Really???

WARNING I MAY RAMBLE THIS MORNING!!

I have been trying to get better at not rambling on and making my blog post short and to the point...but for anyone who really knows me...this is a hard task; I'm a talker and proud of it! LOL. The mornings are the hardest times for my thoughts on this subject so I am just going to let it flow here and hopefully get some answers, and in the process bring some much needed hope not only to myself, but others who deal with the same pain of loneliness that I do.

My question: do fairy tales really exist?

I live in a wonderful imaginary world where they do in my mind. I have a very vivid imagination which makes it hard to go to sleep at night and to get out of bed in the mornings because I am lost in dreams of romance, passion, and love. If I step out of the bed...all is lost, and it is back to spending day after day alone.

In Pretty Woman, Vivian states, "I want the fairy tale." In the end, he rides in and rescues her. In Letters to Juliet, he climbs the balcony and declares his love for her. In Cinderella he places the glass slipper on her foot, and they live happily ever after.....I know, I am a pathetic romantic. I climb right up on cloud nine and get all comfortable and giddy as I watch or read about romance. I play endless hours of romantic first kisses, and enchanting meetings of Mr. Right, and breathtaking weddings in my mind. Longing for them to become real, my heart spends so much time aching over the lack of touch by a man. It hurts and tries to draw me back into insecurity every time I think about love....why does no one want me? Why don't I have the fairy tale?

Now, I love a good action packed show as well. I have tried to watch those more instead of my extensive collection of chic flicks in order to rid my brain of the mushy gushy mess, but even those don't help...because then my Prince Charming has Paul Walker's face speeding into my life in a hot car to take me far far away, or Shia Labeouf picking me up for a date in Bumblebee; so that does not rid me of my pathetic fantasy problem at all. LOL.

Since summer started, it is books that pull me into the world of love. I have been reading Karen Kingsbury since I am off for summer. I'm on my fourth book and we just got out of school June 15th. If you have never read any of her books, let me just give a short commercial for her: if you want to find hope and love in the mist of heartache and pain....read her books. She does an amazing job of showing how God can work miracles and permeate your life with such peace and fill your heart with joy and love no matter what battles you go through. And of course, there is the romance....I was going to describe one for you, but one of my biggest pet peeves is when someone tells me what happens in a book/movie so I will just say, I was very much wanting these two characters to meet, and when she brought them together it was in a way better than I even imagined! Her characters are so well written you just want to sit down and have dinner with them and be a part of their lives. Well....I have been reading her books and again it makes me long for love. But it also makes me question once more....do fairy tales really happen? This is a book or a movie, not reality....

Longing for love is like walking off the beach in the middle of a hot summer. I absolutely love going to the beach. I do not; however, like leaving the beach. The long treacherous walk back up the coast to your car is unbearable. As your feet begin to burn from the sun baked sand, you feel exhausted and defeated. With each step you sink further into ruts. Sweaty, sticky, sandy, and sunburned....you are miserable. And of course your shoulders are weighed down with heavy, wet, sandy towels, beach chairs, bags of buckets and shovels for the kids, bottles of sunscreen, and a cooler. The trek up the sloping beach feels endless. So does the lonely walk through life.

Please understand, I know I am a very blessed person with two awesome boys so full of life, a very loving and supportive family, and the best friends a person could ask for. But I paint this picture because I have not even been on a date since I left my ex-husband over 7 years ago. I am very much a people person, and I want a husband. BUT I WANT IT GOD'S WAY.

At another time I will go into my past mistake with marrying a non-christian, but for now I am focusing on my deepest desires for an amazing man of God to come into my life...to not only love me, but love my boys and be a man they can look up to, a man who will show them who Christ is through his words and actions.

So let me leave you with some hope. I don't know about fairy tales, maybe you can answer that for me....but I do know about miracles. I know about a God who has a plan for my life. A perfect plan with perfect timing....and I want that above anything else. If you are experiencing the heartache of being completely alone....know that God hears your cries, He hears your prayers, He feels your pain, and....HE CARES. All He is asking is that you seek after Him with your whole heart and then...all else falls into place. I am hurting today.....but I am also very hopeful. I am laying my desires at His feet and walking away...because I know that He can write my love story far better than I can even imagine.

So in the meantime...I sing with joy the words of a song by John Waller, "While I'm Waiting". You must listen to this song, no matter what answers or desires you are longing for. Check it out and walk forward in hope and confidence remembering, God has a plan-trust Him.