wiped out and washed over

Have you ever been standing in the ocean with your back to the waves?  Maybe it was to wave at a friend on the shore, or maybe it was because you forgot for a moment about the source of power lurking behind you.  Suddenly you are wiped out and washed over with a force you fear you cannot compete with. For those watching it may even seem funny at first.  For you, it can quickly become frightening as the waves slap forcefully into your back, knocking the wind out of you for a moment. Dragging you beneath the weight of rushing water, the fierce waves are ready to pull you into the deep as they send you tumbling along scraping your body against the sandy bottom. This may not be too bad, except for the millions of sharp broken shells mixed in with that sand that are now tearing at your sensitive skin feeling like course sandpaper instead of powder soft sand that you like to bury your feet in. Finding your footing for the next few minutes is a huge challenge as the relentless waves continue their attack. You could have handled all this had you saw it coming.  You are a good swimmer, you love the ocean, but...your back was turned for that moment as the  enormous wave was formed and found you.

I woke up two nights ago with this metaphor on my mind because this is one of the ways the enemy works.  Blindsiding you, he attacks when you think you are standing firm and least expecting it. I was enjoying my summer and everything was going fine....then suddenly I found my self in a really sad, confused, frustrated mood.  Attacked with turmoil, I have had a hard time finding my footing these last few days and I am not sure why. Just so many emotions rushing over me crushing me; I went to bed with my mind just swarming with negative thoughts about myself.  This is something, if you have read many of my blog post, that I have faced often over my life; however, I have felt stronger than ever these last few years able to battle them mostly with ease...but like I said, it is when you are not expecting it that the Devil knocks you off your feet. I lay there dwelling on everything I had been doing wrong lately. Do any of these rants and ravings sound familiar to you? I am a failure. I messed up my bank account again, how stupid can I be? I cannot even get a nice home for my boys with a backyard for them to play in because I have messed up too many times in my life with career choices and managing money. I can't even keep the small apartment we have clean, how hard can it be? I am a failure at that too.  I barely cook anymore...which is why my bank account is far too often bouncing as we parade around to the surrounding fast food places far too often. I am too hard on my kids. I am too annoying to my friends, I am too confused to make a decision, I am too unfocused to get anything done. Have I mentioned I am a failure?

I hate to even write these transparent feelings, because then of course I feel even worse allowing the world to see my weakness; however, I also know that there are others out there that can recognize the rapid fire lies that can attack the mind and disguise themselves as truths to be weighed down with- leaving you feel miserable. If you are reading this and you have been there...or are there now...you are not alone.  Another lie  that comes with the relentless rambling of lies above is that you are the only one that does not have it all together, everyone else can handle all that life throws at them, you are alone in your mess.  Well...you are not alone.  I have been faced with the tormenting lies most of my life.  But more importantly than knowing that you are not the only one that faces the crashing, crushing battle of emotions is that again knowing you are not alone- BECAUSE JESUS IS WITH YOU!

If you listen you can hear his truths above the turmoil. You are "wonderfully made".  You are His beloved child and if you can choose to believe that you will be able to see further than all those flaws you think you have- to the beauty that He knows you have. Listen to His loving words to you and allow Him to give you strength to stop the lies from streaming into your soul.

In order to get past this mood that I am in...I have to choose to rise above it. I cannot go by how I feel...because if you have been reading...I am not feeling too great right now.  I have to choose to listen to the voice of the One who loves me unconditionally and continue to move forward focusing on His truths.  This morning I woke up choosing to do this.  I remembered a quote I read in Joyce Meyer's book Living Beyond Your Feelings that matches my metaphor with the ocean perfectly, "Feelings are much like waves, we can't stop them from coming, but we can choose which one to surf." - Jonatan Martensson.  I have a lot of rushing emotions trying to tangle me up into a mess of misery, but I have to choose to surf on the positive, powerful truth the the joy of the Lord is my strength. I have to know that He can fill me with peace and joy the minute I ask Him to. He can shut the lies up, so go to Him!

Listen to the words of this song and believe the truth that He loves you and you are wonderful.