Shaken

What do you do when your faith is shaken?

You PRAY and PRESS ON! And a FAITHFUL FATHER will answer your cry by wrapping His loving arms around you and picking you up so you can persevere!
You seek after Him anyways with all your heart and you WILL find Him! (Jeremiah 29:13)
You cry out the powerful name of Jesus and He comes to replace your overwhelming stress with an abundance of peace.  He comes to give you your next breath when you are hyperventilating; your next step when you are too weary to walk! He is real and He is there for you!

I have been very overwhelmed and exhausted this last few weeks, ready to run away and be done. I just feel completely drained. Walking is definitely not an option, I can barely crawl at this point. The worst part is I feel like I have nothing left to give to my boys. I can't even tuck them in bed, do devotions, say prayers, give secret handshakes like we do every night because I'm crawling in bed first! I have no energy and no fight left....and last night it caused me to cry out, "WHERE ARE YOU GOD? Are you really there?"

Why am I struggling so much? Why are panic attacks coming more frequently? Why are so many that I love lost and hurting? Why is a beautiful family being attacked with the devastation of a disease? Why can I not come home and speak to my children the way I really want to? Why am I screaming at them when they are innocent and need a mom who has it altogether? Why has the maid not cleaned this place up yet?! (Oh, ya..I can't afford one)  Why can I not laugh anymore? (I used to be the blonde who told the best blonde jokes! Although, I must give credit to my awesome grandpa for most of those! I used to be the life of the party! I used to laugh!) Why am I so negative all the time now? Why am I all alone?

I feel like I am in this completely alone! I cannot move home unless I win the lottery to hire a lawyer to fight to be close to my family. And God you still have not brought a husband (or even a date) into the picture.  Why have you not sent and strong man of God into our lives? Why have you not sent us someone who can help us get a home so the boys can have a large yard to run in and be boys! Someone who can help pay these bills because not only do I not have the money to pay them most of the time, I don't have the energy to even care to get them paid!  I can continue to vent..I can go off big time about the ex and his complete lack of support for his children, but I will not..let's get to the good stuff!  Let's get to where God finds me in the darkness and destroys its grip on my mind with His mighty, powerful hands! Let's get to the part where He reminds me I am not alone!

You see..God is real..and I know this because He has faithfully shown up in my life more times and in more ways than I can count! He has faithfully answered my cries with compassion, my pleas with promises, my poverty with power, my confusion with clarity, my worry with wisdom, and my hurt with healing!

He has shown His love, His presence, His answers, His power, His strength, His grace, His peace, and His joy again and again...He has also shown that He is not shaken by anything that happens in my life- IT DOES NOT CATCH GOD OFF GUARD AND HE HAS A PLAN!

One of the sweetest ways Jesus has responded to my desperate desires to find the answers to all my whys- is by whispering scriptures/promises to me. More than once in the mists of my mess the Holy Spirit has laid a verse on my heart, and still- with some doubt in my heart, I would find my Bible and look it up, only to be left weeping..this time for thankfulness; He has once again shown up and drawn me into His strong shelter ready to stabilize me and push me forward with strength!

Last night it was Psalm 13:

O Lord, how long will you forget me? Forever?

How long will you look the other way?

How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul, with sorrow in my heart every day?

How long will my enemy have the upper hand?

Turn and answer me, O Lord my God!

Restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I will die.

Don't let my enemies gloat, saying, "we have defeated him!"

Don't let them rejoice at my downfall.

But I trust in your unfailing love.

I will rejoice because you have rescued me.

I will sing to the Lord because He is good to me.

I know God is faithful and He shows up with power when I am weak and He kicks butt and puts the enemy back in his place!  When all hope is lost- I remember Jesus paid the cost! I remember I am an heir to the Kingdom of God and with that comes- well..everything!  All power! All peace! Everything I need to persevere! 

THANK YOU LORD!