Sing Praise

I can sing praises to my Savior today, not because my circumstances have changed or gotten any better, but because in spite of my circumstances, my Savior has always stayed the same! He has always been faithfully by my side walking with me, carrying me through, growing me, strengthening me, and loving me. Even if I was completely unaware of Him, even when my faith wavered, He remained faithful to me.

So today I just want to count my blessings and focus on the goodness of God! Now obviously, I will not be able to type them all on here...the blog would run on for pages and pages, but I would like to give a good warm up list of reasons I have to sing even while the storm is raging all around.

* Riley and Brayden....oh, if you have ever met my boys, I would not need to go on with explanations...they are so much fun! They are so full of energy and joy that you cannot be around them for long and not smile, laugh, or just want to dance right along with them!

*We can dance!!!! We are healthy and blessed with rhythm and reasons to get up and shake our groove thing! We should hang a sign on our door that says: You must be willing to dance once you step through this door!  Because we are always having random crazy dance parties in our place! And, I promise you, no matter what situations you are facing- you get up and shake it with us, it will shake the stress right off and give you reasons to smile again! Or at the very least cause laughter to stir in your soul again  as you witness first hand our moves!

*I am breathing. Even though lately the words of this Lifehouse song are like my diary, "I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing, with a broken heart that's still bleeding."
I AM STILL BREATHING and that is reason to praise Him! I am still able to wake up and get out of bed and feel the warmth of the sunshine on my face as I step out the door!

*My Heavenly Father speaks to me in so many ways with so many wonderful reminders of his presence in my life. Like my last blog post, He spoke through a Secret Santa gift, He has spoke through  unexpected financial blessings at the perfect time to remind me that He is my provider!  He has spoke through a hug from a friend or help from a friend when I was in desperate need. He has spoken through songs and through His Word so many times to me as those promises bring hope and peace to my soul. He has spoken through book as he has challenged me to press on and praise Him as he daily prepares me for each battle I face, as He daily transforms me into His images, polishing me up to shine brightly with His glory! He is always there!  "Never once did we ever walk alone, never once did you leave us on our own. You are faithful, God You are faithful."

*I do have wonderful family and friends in my life. If I add more to this one, I will not be able to type through the tears....I am blessed with wonderful people in my life we will just say that and say thank you to all of you!

*I have been blessed with talents that I can use to build His Kingdom. With my writing, my painting and my gift of gab (lol) I can share His word, His love, His promises and His grace to all those in need! So Lord, please help the words of my mouth and my actions be pleasing to You. Take away the negative, take away the complaining, take away the hurt and replace it all with words of praise for You so that I can shout it from the mountaintops and lead others towards a Savior because this world is in desperate need of You! And even though I may not have been blessed with the talent of singing (therefore cannot live my dream of rockin' out on stage...lol) I can still sing beautiful (in Your opinion, Lord) praises to You so that all can see the peace, joy, and strength you provide shine through my life and all the circumstances!

*I have a job, we have a roof over our head, we have food to eat, we have clothes to wear, and we are even blessed enough to have things we want as well! We are abundantly blessed! I can cuddle with my boys in a big chaise lounge chair and eat sweet, buttery popcorn and watch a movie on a flat screen TV while being lazy all day because of the blessing of Christmas break! We are more than blessed and I am so thankful!

*I am so thankful for the Christmas season, not just because of the break, although I was in such desperate need of recuperation time, that this is a huge blessing, but I am thankful because of the true reason for the season- CHRIST WAS BORN! He humbled Himself and came to this earth as a baby born in a manger to bring hope to a lost world! THANK YOU LORD!

*Grace pours abundantly from Jesus, and I am in abundant need of it! He loves me.....oh, how he loves me! WOW....I have to stop because when that sinks in, it is just so overwhelming! Nothing I have done has kept His loving arms too far out of reach for me! They are constantly open for me to run into and soak in His love and peace!

*I have been blessed with the ability to travel- I love to travel! I have been able to go to many places. I have been chased by wild elephants in Africa! I have had really great trips with my boys. One amazing trip we were blessed with by this awesome family was getting to go ride Thomas the Train when the boys were very little, I can still see and hear their excitement! We have gotten slobbered on by buffalo and laughed our heads off with my awesome family! We are blessed to have really gotten to experience life! I cannot wait to see more of the world and enjoy every moment of my life with my awesome boys, family, and friends!

*"I AM BLESSED AND HIGHLY FAVORED, SAVED BY THE GRACE OF A MIGHTY SAVIOR!"

*I can see the smiles on my boys' faces. I can hear their laughter and their, "I love yous", I can feel the warmth of the hugs, I have the ability to think and understand things and be able to play games with them, and usually win when I play! (LOL) I was blessed with a competitive drive that keeps me pushing forward ready  not only to win at board games, but also that strong desire to take down the enemy that is trying to destroy this world. Even though I never like knowing the ending of books or movies- never, don't ever tell me the ending of something! I love the surprise! However, there is one ending I love knowing....I LOVE KNOWING THAT MY JESUS IS VICTORIOUS AND HE HAS ALREADY WON THE BATTLE- HE HAS ALREADY DEFEATED THE DEVIL AND THE DEVIL'S TIME IS LIMITED! CHRIST IS COMING AGAIN AND HE IS COMING FOR ME!!!!!!

I am blessed and thankful! Have a blessed day! Focus on the amazing Jesus and all His love for you!

They call Him Savior

Yesterday I was reminded of why they call Him Savior....

My faith has been shaken over the last few months. I had actually began to very much doubt the existence of an almighty God, an all powerful Christ filled with compassion for His children, a comforter, a provider of strength, peace and joy, a healer, and a Savior. If there was a Savior, why was I drowning in darkness? If there was a comforter, why have I spent the last decade completely alone crying myself to sleep most nights; no family near me to turn to, and no husband to talk to- just me- all alone every single night? If there was a compassionate Christ why would he sit back and ignore the desires of my heart, my cries, my prayers, and allow the pain to deepen with each passing day? If there was an all powerful God, then why would He sit back on His throne and watch as a school full of precious children were brutally murdered?  If there was a healer, then why did I pray with my boys every night powerful prayers for my cousin's wife to be healed of cancer, only to hear that she lost the battle?

How can I read promises of provided strength when I can barely even crawl out of bed lately? I feel broken beyond repair; I have been in a place where joy and peace are found in the same place as the "happily ever afters"- they are in the out of reach fairy tales. The darkness has devoured and destroyed all that I ever was and all that I ever believed in. I have lost sight of myself and more importantly I have lost sight of the one they call Savior. It has gotten worse when even those closest to me have now turned against me....no longer there to lean on or share my heart and hurt with. Therefore, I am again questioning God's plan and why I am left to pick up the pieces of my life alone. I apparently just throw a good dramatic pity party, but when you walk every day through thick fog trying desperately to see a nail-scarred hand reaching out to you to pull you through, yet only to find the fog thicken, the walk turn into a steep upward climb, and no one in sight to assist you in the journey- it gets exhausting.

I cannot even really share many of my other struggles, but they are there and lately too heavy to bare. I have tried to continue to seek the face of this Savior, crying out to Him, praying each night with my boys hoping that they cannot see that mommy is becoming lost. I want so badly to believe the words I paint across these canvases, "I am wonderfully made" and it is by a God who loves me, a God who is there for me, a God who has great plans for me, and a God who is real. I pray these things for those I make the paintings for; I want them to always walk in confidence and know that God is always there loving them and believing in them. However these last few months, I have come too close to giving up and not believing it for myself.

But yesterday, I was reminded that when you call on Jesus- you don't get a busy signal. When you seek after Him, He does not hide. When you need Him, you are not put on hold. Even if you cannot see, even if you cannot hear, even if you can not feel- HE HAS AND WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU.

My secret Santa delivered the final gift to me yesterday and when I opened it, I tried very hard not to break down bawling at our work party. Her gift was a reminder from a Savior that he is still in the business of saving me...I just need to continue to believe.

The plaque read:

FAITH

Faith makes things possible,

not easy.

No, life is not easy- you don't even have to turn on the tragic news to know that, but you do need to turn to the Word of God to know that you are never alone-no matter how badly you feel that way.  He is there and He does have perfect plans for you no matter what you are facing; He can use your circumstances for good and He will build you up in your faith.  

I have always liked a good battle, a good game- I am not one for a shut-out. I like it when an underdog can have an amazing comeback....well....it is comeback time and this warrior princess is very much prepared and armed for battle. I may have been broken and bruised, but I am not barren of power to destroy the darkness. I am armed with faith; faith that may have been shaken, but a faith that, even if small, can move mountains!  A faith that believes in a God that turns the impossible to possible. A faith being built like a strong fortress because of the battles I  face.  A faith that knows why they call Jesus a Savior-

because when I was lost- He saved me!