I can sing praises to my Savior today, not because my circumstances have changed or gotten any better, but because in spite of my circumstances, my Savior has always stayed the same! He has always been faithfully by my side walking with me, carrying me through, growing me, strengthening me, and loving me. Even if I was completely unaware of Him, even when my faith wavered, He remained faithful to me.
So today I just want to count my blessings and focus on the goodness of God! Now obviously, I will not be able to type them all on here...the blog would run on for pages and pages, but I would like to give a good warm up list of reasons I have to sing even while the storm is raging all around.
* Riley and Brayden....oh, if you have ever met my boys, I would not need to go on with explanations...they are so much fun! They are so full of energy and joy that you cannot be around them for long and not smile, laugh, or just want to dance right along with them!
*We can dance!!!! We are healthy and blessed with rhythm and reasons to get up and shake our groove thing! We should hang a sign on our door that says: You must be willing to dance once you step through this door! Because we are always having random crazy dance parties in our place! And, I promise you, no matter what situations you are facing- you get up and shake it with us, it will shake the stress right off and give you reasons to smile again! Or at the very least cause laughter to stir in your soul again as you witness first hand our moves!
*I am breathing. Even though lately the words of this Lifehouse song are like my diary, "I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing, with a broken heart that's still bleeding."
I AM STILL BREATHING and that is reason to praise Him! I am still able to wake up and get out of bed and feel the warmth of the sunshine on my face as I step out the door!
*My Heavenly Father speaks to me in so many ways with so many wonderful reminders of his presence in my life. Like my last blog post, He spoke through a Secret Santa gift, He has spoke through unexpected financial blessings at the perfect time to remind me that He is my provider! He has spoke through a hug from a friend or help from a friend when I was in desperate need. He has spoken through songs and through His Word so many times to me as those promises bring hope and peace to my soul. He has spoken through book as he has challenged me to press on and praise Him as he daily prepares me for each battle I face, as He daily transforms me into His images, polishing me up to shine brightly with His glory! He is always there! "Never once did we ever walk alone, never once did you leave us on our own. You are faithful, God You are faithful."
*I do have wonderful family and friends in my life. If I add more to this one, I will not be able to type through the tears....I am blessed with wonderful people in my life we will just say that and say thank you to all of you!
*I have been blessed with talents that I can use to build His Kingdom. With my writing, my painting and my gift of gab (lol) I can share His word, His love, His promises and His grace to all those in need! So Lord, please help the words of my mouth and my actions be pleasing to You. Take away the negative, take away the complaining, take away the hurt and replace it all with words of praise for You so that I can shout it from the mountaintops and lead others towards a Savior because this world is in desperate need of You! And even though I may not have been blessed with the talent of singing (therefore cannot live my dream of rockin' out on stage...lol) I can still sing beautiful (in Your opinion, Lord) praises to You so that all can see the peace, joy, and strength you provide shine through my life and all the circumstances!
*I have a job, we have a roof over our head, we have food to eat, we have clothes to wear, and we are even blessed enough to have things we want as well! We are abundantly blessed! I can cuddle with my boys in a big chaise lounge chair and eat sweet, buttery popcorn and watch a movie on a flat screen TV while being lazy all day because of the blessing of Christmas break! We are more than blessed and I am so thankful!
*I am so thankful for the Christmas season, not just because of the break, although I was in such desperate need of recuperation time, that this is a huge blessing, but I am thankful because of the true reason for the season- CHRIST WAS BORN! He humbled Himself and came to this earth as a baby born in a manger to bring hope to a lost world! THANK YOU LORD!
*Grace pours abundantly from Jesus, and I am in abundant need of it! He loves me.....oh, how he loves me! WOW....I have to stop because when that sinks in, it is just so overwhelming! Nothing I have done has kept His loving arms too far out of reach for me! They are constantly open for me to run into and soak in His love and peace!
*I have been blessed with the ability to travel- I love to travel! I have been able to go to many places. I have been chased by wild elephants in Africa! I have had really great trips with my boys. One amazing trip we were blessed with by this awesome family was getting to go ride Thomas the Train when the boys were very little, I can still see and hear their excitement! We have gotten slobbered on by buffalo and laughed our heads off with my awesome family! We are blessed to have really gotten to experience life! I cannot wait to see more of the world and enjoy every moment of my life with my awesome boys, family, and friends!
*"I AM BLESSED AND HIGHLY FAVORED, SAVED BY THE GRACE OF A MIGHTY SAVIOR!"
*I can see the smiles on my boys' faces. I can hear their laughter and their, "I love yous", I can feel the warmth of the hugs, I have the ability to think and understand things and be able to play games with them, and usually win when I play! (LOL) I was blessed with a competitive drive that keeps me pushing forward ready not only to win at board games, but also that strong desire to take down the enemy that is trying to destroy this world. Even though I never like knowing the ending of books or movies- never, don't ever tell me the ending of something! I love the surprise! However, there is one ending I love knowing....I LOVE KNOWING THAT MY JESUS IS VICTORIOUS AND HE HAS ALREADY WON THE BATTLE- HE HAS ALREADY DEFEATED THE DEVIL AND THE DEVIL'S TIME IS LIMITED! CHRIST IS COMING AGAIN AND HE IS COMING FOR ME!!!!!!
I am blessed and thankful! Have a blessed day! Focus on the amazing Jesus and all His love for you!
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Friday, December 21, 2012
They call Him Savior
Yesterday I was reminded of why they call Him Savior....
My faith has been shaken over the last few months. I had actually began to very much doubt the existence of an almighty God, an all powerful Christ filled with compassion for His children, a comforter, a provider of strength, peace and joy, a healer, and a Savior. If there was a Savior, why was I drowning in darkness? If there was a comforter, why have I spent the last decade completely alone crying myself to sleep most nights; no family near me to turn to, and no husband to talk to- just me- all alone every single night? If there was a compassionate Christ why would he sit back and ignore the desires of my heart, my cries, my prayers, and allow the pain to deepen with each passing day? If there was an all powerful God, then why would He sit back on His throne and watch as a school full of precious children were brutally murdered? If there was a healer, then why did I pray with my boys every night powerful prayers for my cousin's wife to be healed of cancer, only to hear that she lost the battle?
How can I read promises of provided strength when I can barely even crawl out of bed lately? I feel broken beyond repair; I have been in a place where joy and peace are found in the same place as the "happily ever afters"- they are in the out of reach fairy tales. The darkness has devoured and destroyed all that I ever was and all that I ever believed in. I have lost sight of myself and more importantly I have lost sight of the one they call Savior. It has gotten worse when even those closest to me have now turned against me....no longer there to lean on or share my heart and hurt with. Therefore, I am again questioning God's plan and why I am left to pick up the pieces of my life alone. I apparently just throw a good dramatic pity party, but when you walk every day through thick fog trying desperately to see a nail-scarred hand reaching out to you to pull you through, yet only to find the fog thicken, the walk turn into a steep upward climb, and no one in sight to assist you in the journey- it gets exhausting.
I cannot even really share many of my other struggles, but they are there and lately too heavy to bare. I have tried to continue to seek the face of this Savior, crying out to Him, praying each night with my boys hoping that they cannot see that mommy is becoming lost. I want so badly to believe the words I paint across these canvases, "I am wonderfully made" and it is by a God who loves me, a God who is there for me, a God who has great plans for me, and a God who is real. I pray these things for those I make the paintings for; I want them to always walk in confidence and know that God is always there loving them and believing in them. However these last few months, I have come too close to giving up and not believing it for myself.
But yesterday, I was reminded that when you call on Jesus- you don't get a busy signal. When you seek after Him, He does not hide. When you need Him, you are not put on hold. Even if you cannot see, even if you cannot hear, even if you can not feel- HE HAS AND WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU.
My secret Santa delivered the final gift to me yesterday and when I opened it, I tried very hard not to break down bawling at our work party. Her gift was a reminder from a Savior that he is still in the business of saving me...I just need to continue to believe.
The plaque read:
My faith has been shaken over the last few months. I had actually began to very much doubt the existence of an almighty God, an all powerful Christ filled with compassion for His children, a comforter, a provider of strength, peace and joy, a healer, and a Savior. If there was a Savior, why was I drowning in darkness? If there was a comforter, why have I spent the last decade completely alone crying myself to sleep most nights; no family near me to turn to, and no husband to talk to- just me- all alone every single night? If there was a compassionate Christ why would he sit back and ignore the desires of my heart, my cries, my prayers, and allow the pain to deepen with each passing day? If there was an all powerful God, then why would He sit back on His throne and watch as a school full of precious children were brutally murdered? If there was a healer, then why did I pray with my boys every night powerful prayers for my cousin's wife to be healed of cancer, only to hear that she lost the battle?
How can I read promises of provided strength when I can barely even crawl out of bed lately? I feel broken beyond repair; I have been in a place where joy and peace are found in the same place as the "happily ever afters"- they are in the out of reach fairy tales. The darkness has devoured and destroyed all that I ever was and all that I ever believed in. I have lost sight of myself and more importantly I have lost sight of the one they call Savior. It has gotten worse when even those closest to me have now turned against me....no longer there to lean on or share my heart and hurt with. Therefore, I am again questioning God's plan and why I am left to pick up the pieces of my life alone. I apparently just throw a good dramatic pity party, but when you walk every day through thick fog trying desperately to see a nail-scarred hand reaching out to you to pull you through, yet only to find the fog thicken, the walk turn into a steep upward climb, and no one in sight to assist you in the journey- it gets exhausting.
I cannot even really share many of my other struggles, but they are there and lately too heavy to bare. I have tried to continue to seek the face of this Savior, crying out to Him, praying each night with my boys hoping that they cannot see that mommy is becoming lost. I want so badly to believe the words I paint across these canvases, "I am wonderfully made" and it is by a God who loves me, a God who is there for me, a God who has great plans for me, and a God who is real. I pray these things for those I make the paintings for; I want them to always walk in confidence and know that God is always there loving them and believing in them. However these last few months, I have come too close to giving up and not believing it for myself.
But yesterday, I was reminded that when you call on Jesus- you don't get a busy signal. When you seek after Him, He does not hide. When you need Him, you are not put on hold. Even if you cannot see, even if you cannot hear, even if you can not feel- HE HAS AND WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU.
My secret Santa delivered the final gift to me yesterday and when I opened it, I tried very hard not to break down bawling at our work party. Her gift was a reminder from a Savior that he is still in the business of saving me...I just need to continue to believe.
The plaque read:
FAITH
Faith makes things possible,
not easy.
No, life is not easy- you don't even have to turn on the tragic news to know that, but you do need to turn to the Word of God to know that you are never alone-no matter how badly you feel that way. He is there and He does have perfect plans for you no matter what you are facing; He can use your circumstances for good and He will build you up in your faith.
I have always liked a good battle, a good game- I am not one for a shut-out. I like it when an underdog can have an amazing comeback....well....it is comeback time and this warrior princess is very much prepared and armed for battle. I may have been broken and bruised, but I am not barren of power to destroy the darkness. I am armed with faith; faith that may have been shaken, but a faith that, even if small, can move mountains! A faith that believes in a God that turns the impossible to possible. A faith being built like a strong fortress because of the battles I face. A faith that knows why they call Jesus a Savior-
because when I was lost- He saved me!
Saturday, November 3, 2012
Shortie VS Satan SMACKDOWN!
As she enters the stadium, she is straining to look like a worthy adversary, but barely reaching 5 foot, her lowly stature is anything but scary. The crowds begin to boo and shout! "You'll never make it out of here alive Shortie you might as well back out!" "You are nothing!" You are weak!" "You have no fight in that five foot frame!" "Your loosing streak will continue, your counterattacks are quite lame!"
They continue to badger as she begins to face her feet, before the enemy even reaches the ring she can already feel the defeat. She has been in this ring and has fought him before, his attack has left her barely breathing and begging, "Please, no more!". It has left her with no fight; she finds herself frozen in place as the enemy comes to the ring with confidence on his face.
The demonic crowd backs their leader with a roaring eruption. His sinister lies search for their point of weakness and begin the destruction.
The crowds taunting turns to laughter at the sight of Shortie standing before Satan; she doesn't even make a sound her defeat is quite blatant. The weak woman is not even throwing a punch, Satan claims he might as well sit down and enjoy his lunch. This fight is over- the enemy has won; the weight of defeat on the shoulders of Shortie can be measured by the ton.
The crowd is now bored; they begin to walk away until they hear the slightest sound, what did Shortie say?
Whatever it was they are now in shock- as they see Satan slither away in defeat; the word she said he didn't even try to block. He had no defense against her attack; by the looks of his face he may not even be back! He is fleeting in terror and the crowds can not believe it is Shortie left in the ring- this must be an error!
She says it again, this time clear as day- the one word that made Satan cower and run away-
"JESUS!"
Shortie knew the promise of His word, she knew what would happen to Satan the minute he heard.
With the name of Jesus, Satan and all his demons and darkness must flee, and the one who speaks His name is left with strength and victory!
You see it doesn't matter the size of the Shortie in the fight, it is the size of the Savior in her that gives her all her power and might!
They continue to badger as she begins to face her feet, before the enemy even reaches the ring she can already feel the defeat. She has been in this ring and has fought him before, his attack has left her barely breathing and begging, "Please, no more!". It has left her with no fight; she finds herself frozen in place as the enemy comes to the ring with confidence on his face.
The demonic crowd backs their leader with a roaring eruption. His sinister lies search for their point of weakness and begin the destruction.
The crowds taunting turns to laughter at the sight of Shortie standing before Satan; she doesn't even make a sound her defeat is quite blatant. The weak woman is not even throwing a punch, Satan claims he might as well sit down and enjoy his lunch. This fight is over- the enemy has won; the weight of defeat on the shoulders of Shortie can be measured by the ton.
The crowd is now bored; they begin to walk away until they hear the slightest sound, what did Shortie say?
Whatever it was they are now in shock- as they see Satan slither away in defeat; the word she said he didn't even try to block. He had no defense against her attack; by the looks of his face he may not even be back! He is fleeting in terror and the crowds can not believe it is Shortie left in the ring- this must be an error!
She says it again, this time clear as day- the one word that made Satan cower and run away-
"JESUS!"
Shortie knew the promise of His word, she knew what would happen to Satan the minute he heard.
With the name of Jesus, Satan and all his demons and darkness must flee, and the one who speaks His name is left with strength and victory!
You see it doesn't matter the size of the Shortie in the fight, it is the size of the Savior in her that gives her all her power and might!
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Oh, Merry Meatballs
Well...as if life was not cherry and grand enough...it got even better today. Without going in to all the lovely details of life in my world...I will just say I have been barely hanging on. So I go grocery shopping at Walmart...yeah that was a smart choice, a definite mood lifter! LOL. But you know...I was trying. I sang along with an old song that came over the speakers, my mood began to lift. I had two quick but cheerful conversations with strangers and my mood began to lift. I ran in to an old student whom I love dearly- and again sunshine was returning. I was thinking of my awesome boys and some sweet treats we can make together and get back to enjoying life; which somehow caused a high grocery bill with only a few meats and a whole lot of sweets!
But then it happened....
I was in a hurry in the parking lot because it started raining pretty hard and people were waiting for my spot...let's see if you can make some predictions of what happens next...I will give you a minute...
Well...I was just chucking those bags of goodies in the car and trying to get out of the way. By rushing, I was being considerate of those and also- trying to get in the dry car quickly!
To my joyful surprise, when I opened my back door to get the groceries out- my back floor was no longer the light tan carpet- it was now Ocean Marinara!
Yes, the glass jar of spaghetti sauce was now broken and all over the back floor of my car! And of course it was not the cheap jar, it was the more expensive jar that I was excited to try!
It covered most of the other bags and also my son's very expensive big Lego book...you know because that is where it belongs- on the back floor of the car! And it was so fun to clean out in the rain!
This was just the icing on the cake! It was the cherry on top of the sundae! Or in this case, it was the meatball on top of the spaghetti!
So, what do you say- STUFF HAPPENS!
As ill and grumpy as I have,been, still gotta keep that phrase G rated!
Here's the thing- stuff does happen....bad stuff...and it can really bring you down.
But here's the more important thing- if this stuff happens and you don't know Jesus as your personal Savior- then it just leaves you hopeless.
With Jesus- there is HOPE!
No matter what you face today- crappy moments of marinara explosion or.....more serious circumstances...you have to know that you don't walk alone. And if you really focus and look at the bright side, there are those times that things come along in life and bring you joy- those are just little gifts from God. I heard this once at a women's conference- they are kisses from God! I love this! God is there in all are merry meatball moments! You know the moments when you ask, can life get any more miserable?! God is there! He may not actually clean up the marinara mess....but he can give you the strength to do it, he can wipe your tears after crying over it, he can restore joy and allow you to lift your hands and sing praise even when your hands are dripping with red sauce- he can erase those stains and restore your life! And along the way- he whispers his love to you with reminders of verses and promises, he sends supportive family and friends to cheer you up and helps you dance in the rain with a favorite song. He also gives you those moments, those reminders to laugh with your kids while looking at those Can You See What I See? books and having a hard time finding those objects while pointing out all the wrong things and....just being silly...I love those sweet, silly moments! I am blessed with millions more of those than those "my life is a mess" moments...if I just stop and realize it...
He blesses you, loves you, cares for you, protects you, lifts you up, shakes of the saucy mess, and allows you to keep on going! So seek him today and he will bring more comfort than spaghetti and meatballs-or any other comfort food that you search for after a lousy day!
Oh, and the other good (much less important, but still good) news is that the bag of marshmallows did not bare the wrath of the red sauce and they are OK so...I was able to make these yummy snacks: marshmallows dipped in caramel and chocolate on a stick! So..its all good people!! Found this recipe on Pinterest....yeah, what did we ever do before Pinterest came along? LOL.
But then it happened....
I was in a hurry in the parking lot because it started raining pretty hard and people were waiting for my spot...let's see if you can make some predictions of what happens next...I will give you a minute...
Well...I was just chucking those bags of goodies in the car and trying to get out of the way. By rushing, I was being considerate of those and also- trying to get in the dry car quickly!
To my joyful surprise, when I opened my back door to get the groceries out- my back floor was no longer the light tan carpet- it was now Ocean Marinara!
Yes, the glass jar of spaghetti sauce was now broken and all over the back floor of my car! And of course it was not the cheap jar, it was the more expensive jar that I was excited to try!
It covered most of the other bags and also my son's very expensive big Lego book...you know because that is where it belongs- on the back floor of the car! And it was so fun to clean out in the rain!
This was just the icing on the cake! It was the cherry on top of the sundae! Or in this case, it was the meatball on top of the spaghetti!
So, what do you say- STUFF HAPPENS!
As ill and grumpy as I have,been, still gotta keep that phrase G rated!
Here's the thing- stuff does happen....bad stuff...and it can really bring you down.
But here's the more important thing- if this stuff happens and you don't know Jesus as your personal Savior- then it just leaves you hopeless.
With Jesus- there is HOPE!
No matter what you face today- crappy moments of marinara explosion or.....more serious circumstances...you have to know that you don't walk alone. And if you really focus and look at the bright side, there are those times that things come along in life and bring you joy- those are just little gifts from God. I heard this once at a women's conference- they are kisses from God! I love this! God is there in all are merry meatball moments! You know the moments when you ask, can life get any more miserable?! God is there! He may not actually clean up the marinara mess....but he can give you the strength to do it, he can wipe your tears after crying over it, he can restore joy and allow you to lift your hands and sing praise even when your hands are dripping with red sauce- he can erase those stains and restore your life! And along the way- he whispers his love to you with reminders of verses and promises, he sends supportive family and friends to cheer you up and helps you dance in the rain with a favorite song. He also gives you those moments, those reminders to laugh with your kids while looking at those Can You See What I See? books and having a hard time finding those objects while pointing out all the wrong things and....just being silly...I love those sweet, silly moments! I am blessed with millions more of those than those "my life is a mess" moments...if I just stop and realize it...
He blesses you, loves you, cares for you, protects you, lifts you up, shakes of the saucy mess, and allows you to keep on going! So seek him today and he will bring more comfort than spaghetti and meatballs-or any other comfort food that you search for after a lousy day!
Oh, and the other good (much less important, but still good) news is that the bag of marshmallows did not bare the wrath of the red sauce and they are OK so...I was able to make these yummy snacks: marshmallows dipped in caramel and chocolate on a stick! So..its all good people!! Found this recipe on Pinterest....yeah, what did we ever do before Pinterest came along? LOL.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Conqueror!
Down in the dark, the trench, the abyss-
Life is chaotic, overwhelming, I feel clueless.
I don't know which way to go, which way to head-
I feel like a zombie- the walking dead.
The joy has been sucked from my life like a vacuum-
Everywhere I turn the signs read destruction and doom.
I don't know how to laugh anymore-
The house is a disasters- dishes piled higher than the cupboard door!
It's all too much to take-
I fear my sanity is at stake.
It's hard to take the next breath as the darkness devours
All the strength I have to survive another hour.
I have only one last hope, as I weep, I pray-
"Jesus!" WAIT....THAT IS ALL I NEED TO SAY!
"JESUS!!!!!!!!"
He shows up and picks me up from the dirt and dust!
Having Him as my Savior is an absolute must!
It is the key to not only surviving,
But giving Him my life means I will be thriving!
Releasing to Him my fears, my worry, my stress-
Allows Him to replace it with victory and success!
Not only will I no longer be dying,
But my blessings will be multiplying!
You see this is a promise from my Father above-
I am an heir to His throne, my God who is full of unconditional love!
We have more than we need with Jesus in our lives-
Those dark ditches no longer can bear down on us weight and strife!
He will restore my peace, my strength, my joy!
I can no longer be manipulated like the devil's toy.
I can shout powerful prayers and praise-
As His mighty hands grab me out of the deep- my life he does raise!
Because the same power that raised Christ from the dead on the third day-
Is the one that lives in me and allows me to say-
I AM MORE THAN A CONQUEROR THROUGH CHRIST!
So whatever you face you must know-
You are a winner with Jesus and through your life His glory will show!
Life is chaotic, overwhelming, I feel clueless.
I don't know which way to go, which way to head-
I feel like a zombie- the walking dead.
The joy has been sucked from my life like a vacuum-
Everywhere I turn the signs read destruction and doom.
I don't know how to laugh anymore-
The house is a disasters- dishes piled higher than the cupboard door!
It's all too much to take-
I fear my sanity is at stake.
It's hard to take the next breath as the darkness devours
All the strength I have to survive another hour.
I have only one last hope, as I weep, I pray-
"Jesus!" WAIT....THAT IS ALL I NEED TO SAY!
"JESUS!!!!!!!!"
He shows up and picks me up from the dirt and dust!
Having Him as my Savior is an absolute must!
It is the key to not only surviving,
But giving Him my life means I will be thriving!
Releasing to Him my fears, my worry, my stress-
Allows Him to replace it with victory and success!
Not only will I no longer be dying,
But my blessings will be multiplying!
You see this is a promise from my Father above-
I am an heir to His throne, my God who is full of unconditional love!
We have more than we need with Jesus in our lives-
Those dark ditches no longer can bear down on us weight and strife!
He will restore my peace, my strength, my joy!
I can no longer be manipulated like the devil's toy.
I can shout powerful prayers and praise-
As His mighty hands grab me out of the deep- my life he does raise!
Because the same power that raised Christ from the dead on the third day-
Is the one that lives in me and allows me to say-
I AM MORE THAN A CONQUEROR THROUGH CHRIST!
So whatever you face you must know-
You are a winner with Jesus and through your life His glory will show!
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Duck Tape Needed!
Does anyone have any duck tape? I need it for my mouth! Now, those of you that know me, yes this may seem funny because I never stop talking...but...I actually mean it for not just the fact that I can't stop talking...it is what I am saying....
This painting that I recently did will help set the stage for this lesson:
I have not been doing well with this lately...
I have been Debbie Down, I have been very negative, I have been yelling, screaming, fussing, fighting, speaking "I can'ts" into my life, daddy bashing, slang word slingin', mumbling, grumbling....and it goes on and on....
and on...and on...and on and on....like I said- I TALK WAY TOO MUCH!
Which would be OK (well in my book...lol...) if it was the old Christina who was much more positive, funny (the funniest- again in my book...lol), friendly, outgoing, social, upbeat....but...it has not been that way for awhile :(
So this is my new daily prayer...well let's face it- HOURLY- prayer, and it comes from the lyrics of one of my friend's songs:
This painting that I recently did will help set the stage for this lesson:
I have not been doing well with this lately...
I have been Debbie Down, I have been very negative, I have been yelling, screaming, fussing, fighting, speaking "I can'ts" into my life, daddy bashing, slang word slingin', mumbling, grumbling....and it goes on and on....
and on...and on...and on and on....like I said- I TALK WAY TOO MUCH!
Which would be OK (well in my book...lol...) if it was the old Christina who was much more positive, funny (the funniest- again in my book...lol), friendly, outgoing, social, upbeat....but...it has not been that way for awhile :(
So this is my new daily prayer...well let's face it- HOURLY- prayer, and it comes from the lyrics of one of my friend's songs:
"When I open my eyes, let your light shine.
WHEN I OPEN MY MOUTH- LET YOUR WORDS COME OUT!"
Help me Lord to speak positively! Help me speak your promises not only into my life, but also into the lives of others...even...yes even the lives of my enemies!! (well really only one enemy, but with that one- I REALLY NEED YOUR HELP! This is in reference to the whole daddy bashing thing for those who do not know me) Help me Lord to be uplifting and encouraging. Help me speak with faith and make mountains move! Help me inspire others with my words! Help me share love with my words! Help me to give you glory with everything that comes out of my mouth! Help me to build confidence in our young generations with my words! Help me to make new friends with my words and not loose the ones I already have because of my bitter self lately! Help me to teach my children about you with my words! Help me to show the fruits of the Spirit with my words! Help me to bring joy to my family's lives and others with my words! HELP ME WITH MY MOUTH LORD! HELP ME THINK BEFORE I SPEAK! IN JESUS NAME!
If Jesus can teach this blabber mouth blonde to use her brain before she blurts- then...there is hope for us all :) Just remember...if you are struggling with this as much as I have been...."there is no condemnation in Christ", so ask for forgiveness- AND MOVE ON- PRAYING FOR HIS HELP! Know that we are "daily being transformed into the image of Christ!" So be thankful He is still working on us and loves us even with our messed up mouths! He also loves us enough to challenge us and push us in the right direction! Therefore, keep this in mind, "I can do ALL things through CHRIST who gives me STRENGTH!".
P.S. Go to iTunes and check out that awesome song from my friend: "Take Control" by Devin Williams
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Shaken
What do you do when your faith is shaken?
You PRAY and PRESS ON! And a FAITHFUL FATHER will answer your cry by wrapping His loving arms around you and picking you up so you can persevere!
You seek after Him anyways with all your heart and you WILL find Him! (Jeremiah 29:13)
You cry out the powerful name of Jesus and He comes to replace your overwhelming stress with an abundance of peace. He comes to give you your next breath when you are hyperventilating; your next step when you are too weary to walk! He is real and He is there for you!
I have been very overwhelmed and exhausted this last few weeks, ready to run away and be done. I just feel completely drained. Walking is definitely not an option, I can barely crawl at this point. The worst part is I feel like I have nothing left to give to my boys. I can't even tuck them in bed, do devotions, say prayers, give secret handshakes like we do every night because I'm crawling in bed first! I have no energy and no fight left....and last night it caused me to cry out, "WHERE ARE YOU GOD? Are you really there?"
Why am I struggling so much? Why are panic attacks coming more frequently? Why are so many that I love lost and hurting? Why is a beautiful family being attacked with the devastation of a disease? Why can I not come home and speak to my children the way I really want to? Why am I screaming at them when they are innocent and need a mom who has it altogether? Why has the maid not cleaned this place up yet?! (Oh, ya..I can't afford one) Why can I not laugh anymore? (I used to be the blonde who told the best blonde jokes! Although, I must give credit to my awesome grandpa for most of those! I used to be the life of the party! I used to laugh!) Why am I so negative all the time now? Why am I all alone?
I feel like I am in this completely alone! I cannot move home unless I win the lottery to hire a lawyer to fight to be close to my family. And God you still have not brought a husband (or even a date) into the picture. Why have you not sent and strong man of God into our lives? Why have you not sent us someone who can help us get a home so the boys can have a large yard to run in and be boys! Someone who can help pay these bills because not only do I not have the money to pay them most of the time, I don't have the energy to even care to get them paid! I can continue to vent..I can go off big time about the ex and his complete lack of support for his children, but I will not..let's get to the good stuff! Let's get to where God finds me in the darkness and destroys its grip on my mind with His mighty, powerful hands! Let's get to the part where He reminds me I am not alone!
You see..God is real..and I know this because He has faithfully shown up in my life more times and in more ways than I can count! He has faithfully answered my cries with compassion, my pleas with promises, my poverty with power, my confusion with clarity, my worry with wisdom, and my hurt with healing!
He has shown His love, His presence, His answers, His power, His strength, His grace, His peace, and His joy again and again...He has also shown that He is not shaken by anything that happens in my life- IT DOES NOT CATCH GOD OFF GUARD AND HE HAS A PLAN!
One of the sweetest ways Jesus has responded to my desperate desires to find the answers to all my whys- is by whispering scriptures/promises to me. More than once in the mists of my mess the Holy Spirit has laid a verse on my heart, and still- with some doubt in my heart, I would find my Bible and look it up, only to be left weeping..this time for thankfulness; He has once again shown up and drawn me into His strong shelter ready to stabilize me and push me forward with strength!
Last night it was Psalm 13:
You PRAY and PRESS ON! And a FAITHFUL FATHER will answer your cry by wrapping His loving arms around you and picking you up so you can persevere!
You seek after Him anyways with all your heart and you WILL find Him! (Jeremiah 29:13)
You cry out the powerful name of Jesus and He comes to replace your overwhelming stress with an abundance of peace. He comes to give you your next breath when you are hyperventilating; your next step when you are too weary to walk! He is real and He is there for you!
I have been very overwhelmed and exhausted this last few weeks, ready to run away and be done. I just feel completely drained. Walking is definitely not an option, I can barely crawl at this point. The worst part is I feel like I have nothing left to give to my boys. I can't even tuck them in bed, do devotions, say prayers, give secret handshakes like we do every night because I'm crawling in bed first! I have no energy and no fight left....and last night it caused me to cry out, "WHERE ARE YOU GOD? Are you really there?"
Why am I struggling so much? Why are panic attacks coming more frequently? Why are so many that I love lost and hurting? Why is a beautiful family being attacked with the devastation of a disease? Why can I not come home and speak to my children the way I really want to? Why am I screaming at them when they are innocent and need a mom who has it altogether? Why has the maid not cleaned this place up yet?! (Oh, ya..I can't afford one) Why can I not laugh anymore? (I used to be the blonde who told the best blonde jokes! Although, I must give credit to my awesome grandpa for most of those! I used to be the life of the party! I used to laugh!) Why am I so negative all the time now? Why am I all alone?
I feel like I am in this completely alone! I cannot move home unless I win the lottery to hire a lawyer to fight to be close to my family. And God you still have not brought a husband (or even a date) into the picture. Why have you not sent and strong man of God into our lives? Why have you not sent us someone who can help us get a home so the boys can have a large yard to run in and be boys! Someone who can help pay these bills because not only do I not have the money to pay them most of the time, I don't have the energy to even care to get them paid! I can continue to vent..I can go off big time about the ex and his complete lack of support for his children, but I will not..let's get to the good stuff! Let's get to where God finds me in the darkness and destroys its grip on my mind with His mighty, powerful hands! Let's get to the part where He reminds me I am not alone!
You see..God is real..and I know this because He has faithfully shown up in my life more times and in more ways than I can count! He has faithfully answered my cries with compassion, my pleas with promises, my poverty with power, my confusion with clarity, my worry with wisdom, and my hurt with healing!
He has shown His love, His presence, His answers, His power, His strength, His grace, His peace, and His joy again and again...He has also shown that He is not shaken by anything that happens in my life- IT DOES NOT CATCH GOD OFF GUARD AND HE HAS A PLAN!
One of the sweetest ways Jesus has responded to my desperate desires to find the answers to all my whys- is by whispering scriptures/promises to me. More than once in the mists of my mess the Holy Spirit has laid a verse on my heart, and still- with some doubt in my heart, I would find my Bible and look it up, only to be left weeping..this time for thankfulness; He has once again shown up and drawn me into His strong shelter ready to stabilize me and push me forward with strength!
Last night it was Psalm 13:
O Lord, how long will you forget me? Forever?
How long will you look the other way?
How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul, with sorrow in my heart every day?
How long will my enemy have the upper hand?
Turn and answer me, O Lord my God!
Restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I will die.
Don't let my enemies gloat, saying, "we have defeated him!"
Don't let them rejoice at my downfall.
But I trust in your unfailing love.
I will rejoice because you have rescued me.
I will sing to the Lord because He is good to me.
I know God is faithful and He shows up with power when I am weak and He kicks butt and puts the enemy back in his place! When all hope is lost- I remember Jesus paid the cost! I remember I am an heir to the Kingdom of God and with that comes- well..everything! All power! All peace! Everything I need to persevere!
THANK YOU LORD!
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Conditioning
"It is amazing what your body can do when you condition it." -ROTC Soldier
This is very true. Seriously- we were created by an all powerful God, and we were created in His image- WE ARE WONDERFULLY MADE!
We are children of God, with this comes some pretty cool powers...and I am not talking like Power Rangers type powers (sorry boys watching that right now as I type), but even greater than that! The battle we fight against darkness usually takes place in our minds. Overpowering thoughts of unworthiness, defeat, anxiety, fears- crushing negative thoughts- can slowly slip us away from our Savior if we listen to them. If we believe the lies we become devastated and give up. So we must train our minds to think positively- it can be done. We must load our minds up with scriptures that are powerful and can pummel over the opponent with ease!
I am someone who has to fight the negative swirling thoughts daily, my overactive mind does not let up easily. But I know that it can be done- even for someone whose mind is racing faster than fighter jets and trying to weaken you until you are easily defeated with any circumstance that pops up. I just have to make daily choices to stay positive, speak positive, think positive, pray positive powerful prayers and live a positive life!
And even though I feel physically weak...have to get back to that training the body physically deal...lol..because of all that has been going on, I am actually feeling very positive about what all I am going to be facing this year. Riley, my son, and I have been praying hard about this school year- that I will be able to juggle all the responsibilities of single mom and teacher better this year, that I will not be stressed out and that joy and peace and strength and laughter and love will fill our home, hearts, and minds! These prayers are being answered!!!! I have a Savior that promises to give me strength to do all things- and He is following through! He will do the same for you! He has also been reminding me lately that He loves me and He is so faithful! He has placed people in our lives at just the right time to bless us- and I am so thankful to those people who have a heart that follows after God's ways! He has allowed situations to change in order to provide, He has comforted me, calmed me, and just loved on me these last few weeks in ways that have left me in awe of His power, grace, faithfulness, timing, and strength. I have fallen deeper in love with my Savior this last month and I am so excited about all the great plans He has in store! You see, He wants us to walk in victory and He is a coach that will do anything for us to stand firm in the battles and build confidence and faith along the way! So begin to daily train your mind to listen to the truths in God's word and begin to speak these truths into your life. TRAIN YOUR MOUTH AND MIND TO STAY POSITIVE!!!
Condition your mind to know these truths:
- Jesus loves you!
That's it. Period. No checklist. No criteria. No ifs, ands, or buts about it! He just loves you!
- Jesus is faithful!
He will never leave you nor forsake you. He will provide. He will be there at the call of His name. He will
follow through on His promises!
- If you seek Him you will find Him!
Seek Him with all your heart and He will be there!
- His grace will cover your mistakes!
Nothing you do will keep Him from loving you. When you mess up, you can ask forgiveness and MOVE
ON! KEEP MOVING FORWARD! Do not focus on the past list of screw-ups the Devil tries to remind
you of!
There are so many more promises in His word and so many more facts about His love for you. Get in it and get focused on training your mind to believe these things so you can thrive in life :)
This is very true. Seriously- we were created by an all powerful God, and we were created in His image- WE ARE WONDERFULLY MADE!
I paint these with the purpose of reminding others of this truth! I write about this, I try to instill this concept into my children and all children I work with and I daily try to remind myself. We are wonderfully knit together in our mother's womb by a loving God who cares for us more than we can ever imagine. Therefore our bodies can do more than what we realize...we just have to condition them to do what we want. The soldier was talking about how at times they have to carry about 200 pounds on their back while out in the field...I could not even lift the 50 pound bag they had there as an example! Being physically fit is very important of course...and I very much need to get my body physically back into shape! I know I can do it because I had a trainer years ago who showed me that I could do more than what I thought possible. I had a love/hate relationship with this trainer; when he said lunges- hate! (lol) But I did love how he pushed me and got me into shape. We need to physically take care of our bodies yes, but today I want to focus on what we can condition our mind to do!
We are children of God, with this comes some pretty cool powers...and I am not talking like Power Rangers type powers (sorry boys watching that right now as I type), but even greater than that! The battle we fight against darkness usually takes place in our minds. Overpowering thoughts of unworthiness, defeat, anxiety, fears- crushing negative thoughts- can slowly slip us away from our Savior if we listen to them. If we believe the lies we become devastated and give up. So we must train our minds to think positively- it can be done. We must load our minds up with scriptures that are powerful and can pummel over the opponent with ease!
I am someone who has to fight the negative swirling thoughts daily, my overactive mind does not let up easily. But I know that it can be done- even for someone whose mind is racing faster than fighter jets and trying to weaken you until you are easily defeated with any circumstance that pops up. I just have to make daily choices to stay positive, speak positive, think positive, pray positive powerful prayers and live a positive life!
And even though I feel physically weak...have to get back to that training the body physically deal...lol..because of all that has been going on, I am actually feeling very positive about what all I am going to be facing this year. Riley, my son, and I have been praying hard about this school year- that I will be able to juggle all the responsibilities of single mom and teacher better this year, that I will not be stressed out and that joy and peace and strength and laughter and love will fill our home, hearts, and minds! These prayers are being answered!!!! I have a Savior that promises to give me strength to do all things- and He is following through! He will do the same for you! He has also been reminding me lately that He loves me and He is so faithful! He has placed people in our lives at just the right time to bless us- and I am so thankful to those people who have a heart that follows after God's ways! He has allowed situations to change in order to provide, He has comforted me, calmed me, and just loved on me these last few weeks in ways that have left me in awe of His power, grace, faithfulness, timing, and strength. I have fallen deeper in love with my Savior this last month and I am so excited about all the great plans He has in store! You see, He wants us to walk in victory and He is a coach that will do anything for us to stand firm in the battles and build confidence and faith along the way! So begin to daily train your mind to listen to the truths in God's word and begin to speak these truths into your life. TRAIN YOUR MOUTH AND MIND TO STAY POSITIVE!!!
Condition your mind to know these truths:
- Jesus loves you!
That's it. Period. No checklist. No criteria. No ifs, ands, or buts about it! He just loves you!
- Jesus is faithful!
He will never leave you nor forsake you. He will provide. He will be there at the call of His name. He will
follow through on His promises!
- If you seek Him you will find Him!
Seek Him with all your heart and He will be there!
- His grace will cover your mistakes!
Nothing you do will keep Him from loving you. When you mess up, you can ask forgiveness and MOVE
ON! KEEP MOVING FORWARD! Do not focus on the past list of screw-ups the Devil tries to remind
you of!
There are so many more promises in His word and so many more facts about His love for you. Get in it and get focused on training your mind to believe these things so you can thrive in life :)
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Mirror, Mirror
What are our children learning from us?
Lately I have really noticed behaviors, actions, comments, and attitudes of mine mirrored in my boys. It is a cliche to talk about what our children pick up from us as parents, but this summer I have really thought a lot about it and have seen things that make me proud, and I have seen things that make me want to cry in shame. I can teach the boys all the time how to react to circumstances, I can teach the boys all the time how to walk in confidence, I can teach the boys all the time how to speak positively, I can teach the boys all the time how to trust in God; but all that is- is talk. Yes, I am a talented talker...we know that...lol...but what are the boys really picking up from me? My actions. What are they reflecting? My actions.
For example, I am very tough on myself, especially when it comes to crafty projects and painting. I like things to be perfect. I did not realize how much I pick on my own self and fuss over every minor detail- or mistake as I see them, until I watched the boys do it this summer on several occasions. But ain't I teaching them how to be positive and confident? I can tell them all day long how to react positively to situations that do not go our way....but do they see me do this? Riley was just so devastated and frustrated over a new 97 cent Hot Wheel car he just bought that is not working right; I was trying to tell him to let it go and pray for peace when things upset you or don't work out the way you want them too....but is that how I have reacted to situations for them to see how it works? I don't need to answer that on here...it's too sad of a truth.
I am not calling us out as parents and saying we must be perfect or else our kids are screwed...well because...they'd be screwed! We are not perfect parents...but...the good news is we do have a perfect Heavenly Father to strive to be like; He can shine brightly through us so our children can see His image above all our many mistakes. And even though we live in a dark world that tends to mess with our moods far too often...there is more good news...this same wonderful Heavenly Father is DAILY TRANSFORMING us into His image! So even though we make mistakes we can relax knowing that He is not finished with us yet and He is making us stronger and smarter each day! Our kids will see that even though Mommy is not perfect, her Messiah is--and He loves her even with all her imperfections--and I want a love like that in my life, so I will mirror her faith in my journey as well; knowing that I may fall but never fail with a Father like that on my side.
I could sit here and cry about some of the things I have seen the boys do that reflects that bad Mommy that I sometimes think I am; which would result in a feeling of failure too deep to get over...OR I CAN FOCUS ON MY FATHER and allow Him to keep working on me. I can pray for forgiveness for my faults, strength for this whole single parenting thing that is far beyond difficult most of the time, joy for the times my juggling efforts have failed again and all seems to be crashing down on me, peace for the moments that negativity and defeat are being poured into my mind like quick working cement ready to stay, and for wisdom on how to walk in His footsteps so that my boys are right there walking with us.
We do get things right as parents...so also I want to remind us to focus on those things :) The dishes may not get done everyday, the red Kool-Aid may not have gotten completely washed off their faces before we went out in public, the strong-willed tantrum thrown at the restaurant may have provided a battle of the century for all the onlookers, and the meal you made that no one in your house likes might not make it to the Food Network Cookbook, but....we do get some things right as parents...so let us focus on the positive things only :)
So...I am reminded that my boys mirror what I do and as scary as this is...it is very beautiful thing...like when it comes in the form of bed time prayers that my ten year old has been praying each night this week...
Give me a moment...crying time....
Sweet tears are flowing as I think of his thoughtful words of prayers that he knows because...Mommy has been showing him some wonderful, powerful things about this Savior named Jesus. He has picked up these things and has shown his faith not only in his prayers, but in his strong belief that those prayers are being answered! He prayed one night for people to be healed because he knew about a girl from his old school that needed a heart transplant. He prayed for her and then went on to pray for all those in the hospital. He woke up the next day saying, "I wonder how many people were healed last night?!" Not, I wonder IF anyone was healed...but he KNEW HIS PRAYERS WERE ANSWERED and asked how many! So you see...he must be picking up something good :)
I just wanted to remind us as parents of our responsibilities in a way not to overwhelm us, but just as a gentle, loving reminder of the importance of what we show through our words and actions, and to pray for His life to be shown through us each day so that we can disciple our children to follow passionately after Jesus.
Just put Jesus first...He will reflect in your life, and in your children's lives, and it will continue and we will build up generations of warriors for Christ, not through our imperfections, but through His perfection in us!
Oh and P.S. GO GIVE YOUR KIDS A HUGE HUG AND JUST LOVE ON THEM :) We all need some good cuddle time with those precious gifts of God :)
Lately I have really noticed behaviors, actions, comments, and attitudes of mine mirrored in my boys. It is a cliche to talk about what our children pick up from us as parents, but this summer I have really thought a lot about it and have seen things that make me proud, and I have seen things that make me want to cry in shame. I can teach the boys all the time how to react to circumstances, I can teach the boys all the time how to walk in confidence, I can teach the boys all the time how to speak positively, I can teach the boys all the time how to trust in God; but all that is- is talk. Yes, I am a talented talker...we know that...lol...but what are the boys really picking up from me? My actions. What are they reflecting? My actions.
For example, I am very tough on myself, especially when it comes to crafty projects and painting. I like things to be perfect. I did not realize how much I pick on my own self and fuss over every minor detail- or mistake as I see them, until I watched the boys do it this summer on several occasions. But ain't I teaching them how to be positive and confident? I can tell them all day long how to react positively to situations that do not go our way....but do they see me do this? Riley was just so devastated and frustrated over a new 97 cent Hot Wheel car he just bought that is not working right; I was trying to tell him to let it go and pray for peace when things upset you or don't work out the way you want them too....but is that how I have reacted to situations for them to see how it works? I don't need to answer that on here...it's too sad of a truth.
I am not calling us out as parents and saying we must be perfect or else our kids are screwed...well because...they'd be screwed! We are not perfect parents...but...the good news is we do have a perfect Heavenly Father to strive to be like; He can shine brightly through us so our children can see His image above all our many mistakes. And even though we live in a dark world that tends to mess with our moods far too often...there is more good news...this same wonderful Heavenly Father is DAILY TRANSFORMING us into His image! So even though we make mistakes we can relax knowing that He is not finished with us yet and He is making us stronger and smarter each day! Our kids will see that even though Mommy is not perfect, her Messiah is--and He loves her even with all her imperfections--and I want a love like that in my life, so I will mirror her faith in my journey as well; knowing that I may fall but never fail with a Father like that on my side.
I could sit here and cry about some of the things I have seen the boys do that reflects that bad Mommy that I sometimes think I am; which would result in a feeling of failure too deep to get over...OR I CAN FOCUS ON MY FATHER and allow Him to keep working on me. I can pray for forgiveness for my faults, strength for this whole single parenting thing that is far beyond difficult most of the time, joy for the times my juggling efforts have failed again and all seems to be crashing down on me, peace for the moments that negativity and defeat are being poured into my mind like quick working cement ready to stay, and for wisdom on how to walk in His footsteps so that my boys are right there walking with us.
We do get things right as parents...so also I want to remind us to focus on those things :) The dishes may not get done everyday, the red Kool-Aid may not have gotten completely washed off their faces before we went out in public, the strong-willed tantrum thrown at the restaurant may have provided a battle of the century for all the onlookers, and the meal you made that no one in your house likes might not make it to the Food Network Cookbook, but....we do get some things right as parents...so let us focus on the positive things only :)
So...I am reminded that my boys mirror what I do and as scary as this is...it is very beautiful thing...like when it comes in the form of bed time prayers that my ten year old has been praying each night this week...
Give me a moment...crying time....
Sweet tears are flowing as I think of his thoughtful words of prayers that he knows because...Mommy has been showing him some wonderful, powerful things about this Savior named Jesus. He has picked up these things and has shown his faith not only in his prayers, but in his strong belief that those prayers are being answered! He prayed one night for people to be healed because he knew about a girl from his old school that needed a heart transplant. He prayed for her and then went on to pray for all those in the hospital. He woke up the next day saying, "I wonder how many people were healed last night?!" Not, I wonder IF anyone was healed...but he KNEW HIS PRAYERS WERE ANSWERED and asked how many! So you see...he must be picking up something good :)
I just wanted to remind us as parents of our responsibilities in a way not to overwhelm us, but just as a gentle, loving reminder of the importance of what we show through our words and actions, and to pray for His life to be shown through us each day so that we can disciple our children to follow passionately after Jesus.
Just put Jesus first...He will reflect in your life, and in your children's lives, and it will continue and we will build up generations of warriors for Christ, not through our imperfections, but through His perfection in us!
Oh and P.S. GO GIVE YOUR KIDS A HUGE HUG AND JUST LOVE ON THEM :) We all need some good cuddle time with those precious gifts of God :)
Saturday, August 11, 2012
ATTITUDE
We are very quick to catch when our kids need an attitude adjustment. We are also very quick to make snap judgments about others who need a personality repair. However the mirror we look into can sometimes seem to blur the black cloud of bitterness, negativity, depression, anger, sorrow, spitefulness, or gloom that hangs over our own head at times.
Have you been there? I am this week....just being honest. I am in a rotten mood. I am sure part of it is because my summer is ending and reality is settling in on a sour note, but I know that is not the only reason. I am allowing bitterness about my irresponsible ex-husband to fester in my soul. I am tired of the fact that he gets to do whatever he wants to do and get away with it, while I work so hard and still don't make ends meet and still cannot get a house for the boys and I...something we want very badly. He gets to leave the country and not pay child support for most of their lives, but I am stuck here under his control and cannot even move back to Ohio with my family unless I come up with a ton of money to fight it in court. Yes, I guess I am on the life is not fair tantrum stage. Those who know me, know this story well about my ex, for those who do not, I will not go into any details...well because it will just darken my mood even more, but yes...he does get away with doing whatever he wants and no one does anything about it. He loves the control he knows he has over my life...it is one of the millions of reasons I left him in the first place, his very domineering, controlling, manipulative, deceitful attitude....but yet here I am....divorced for about a decade and still living under his domineering control. The worst part is watching the two people that mean most to me in the world have to also deal with his disappointments. And I will stop there...before I cry over it even more, or throw the computer hoping it will release some of the rage built up in me.
So....you see...I am in a rotten mood. If a good friend can please come slap it out of me, it would be greatly appreciated. Along with the anger, confusion enters the scene ready to contort my attitude even more. I have big dreams of getting a house for us, and having my family live closer so I can hug my mom whenever I want, and watch my sweet nieces grow up. I also want my dream of becoming a published writer to just fall into place so I can begin sharing a loving Savior with millions through creative writing dealing with circumstances that often fight for control over our life leaving us in the mist of chaos and despair. Apparently I have also been in the begging why questions every few minutes stage.
Have you been there? I am sure we all go through these stages. So how do we get out? How do I strengthen my faith to the point of believing that God is the one who truly has control over my life so that I do not live in this dark pit of what seems to be an empowered ex-husband pressing the very life out of me? How do I crawl out of that pit of strangling thoughts ready to destroy me?
Well, I think it starts with a simple statement of, "this too shall pass". I need to know that feelings come and go and my mood will lighten, along with the circumstances I face. But I also must take action...if I just sit back and relax in my pit, then it will soon become a lifestyle instead of a moment of weakness. I have to fight back....and I have to remember who the real enemy is and fight back against him; not putting the target on my ex.....Lord-I need your help with that one right now!
How do I fight back? The power of prayer, praise, and positive promises.
I need to get on my knees instead of on the phone complaining to anyone who will listen about my crappy mood. I need to put the praise and worship music on and listen to the lyrics with an intensity that overrides that racket raiding my mind. Then I need to allow that praise to flow to my lips and combat the negative with words of worship to a faithful Jesus. Because I am telling you....with all the above mess...and whatever your story is that causes you to either slip easily into manic moods, or allows you to live daily in a destructive, depressive state of mind...none of it compares to the power of Jesus. Just calling on His name can immediately bring a stillness to your soul that will begin to sweep away the stress. I know this because of the millions of positive promises in His word. Open it...read it...believe it...speak it...receive it...live it.
And on top of it all remember this:
He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy.
And this is found in the book of Job. If you do not know that story of Job...read it...it will make your day look better! I know my sorrows are little compared to what many face...but please still know that no matter how big your difficult situation is- GOD IS BIGGER. And He does love you in a way you can not even comprehend; therefore, He will get you through this...weather it is just a bad mood, a bad day, a bad past, a bad lifestyle, a bad situation, or a bad mindset- HE IS STILL BIGGER! So allow Him to not only lighten your load, but also change your attitude about whatever you are facing! Immediately begin by praying, praising, and speaking positive promises into your life...if it helps....I am doing it right along with your right now! With His strength- we can do it :)
P.S. OK, I know this is already long, but I have to add this...I was just watching this dancing television show and the ballet dancer was on stage when someone trying to ruin him pulled the plug on his music. This was for a major event that would determine a lot about their future...so what do you do when the unexpected happens? It is all about your attitude. He could have run off stage crying ashamed, embarrassed, or discouraged. He could of became angry at the enemy ballet dancer trying to destroy him and let that take over his emotions. But he did neither. He told the audience to watch and imagine the music in their head and went on to display a top-notch excellent performance....before it ended a friend got the music back on and everything worked out. ATTITUDE IS IMPORTANT not the situations you face...because you have a Savior to turn the music back on as long as you keep dancing joyfully in the mist of the mess.
Have you been there? I am this week....just being honest. I am in a rotten mood. I am sure part of it is because my summer is ending and reality is settling in on a sour note, but I know that is not the only reason. I am allowing bitterness about my irresponsible ex-husband to fester in my soul. I am tired of the fact that he gets to do whatever he wants to do and get away with it, while I work so hard and still don't make ends meet and still cannot get a house for the boys and I...something we want very badly. He gets to leave the country and not pay child support for most of their lives, but I am stuck here under his control and cannot even move back to Ohio with my family unless I come up with a ton of money to fight it in court. Yes, I guess I am on the life is not fair tantrum stage. Those who know me, know this story well about my ex, for those who do not, I will not go into any details...well because it will just darken my mood even more, but yes...he does get away with doing whatever he wants and no one does anything about it. He loves the control he knows he has over my life...it is one of the millions of reasons I left him in the first place, his very domineering, controlling, manipulative, deceitful attitude....but yet here I am....divorced for about a decade and still living under his domineering control. The worst part is watching the two people that mean most to me in the world have to also deal with his disappointments. And I will stop there...before I cry over it even more, or throw the computer hoping it will release some of the rage built up in me.
So....you see...I am in a rotten mood. If a good friend can please come slap it out of me, it would be greatly appreciated. Along with the anger, confusion enters the scene ready to contort my attitude even more. I have big dreams of getting a house for us, and having my family live closer so I can hug my mom whenever I want, and watch my sweet nieces grow up. I also want my dream of becoming a published writer to just fall into place so I can begin sharing a loving Savior with millions through creative writing dealing with circumstances that often fight for control over our life leaving us in the mist of chaos and despair. Apparently I have also been in the begging why questions every few minutes stage.
Have you been there? I am sure we all go through these stages. So how do we get out? How do I strengthen my faith to the point of believing that God is the one who truly has control over my life so that I do not live in this dark pit of what seems to be an empowered ex-husband pressing the very life out of me? How do I crawl out of that pit of strangling thoughts ready to destroy me?
Well, I think it starts with a simple statement of, "this too shall pass". I need to know that feelings come and go and my mood will lighten, along with the circumstances I face. But I also must take action...if I just sit back and relax in my pit, then it will soon become a lifestyle instead of a moment of weakness. I have to fight back....and I have to remember who the real enemy is and fight back against him; not putting the target on my ex.....Lord-I need your help with that one right now!
How do I fight back? The power of prayer, praise, and positive promises.
I need to get on my knees instead of on the phone complaining to anyone who will listen about my crappy mood. I need to put the praise and worship music on and listen to the lyrics with an intensity that overrides that racket raiding my mind. Then I need to allow that praise to flow to my lips and combat the negative with words of worship to a faithful Jesus. Because I am telling you....with all the above mess...and whatever your story is that causes you to either slip easily into manic moods, or allows you to live daily in a destructive, depressive state of mind...none of it compares to the power of Jesus. Just calling on His name can immediately bring a stillness to your soul that will begin to sweep away the stress. I know this because of the millions of positive promises in His word. Open it...read it...believe it...speak it...receive it...live it.
And on top of it all remember this:
He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy.
And this is found in the book of Job. If you do not know that story of Job...read it...it will make your day look better! I know my sorrows are little compared to what many face...but please still know that no matter how big your difficult situation is- GOD IS BIGGER. And He does love you in a way you can not even comprehend; therefore, He will get you through this...weather it is just a bad mood, a bad day, a bad past, a bad lifestyle, a bad situation, or a bad mindset- HE IS STILL BIGGER! So allow Him to not only lighten your load, but also change your attitude about whatever you are facing! Immediately begin by praying, praising, and speaking positive promises into your life...if it helps....I am doing it right along with your right now! With His strength- we can do it :)
P.S. OK, I know this is already long, but I have to add this...I was just watching this dancing television show and the ballet dancer was on stage when someone trying to ruin him pulled the plug on his music. This was for a major event that would determine a lot about their future...so what do you do when the unexpected happens? It is all about your attitude. He could have run off stage crying ashamed, embarrassed, or discouraged. He could of became angry at the enemy ballet dancer trying to destroy him and let that take over his emotions. But he did neither. He told the audience to watch and imagine the music in their head and went on to display a top-notch excellent performance....before it ended a friend got the music back on and everything worked out. ATTITUDE IS IMPORTANT not the situations you face...because you have a Savior to turn the music back on as long as you keep dancing joyfully in the mist of the mess.
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Faith
I have been reading a series by my favorite author Karen Kingsbury, the Redemption series. I love her characters so much; I just want to sit down and have dinner with them, hang out with them, laugh and cry with them...well the crying part I do often enough while I read! Reading the second book, I was so involved in the story one night until I finally realized I should check the time and get to sleep because I was going to the beach the next day...it was already after 5 AM! I had not realized I had been reading all night!
The only frustrating thing is that I have already read some of her other series and did not know that I should have read the Redemption series first. A few of her other series intertwine the Baxter family in them and they take place later on in life. Well, this means that now while reading about the Baxter family...I already know the way some things work out later. One thing that really annoys me is if someone or something ruins the ending of a book or movie for me; I love to be surprised! So this was a little frustrating that I already knew that even though some things looked bad or looked a certain way...I knew what worked out and what did not work out; yet I still enjoyed the books so much that I would almost say they are my new favorites. (it is very hard to choose a favorite they all are so amazing)
The 4th book in the series has been a little different for me; I am going to try not to give away too much because if you have never read these books- you have to! Therefore, I don't want to spoil anything :) The events in this book are not things that I remember hearing about in the other books that I have read. I was just thinking about this while doing dishes. I have not been flying through this book as fast as I have with the others, and I have been having a hard time with the major devastating event taking place....and I realized it was because I don't know how it turns out.
Hmmmm.....this was new for me with books...wanting to know the ending before I get there...and very concerned that it will turn out even more tragic than a Shakespeare play! Even some of the characters in her story built around a very strong faith in God are struggling to believe that God has a happily ever after ending in store. I am writing today to remind myself of some truths that I believe with all that I am....even if some days they seem to be clouded over with confusion, all I need to do is dive into His word, pray, and begin to praise Him; then it all becomes clear again...even if the ending is not in sight...the final outcome is.
I may not see what is in store for this character in this book and I may not see what exactly is happening in my life. I mean seriously, will I stay single for another century before finally getting a "happily ever after"? Will I ever see my dream become a reality and touch the lives of millions through my best selling novels pointing people toward a powerful Jesus and a hope-filled life like Karen Kingsbury does? Will God send a clear sign of where is the best place to live for the boys and I, and open the door for it to happen; or will I continue to be pulled in a tug-a-war act of confusion with no peace in sight? Will those I love that have fallen away from God ever find the nearness of His loving arms again? Will I see loved ones healed from illnesses that are marked impossible and terminal? The answers to these questions and many more may not be clear cut or plastered on billboards for easy notice, but...I know who holds all the answers and I know that all those promises above, and many more, are what brings peace to my soul, joy to my life, and love to my heart.. It also builds my faith and allows me to persevere. Because what is faith?
"Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see."
Hebrews 11:1-2
If we can see all that life has to offer, if we know all the answers, if we have no sorrows, if we are all powerful, then we wouldn't need Jesus would we? Faith is being able to believe even when we cannot see...even when we don't know the ending of the book...or the outcomes of our lives...we must believe that He does and He has it all worked out for good and He planned it all out of love.
The only frustrating thing is that I have already read some of her other series and did not know that I should have read the Redemption series first. A few of her other series intertwine the Baxter family in them and they take place later on in life. Well, this means that now while reading about the Baxter family...I already know the way some things work out later. One thing that really annoys me is if someone or something ruins the ending of a book or movie for me; I love to be surprised! So this was a little frustrating that I already knew that even though some things looked bad or looked a certain way...I knew what worked out and what did not work out; yet I still enjoyed the books so much that I would almost say they are my new favorites. (it is very hard to choose a favorite they all are so amazing)
The 4th book in the series has been a little different for me; I am going to try not to give away too much because if you have never read these books- you have to! Therefore, I don't want to spoil anything :) The events in this book are not things that I remember hearing about in the other books that I have read. I was just thinking about this while doing dishes. I have not been flying through this book as fast as I have with the others, and I have been having a hard time with the major devastating event taking place....and I realized it was because I don't know how it turns out.
Hmmmm.....this was new for me with books...wanting to know the ending before I get there...and very concerned that it will turn out even more tragic than a Shakespeare play! Even some of the characters in her story built around a very strong faith in God are struggling to believe that God has a happily ever after ending in store. I am writing today to remind myself of some truths that I believe with all that I am....even if some days they seem to be clouded over with confusion, all I need to do is dive into His word, pray, and begin to praise Him; then it all becomes clear again...even if the ending is not in sight...the final outcome is.
Meaning that I know this; "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11
I also know this, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him."
Romans 8:28
I am well aware of this fact also and pray that I will do better with it daily, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God,which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. "
And this is something that in the mist of negativity, and lies from an enemy that I have to claim hourly, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength"
Philippians 4:13
and “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
Then there is this truth that allows me to find comfort in the questioning of life,
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
I may not see what is in store for this character in this book and I may not see what exactly is happening in my life. I mean seriously, will I stay single for another century before finally getting a "happily ever after"? Will I ever see my dream become a reality and touch the lives of millions through my best selling novels pointing people toward a powerful Jesus and a hope-filled life like Karen Kingsbury does? Will God send a clear sign of where is the best place to live for the boys and I, and open the door for it to happen; or will I continue to be pulled in a tug-a-war act of confusion with no peace in sight? Will those I love that have fallen away from God ever find the nearness of His loving arms again? Will I see loved ones healed from illnesses that are marked impossible and terminal? The answers to these questions and many more may not be clear cut or plastered on billboards for easy notice, but...I know who holds all the answers and I know that all those promises above, and many more, are what brings peace to my soul, joy to my life, and love to my heart.. It also builds my faith and allows me to persevere. Because what is faith?
"Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see."
Hebrews 11:1-2
If we can see all that life has to offer, if we know all the answers, if we have no sorrows, if we are all powerful, then we wouldn't need Jesus would we? Faith is being able to believe even when we cannot see...even when we don't know the ending of the book...or the outcomes of our lives...we must believe that He does and He has it all worked out for good and He planned it all out of love.
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Old Song
Walking into my kitchen, I saw something I had forgotten I had written awhile ago on my chalkboard. It was an old song, but it was exactly the reminder I needed today...
Remember that and turn to Him. Let go of everything else weighing you down and breathe in His peace.
"Turn your eyes upon Jesus.
Look full in His wonderful face,
and the things of Earth will go strangely dim,
in the light of His glory and grace."
All the things we worry and fret over...fade when we focus on the Heavenly Father.Remember that and turn to Him. Let go of everything else weighing you down and breathe in His peace.
Monday, July 23, 2012
wiped out and washed over
Have you ever been standing in the ocean with your back to the waves? Maybe it was to wave at a friend on the shore, or maybe it was because you forgot for a moment about the source of power lurking behind you. Suddenly you are wiped out and washed over with a force you fear you cannot compete with. For those watching it may even seem funny at first. For you, it can quickly become frightening as the waves slap forcefully into your back, knocking the wind out of you for a moment. Dragging you beneath the weight of rushing water, the fierce waves are ready to pull you into the deep as they send you tumbling along scraping your body against the sandy bottom. This may not be too bad, except for the millions of sharp broken shells mixed in with that sand that are now tearing at your sensitive skin feeling like course sandpaper instead of powder soft sand that you like to bury your feet in. Finding your footing for the next few minutes is a huge challenge as the relentless waves continue their attack. You could have handled all this had you saw it coming. You are a good swimmer, you love the ocean, but...your back was turned for that moment as the enormous wave was formed and found you.
I woke up two nights ago with this metaphor on my mind because this is one of the ways the enemy works. Blindsiding you, he attacks when you think you are standing firm and least expecting it. I was enjoying my summer and everything was going fine....then suddenly I found my self in a really sad, confused, frustrated mood. Attacked with turmoil, I have had a hard time finding my footing these last few days and I am not sure why. Just so many emotions rushing over me crushing me; I went to bed with my mind just swarming with negative thoughts about myself. This is something, if you have read many of my blog post, that I have faced often over my life; however, I have felt stronger than ever these last few years able to battle them mostly with ease...but like I said, it is when you are not expecting it that the Devil knocks you off your feet. I lay there dwelling on everything I had been doing wrong lately. Do any of these rants and ravings sound familiar to you? I am a failure. I messed up my bank account again, how stupid can I be? I cannot even get a nice home for my boys with a backyard for them to play in because I have messed up too many times in my life with career choices and managing money. I can't even keep the small apartment we have clean, how hard can it be? I am a failure at that too. I barely cook anymore...which is why my bank account is far too often bouncing as we parade around to the surrounding fast food places far too often. I am too hard on my kids. I am too annoying to my friends, I am too confused to make a decision, I am too unfocused to get anything done. Have I mentioned I am a failure?
I hate to even write these transparent feelings, because then of course I feel even worse allowing the world to see my weakness; however, I also know that there are others out there that can recognize the rapid fire lies that can attack the mind and disguise themselves as truths to be weighed down with- leaving you feel miserable. If you are reading this and you have been there...or are there now...you are not alone. Another lie that comes with the relentless rambling of lies above is that you are the only one that does not have it all together, everyone else can handle all that life throws at them, you are alone in your mess. Well...you are not alone. I have been faced with the tormenting lies most of my life. But more importantly than knowing that you are not the only one that faces the crashing, crushing battle of emotions is that again knowing you are not alone- BECAUSE JESUS IS WITH YOU!
If you listen you can hear his truths above the turmoil. You are "wonderfully made". You are His beloved child and if you can choose to believe that you will be able to see further than all those flaws you think you have- to the beauty that He knows you have. Listen to His loving words to you and allow Him to give you strength to stop the lies from streaming into your soul.
In order to get past this mood that I am in...I have to choose to rise above it. I cannot go by how I feel...because if you have been reading...I am not feeling too great right now. I have to choose to listen to the voice of the One who loves me unconditionally and continue to move forward focusing on His truths. This morning I woke up choosing to do this. I remembered a quote I read in Joyce Meyer's book Living Beyond Your Feelings that matches my metaphor with the ocean perfectly, "Feelings are much like waves, we can't stop them from coming, but we can choose which one to surf." - Jonatan Martensson. I have a lot of rushing emotions trying to tangle me up into a mess of misery, but I have to choose to surf on the positive, powerful truth the the joy of the Lord is my strength. I have to know that He can fill me with peace and joy the minute I ask Him to. He can shut the lies up, so go to Him!
Listen to the words of this song and believe the truth that He loves you and you are wonderful.
I woke up two nights ago with this metaphor on my mind because this is one of the ways the enemy works. Blindsiding you, he attacks when you think you are standing firm and least expecting it. I was enjoying my summer and everything was going fine....then suddenly I found my self in a really sad, confused, frustrated mood. Attacked with turmoil, I have had a hard time finding my footing these last few days and I am not sure why. Just so many emotions rushing over me crushing me; I went to bed with my mind just swarming with negative thoughts about myself. This is something, if you have read many of my blog post, that I have faced often over my life; however, I have felt stronger than ever these last few years able to battle them mostly with ease...but like I said, it is when you are not expecting it that the Devil knocks you off your feet. I lay there dwelling on everything I had been doing wrong lately. Do any of these rants and ravings sound familiar to you? I am a failure. I messed up my bank account again, how stupid can I be? I cannot even get a nice home for my boys with a backyard for them to play in because I have messed up too many times in my life with career choices and managing money. I can't even keep the small apartment we have clean, how hard can it be? I am a failure at that too. I barely cook anymore...which is why my bank account is far too often bouncing as we parade around to the surrounding fast food places far too often. I am too hard on my kids. I am too annoying to my friends, I am too confused to make a decision, I am too unfocused to get anything done. Have I mentioned I am a failure?
I hate to even write these transparent feelings, because then of course I feel even worse allowing the world to see my weakness; however, I also know that there are others out there that can recognize the rapid fire lies that can attack the mind and disguise themselves as truths to be weighed down with- leaving you feel miserable. If you are reading this and you have been there...or are there now...you are not alone. Another lie that comes with the relentless rambling of lies above is that you are the only one that does not have it all together, everyone else can handle all that life throws at them, you are alone in your mess. Well...you are not alone. I have been faced with the tormenting lies most of my life. But more importantly than knowing that you are not the only one that faces the crashing, crushing battle of emotions is that again knowing you are not alone- BECAUSE JESUS IS WITH YOU!
If you listen you can hear his truths above the turmoil. You are "wonderfully made". You are His beloved child and if you can choose to believe that you will be able to see further than all those flaws you think you have- to the beauty that He knows you have. Listen to His loving words to you and allow Him to give you strength to stop the lies from streaming into your soul.
In order to get past this mood that I am in...I have to choose to rise above it. I cannot go by how I feel...because if you have been reading...I am not feeling too great right now. I have to choose to listen to the voice of the One who loves me unconditionally and continue to move forward focusing on His truths. This morning I woke up choosing to do this. I remembered a quote I read in Joyce Meyer's book Living Beyond Your Feelings that matches my metaphor with the ocean perfectly, "Feelings are much like waves, we can't stop them from coming, but we can choose which one to surf." - Jonatan Martensson. I have a lot of rushing emotions trying to tangle me up into a mess of misery, but I have to choose to surf on the positive, powerful truth the the joy of the Lord is my strength. I have to know that He can fill me with peace and joy the minute I ask Him to. He can shut the lies up, so go to Him!
Listen to the words of this song and believe the truth that He loves you and you are wonderful.
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Fears & Friends
Combining two quick lessons today with one story. My friend, a few kiddos, and I went to a water park yesterday and had a fun day. I was so proud of my oldest son who faced his fears and tried the trapeze swing into the water! He was very reluctant to say the least....firmly stating several times he was not getting on! I began to remind him of the strong, confident young man he was becoming. See he is my mini-me and shares a lot of the same fears and insecurities that I carried for far too many years; therefore, I have been praying over him and speaking confidence in him all the time. He has come so far! He has been speaking confident, praying confident prayers, and trying new things that initially strike fear in his sweet self. So, I was so proud when he did this!
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10
For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. 2 Timothy 1:7
Living life in fear is something the Devil loves to see because when we live afraid, we are unable to be productive for building the kingdom of God. If you are someone who allows fears to weigh you down, then began speaking the verses above into your life daily! Speaking His promises into your life is how you battle against the lies of the Devil telling you to sit back timidly and fearfully and let life pass you by because you cannot handle it.
So face life with courage and the power of Christ that lives in you and enjoy life abundantly like Riley did once he faced his fear!
He did not do this alone, along with the power of Christ in Him and Mommy's reminders that he can do all things through Christ-he also had an awesome friend encourage him! I was so proud and thankful for my friend's son who was there for Riley yesterday. He talked to him and encouraged him to try something new. It was so awesome (I wanted to say precious, but I guess since we are talking about young men, I will choose awesome...lol) to see him give a good pep talk to Riley. This is what we are called to do as Christians, "therefore encourage one another and build each other up". 1 Thessalonians 5:11
Let us remember this daily! We can build up or tear down with our words, so we need to consider them carefully. Yes, this is heard all the time, but do we really take it to heart and do it? I ask because I know the answer for myself...sadly, no. If you know me, you will know this is an understatement- I love to talk. Not only do I love to talk, but I ramble a bit...lol...I can blame it on the ADHD, but I still need to pray and remember this daily- to be careful with my words! I blurt out things without thinking and I talk endlessly, so I know in the mist of the millions of words that come out of my mouth in a minute some of them are not always positive, uplifting, encouraging, or good. We all need to remember what that verse tells us to do-and do it! Remember to be there for people and help them grow with our words of grace, love, kindness, and thoughtfulness.
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Corny Christina
The only part I like about doing dishes is when I have a strainer to wash. Yes, I still love playing with it and watching the bubbly water come up through the holes; I may be 34, but I still find that cool. Yes, I am corny and I know it!
But that is OK, I love my corny self :)
Because I know that I am wonderfully made like Psalm 139:14 promises! This is just your reminder that whatever makes you-you, you are wonderfully made and special :) So be confident! Jesus believes in you! And we are talking about the One who helped create everything, (the highest mountains, the powerful, enormous oceans, and all the creatures in it, the sky-I mean wow, have you ever really just watched the sky, and the most amazing unique flowers covering this planet...that oh yeah, He made it too!) and He looks at little ole you and thinks-YOU ROCK! He thinks you are the best creation of all! So smile and believe it!
If it helps you can dance around and sing, "I'm sexy and I know it!" Sorry...that M&M commercial just cracks me up....anyways...believe in yourself and live your life confidently! AND START NOW! Don't wait until you feel confident- make the choice today to just be confident today!
But that is OK, I love my corny self :)
Because I know that I am wonderfully made like Psalm 139:14 promises! This is just your reminder that whatever makes you-you, you are wonderfully made and special :) So be confident! Jesus believes in you! And we are talking about the One who helped create everything, (the highest mountains, the powerful, enormous oceans, and all the creatures in it, the sky-I mean wow, have you ever really just watched the sky, and the most amazing unique flowers covering this planet...that oh yeah, He made it too!) and He looks at little ole you and thinks-YOU ROCK! He thinks you are the best creation of all! So smile and believe it!
If it helps you can dance around and sing, "I'm sexy and I know it!" Sorry...that M&M commercial just cracks me up....anyways...believe in yourself and live your life confidently! AND START NOW! Don't wait until you feel confident- make the choice today to just be confident today!
Saturday, July 14, 2012
Face it alone?
I tend to tackle enormous projects all by myself. Yes, I do like to think this five foot frame is full of force and fierceness ready to take down anything I come up against; I show off my muscle-what I imagine is muscle, far too often. This often takes form in rearranging my small apartment. I think part of it is the ADHD, part of it is trying to make a home out of this small space, but maybe part of it is that challenge and the excitement when I get it done! Knowing that I can move anything, no matter how big or heavy make me feel strong and powerful....yet it does not take long until the mass of the mess quickly diminishes my hopes. I rapidly realize I should not have tried to accomplish such a huge project all on my own....
I am so glad I do not have to do this with life's challenges! No matter how big the circumstance, the problem, the sickness, the obstacle, the pit, the desert, or the pain-
I am so glad I do not have to do this with life's challenges! No matter how big the circumstance, the problem, the sickness, the obstacle, the pit, the desert, or the pain-
I DON'T FACE IT ALONE!
I FACE IT WITH A
FAITHFUL SAVIOR!
Call on Jesus now! He is there to lovingly help you through everything you face. He is there to carry you when you can no longer walk, to comfort you when you feel like no ones cares that you're crying, to challenge you to become more like Him, to hand out grace when the darkness says you are not worthy, and to make you victorious in the battle! He will give you strength to handle all things...no matter the size of your muscles :) Philippians 4:13 promises this!
Here is just one picture of my mess; it is like this in every room right now! Seriously can't even get into the bathroom! LOL. So you can see what I try to face alone...it is so much better to face things with Christ or your mess can get overwhelming and you can become buried alive in it.
Monday, July 2, 2012
Carrying a Mountain
It is 4:30 AM, but I just had to get up and write about the amazing thing Jesus has just done in my life. I will not go in to any of the specific details because this is very personal, but I would like to share a picture of what He has for me, and I pray as you read this Jesus begins to do the same miracle in your life! I believe without a doubt that if you go to Him and ask, it will be done!
I woke up with weight on my shoulders. I literally felt like I was carrying a mountain...I began to feel the actual pressure of all that weight pressing me deeper into the couch I was sleeping on. I couldn't move under the mass of it, I could hardly breathe. This is a mountain I have been carrying for a long time too, but it became massivly clear to me tonight; the image of it all was so fresh and real that I knew I would be crushed forever if I did not find a way to cast that mountain out of my life.
So, I went with the sweet advice of a new amazing friend. I spoke with her a day ago about several things, but this major mountain in my life came up as well. This mountain is so hard to think about, to share, or to face, but her advice was just what I needed- and God knew that :)
Again, I will not go in to details, but bottom line it once again deals with insecurity; one of the Devil's main tools he uses for destruction in my life...and sadly many others. I write about this often, and I pray every time I write that God uses my story to help others find the answer to victory in this vicious battle against feelings of unworthiness. The only answer is Jesus. The only way out is to grab on to His hand and allow Him to pull you out of the life-threatening, relentless snares of Satan.
My compassionate friend reminded me once again to find my worth in Jesus. She gently reminded me of the unfailing love of Jesus. She told me to climb into His lap and allow Him to brush His hands through my hair and calm my soul. These are the powerful words she spoke to me that I speak to you now as well...and some may think this is corny, or unrealistic, or pointless to even try- but I am telling you it is vital to your victory!
You must go to Him- He is waiting for you! HE LOVES YOU! There is nothing you can do, or have done that can change His love towards you. He sees you as beautiful. So do it now, like I just did. Crawl up into His lap- see yourself doing this- image the powerful creator of the universe holding you in His arms right now...and as powerful as He is, He is so gentle and loving as He brushes His nail-scarred hands through your hair.
Then as I laid there, He showed me the deepest, largest root of insecurity that had been burried down in my heart. Jesus had done a lot of gardening in my life over these last eight years and had been pulling out roots of insecurity, but this one I did not even know was still there, nor did I realize the havac it was beginning to create in my mind. This one had become a moutain of weight in my life that was beginning to crush my spirit....but as I lay there my amazing Savior not only revieled this root to me, but He also revieled His power to me!
He reminded me of these verses,
"Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” Matthew 17:20
And Matthew 21:21, "Jesus replied, “Truly I tell you, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and it will be done.
I am a child of God, and the same power that raised Christ from the dead lives in me, I am able to cast moutians into the sea and live in FREEDOM! So I did. And I was able to freely move again! I was free to move, free to dance, and free to get up and praise the name of Jesus in this blog post at 4:30 AM! I know my worth is found in Jesus Christ alone and that allows for the weight of worthlessness to be cast off my shoulders and for me to run forward weightless in Christ confidence! I pray that right now, whatever mountain you are carrying, you crawl into the merciful lap of Christ and find the strength to cast it out -causing a dance party like no other dance party because you are once again FREE IN JESUS!
I woke up with weight on my shoulders. I literally felt like I was carrying a mountain...I began to feel the actual pressure of all that weight pressing me deeper into the couch I was sleeping on. I couldn't move under the mass of it, I could hardly breathe. This is a mountain I have been carrying for a long time too, but it became massivly clear to me tonight; the image of it all was so fresh and real that I knew I would be crushed forever if I did not find a way to cast that mountain out of my life.
So, I went with the sweet advice of a new amazing friend. I spoke with her a day ago about several things, but this major mountain in my life came up as well. This mountain is so hard to think about, to share, or to face, but her advice was just what I needed- and God knew that :)
Again, I will not go in to details, but bottom line it once again deals with insecurity; one of the Devil's main tools he uses for destruction in my life...and sadly many others. I write about this often, and I pray every time I write that God uses my story to help others find the answer to victory in this vicious battle against feelings of unworthiness. The only answer is Jesus. The only way out is to grab on to His hand and allow Him to pull you out of the life-threatening, relentless snares of Satan.
My compassionate friend reminded me once again to find my worth in Jesus. She gently reminded me of the unfailing love of Jesus. She told me to climb into His lap and allow Him to brush His hands through my hair and calm my soul. These are the powerful words she spoke to me that I speak to you now as well...and some may think this is corny, or unrealistic, or pointless to even try- but I am telling you it is vital to your victory!
You must go to Him- He is waiting for you! HE LOVES YOU! There is nothing you can do, or have done that can change His love towards you. He sees you as beautiful. So do it now, like I just did. Crawl up into His lap- see yourself doing this- image the powerful creator of the universe holding you in His arms right now...and as powerful as He is, He is so gentle and loving as He brushes His nail-scarred hands through your hair.
Then as I laid there, He showed me the deepest, largest root of insecurity that had been burried down in my heart. Jesus had done a lot of gardening in my life over these last eight years and had been pulling out roots of insecurity, but this one I did not even know was still there, nor did I realize the havac it was beginning to create in my mind. This one had become a moutain of weight in my life that was beginning to crush my spirit....but as I lay there my amazing Savior not only revieled this root to me, but He also revieled His power to me!
He reminded me of these verses,
"Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” Matthew 17:20
And Matthew 21:21, "Jesus replied, “Truly I tell you, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and it will be done.
I am a child of God, and the same power that raised Christ from the dead lives in me, I am able to cast moutians into the sea and live in FREEDOM! So I did. And I was able to freely move again! I was free to move, free to dance, and free to get up and praise the name of Jesus in this blog post at 4:30 AM! I know my worth is found in Jesus Christ alone and that allows for the weight of worthlessness to be cast off my shoulders and for me to run forward weightless in Christ confidence! I pray that right now, whatever mountain you are carrying, you crawl into the merciful lap of Christ and find the strength to cast it out -causing a dance party like no other dance party because you are once again FREE IN JESUS!
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
screwed up door slammer
I don't even know what to say right now...
No, that doesn't mean I am speechless...sorry, that is only on very rare occasions. I just don't even know where this blog is going to go; I am typing from a hurting heart.
I am really devastated for many reasons; mainly at the way I just acted, and how it effected my precious boys. I just slammed the door in their daddy's face....
I can go on and on about how he deserved it...but...
I am disgusted with myself for the way I just hurt the boys- I once again let me emotions determine my reactions to a situation.
I am disgusted with myself for the way I just hurt the boys- I once again let me emotions determine my reactions to a situation.
They were so hurt...and then so confused that my sweet ten year old ended up apologizing to me! So, now I even feel worse.
Lord, I just want it to all be fixed for them! I don't want them to have to deal with all this mess anymore! I cannot believe how royally bad I not only screwed up my life when I married that insane man, but these amazing young boys will forever have to pay for my mistake. I am just really hurting and don't know what to do. How do I take away their hurt and confusion? How do I get them through this situation when there is no end to it? They will always have to deal with this split home with two completely different lifestyles going on.
And sadly...so many have to deal with this. It breaks my heart and brings raging anger in me at the same time! Someone needs to stand up and take the enemy down! I just asked what can I do? The only thing I can do- PRAY!
And its the only thing I need to do-because praying powerful prayers to a faithful Father = positive results. (A.K.A. = MIRACLES)
And I still believe in miracles!
I may not be able to fix their dad's mindset and turn him into a Christian, I may not be able to fix all the problems for those I love, and I may not be able to fix every broken home and heart...BUT I KNOW SOMEONE WHO CAN!
And He is not a door slammer, He is One who is knocking at your heart's door just wanting to come in and pour out love and mercy on you. And, He is One who can repair all that is broken! And, He is One who can take something painful and replace it with peace. And, He is One who can take all the mistakes, the missteps, the wrong turns, and the faults and turn them into something strong, beautiful, amazing, and something that glorifies the God of the universe! He can use all that we have faced to create strong roots of faith in us that are not easily shaken and that allow amazing attributes to blossom from our lives in order to draw others to Him.
My powerful prayers will help proclaim all that God can do in the lives of my boys, and all those dealing with brokenness right now. Praying without doubt will unlock so many miracles!
You see, what just happened the devil started to use as yet another stumbling block to either allow me to focus on my bitterness towards the irresponsibility of their dad, or to focus on my many mistakes as a mother, however, my loving Jesus brought all His words of truth back to the forefront of my heart and mind and allowed me to remember the power of prayer. Even the power of prayer for my enemies. I pray right now-first of all for forgiveness for my behavior, and then I will accept His grace and move on with my powerful prayers; not allowing another trap of the devil to distract me- condemnation- because I know God's truth- "there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus". I pray for my boys to grow up to be strong warriors in the Kingdom of God. I will also pray for their dad to find the love of an amazing Savior and for His mindset and heart to reflect the Heavenly Father so that he can be an amazing earthly father to these boys. I will also continue to take the devil down by praying for me to be used by God to continue to attack and fight against the battle of insecurity that rages in our world and allows those enslaved by it to be blindly led into things like marrying someone who is not God's best for them, or many terrible things as the darkness takes over. But I, as a warrior princess for Christ, will continue to shine the light of Christ in those dark pits and pull people from them and point them to Jesus!
So let me use my righteous anger to slam the door in the devil's face and say- it stops here!
Jesus- I believe in your almighty power and I pray with faith for those who are hurting tonight to first of all find you in such a real way that they never let go, and also for their pain to be replaced with peace, strength, and joy in the powerful name of Jesus! And all God's people said- Amen!
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