Blurred Vision

Why is it that when I look at myself or catch a reflection...I still see the woman that was called obese, a woman with a weight problem, a woman full of insecurities. I know how far I have come and I know all that God has done in my life and it infuriates me that the devil tries to pull me back into the pit of deception, the place where my unworthiness outweighs the truth that comes from a Heavenly Father who loves me with such unmeasurable depth.

I know I am writing a lot about weight issues lately, but this is the present giant I am facing...well this is a reoccurring giant I go into battle with often, as do a lot of people. The fight against insecurity is what gives me the passion to write and reach out to others because I personally know the destruction it causes...not only to yourself, but eventually it leaks into your entire life and can affect so many other aspects in the process of its destruction.

Anything that takes up your thoughts and begins to take over your life can be an addiction...mine is food. I love food, but I want to have a healthy love for food. I love to cook and create and play with knives in the kitchen...lol...I love watching food network and enjoy seeing their masterpieces come to life, I don't want that to change, but I want the addiction to feeding my darkness places in my mind with doughnuts to stop! It does not take a psychology degree to know why I overeat you can just read a few blog post or talk to me for a bit...I want the love of an amazing man that seems more mythical than the mighty Greek gods. I am a single mom (which I love more than life) but it is not always easy, especially starting a new teaching career which requires endless hours of work (which I also love my job). My dreams often seem to be crushed: being healthy and in good shape, marriage, Italy, and a house. Therefore, I get discourage/anxious and I eat. This was me a few years ago:

I know you are thinking well at least you have an inner tube handy for the pool :) Sorry, couldn't help myself. I am just frustrated with myself right now...but...not so much with the weight finding its way back into my life again...but with the lies I that are blurring my vision again. I know who I am in Christ. You may say, well I've seen you write that before, seems like you have to keep reminder yourself....well...I do, I have to take up the cross daily as I am being transformed, so...I struggle with insecurity, BUT I AM NOT DEFEATED BY IT...NOT ANYMORE!

I may take a few hits, but I am an even harder hitter! Those pictures don't define who I am, my weight struggles do not define who I am, the sex symbols of our world that I find myself longing to look like do not define who I am. CHRIST DOES. I am a beautiful, strong, confident woman of God. I have said it before and I will continue to say it as I fight for those of us who daily face our reflections with regrets and remorse.

God sees your heart not the size of your skinny jeans...which is good because momma can't get into her regular jeans right now, let alone think of shopping for the skinny jeans! My passion is to get myself and you to know that we are loved by Jesus and we matter to Him. My desire is to help you believe your worth. You were worth a cross to Christ. His love is UNCONDITIONAL and EVERLASTING. So seek after Him with a confident smile and feel His peace override your pain. Stop listening to your own self criticism and start listening to the words of Christ.

*Now I not going to go over this an edit right now because I am going to go enjoy life and take my boys out to ride thier bikes, so I hope my heart speaks through and if their are a ton of grammatical errors you will forgive me. Enjoying life is what it is all about, not sitting back in defeat. Smile today, there is hope in Jesus!