presence of His love reach through your fear...cause God hears."
Breathe in His peace today.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
On a lighter note...
Just For Fun:
I created a Help Wanted Ad...
HELP WANTED
I am a fast-talkin, flip-flop wearin, sweet-tea drinkin, chocolate lovin, blonde-haired, fun-sized kind of girl looking for help!! Please respond if you can provide any of the following services and/or meet any of the following criteria. The pay is minimal, but tasty...you will be working for Oreo Bon Bon's.
You can call me at 1-800-SHORTIE. Or reach me via email: dateadork.com
MAID: I am a very busy single mom of two boys = a messy apartment. I need help! The apartment is small; therefore, you must have good organizational skills in order to make things work. Must enjoy a variety of smells (I have two boys in the house, and I have learned...boys are gross) Also, is in strong support against the fight to destroy all ants! (Apparently this apartment is built on top of the central ant command station to all ants in the universe). And must figure out a better way to put away laundry as opposed to our "throw it anywhere" system!
HAIR STYLIST: Don't you just hate how you can never fix your hair the way they do at the salon!! I just got my hair cut, with side bangs, and I'm in the process of "training" them! And besides...I just love to have my hair played with!! So as long as you don't pull...you're hired!
MAKE-UP ARTIST: I am 32 and have yet to figure the stuff out!! I even panic when I walk down the make-up isle in the store. I am often told I look like a teenager...although even teenage girls know how to wear make-up. I would like to look like a professional woman please, yet still a very natural look...no throw back to the 80's bright colors or anything! (and I don't miss huge hot pink and lime green scrunchies and teased bangs with enough hair spray at one time to destroy the ozone layer for all eternity...just another note for the person applying for the hair stylist job)
BUSINESS MANAGER: First of all, the most important aspect of this job would be handling my bank account...because I am a blonde that likes to bounce more than Tigger! OK, not that I like to bounce my account, it really upsets me and I try (somewhat, although trying probably means actually keeping track and checking on it), but I do want to do well with my account and money, but math is my weakness. I have finally realized why I subconsciously wear flip flops all the time...I need those toes out in the open to give me ten extra digits to help with the adding!
Also, any other paper work that is required for life and my job--will be all your responsibility because...I JUST DON'T LIKE IT!
PERSONAL TRAINER:I need someone to help me to put the Oreos down! Trainer must be tough, but also kind when I need it as well. Must be hot...hey it defiantly helps when a hot trainer has to do a body fat pinch!! I found this out when I actually had a trainer years ago. He said every two weeks he would do a body fat pinch. I said, "What is that?" He said, "Just like it sounds, I pinch your fat." If you have to lift your shirt, and let a hot guy pinch your fat...YOU WILL GET IT OFF FAST!
***Also seeking after a sexy, sparkling, shirtless vampire for...well do I really need to give an explanation for this one!
I would have said werewolf, cuz that kid is hot!! But, I thought of my skin-tone...and yes I would be more compatible with vampires. And, let's not forget my "Sparkling" personality!!
I created a Help Wanted Ad...
HELP WANTED
I am a fast-talkin, flip-flop wearin, sweet-tea drinkin, chocolate lovin, blonde-haired, fun-sized kind of girl looking for help!! Please respond if you can provide any of the following services and/or meet any of the following criteria. The pay is minimal, but tasty...you will be working for Oreo Bon Bon's.
You can call me at 1-800-SHORTIE. Or reach me via email: dateadork.com
MAID: I am a very busy single mom of two boys = a messy apartment. I need help! The apartment is small; therefore, you must have good organizational skills in order to make things work. Must enjoy a variety of smells (I have two boys in the house, and I have learned...boys are gross) Also, is in strong support against the fight to destroy all ants! (Apparently this apartment is built on top of the central ant command station to all ants in the universe). And must figure out a better way to put away laundry as opposed to our "throw it anywhere" system!
HAIR STYLIST: Don't you just hate how you can never fix your hair the way they do at the salon!! I just got my hair cut, with side bangs, and I'm in the process of "training" them! And besides...I just love to have my hair played with!! So as long as you don't pull...you're hired!
MAKE-UP ARTIST: I am 32 and have yet to figure the stuff out!! I even panic when I walk down the make-up isle in the store. I am often told I look like a teenager...although even teenage girls know how to wear make-up. I would like to look like a professional woman please, yet still a very natural look...no throw back to the 80's bright colors or anything! (and I don't miss huge hot pink and lime green scrunchies and teased bangs with enough hair spray at one time to destroy the ozone layer for all eternity...just another note for the person applying for the hair stylist job)
BUSINESS MANAGER: First of all, the most important aspect of this job would be handling my bank account...because I am a blonde that likes to bounce more than Tigger! OK, not that I like to bounce my account, it really upsets me and I try (somewhat, although trying probably means actually keeping track and checking on it), but I do want to do well with my account and money, but math is my weakness. I have finally realized why I subconsciously wear flip flops all the time...I need those toes out in the open to give me ten extra digits to help with the adding!
Also, any other paper work that is required for life and my job--will be all your responsibility because...I JUST DON'T LIKE IT!
PERSONAL TRAINER:I need someone to help me to put the Oreos down! Trainer must be tough, but also kind when I need it as well. Must be hot...hey it defiantly helps when a hot trainer has to do a body fat pinch!! I found this out when I actually had a trainer years ago. He said every two weeks he would do a body fat pinch. I said, "What is that?" He said, "Just like it sounds, I pinch your fat." If you have to lift your shirt, and let a hot guy pinch your fat...YOU WILL GET IT OFF FAST!
***Also seeking after a sexy, sparkling, shirtless vampire for...well do I really need to give an explanation for this one!
I would have said werewolf, cuz that kid is hot!! But, I thought of my skin-tone...and yes I would be more compatible with vampires. And, let's not forget my "Sparkling" personality!!
Don't Care = Don't Hurt?
"Don't care - don't get hurt...
that's the way it's gotta be.
Livin' life actin' hard,
but on the the inside no one can see;
you're cryin' out, 'God if you're really there-
show me you're face...show me you care."
This is part of a rap I wrote while in college working with some pretty tough inner city kids. Yeah, I wrote a rap, I got mad skillz, yo! LOL. But, right now those lines are stirrin' up something fierce in my mind...
If you don't care...you don't get hurt...right?
This is another one of those post that as I am writing this I hope I end up with a positive outcome (like What's the Point?)....but right now, I am not sure...
I am hurting...and I am tired of hurting.
Why do I have to be so sensitive? Why do I have to care so much? Why do I have to need people around me so badly? Why can I not be just pack up and move back home because I miss my family? Why do I desperately need communication and touch that I ache so deeply when I am all alone or when I don't hear back from friends when I try to communicate with them? Why do I have to be alone, and why does it have to hurt because I am...who really cares right?! It is not a big deal.
Why can't I be like Paul and "be content no matter what the circumstance"? Anytime I feel like I get to that point, something triggers an emotional mess in my mind...and the waterworks began again...and I am left hurting.
So I just need to toughin' up...but it seems like I am an all or nothing type person though. I am either super passionate or I just need to stop caring...
I have done this before- this whole harden the heart thing to get by. Right now, I feel like I need to pull every ounce of strength within me to build the walls again, and just keep pressing forward...like a line from one of my favorite movies, P.S. I Love You says, "Alone or not alone, you have to move forward."
Why can't I do that?
Family around or no family, husband or no husband, friends or no friends...
Why do I care?
It hurts too much.
Have you ever dealt with this? Sometimes I feel like I am the only one who is this sensitive or crazy...
If you are feeling this way...take a deep breath with me and know this:
We are not alone.
A song that I often have on replay, "Only You" by Adie, has this line that pierces my heart every time I listen to it while I seek after God in the mist of the storms raging in my mind,
"And it's just You and me, Lord".
So why can't I make that enough?
He is enough.
He always comforts me.
He always answers back.
He always takes care of us.
He always fills me with His peace that passes understanding.
He always wipes away tears and fills me with joy overflowing.
He always shows me He is working everything out for the good.
He always gives me the strength to press on.
He always shows me He is there.
He always loves me.
He is enough.
Thank you Lord, for being there for me. Thank you, Lord for "fearfully and wonderfully" creating me (Psalms 139:14) ...you gave me this huge, compassionate heart to reach the world for You...I don't want to ever stop caring. I know we all go through times of hurt, but that just means there is a hurting world out there that NEEDS A HEALING GOD! And I want to be there to point others to You, Lord. To show them Your love covers all.
And thank you, Lord...You do know my personality (You created me) You know my need for others; You have always, no matter where I am at, placed so many wonderful people in my life that love and support me. I am not alone because You have blessed me with the most amazing family and friends. I do know that, Lord, and I thank You for them. And I thank all of You for always being there and I am sorry I am just being a dramatic, emotional mess right now. I know this time of hurting will pass, You always lift me back up when I am down. YOU ARE FAITHFUL, LORD!
If you are hurting today seek after Jesus with all your heart...HE WILL BE THERE! And His arms will be wide open ready to pour His love and peace on you.
that's the way it's gotta be.
Livin' life actin' hard,
but on the the inside no one can see;
you're cryin' out, 'God if you're really there-
show me you're face...show me you care."
This is part of a rap I wrote while in college working with some pretty tough inner city kids. Yeah, I wrote a rap, I got mad skillz, yo! LOL. But, right now those lines are stirrin' up something fierce in my mind...
If you don't care...you don't get hurt...right?
This is another one of those post that as I am writing this I hope I end up with a positive outcome (like What's the Point?)....but right now, I am not sure...
I am hurting...and I am tired of hurting.
Why do I have to be so sensitive? Why do I have to care so much? Why do I have to need people around me so badly? Why can I not be just pack up and move back home because I miss my family? Why do I desperately need communication and touch that I ache so deeply when I am all alone or when I don't hear back from friends when I try to communicate with them? Why do I have to be alone, and why does it have to hurt because I am...who really cares right?! It is not a big deal.
Why can't I be like Paul and "be content no matter what the circumstance"? Anytime I feel like I get to that point, something triggers an emotional mess in my mind...and the waterworks began again...and I am left hurting.
So I just need to toughin' up...but it seems like I am an all or nothing type person though. I am either super passionate or I just need to stop caring...
I have done this before- this whole harden the heart thing to get by. Right now, I feel like I need to pull every ounce of strength within me to build the walls again, and just keep pressing forward...like a line from one of my favorite movies, P.S. I Love You says, "Alone or not alone, you have to move forward."
Why can't I do that?
Family around or no family, husband or no husband, friends or no friends...
Why do I care?
It hurts too much.
Have you ever dealt with this? Sometimes I feel like I am the only one who is this sensitive or crazy...
If you are feeling this way...take a deep breath with me and know this:
We are not alone.
A song that I often have on replay, "Only You" by Adie, has this line that pierces my heart every time I listen to it while I seek after God in the mist of the storms raging in my mind,
"And it's just You and me, Lord".
So why can't I make that enough?
He is enough.
He always comforts me.
He always answers back.
He always takes care of us.
He always fills me with His peace that passes understanding.
He always wipes away tears and fills me with joy overflowing.
He always shows me He is working everything out for the good.
He always gives me the strength to press on.
He always shows me He is there.
He always loves me.
He is enough.
Thank you Lord, for being there for me. Thank you, Lord for "fearfully and wonderfully" creating me (Psalms 139:14) ...you gave me this huge, compassionate heart to reach the world for You...I don't want to ever stop caring. I know we all go through times of hurt, but that just means there is a hurting world out there that NEEDS A HEALING GOD! And I want to be there to point others to You, Lord. To show them Your love covers all.
And thank you, Lord...You do know my personality (You created me) You know my need for others; You have always, no matter where I am at, placed so many wonderful people in my life that love and support me. I am not alone because You have blessed me with the most amazing family and friends. I do know that, Lord, and I thank You for them. And I thank all of You for always being there and I am sorry I am just being a dramatic, emotional mess right now. I know this time of hurting will pass, You always lift me back up when I am down. YOU ARE FAITHFUL, LORD!
If you are hurting today seek after Jesus with all your heart...HE WILL BE THERE! And His arms will be wide open ready to pour His love and peace on you.
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