screwed up door slammer

I don't even know what to say right now...

No, that doesn't mean I am speechless...sorry, that is only on very rare occasions. I just don't even know where this blog is going to go; I am typing from a hurting heart.

I am really devastated for many reasons; mainly at the way I just acted, and how it effected my precious boys.  I just slammed the door in their daddy's face....

I can go on and on about how he deserved it...but...
I am disgusted with myself for the way I just hurt the boys- I once again let me emotions determine my reactions to a situation. 

They were so hurt...and then so confused that my sweet ten year old ended up apologizing to me!  So, now I even feel worse. 

Lord, I just want it to all be fixed for them! I don't want them to have to deal with all this mess anymore!  I cannot believe how royally bad I not only screwed up my life when I married that insane man, but these amazing young boys will forever have to pay for my mistake. I am just really hurting and don't know what to do.  How do I take away their hurt and confusion?  How do I get them through this situation when there is no end to it?  They will always have to deal with this split home with two completely different lifestyles going on. 

And sadly...so many have to deal with this.  It breaks my heart and brings raging anger in me at the same time!  Someone needs to stand up and take the enemy down!  I just asked what can I do?  The only thing I can do- PRAY!

And its the only thing I need to do-because praying powerful prayers to a faithful Father = positive results. (A.K.A. = MIRACLES)

And I still believe in miracles!

I may not be able to fix their dad's mindset and turn him into a Christian, I may not be able to fix all the problems for those I love, and I may not be able to fix every broken home and heart...BUT I KNOW SOMEONE WHO CAN!

And He is not a door slammer, He is One who is knocking at your heart's door just wanting to come in and pour out love and mercy on you. And, He is One who can repair all that is broken!  And, He is One who can take something painful and replace it with peace.  And, He is One who can take all the mistakes, the missteps, the wrong turns, and the faults and turn them into something strong, beautiful, amazing, and something that glorifies the God of the universe! He can use all that we have faced to create strong roots of faith in us that are not easily shaken and that allow amazing attributes to blossom from our lives in order to draw others to Him.

My powerful prayers will help proclaim all that God can do in the lives of my boys, and all those dealing with brokenness right now.  Praying without doubt will unlock so many miracles!  

You see, what just happened the devil started to use as yet another stumbling block to either allow me to focus on my bitterness towards the irresponsibility of their dad, or to focus on my many mistakes as a mother, however, my loving Jesus brought all His words of truth back to the forefront of my heart and mind and allowed me to remember the power of prayer.  Even the power of prayer for my enemies.  I pray right now-first of all for forgiveness for my behavior, and then I will accept His grace and move on with my powerful prayers; not allowing another trap of the devil to distract me- condemnation- because I know God's truth- "there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus". I pray for my boys to grow up to be strong warriors in the Kingdom of God.  I will also pray for their dad to find the love of an amazing Savior and for His mindset and heart to reflect the Heavenly Father so that he can be an amazing earthly father to these boys.  I will also continue to take the devil down by praying for me to be used by God to continue to attack and fight against the battle of insecurity that rages in our world and allows those enslaved by it to be blindly led into things like marrying someone who is not God's best for them, or many terrible things as the darkness takes over.  But I, as a warrior princess for Christ, will continue to shine the light of Christ in those dark pits and pull people from them and point them to Jesus!

So let me use my righteous anger to slam the door in the devil's face and say- it stops here!

Jesus- I believe in your almighty power and I pray with faith for those who are hurting tonight to first of all find you in such a real way that they never let go, and also for their pain to be replaced with peace, strength, and joy in the powerful name of Jesus! And all God's people said- Amen!

A Game of Chess

My boys and I play chess, they are very good at it!  Now anyone who knows me, knows that when it is game time- I play to win, no matter who is on the opposing team! I am a Momma that will take her boys down, and I am not afraid to say it! LOL....all in fun of course, I'm am not a mean competitive person- mouthy- but not mean.  I just love playing games and having fun! That being said, I must also say...my boys beat me at chess most of the time, like I said they are very good at it; they see moves way ahead of time, they have great strategies, and can plan out how to win far in advance.

Unfortunately, we have an enemy that plays this game very well also; however, he plays to destroy.  He knows his adversary well, and he knows the strategies to corner them into defeat....read further for instructions on how to win-every time!

The devil's key move against me is to create circumstances in which I will be left feeling completely unloved, like a failure, like everything is my fault, and like everything is wrong with me- the battle against insecurity.
I married a man that was not a christian...he was very emotionally abusive, manipulative, deceitful, and domineering. The devil used that situation to create a dark, destructive pit for me to dwell in for awhile. Everything was my fault in our relationship- or so he told me and I believed. I was not pleasing enough to him, giving enough, I did nothing right, I was unworthy and unloved.
These last 8 years on my own, God has given me strength to fight the devil back in the battle against insecurity, and God has done amazing things in my heart, mind, and life in order to daily be transforming me into a strong, confident woman of God.  My passion is to work with others to build their Christ-confidence, allowing them to always know and believe the truth- they are "wonderfully made" by a Jesus who loves them UNCONDITIONALLY.

Guess who does not like this....an enemy who knows how to play chess.  Last night he picked and unsuspecting pawn to come in from an angle I did not see, and strike hard. Opening old wounds of insecurity as the words of this person sounded too familiar.  Telling me everything was my fault, I was wrong, I was not acting like a Christian, and the worst part of all....throwing my past in my face; past mistakes that I have actually learned from and God used to create a stronger woman, and definitely a smarter women....a past God use to build me...but the devil wants to use to break me. A past that a sinister Satan wants to use to remind me I am unworthy. However, you see the enemy has forgotten my key player that makes my opponent incapable of moving any further in the game, a player that allows me my undefeated record- JESUS CHRIST- CHECK MATE!

You see, I am not that weak girl lying on the bathroom floor gripping a bottle of pills contemplating ending my worthless life anymore.  I am a wonderfully made child of God!  I will have moments of weakness, even moments where I was not sure I would be able to keep breathing from the choking grip of insecurity, but those moments pass with the power of praise and prayer!  Calling on Jesus in the mist of my weakness, and when I find my self surrounded by blinding walls of defeat, I see the nail-scarred hand reach out and hold onto mine.  Pulling me up from the pit, He puts me in His strong arms and soothes my spirit; allowing peace to take over the pain.  Not only does He remind me of who He is, he also reminds me of who I am...I AM A CHILD OF GOD AND HE IS FOR ME!

In a world full of fighting, hatred, bitterness, backstabbers, cheaters, liars, and an enemy lurking around using anything and anyone to be destructive tools in his game, it is important to know how to fight back- it is important to know that Jesus is for you!  He is on your side and He comes with all the power, all the wisdom, all the mercy, all the joy, and all the peace!  Remember that he loves you unconditionally and He is there for you.  I had Kari Jobe's song "You Are For Me" on replay last night (very powerful song and it is on my Music on My Mind page check it out).  We need that reminder often- we are worthy and we are wonderfully created by a Savior who loves us. Whisper that to your heart, tell it to your mind, speak it out loud, share it with others, and shout it at Satan!  When we call on Jesus, the devil has to flee...GAME OVER! And then the best part for a girl who likes victory- WE WIN!

STAND IN CONFIDENCE TODAY!