The Unknown

The fear of the unknown has caused too much stress in my life over this last month...

One of these unknown fears is: will I have a job next year; being a single mom of two young boys, financial stability is important....I am a teacher assistant, and I was one of the last ones hired; so my job is not guaranteed each year....for this school year, I found out a week before school started that I could have my job back....it was not a fun summer...spent far too much time worrying and looking for a job. I have my license to teach, but I have yet to find a teaching job in this area either. So, the once again straining my brain question is...what will I be doing in a few short months when I have no income once again?

Another fear category for me is, of course...the whole mess of the dating at thirty plus years old....which leads to the fear of being alone...forever...

I often find myself thinking...will it really work out at meeting someone at this point in life? What if we are too much set in our own ways to come together as one? I think when you meet someone when you are younger...you grow together in realizing who you are, and comfort comes easier....now my fears of this unknown world of meeting someone at my age sound like the following....

I like things the way I like them....I like my living room and bedroom decorated the way I want them to be....don't really want someone to come in and try to replace my Italy print with a football poster....lol....(I am kidding...I do believe in compromise though...you can hang it up...in the garage...lol...sorry...I am laughing...I guess this is not something I should post under my profile on any dating sites...lol)
Ahh, which leads to the fear of the dating sites....hmmmmm....so many psycho people out there...how do you know? And I have already had one bad encounter a long time ago with that....when the guy called me he was like a perverted freak!! It is scary out there!!

Also,I talk way too much and I have often wanted to beat myself over the head thinking..you are annoying the mess out of everyone...just like Sandra Bullock in All About Steve....so just shut-up every now and then! lol But in the end of that movie...she is loved by so many and she is confident in who she is...even as different as she is...I am thankful God has brought me to that place :) But I want someone who shares the same passion for communication as I do...is that out there?

Another fear with dating is, I am a single mom of two strong-willed, hyper young boys....will someone really want to take that on and love them like they are his own?
Being a single mom of the above listed type...I usually go to bed exhausted...which means....when I wake up...it is a scary site...a hot mess if you will :)
I am pass the age of thirty which means gravity has been presented to me as a gift in a not so pretty package that I want to return!!! Who will want that?
(My boys really are awesome by the way...they bring so much joy and laughter to my life...just wanted to add that)

I have also heard, and I like to say often when people share the short jokes with me...that good things come in small packages...well is short the same thing as small? Not so much...because I am short...I have been compacted....which means the box of cupcakes I ate this weekend has no where to go but around my waist....my legs...look like tree stumps...and I love the flair button I have on facebook..."I was pale before Twilight made it popular"....

Now my fear is that I am pretty much scaring off any potential guy out there who I might have had a chance with....lol....

So...the fear of the unknown....what will someone think when the find out all this stuff about me? What if I cannot provide for my kids by the end of summer? Will I ever fulfill my dream and become a published writer? Will I become a crazy cat lady and live alone forever? (I prefer fish though...so maybe I will just have an apapterment full of fishtanks...lol When will I ever get a house? When will I become more organized?


So many questions running through my mind....

But I want to introduce those nagging thoughts about the unknown...to the ONE I KNOW!

Lord, I give it all to you...I may not know the answers to all this mess spinning around out of control in my head...but you are an Omniscient Heavenly Father....you know all!

This verse broke me last night, and as I continually repeated it...I found the peace I needed, and I was able to place all my worries, fears, and doubts into the hands of my Savior...

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble" Psalm 46

Let go of your unknown worries and questions and rest in the peace that passes all understanding...