2

On a scale from 1-10...I feel like a 2 right now. And that is only because I am trying my hardest to be positive. I feel like a 2 as a mother, a 2 as a teacher, a 2 as head of this household, a 2 as a housekeeper, a 2 as a friend, a 2 as a christian...and the list goes on...

I just can't get up to par. I just can't keep up. Everything is a mess no matter how hard I try...and I am exhausted from trying. I try to give my all to everything...and it is NOT working. I know we are not supposed to go by feelings...but what happens when someone actually tells you you are low on the scale! What happens when you ask your child for a hug you are in desperate need for and they reply with, "no thanks, I'm good." What happens when you have to drag loads of work to your own kid's ball practice and they are constantly reminding you to watch them, but you are weighed down with work for a job you are a 2 at anyways?!

I am search for answers that I cannot seem to find...
I don't know what God wants me to do...but right now I feel like a failure at life.

Why am I trying so hard if I am not passing the grade anyways?

I am pausing here just trying to find some hope...some ability to climb my way back to the top again...back to the sunlight...praying.

Well...I do know this, in our weaknesses, there is where we find Christ's strength. So God...take my 2 and make it a 10 please! Not for me, but for Your glory Lord, so that I can shine as a light for my boys to see Your ways, for my co-workers to see Your strength in me, for my friends and family to see how amazing You are through my life.

Well...I guess there is a reason I did not get to finish this post before I went to the basketball game for my son...God speaks to us in many ways, as my last post stated; today it was at a basketball game. The half-time talk that they have for Upward basketball spoke about facing challenges and how God wants to make us stronger through the things that we have to go through. During the game, a boy fell down pretty hard, and skinned up his knee. It took him a bit to get back up, and at first he hopped around a little, but the minute the game resumed...you would have thought he just drank a 5 hour energy drink- he was full speed ahead ready to play hard like nothing had ever knocked him down in the first place.

See where I am going with this? Yes, we go through things that are overwhelming and at times cause us to feel defeated, crushed, destroyed, stressed, exhausted....but...the point is...we HAVE TO GET BACK UP AND PLAY THE GAME AND PUT THE PROBLEM IN THE PAST AND LEAVE IT THERE AS IF IT NEVER EXISTED! BECAUSE THEN GOD CAN GROW US IN OUR STRENGTH AND CREATE A STRONGER, WISER PLAYER!

And He does not want us to be a player that holds our head down in shame when we are weak...we are human, so He knows we are weak, that is when we lean on Him even more than normal for His strength and support. That is when we cry out to Jesus and He comes and picks us back us, steadies us while we find our footing again...and then restores our joy, peace, and strength so that we can press on.

As our boys played an awesome game, I loved seeing the joy and confidence on their faces as they score a basket...and how many points for a basket? 2. 2 points for each shot...and you have to take it one shot at a time. One basket at a time to win a game. You have to forget about the one you missed and focus on the next shot. 2 points at a time...and give it your all with each shot focusing only the goal; knowing that The Coach will give you guidance you need to be victorious! AMEN!

Bombs

Working on a bulletin board at work Friday afternoon, I was very caught up in my own thoughts. Overwhelmed and distracted, I was completely unaware of the bombs exploding in my classroom! Apparently the boys and some friends were playing some game on my computer and bombs were exploding at max volume! They were loud enough that the teacher across the hall had gone into my room to see what was going on, yet I was still working away and oblivious; as my mind was running around the massive demanding to do list, as well as wrestling with some big decisions and circumstance. I stayed unaware of the war in my room until another teacher finally got my attention by asking what is that noise? How did I miss that? I was asking myself as I ran in quickly trying to help them get the computer shut off and stop the thunderous explosions.

I believe God speaks to us in many ways...yet we often continue to beg God for wisdom and answers and guidance; unaware of the fact that He may have already tried to show us the way...we were just too caught up in our own chaos to hear His powerful voice. We are often too busy racing around to really focus on His peaceful guidance. Or, like I am so completely guilty of, we seek first after our family's advice, our friends' opinions, media's take on the subject, or anything else, until we are still left in the dark...then we beg God as a last result.

Like I said, guilty party speaking here. I do all of the above. I am a single mom of two boys who feels like I have to be Super Women + the Energizer Bunny + vampire with the super speed and ability to stay awake for a lifetime all in one! I know this is most of us...life is demanding most of the time...but...God says, "be still and know that I am God" (Isaiah)

When do we do this? It also says "seek FIRST the Kingdom of God." (Matthew) When do we do this? I believe God speaks to us and guides us often, as well as blesses us often in so many different ways...we just need to open our ears and eyes and hearts...and notice the explosion of God's love, peace, joy, strength, and wisdom all around us everyday!

Now, when I learn exactly how to do this and get perfect enough at doing this...I will surly post it on my blog....don't hold your breath for that or look for the update until I am in Heaven....but if they have Internet access up there...I will post about perfection right away :)
In the meantime...I will just keep pressing on toward the goal and daily be transformed into the image of Christ.

Will you press on with me? Together we will encourage and remind each other to, "be still and know God is God!" And, if we do seek after Him...we WILL FIND HIM, and His love and wisdom He will share! There are so many promises to that in His word...I would post some examples...but I am going to make you do some work this time...seek after Him, get in His word and find Jesus! Pray His promises and receive. Seek His wisdom and you will find!

Pastries

My son, who was cheering for the Giants during the Superbowl, could not say the word Patriots. He kept calling them pastries. Now, I am not too sure that these huge, muscular, tough, professional footballs players would actually like it if there team really was named the Pastries- a sweet baked food; sorta looses some strength wouldn't you say...

Well, I am on a team as well. I am on God's team. So let's look at the name of my team. God.

I had to pause there for a moment just at the mention of His name. God = omniscient (all knowing), omnipotence (all powerful), and omnipresence (everywhere at all times); this is whose team I am on!

So then...why do I lesson the strength of my team far too often? Why do I downgrade the power with my doubts? Why do I weaken the power with my worry? Why do I forfeit the game because of my fears?

With God as my coach, I have no reason to hold back in life, I have no reason to waist away fretting over all the details that need fixed, I have no reason to think that I will walk away from this game in defeat! The amazing thing is, I don't even have to wait for the end of the game to find out who wins!! GOD'S TEAM WINS! This is already a promise! I can start my victory dance now!!! Oh, two things I really love are winning and dancing! So this is great news to me!

I need to remember whose team I am on, and not just whose team I am on, but the POWER that comes with playing on God's side! Maybe you needed that reminder today too.
Maybe you want to be part of this amazing, powerful, joyful team as well....all you have to do is ask.

Call on Jesus and He will answer. He will take you into His arms and love on you in a way you have been searching for all your life, but have yet to been satisfied with by worldly love...His is far greater than you can ever imagine. So ask Him now to come into your heart and you will forever be changed...and...welcome to the team! God's team!

Now, like any good football team, we have to practice before the Superbowl...we have exercises that we have to go through that are hard, we have parts of us that need a good workout, we have endurance training, strength training, we have to learn/memorize the playbook, and we have to stay focused on the goal, knowing and believing there is victory! But if our coach believes in us...then we should march onto the field in confidence and prepare for daily victories, expect great things, and just enjoy being on God's team!

Under Construction

Remember the old school children's church song, "He's still working on me. To make me what I ought to be. It took Him just a week to make the moon and the stars. The sun and Earth and Jupiter and Mars. How loving and patient He must be, cuz He's still working on me."
Well...that song...and being broken in my prayer time on the way home from another great small group Church time, inspired this rap...lol...well at least I like to think I can rap, but...I guess you could also just call it a poem.

I'm under construction
Made by God himself - His creation
Being reformed and put through the fire
By the hands of the Sanctifier
To be tried and true
Knowing I face all things with You
The all powerful Father
Who never leaves me to bother
With all this mess on my own to be depressed
But in Your capable hands I offer it up so not to be stressed
As each day I learn more how to let go
And how to live more like Christ so my life does show
His mighty power and grace
For us humans trying to run a rat race
But never keepin up on my own might
That's why I must have God be my guiding light
Cuz when I try to juggle an everything falls
I learn that first I shoulda made some calls
Out to a Savior whose strength is all I need
Seek Him and His kingdom first in order to succeed.
Knowing that if I mess up
Won't hold my head down in shame and give up
But accept His grace and His perfection
Cuz I'm a child still under God's construction!


I am so glad that He is still working on me...
I am so glad that I am daily being sanctified and transformed...
I am so glad He is a patient and loving Father who always picks me back up when I fall flat on my face, when I screw up royally, when I sin, when I hate, when I hurt, when I break...
I am so glad that He is teaching me and guiding me...
sometimes gently, and sometimes more firmly...
but I am so thankful that I am under His construction plan!

Joy Trumps Junk

Watching the boys sleep, I was comforted by their peacefulness. I was overjoyed with how much I love them, how amazing they are, and how blessed I am to be their mother. Lately though, I feel like I have not been the best mother...I feel like my life is too crowded with chaos to be a good mom. There is hardly ever a dull quiet moment in this place. Well...with two very active boys what do you expect, but not just that, there is always so much going on, so much to do, so much work and responsibilities I have to take care of. I feel like I have to be the energizer bunny on speed!

So last night I really loved that moment that I got to pause and just watch them breathe peacefully for awhile...but even that peacefulness doesn't last long...one talks in his sleep, the other walks in his sleep, and mommy....does both....which probably explains why God is holding off on the whole me meeting Mr. Right and getting married anytime soon...He's gotta let the poor guy stock up on sleep while he can! It's like a 3 Ring Circus around here!

It just all seems overwhelming lately, and like there is no peace in our home. On top of the mess of life is the actual mess of a small apartment because I can't keep up with the cleaning because the work load and all the activities I have to keep up with for the boys. And this is something we all deal with....juggling life....but lately it is more like watching all the balls I'm trying to juggle crash quickly to the floor while some of them even go out of their way to knock me in the head on the way down!

I am ADHD so my mind is already like a million spinning tornadoes doing their damage in random directions...then add all the junk I have been dealing with, and I feel like such a mess! I know you understand...

So...what do we do? Well, we are children of God right? We do have a Savior to call on correct? And we have promises that we can speak with power into our lives. For example: "The joy of the Lord is my strength." Well - JOY TRUMPS JUNK ALWAYS!

Therefore, we need to speak the promises of God into our lives daily! Speak His joy, His peace, His wisdom, and His strength into our life...MAKE THAT A DAILY ROUTINE, PUT THAT ON THE TO DO LIST! And the great thing is, that He also promises when we seek Him first, not only will we find Him, but also everything else will fall into place. So all those things I am trying...and failing miserably, to juggle on my own, I need to place in the hands of Jesus and let him clear my head, erase my stress, lift the load, and allow joy to take over my life once again!

Have your chaos meet Christ, and allow Him to renew your mind and make is as clear as the Carolina blue sky!