Don't Care = Don't Hurt?

"Don't care - don't get hurt...
that's the way it's gotta be.
Livin' life actin' hard,
but on the the inside no one can see;
you're cryin' out, 'God if you're really there-
show me you're face...show me you care."

This is part of a rap I wrote while in college working with some pretty tough inner city kids. Yeah, I wrote a rap, I got mad skillz, yo! LOL. But, right now those lines are stirrin' up something fierce in my mind...

If you don't care...you don't get hurt...right?

This is another one of those post that as I am writing this I hope I end up with a positive outcome (like What's the Point?)....but right now, I am not sure...

I am hurting...and I am tired of hurting.

Why do I have to be so sensitive? Why do I have to care so much? Why do I have to need people around me so badly? Why can I not be just pack up and move back home because I miss my family? Why do I desperately need communication and touch that I ache so deeply when I am all alone or when I don't hear back from friends when I try to communicate with them? Why do I have to be alone, and why does it have to hurt because I am...who really cares right?! It is not a big deal.

Why can't I be like Paul and "be content no matter what the circumstance"? Anytime I feel like I get to that point, something triggers an emotional mess in my mind...and the waterworks began again...and I am left hurting.

So I just need to toughin' up...but it seems like I am an all or nothing type person though. I am either super passionate or I just need to stop caring...

I have done this before- this whole harden the heart thing to get by. Right now, I feel like I need to pull every ounce of strength within me to build the walls again, and just keep pressing forward...like a line from one of my favorite movies, P.S. I Love You says, "Alone or not alone, you have to move forward."

Why can't I do that?
Family around or no family, husband or no husband, friends or no friends...
Why do I care?
It hurts too much.

Have you ever dealt with this? Sometimes I feel like I am the only one who is this sensitive or crazy...
If you are feeling this way...take a deep breath with me and know this:

We are not alone.

A song that I often have on replay, "Only You" by Adie, has this line that pierces my heart every time I listen to it while I seek after God in the mist of the storms raging in my mind,
"And it's just You and me, Lord".
So why can't I make that enough?

He is enough.
He always comforts me.
He always answers back.
He always takes care of us.
He always fills me with His peace that passes understanding.
He always wipes away tears and fills me with joy overflowing.
He always shows me He is working everything out for the good.
He always gives me the strength to press on.
He always shows me He is there.
He always loves me.
He is enough.

Thank you Lord, for being there for me. Thank you, Lord for "fearfully and wonderfully" creating me (Psalms 139:14) ...you gave me this huge, compassionate heart to reach the world for You...I don't want to ever stop caring. I know we all go through times of hurt, but that just means there is a hurting world out there that NEEDS A HEALING GOD! And I want to be there to point others to You, Lord. To show them Your love covers all.

And thank you, Lord...You do know my personality (You created me) You know my need for others; You have always, no matter where I am at, placed so many wonderful people in my life that love and support me. I am not alone because You have blessed me with the most amazing family and friends. I do know that, Lord, and I thank You for them. And I thank all of You for always being there and I am sorry I am just being a dramatic, emotional mess right now. I know this time of hurting will pass, You always lift me back up when I am down. YOU ARE FAITHFUL, LORD!

If you are hurting today seek after Jesus with all your heart...HE WILL BE THERE! And His arms will be wide open ready to pour His love and peace on you.