Old Song

Walking into my kitchen, I saw something I had forgotten I had written awhile ago on my chalkboard.  It was an old song, but it was exactly the reminder I needed today...

"Turn your eyes upon Jesus.

 Look full in His wonderful face, 

and the things of Earth will go strangely dim, 

in the light of His glory and grace."

All the things we worry and fret over...fade when we focus on the Heavenly Father.
Remember that and turn to Him. Let go of everything else weighing you down and breathe in His peace.  

wiped out and washed over

Have you ever been standing in the ocean with your back to the waves?  Maybe it was to wave at a friend on the shore, or maybe it was because you forgot for a moment about the source of power lurking behind you.  Suddenly you are wiped out and washed over with a force you fear you cannot compete with. For those watching it may even seem funny at first.  For you, it can quickly become frightening as the waves slap forcefully into your back, knocking the wind out of you for a moment. Dragging you beneath the weight of rushing water, the fierce waves are ready to pull you into the deep as they send you tumbling along scraping your body against the sandy bottom. This may not be too bad, except for the millions of sharp broken shells mixed in with that sand that are now tearing at your sensitive skin feeling like course sandpaper instead of powder soft sand that you like to bury your feet in. Finding your footing for the next few minutes is a huge challenge as the relentless waves continue their attack. You could have handled all this had you saw it coming.  You are a good swimmer, you love the ocean, but...your back was turned for that moment as the  enormous wave was formed and found you.

I woke up two nights ago with this metaphor on my mind because this is one of the ways the enemy works.  Blindsiding you, he attacks when you think you are standing firm and least expecting it. I was enjoying my summer and everything was going fine....then suddenly I found my self in a really sad, confused, frustrated mood.  Attacked with turmoil, I have had a hard time finding my footing these last few days and I am not sure why. Just so many emotions rushing over me crushing me; I went to bed with my mind just swarming with negative thoughts about myself.  This is something, if you have read many of my blog post, that I have faced often over my life; however, I have felt stronger than ever these last few years able to battle them mostly with ease...but like I said, it is when you are not expecting it that the Devil knocks you off your feet. I lay there dwelling on everything I had been doing wrong lately. Do any of these rants and ravings sound familiar to you? I am a failure. I messed up my bank account again, how stupid can I be? I cannot even get a nice home for my boys with a backyard for them to play in because I have messed up too many times in my life with career choices and managing money. I can't even keep the small apartment we have clean, how hard can it be? I am a failure at that too.  I barely cook anymore...which is why my bank account is far too often bouncing as we parade around to the surrounding fast food places far too often. I am too hard on my kids. I am too annoying to my friends, I am too confused to make a decision, I am too unfocused to get anything done. Have I mentioned I am a failure?

I hate to even write these transparent feelings, because then of course I feel even worse allowing the world to see my weakness; however, I also know that there are others out there that can recognize the rapid fire lies that can attack the mind and disguise themselves as truths to be weighed down with- leaving you feel miserable. If you are reading this and you have been there...or are there now...you are not alone.  Another lie  that comes with the relentless rambling of lies above is that you are the only one that does not have it all together, everyone else can handle all that life throws at them, you are alone in your mess.  Well...you are not alone.  I have been faced with the tormenting lies most of my life.  But more importantly than knowing that you are not the only one that faces the crashing, crushing battle of emotions is that again knowing you are not alone- BECAUSE JESUS IS WITH YOU!

If you listen you can hear his truths above the turmoil. You are "wonderfully made".  You are His beloved child and if you can choose to believe that you will be able to see further than all those flaws you think you have- to the beauty that He knows you have. Listen to His loving words to you and allow Him to give you strength to stop the lies from streaming into your soul.

In order to get past this mood that I am in...I have to choose to rise above it. I cannot go by how I feel...because if you have been reading...I am not feeling too great right now.  I have to choose to listen to the voice of the One who loves me unconditionally and continue to move forward focusing on His truths.  This morning I woke up choosing to do this.  I remembered a quote I read in Joyce Meyer's book Living Beyond Your Feelings that matches my metaphor with the ocean perfectly, "Feelings are much like waves, we can't stop them from coming, but we can choose which one to surf." - Jonatan Martensson.  I have a lot of rushing emotions trying to tangle me up into a mess of misery, but I have to choose to surf on the positive, powerful truth the the joy of the Lord is my strength. I have to know that He can fill me with peace and joy the minute I ask Him to. He can shut the lies up, so go to Him!

Listen to the words of this song and believe the truth that He loves you and you are wonderful.

Fears & Friends

Combining two quick lessons today with one story.  My friend, a few kiddos, and I went to a water park yesterday and had a fun day.  I was so proud of my oldest son who faced his fears and tried the trapeze swing into the water! He was very reluctant to say the least....firmly stating several times he was not getting on!  I began to remind him of the strong, confident young man he was becoming. See he is my mini-me and shares a lot of the same fears and insecurities that I carried for far too many years; therefore, I have been praying over him and speaking confidence in him all the time.  He has come so far!  He has been speaking confident, praying confident prayers, and trying new things that initially strike fear in his sweet self.  So, I was so proud when he did this!

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.  Isaiah 41:10

For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. 2 Timothy 1:7

Living life in fear is something the Devil loves to see because when we live afraid, we are unable to be productive for building the kingdom of God.  If you are someone who allows fears to weigh you down, then began speaking the verses above into your life daily!  Speaking His promises into your life is how you battle against the lies of the Devil telling you to sit back timidly and fearfully and let life pass you by because you cannot handle it.

So face life with courage and the power of Christ that lives in you and enjoy life abundantly like Riley did once he faced his fear!

He did not do this alone, along with the power of Christ in Him and Mommy's reminders that he can do all things through Christ-he also had an awesome friend encourage him!  I was so proud and thankful for my friend's son who was there for Riley yesterday.  He talked to him and encouraged him to try something new.  It was so awesome (I wanted to say precious, but I guess since we are talking about young men, I will choose awesome...lol) to see him give a good pep talk to Riley.  This is what we are called to do as Christians, "therefore encourage one another and build each other up". 1 Thessalonians 5:11

Let us remember this daily!  We can build up or tear down with our words, so we need to consider them carefully. Yes, this is heard all the time, but do we really take it to heart and do it?  I ask because I know the answer for myself...sadly, no.  If you know me, you will know this is an understatement- I love to talk.  Not only do I love to talk, but I ramble a bit...lol...I can blame it on the ADHD, but I still need to pray and remember this daily- to be careful with my words!  I blurt out things without thinking and I talk endlessly, so I know in the mist of the millions of words that come out of my mouth in a minute some of them are not always positive, uplifting, encouraging, or good.  We all need to remember what that verse tells us to do-and do it!  Remember to be there for people and help them grow with our words of grace, love, kindness, and thoughtfulness. 

Corny Christina

The only part I like about doing dishes is when I have a strainer to wash.  Yes, I still love playing with it and watching the bubbly water come up through the holes; I may be 34, but I still find that cool.   Yes, I am corny and I know it!

But that is OK, I love my corny self :)

Because I know that I am wonderfully made like Psalm 139:14 promises!  This is just your reminder that whatever makes you-you, you are wonderfully made and special :) So be confident! Jesus believes in you!  And we are talking about the One who helped create everything, (the highest mountains, the powerful, enormous oceans, and all the creatures in it, the sky-I mean wow, have you ever really just watched the sky, and the most amazing unique flowers covering this planet...that oh yeah, He made it too!) and He looks at little ole you and thinks-YOU ROCK!  He thinks you are the best creation of all!  So smile and believe it!

If it helps you can dance around and sing, "I'm sexy and I know it!"  Sorry...that M&M commercial just cracks me up....anyways...believe in yourself and live your life confidently!  AND START NOW! Don't wait until you feel confident- make the choice today to just be confident today!

Face it alone?

I tend to tackle enormous projects all by myself.  Yes, I do like to think this five foot frame is full of force and fierceness ready to take down anything I come up against; I show off my muscle-what I imagine is muscle, far too often. This often takes form in rearranging my small apartment. I think part of it is the ADHD, part of it is trying to make a home out of this small space, but maybe part of it is that challenge and the excitement when I get it done! Knowing that I can move anything, no matter how big or heavy make me feel strong and powerful....yet it does not take long until the mass of the mess quickly diminishes my hopes.   I rapidly realize I should not have tried to accomplish such a huge project all on my own....

I am so glad I do not have to do this with life's challenges!  No matter how big the circumstance, the problem, the sickness, the obstacle, the pit, the desert, or the pain-

I DON'T FACE IT ALONE! 

I FACE IT WITH A 

FAITHFUL SAVIOR!

Call on Jesus now! He is there to lovingly help you through everything you face.  He is there to carry you when you can no longer walk, to comfort you when you feel like no ones cares that you're crying, to challenge you to become more like Him, to hand out grace when the darkness says you are not worthy, and to make you victorious in the battle!  He will give you strength to handle all things...no matter the size of your muscles :)  Philippians 4:13 promises this!

Here is just one picture of my mess; it is like this in every room right now! Seriously can't even get into the bathroom! LOL.  So you can see what I try to face alone...it is so much better to face things with Christ or your mess can get overwhelming and you can become buried alive in it.

Carrying a Mountain

It is 4:30 AM, but I just had to get up and write about the amazing thing Jesus has just done in my life.  I will not go in to any of the specific details because this is very personal, but I would like to share a picture of what He has for me, and I pray as you read this Jesus begins to do the same miracle in your life! I believe without a doubt that if you go to Him and ask, it will be done!

I woke up with weight on my shoulders.  I literally felt like I was carrying a mountain...I began to feel the actual pressure of all that weight pressing me deeper into the couch I was sleeping on.  I couldn't move under the mass of it, I could hardly breathe.  This is a mountain I have been carrying for a long time too, but it became massivly clear to me tonight; the image of it all was so fresh and real that I knew I would be crushed forever if I did not find a way to cast that mountain out of my life.

So, I went with the sweet advice of a new amazing friend.  I spoke with her a day ago about several things, but this major mountain in my life came up as well.  This mountain is so hard to think about, to share, or to face, but her advice was just what I needed- and God knew that :)

Again, I will not go in to details, but bottom line it once again deals with insecurity; one of the Devil's main tools he uses for destruction in my life...and sadly many others.  I write about this often, and I pray every time I write that God uses my story to help others find the answer to victory in this vicious battle against feelings of unworthiness. The only answer is Jesus.  The only way out is to grab on to His hand and allow Him to pull you out of the life-threatening, relentless snares of Satan.

My compassionate friend reminded me once again to find my worth in Jesus. She gently reminded me of the unfailing love of Jesus.  She told me to climb into His lap and allow Him to brush His hands through my hair and calm my soul. These are the powerful words she spoke to me that I speak to you now as well...and some may think this is corny, or unrealistic, or pointless to even try- but I am telling you it is vital to your victory!

You must go to Him- He is waiting for you!  HE LOVES YOU!  There is nothing you can do, or have done that can change His love towards you.  He sees you as beautiful.  So do it now, like I just did.  Crawl up into His lap- see yourself doing this- image the powerful creator of the universe holding you in His arms right now...and as powerful as He is, He is so gentle and loving as He brushes His nail-scarred hands through your hair.

Then as I laid there, He showed me the deepest, largest root of insecurity that had been burried down in my heart.  Jesus had done a lot of gardening in my life over these last eight years and had been pulling out roots of insecurity, but this one I did not even know was still there, nor did I realize the havac it was beginning to create in my mind.  This one had become a moutain of weight in my life that was beginning to crush my spirit....but as I lay there my amazing Savior not only revieled this root to me, but He also revieled His power to me!
He reminded me of  these verses,
"Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”  Matthew 17:20
And Matthew 21:21, "Jesus replied, “Truly I tell you, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and it will be done.


I am a child of God, and the same power that raised Christ from the dead lives in me, I am able to cast moutians into the sea and live in FREEDOM!  So I did.  And I was able to freely move again!  I was free to move, free to dance, and free to get up and praise the name of Jesus in this blog post at 4:30 AM!  I know my worth is found in Jesus Christ alone and that allows for the weight of worthlessness to be cast off my shoulders and for me to run forward weightless in Christ confidence!  I pray that right now, whatever mountain you are carrying, you crawl into the merciful lap of Christ and find the strength to cast it out -causing a dance party like no other dance party because you are once again FREE IN JESUS!