peace

"To set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace." Romans 8:6

drowning...

Anxiety attacks are scary things...

Lately I have been experiencing these. It is like the panic of drowning. Remember the story I told about getting flipped of the four-wheeler into a crik and I thought I was going to drown. I thought I was trapped under the four-wheeler in an ocean of water with no way out...now yes all things turned out fine, and that was a great day in spite of that moment, but at the time I felt trapped, overwhelmed, powerless, afraid, lost in the darkness and depths of something more powerful than I am pulling me into its pit, destroying me.

That is what I am feeling now...I am drowning.

Have you ever felt like you had more on you than you can bare?

I am so blessed, but I just feel so overwhelmed with the responsibilities of this new job, being a single mom, dealing with my desires and the emptiness of my heart...just so much going on in my mind. Yes, the battlefield really lies in our mind. And mine seems to take any battle and multiply the intensity of it times a million.

BUT, "I know that You are for me (Lord), I know that You are for me. I know that You will never forsake me in my weaknesses. I know that You have come now...even if to write upon my heart...to remind me who You are." -by Kari Jobe

He is here, with me, ALWAYS. He is fighting the battle with me in my mind. And with His strength and POWERFUL PEACE, I am an over comer in Jesus name! I can breathe!
I can worship! I can praise Him! I can speak against the attacks of the devil and in JESUS NAME HE HAS TO FLEE!

"So faithful. So constant. So loving and so true. So powerful in all you do. You fill me. You see me. You know my every move. You love for me to sing to You." -KJ

I will sing praise from my lips Lord, for You are so powerful and so mighty and I am thankful for Your faithful presence in my life. You are my lifeguard always on duty, and you have saved me from the powerful storm trying to swallow me whole. You have pulled me from its treacherous waves, and placed me again on solid ground. You have breathed peace back into my soul. I can stand again. I can move forward. I can shout to the world the joy of the Lord is my strength. I love you Lord. Thank you.

God Hears

I love how a song can just speak right to your heart, tear right into your soul, bring peace, bring hope, and bring joy...

I have been a little down lately...and it is because of my lovely over-active, messed up, moody mind. I know that being overwhelmed and tired has a lot to do with my emotional coaster (I absolutely love my new job, but...there is just so much work that goes with it that my mind is trying it's hardest just to shut down and give up) but anyways, I just have a lot of other questions and thoughts spinning around up there--and the outcome in my emotions has been sorrow. Hurt and pain seem to be my best friends lately. And I know that I really have no reason to be down; I am abundantly blessed, I do know that. But I am confused...and no, not because I am blonde :p

I want to know, why ______________________?
And I can fill that blank in with a lot of questions.
I want to know when_______________________?
Same for that blank.

I won't bore you with the questions, because I know you can fill in the blanks yourselves I am sure with your own...

But let me quickly tell you what just shot through the darkness of my mood and pierced my heart, tightened up my attitude, gave me peace, hope, joy, and a deeper love for my Savior...

"Well God is still God when He's quiet."

This is from an amazing song called "God Hears" by Newsong.
I very much recommend listening to this song if you need encouragement.

God is still in control. God still works miracles. God still answers prayers. God still loves us. God still showers us with mercy, grace, and abundant blessings. God still fills us with peace when He hears our heart crying out to Him.

The song goes on to say,
"Well, God is still God even when He's quiet, and all your questions come. When all you thought you have is gone. When you feel lost somewhere in the silence, and fear comes rushing in...don't give up you're not alone...cause God is here, and there are no words to speak. God is here, and His healing runs deep, and all those questions you have just disappear, cause God hears....and when it feels like all your faith has disappeared...let the presence of His love reach through your fear...cause God hears."

Breathe in His peace today.

On a lighter note...

Just For Fun:
I created a Help Wanted Ad...

HELP WANTED

I am a fast-talkin, flip-flop wearin, sweet-tea drinkin, chocolate lovin, blonde-haired, fun-sized kind of girl looking for help!! Please respond if you can provide any of the following services and/or meet any of the following criteria. The pay is minimal, but tasty...you will be working for Oreo Bon Bon's.
You can call me at 1-800-SHORTIE. Or reach me via email: dateadork.com

MAID: I am a very busy single mom of two boys = a messy apartment. I need help! The apartment is small; therefore, you must have good organizational skills in order to make things work. Must enjoy a variety of smells (I have two boys in the house, and I have learned...boys are gross) Also, is in strong support against the fight to destroy all ants! (Apparently this apartment is built on top of the central ant command station to all ants in the universe). And must figure out a better way to put away laundry as opposed to our "throw it anywhere" system!

HAIR STYLIST: Don't you just hate how you can never fix your hair the way they do at the salon!! I just got my hair cut, with side bangs, and I'm in the process of "training" them! And besides...I just love to have my hair played with!! So as long as you don't pull...you're hired!

MAKE-UP ARTIST: I am 32 and have yet to figure the stuff out!! I even panic when I walk down the make-up isle in the store. I am often told I look like a teenager...although even teenage girls know how to wear make-up. I would like to look like a professional woman please, yet still a very natural look...no throw back to the 80's bright colors or anything! (and I don't miss huge hot pink and lime green scrunchies and teased bangs with enough hair spray at one time to destroy the ozone layer for all eternity...just another note for the person applying for the hair stylist job)

BUSINESS MANAGER: First of all, the most important aspect of this job would be handling my bank account...because I am a blonde that likes to bounce more than Tigger! OK, not that I like to bounce my account, it really upsets me and I try (somewhat, although trying probably means actually keeping track and checking on it), but I do want to do well with my account and money, but math is my weakness. I have finally realized why I subconsciously wear flip flops all the time...I need those toes out in the open to give me ten extra digits to help with the adding!
Also, any other paper work that is required for life and my job--will be all your responsibility because...I JUST DON'T LIKE IT!

PERSONAL TRAINER:I need someone to help me to put the Oreos down! Trainer must be tough, but also kind when I need it as well. Must be hot...hey it defiantly helps when a hot trainer has to do a body fat pinch!! I found this out when I actually had a trainer years ago. He said every two weeks he would do a body fat pinch. I said, "What is that?" He said, "Just like it sounds, I pinch your fat." If you have to lift your shirt, and let a hot guy pinch your fat...YOU WILL GET IT OFF FAST!

***Also seeking after a sexy, sparkling, shirtless vampire for...well do I really need to give an explanation for this one!
I would have said werewolf, cuz that kid is hot!! But, I thought of my skin-tone...and yes I would be more compatible with vampires. And, let's not forget my "Sparkling" personality!!

Don't Care = Don't Hurt?

"Don't care - don't get hurt...
that's the way it's gotta be.
Livin' life actin' hard,
but on the the inside no one can see;
you're cryin' out, 'God if you're really there-
show me you're face...show me you care."

This is part of a rap I wrote while in college working with some pretty tough inner city kids. Yeah, I wrote a rap, I got mad skillz, yo! LOL. But, right now those lines are stirrin' up something fierce in my mind...

If you don't care...you don't get hurt...right?

This is another one of those post that as I am writing this I hope I end up with a positive outcome (like What's the Point?)....but right now, I am not sure...

I am hurting...and I am tired of hurting.

Why do I have to be so sensitive? Why do I have to care so much? Why do I have to need people around me so badly? Why can I not be just pack up and move back home because I miss my family? Why do I desperately need communication and touch that I ache so deeply when I am all alone or when I don't hear back from friends when I try to communicate with them? Why do I have to be alone, and why does it have to hurt because I am...who really cares right?! It is not a big deal.

Why can't I be like Paul and "be content no matter what the circumstance"? Anytime I feel like I get to that point, something triggers an emotional mess in my mind...and the waterworks began again...and I am left hurting.

So I just need to toughin' up...but it seems like I am an all or nothing type person though. I am either super passionate or I just need to stop caring...

I have done this before- this whole harden the heart thing to get by. Right now, I feel like I need to pull every ounce of strength within me to build the walls again, and just keep pressing forward...like a line from one of my favorite movies, P.S. I Love You says, "Alone or not alone, you have to move forward."

Why can't I do that?
Family around or no family, husband or no husband, friends or no friends...
Why do I care?
It hurts too much.

Have you ever dealt with this? Sometimes I feel like I am the only one who is this sensitive or crazy...
If you are feeling this way...take a deep breath with me and know this:

We are not alone.

A song that I often have on replay, "Only You" by Adie, has this line that pierces my heart every time I listen to it while I seek after God in the mist of the storms raging in my mind,
"And it's just You and me, Lord".
So why can't I make that enough?

He is enough.
He always comforts me.
He always answers back.
He always takes care of us.
He always fills me with His peace that passes understanding.
He always wipes away tears and fills me with joy overflowing.
He always shows me He is working everything out for the good.
He always gives me the strength to press on.
He always shows me He is there.
He always loves me.
He is enough.

Thank you Lord, for being there for me. Thank you, Lord for "fearfully and wonderfully" creating me (Psalms 139:14) ...you gave me this huge, compassionate heart to reach the world for You...I don't want to ever stop caring. I know we all go through times of hurt, but that just means there is a hurting world out there that NEEDS A HEALING GOD! And I want to be there to point others to You, Lord. To show them Your love covers all.

And thank you, Lord...You do know my personality (You created me) You know my need for others; You have always, no matter where I am at, placed so many wonderful people in my life that love and support me. I am not alone because You have blessed me with the most amazing family and friends. I do know that, Lord, and I thank You for them. And I thank all of You for always being there and I am sorry I am just being a dramatic, emotional mess right now. I know this time of hurting will pass, You always lift me back up when I am down. YOU ARE FAITHFUL, LORD!

If you are hurting today seek after Jesus with all your heart...HE WILL BE THERE! And His arms will be wide open ready to pour His love and peace on you.

Focus

What is your mind focusing on right now?

The overwhelming rush of negative thoughts, depressing emotions, your faults, fears that force you to live in a constant state of anxiety, stressful circumstances.....

Or on the blessings, joy, peace, and love that surround us if only we would open our eyes to all the Lord has to offer and clear our minds of the chaos.

I have a hard time with this....and I am sure I can say accurately...we all do.

I have spent the majority of my life focusing on my faults, and my shortcomings, and my failures, and my weaknesses, and my stressful situations. Thankfully God has been working on this over the last few years, and has been digging up the roots of insecurities and fears in my life and creating a strong, confident woman....but a human woman who still deals with thoughts...a human woman with ADHD who deals with many overactive thoughts bombarding my mind at a constant intense speed. So I can very much relate to someone who has to fall at the feet of their Heavenly Father often, and beg for a renewal of the mind!!

This came to my heart and mind tonight while talking with a friend about the war that rages in our minds.

FOCUS ON THE FATHER....NOT YOUR FAULTS.

Because His word says:

"MY GRACE IS SUFFICIENT FOR YOU, FOR MY POWER IS MADE PERFECT IN WEAKNESS."
2 Corinthians 12:9

And

"I can do all things through Christ who gives us strength."
Philippians 4:13

Also

"May you be strengthened with all power, according to His glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy, giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light. He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins."
Colossians 1:11-14

So

DON'T GIVE UP!!

We can get through this! We just have to daily CHOOSE to allow the promises of the Lord to take control over our thoughts, and kick the Devil's butt at the boxing match in our mind! And you know I love to use my muscles any chance I get!! LOL....however, this is just mental muscles that I need to daily allow God to develop in me so that I can stand firm in my faith!

I love Joyce Meyer's book Battlefield of the Mind, and I am going to start reading it again! I highly recommend it if you are dealing with overwhelming thoughts pulling you into dark pits that seem far out of reach of the Father's hands....

Thankfully He is there at the call of His name. Call on Jesus today. Allow Him to be your strength in this daily battle of mindsets!

An Encouraging Story

While I was at a teacher's orientation this week, a man who works at our central office read the following inspiring story to us...and yes it took everything within me not to cry in front of hundreds of new colleagues. Yes, I am a big cry baby...lol.
I asked for a copy of it so I can share it with you...get the tissues ready. And if you don't cry, don't make fun of me for crying! I wish I knew the author, so I could give credit...but I hope you find encouragement today!

One day I decided to quit...
I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality...I wanted to quit my life.
I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.
"God," I said. "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?"
His answer surprised me...
"Look around," He said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?
"Yes," I replied.
"When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them. I gave them light. I gave them water. The fern quickly grew from the earth. Its brilliant green covered the floor. Yet nothing came fro the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo."
"In the second year, the fern grew more vibrant and plentiful. And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo." He said.
"In the third year, there was still nothing from the bamboo seed. But I would not quit. In the fourth year, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed. I would not quit." He said.

"Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth. Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant...BUT just six months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall."

"It had spent five years growing roots."

Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive. I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle."

He said to me, "Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots?"

"I would not quit on the bamboo. Neither will I ever quit on you."

"Don't compare yourself to others," He said. "The bamboo had a different purpose than the fern. Yet, they both make the forest beautiful."

"Your time will come," God said to me. "You will rise high!"

"How high should I rise?" I asked.
"How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return.
"As high as it can?" I questioned.
"Yes," He said. "Give me glory by rising as high as you can."

I left the forest and bring back this story. I hope these words can help you see that GOD WILL NEVER GIVE UP ON YOU. He will never give up on you

Never regret a day in your life.
Good days give you happiness.
Bad days give you experiences;
both are essential to life.

KEEP GOING...

Happiness keeps you sweet
Trials keep you strong
Sorrow keeps you human
Failures keep you humble
Success keeps you glowing
BUT ONLY GOD KEEPS YOU GOING!

calm your soul...

There is just something about laying by the pool or out on the beach that takes the weight of the world off your shoulders…although being blonde haired/blue eyed/and having skin whiter than the Cullen family; doing this WITHOUT SUNSCREEN is NOT recommended!

But...as a child of God, we can have this PEACE AT ALL TIMES!

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your request be made known to God. And the PEACE OF GOD, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and you minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7

No matter what you are going through right now...the peace of God is there for you. Just call out to Him...He can find you even in your darkest moment (He's got perfect night vision). And His peace will calm your soul. His Spirit will comfort you and renew you. Jesus can restore joy and laughter back into your life, and allow you to walk in strength and confidence!

TODAY'S THREAT! BE AFRAID...BE VERY AFRAID!

First of all let me start by saying how blessed I am with wonderful family and friends; no matter where I have been in my life (OH,FL,NC) God has placed numerous amounts of amazing people in my life...given that I am very much a needy people person, this is the biggest blessing to me. Whenever I think of it, it overwhelms me with the amount of love and support I have surrounding me at all times. To all of you: THANK YOU!

My BBFF was again just giving me some wonderful, much needed encouragement just now. And I am sure she wants me to grasp this concept so much that if she was standing next to me she would have wanted to literally beat it into my head...although she can't because she knows I am stronger than her with my massive muscles concealed in this short 5 foot frame of mine. But...anyways: she was wishing that I could really see in myself what other's see in me.

Why can't we?

I was just thinking about this earlier today while I was in a Science workshop for my new 2nd grade teaching job. The very tiny trainer had given this astronaut costume she was wearing to another teacher to put on as she was demonstrating an idea we can utilize in our classrooms; the other beautiful, very petite woman made a comment something along the lines of "Oh, I am not your small size, and I won't fit into this." To which the very small trainer replied, "Oh, I am like twice your size!" This is what we do...focus on only the negative in ourselves, yet are very aware of all the positive attributes that make up all those amazing people around us....you know, the ones we will never compare to...THIS IS SO STUPID!!!! WHY DO WE DO IT????? And yes, as my sons would say, Mommy that is not a nice word--but it is the truth! It is stupid--point blank. And we need to stop doing that right now in Jesus name and realize our own self worth!

"I WILL PRAISE YOU, FOR I AM FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE" Psalm 139:14

So many of us can quote this verse, yet so few of us believe it, accept it, nor live it.

Shockingly, I am going to make this short and sweet.
I AM AN AMAZING CHILD OF GOD!
AND YOU ARE TOO!
BELIEVE IT IN JESUS NAME! AND LET US WALK IN THAT CONFIDENCE....OR I WILL BEAT YOU DOWN WITH THOSE MUSCLES I WAS TELLING YOU ABOUT! AMEN! LOL.

It's All About You, Lord

You are my everything, Lord
You are my breath of fresh air after drowning in chaos
You are my strong wind of motivation
You are my better than chocolate on an emotional day
You are my strength, making me like a lily in a ditch standing tall,
beautiful, and bold
You are my uplifting moment found in the middle of a hot bubble bath
You are my knight in shinning armor always there to rescue me
You are my favorite song to dance to
You are my peace in unbearable moments
You are my comfort like the perfect pair of flip flops when you need them
You are my whispers of hope found in the dark
You are my direction, my lighthouse, always guiding me back to You
You are my calm in the storm
You are my positive outlet
You are my grace when I have fallen or lost my way
You are my joy that causes me to sing praise to You

You are found in the hug of a best friend
You are found in the laughter of children running barefoot in rain puddles
You are found in an encouraging txt from a loved one
You are found in the power of the oceans waves
You are found in holding the chubby little hand of your child
or holding the strong hand of someone who adores you
You are found in unexpected miracles
You are found in flower surprises
You are found in family vacations and fishing trips
You are found in moments of desperation or moments on the mountain tops
You are found in a fun competitive game of volleyball with a church family
You are found in new adventures
You are found in the rainbow among the dark storm clouds that gives us
hope to move on
You are found in the worshiping of a young boy while listening to
his mp3 player
You are found in the quiet moments
You are my everything, Lord

GOOD NEWS!

I was blessed by the txt message of a very special friend the other day. When I was seeking after just some sort of good news...he reminded me that I am saved and never have to know what it feels like to burn in hell! Well, amen! I was very encouraged and touched, and reminded that I have so many things to be thankful for.

I am blessed to be a child of God, I am blessed to be filled with His joy and peace, I am blessed to be covered by His grace....and all of those things are truly good news; news that overrides all the bad, and I am very thankful for that!

He said that I never have to feel the fires of hell, and I want to add to this...we all go through battles here on earth that can sometimes feel like we are going through hell. Each one of the things I am dealing with on their own can be extremely tough to deal with, but then you pile them all on top of each other, and it can be overwhelming! But...as I have been writing about, I have a choice on how to approach these battles...focusing on the hell of it all, or praising God and turning to Him knowing that I am blessed and victorious; I am NOT DEFEATED, BUT I AM SAVED!

When we are children of God we are victorious and do not have to walk in condemnation or defeat! We are saved by grace and we are made complete in Christ!

My pastor's wife's lesson last night also went along with this combating the negative things/thoughts in our lives with the positive truths of God's word...His promises are for us to claim and live daily. I am accepting those promises in my life today! I am proclaiming the good news of God! I serve an awesome God who is worthy to be praised. A God that has not forgotten me, and a God that knows my name, and a God that hears my prayers, and a God that is always there!

Be of good cheer and live in the joy of the Lord! Praise Him and be thankful for all the blessings in your life. This the day that the Lord has made and I will be glad and rejoice in it! SO COME ON AND PUT YOUR HANDS UP AND JUST JUMP FOR JOY!

Waiting...

I have written about waiting before, but....here we go again!

“They that WAIT upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not fait.”
Isaiah 40:31

While I was spending some time reading my Bible the other day, the word wait came up at least 3 times…

I have a hard time with waiting.

I was thinking about some men in the Bible who had to wait, such as Noah, who had to wait 120 years before it rained after he finished the ark. I feel like the last 7 years of my life I have been waiting on three big desires of my heart…and I have not been waiting patiently, I am ashamed to say….so Noah, you rock! But, I have been throwing some pretty childish tantrums over what I want:

1. A writing career (want to be a published author) and motivational speaking career (job/financial stability alone would be fabulous)
2. A nice house (with a huge fenced in back yard for the boys to run free! Also a nice big kitchen for me, I love to cook!)
3. A husband (one who is a great man of God. Someone to talk with…yes, I love to talk, and laugh with always. And I want a man of God in the home for the boys, someone to help me raise them in God’s way.

My patience runs very thin from time to time; I do think overall I have done well, but waiting is just not easy for me, I get too anxious and I am ready for a change or for things to go my way, for my dreams to come true, for my prayers…my pleas from my heart to be answered, to have more direction and guidance. It is hard for me to wait. I get my fingers a-drummin’ on the table top, my foot a-shakin’, I start pacin’, I start complaining, I start crying, and begging, “I want it NOW! God!!!!”

I don’t know God’s plan, but I do know His ways are perfect and His timing is perfect…as hard as that is to hear because all of those three things I really do want NOW. Some days each desire is stronger than another; like today I heard a song that made my heart ache for number 3, but the day before I was in Barns & Noble looking for book publishers to send my book off to again; hence, number 1 was my main hearts desire. And I want number 2 every time I have to clean this small apartment, or every time the boys are driving me crazy while flipping over (and breaking) the furniture because they need to get outside and run! These are things that are so important to me…and all of them seem impossible, but I serve an awesome God who exceeds the natural and works in the supernatural; therefore all things are possible! (Matthew 19:26)

JUST IN HIS TIMING AND IN HIS WAY!

A few weeks ago, my pastor’s wife/ my wonderful friend was teaching her lesson to our Wed. night ladies group, (my favorite time of the week! Love Ya Ladies!) and she passionately delivered one of the best lessons she has ever given (and I love all her lessons, she is a great speaker/challenger/encourager/woman of God), but she asked us this question:

IS GOD ENOUGH?

If I have to live pay check to paycheck for the rest of my life…is God enough?
If I never become a published writer…is God enough?
If I never get a house…is God enough?
If I have to sleep alone for the rest of my life…is God enough?
If I never feel the passionate love of a husband ever again…is God enough?
If I never have an amazing man marry me; a man to laugh with, cry with, smile with, pray with, grow with, vacation with, uplift in the troubled times, dance in the joyful times, read God’s word with in decision making times, help with the boys in all times…is God enough?

YES!

I also know that God knows the desires of my heart, and He wants to bless me, and I am believing for that….so I must ask this:

In the waiting times…is God enough?

YES!

Whatever you are waiting for, first let go and trust God…know that He has a plan and a timing for everything. But ask yourself…no matter what you are going through right now as you read this, is God enough?

I KNOW HE IS…and I can type this with a peace that passes all understanding, a joy that overflows in my heart, with strength for each day, and with Godly wisdom that supersedes the natural.

GOD IS ENOUGH!

Below are just some wonderful scriptures that I feel align with the ideas in this post:

“And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you.” Psalm 39:7

“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.”
Hebrews 11:1

“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” James 1:2-3

“Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you” Matthew 6:33

“Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let you heart take courage; wait for the Lord!”
Psalm 27: 14

These are some of the songs (I get mine from itunes) that always uplift and encourage me in times of waiting, in the lonely moments, when I am thinking of my dreams and desires, when letting go and seeking God’s will, in times of depression, and/or in the deepest, darkness of the pit that you may find yourself in right now:

“While I’m Waiting” by John Waller
“Only You” by Adie
“You’re the One” & “Your Will” by Devin Williams
“You are For Me” & “The More I seek You” by Kari Jobe
“Rescue” by Newsong
“Made Me Glad” by Hillsong
“Cry On My Shoulder” by Overflow
“Grace Flows Down” by Passion
“My Hope is You” by Third Day
“Sweetly Broken” by Jeremy Riddle
“Your Beloved” by Brent Helming
“Always” by Building 429
“How Great is Our God” by Chris Tomlin
“What Faith Can Do” by Kutless
“The Climb” by Miley Cyrus (I know this not Christian, but the words are encouraging when you are going through something)

WAIT ON THE GOD...HE WILL MAKE IT WORTH THE WAIT!

BABY GOT BACK!

An no this is not about the old Sir Mix-A-Lot song...lol...I just thought it would be a funny title. Although, let me say one day while I was at work, walking down our open hallways, I caught my reflection in the long row of windows, and I was very startled and jumped wondering what in the world is that behind me!! Oh yeah...think of that song, and see where I'm going with this. LOL.

Anyways, on to more important things....I AM BACK BABY, AND BETTER THAN EVER! My mind is finally clear and at peace, praise God. I have finally been able to do what I have been writing about and let go and really give it all to God, and allow His peace take over and calm my mind. My joy has been restored and I am back to my fun-loving, goofy, blonde self...lol. I have at last been able to hold a conversation without crying out of being overwhelmed. I am just so thankful for God's presence in my life, and don't know where I would be without His grace, hope, and love.

Now let me add this, nothing has changed...as far as my circumstances (the things that have been overwhelming me), they have not changed. I still have no job stability, I still don't even know if I will have a job in August, my dreams of a writer have not come true yet, I am still feeling very claustrophobic in my small apartment, I still don't know if I should move back home to Ohio or stay in my sunny North Carolina, I am still laying in bed alone every night, I still have a wonderful, lol, ex-husband, and I still have the worries of being a single mom of two active, young boys (although that is a major blessing and I love being a mom more than anything, it can just be difficult sometimes). So...none of these things have change, BUT my mindset has, thanks to my loving Heavenly Father who is always there to wipe my tears, pick me up, and put me back on His solid rock! Amen!
I am just very excited and full of hope!

Please know that God's peace is also available to you! No matter what you are facing, God is bigger, and He can either calm the storm, OR CALM YOU IN THE STORM!

Weight vs. Warrior

“But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.” & “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good for those who are called for his purpose.” Romans 8: 25 & 28

Some how my room has become the storage closet yet again…and not a neat, organized storage space—a disaster of mountains of mess. I have attempted many times this week to walk in there and tackle the chaos, but then backed out of there overwhelmed with the weight of the disorder in my home. But I have also been carrying around the weight of confusion in my mind….and I am worn out.

I sent out 2 txt to many of my friends the other day with the verse above, and then a txt following that which stated something like this: Stop focusing on the WEIGHT of your circumstances and search for the WARRIOR within you; since Christ is in you, you have the strength to be victorious in all areas of your lives! Jesus gives us the strength to fight the good fight of faith! Philippians 4:13 says, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” We know this verse, we have heard it many times, it is written upon our hearts, but….do we ever really live in the power of it? Do we accept its truth and live it each day? Or do we allow the weight of the world, the nonsense of the negative, the power of the pity-party, the depression of the disastrous mistakes we make to settle in and take up a home in our hearts until we can no longer see the light. Thankfully Christ is a light that cuts through even the darkest moments in our lives. Thankfully His yoke is easy and His burdens are light….which means if we let go (as I was saying in the last post) and we give it all to God, we can have peace and know that “ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR GOOD”! So we can rest in that peace and that promise and “WAIT FOR IT WITH PATIENCE.” We can wait on the Lord and allow him to renew our strength (Isaiah 40:31).


The definition of warrior states: a man engaged or experienced in warfare. A person engaged in some struggle or conflict.

If we are living life we will be actively engaged in conficits/struggles/circumstances. We can choose our plan of attack by first choosing to have God be our central source of strength and our central command unit; who we go to for wisdom. Second: our mindset it a choice, as I stated earlier, we can choose to focus on the weight or the warrior; focusing on the weight only brings defeat, focusing on the warrior within us and Christ’s strength brings victory…and this is the hard part to grasp…even if the circumstance does not change, we can have victory in our lives by living in the peace that passes all understanding, the peace that overrides the circumstance and causes us to live joyfully no matter what. I have not been doing that lately, I have been focusing on the negative facts in my life instead of seeing the Savior working in me; building character as he continues to form me into His likeness. Our mindset is vital for victory! I need Jesus to renew my mindset today…how about you?

Romans goes on to say in Chapter 8: “If God is for us, who can be against us? He did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died, more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is intercede for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? SHALL TRIBULATION, OR DISTRESS, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?” Verse 37 answers this: “NO, IN ALL THESE THINGS WE ARE MORE THAN CONQEURORS THROUGH HIM WHO LOVED US.”!

AMEN AND THANK YOU LORD!

I am a child of God and He’s got my back! Amen!
No matter what we go through, He is faithful, He is there, He cares, He responds!
It may not always be in the way we want or expect…but if we allow Him, he will take all that we go through and use it for good and for His glory!

“Fight the good fight of faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called.” 1 Timothy 6:12

P.S. THANK YOU BRENDA FOR YOUR HELP WITH MY ROOM! YOU ARE AN AWESOME FRIEND AND I HOPE YOU DON’T HAVE NIGHTMARES FROM THE MESS!!

Be Anxious for Nothing...

I am letting go....
I lay in my bed last night with the worst headache I've had in a long time, and it didn't help that my mind has still been a whirlwind of thoughts/emotions/worries/ideas...and I could finally pray, after months of turmoil:
"God, I am letting go. Your ways and plans for my life are so much better anyways...why do I stubbornly hold on so tight? If I don't give it to you...you can't fix it!"

I am letting go of all my worries.
I am letting go of all my fears.
I am letting go of all my anxieties.
I am letting go of all my pain.
I am letting go of all my unanswered questions.
I am letting go of all my desires.

I want your will for my life Lord...but I have to hand over mine.
I gladly do that now Lord, your perfect plan for my life far exceeds my own desires, and what greater things can you do in my life if I allow you to.

My mind has been a mess, but I am so thankful that even in my darkest hour Lord, you can still see me. Even in the loneliest moment Lord, you are with me. Even in the loudness of my chaotic mind, you can still hear my cries as I call out to you. You reach down with those nail-scarred hands, and now all I feel is your love and peace. Thank you Lord.

"Do not be anxious for anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus." Philip. 4:6-7

I give it to you God, and you replace it with peace.

I praise your name Lord, and I am thankful for your peace that plows through my mess and clears it out like a bulldozer preparing the way for a new road...your new path is one of joy, peace, strength, love, and wisdom.

"Be joyful aways, pray without ceasing, and in everything give thanks. For this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thess. 5:16

I have more reasons to praise you Lord than I do to continue to live in the pity party of dark pits.

I will praise you for your grace, Jesus.
I will praise you for your peace, Jesus.
I will praise you for your blessings, Jesus.
I will praise you for you are worthy to be praised, Jesus.
I will praise you for your creative beauty that surrounds me everyday, Jesus.
I will praise you for the laughter and joy that comes from being a mom, Jesus.
I will praise you for the wonderful family/friends you have blessed me with, Jesus.
I will praise you for your unconditional love that sooths me even in the mist of my most miserable moment in the loneliest hours, that love that overrides the lies being whispered in the darkness, that I am unlovable and unworthy...for I can lay at your feet and worship you, and feel your presence take over, and allow you to destroy any roots of negative insecurity in my life by the power of your blood that flows through me, Jesus!
I will praise you for all that you have done in my life, Jesus.
I will praise you for all you have done in the lives of those I love, Jesus.
I will praise you for the strength you provide me with in my weakest moments, Jesus.
I will praise you for you are righteous and wonderful, Jesus.
I will praise you holy and magnificent, Jesus.
I will praise you for there is no other name worthy to be praised, Jesus.

If you are caught in the tangled life of lies that the devil spreads throughout your mind...call on your Savior, Jesus, let it all go at His feet...and never turn back! He has it all under control. Let him fill you with a new song of praise today!

Matters of the Mind...

So I was major cleaning my apartment today, and like normal I have a hard time staying focused...I went from scrubbing down the kitchen, to cleaning the living room, to picking up dirty towels and clothes off the bathroom floor, to re-potting plants, to dusting, to painting my toe-nails, back to the kitchen, cleaning out the vacuum cleaner, moving the spices to a different cupboard, mopping one room, throwing junk in my room, back to the kitchen, scrubbing the toilet (that's my favorite, especially having two boys in the house...ha ha), checking on the boys who were supposed to be cleaning their room, to re-arranging things, and then again back to the kitchen. Yes...all over the place...amazingly enough I actually got everything done but my room...and that was too scary to tackle.

My mind was in the same mode today: Mayhem Monsoon...basically a giant messy storm wreaking havoc...all over the place.

It was jumping from one topic to the next in rapid fire motion...my lack of job stability at the top of the list, and because I was trying to clean a small cramped apartment the very strong desire for a house was next, and then going off from there. Now yes...this is actually mostly normal for my mind...the difference was...lately I just can't take it anymore. I am tired. Exhausted from the commotion of confusion. I am begging for answers and direction...I am pleading for peace...I am longing for strength...I am throwing myself at the feet of my Father finally saying "TAKE IT LORD" I am done with it. Your turn.

Which is of course what He tells us to do. We just sometimes have a hard time with our stubborn attitudes which causes us to unfortunately keep too tight of grasp on our turmoil in order to allow him to fix it.

His word promises "peace that passes all understanding", and "the spirit of a sound mind", and I am claiming that in Jesus name today.

God, you already have it all figured out...so I don't have to try to make mends of the mess...

I just have to let go.

What Now?

Have you ever felt torn in many directions and don't know where to head next?

I have actually been longing for a change...but I don't know if I really need one or is it just like my random changing patterns that pop up in my mind, and I have to move stuff around to find a new satisfaction...for example I change my living room around A LOT...it is amazing how many different things you can do with a very small apartment living room.

But I have been itching for a change...like I want to pack up and move to California just for the fun of it...or more real changes like I want to be moving into a house before I go crazy from claustrophobia in my apartment that we have been blessed with, but have long outgrown. Or I would love to have my writing career dreams actually happen.

So, I am not sure what I am feeling now, but I am so torn and mixed up. I just spent a great month with my family in Ohio. Now I want to move back home. I just wish I could take my NC weather and beaches with me, and I would probably be packing now.

It is not helping that I am sitting here alone in a restaurant typing away on my computer on the fourth of July while my family is all having a picnic back in OH. (I had to come back because my ex-husband wanted the boys for the fourth. But he did...get ready to sit down, I am getting ready to say something very nice here...he was very nice, and let us stay longer in OH than we are allowed according to out custoday papers and I very much thank him for that). So it makes me want to move there that much more. I know how bad my family wants the boys and I around. But, I have made a life here in NC and I love it here too...

I am just praying God will guide me and direct me...I want His will in my life. He has blessed me abundantly, and I love my life; I am very much enjoying my life. I am excited about where God has brought me from and where He is taking me in life. I may not know exactly what to do in life right now or what is going on...but I do know who has it under control and it is exciting...I was actually dancing around my apartment this morning just happy to be alive and to know that God has a plan for my life...even though I am unclear of what it may be right now...I do know that (and my pastor was talking about this today) my main job in life is to just praise God and let the world know how good He is!!

Living for Him is exciting! I am full of His joy, love, strength, and peace! And His wisdom...I know He will speak to my heart, and help me make the right choices...His spirit will direct me and comfort me. I need His comfort now...I know my feelings are mixed up today and unclear sorry...I am happy and in a dancing, playful, confident mood one minute, and sad, lonely, and missing my family the next. But it is OK...like I said, God's got it under control. I just want to praise Him. I cannot imagine...and don't even want to think about where my life would be without Jesus as the center of it! I am free in Him today to live an abundant life no matter where I am at! He loves me and Has called me out for a purpose!

He loves you too! If you are not sure where you are at in life right now...if you are confused...know that if you let God take control of your life...HE WILL NOT LET YOU DOWN! He has a purpose for your life. Be confident in that. Believe it! Live for Him and let Him fill your heart with joy, your lips with praise,your mind with peace, and your life with blessings. Who the Son sets free...is free indeed!! Free from sin, free from bondage, free from a negative mind-set, free from insecurites, free from fears, from from worries, free from anxiety, and free from your past!!! LIVE AN ABUNDANT FREE LIFE IN HIM TO DAY...THAT IS WHAT YOU NEED TO DO NEXT!! AND PRAISE HIM FOR IT!

Cloudy with a Chance of Screw-Up

I believe we should have forecast for our minds just like they do on the weather channel...
Running across our forehead should be the day's forecast and warnings against any possible outbreaks of storms. We go through such an array of emotions sometimes as humans it can be hard to keep up. In my other blog, Once Upon My Bookshelf, I had just wrote about my favorite children's book, My Many Colored Days by Dr. Seuss and theme of this story is just that...we go through so many changes of moods on any given day, but...
"It all turns out alright you see, because I go back to being me." It is OK...tell yourself that after a bad day, a long cry, a screaming fit, a depressing day....relax and take a deep breath...you are human and it is going to be OK. Each day is a new day, a gift from God, make the most of it and let the past go...leave yesterday's bad day in the past and let today be a great one!
Now that was not I originally was going to say in this but when I start typing...just like I talk, I never know what is going to come out...but I hope that little pep talk helped :)

Now on to today's mood forecast:

CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF SCREW-UP.

Sometimes...and I am not sure if it is just my ADHD overactive mind or what....but my mind seems so cloudy I can't make out anything. So much going on up there it gets confusion and frustrating. I get a tornado of turmoil going on and it can sometimes be hard to find my way out for days at a time...

I just have so many feelings racing around and running into each other until I can't even seem to make out the dominant one. Am I happy? Am I lonely? Am I full of the joy of the Lord? Am I angry? Am I bitter? Am I frustrated? Am I overwhelmed and stressed? Am I just goofy?

This last few months that is where I have been...all mixed up.

Cloudy...

Which can sometimes lead to screw-ups...bad choices made in the mist of a messy moment.

My wants and desires and confusion and frustration can lead me off the straight path of God wondering off alone in the dark woods seeking after my own path but only getting caught in treacherous, thorny ground.

I am just thankful that God can still find me through the thickest cloudy days. His rays of light can break through even the darkest clouds, and He can lead me back home...He can bring peace to my mind and calm the storm of emotions...and He can even forgive me for getting off His path. His grace is sufficient. His love is comforting. His peace passes all understanding so that my forecast can now read:

Calming breeze with bright rays of Sonshine.

His Spirit can relax my soul and clear my mind to let the light of my loving Heavenly Father in so He can renew my mindset and give me strength for a new day with a clear forecast.

Romans 12:2 "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-His good, pleasing, and perfect will."

Peace

Have you ever felt like you were carrying far more than you can possibly bear? Have you ever had the weight of the world push your shoulders so low to the ground so quickly that even sinking sand would have seemed more pleasurable? How you ever felt like the world was against you? Have you ever felt that no matter which way you turned you were going to get punched in the gut with the force of King Kong? Have you ever pleaded for an escape, begged for release, cried in frustration and agony for peace?

How much more can one take?

Well...I know someone that can take it for you...

Going through this kind of inner turmoil as the outer world continues to rip you to shreds can seem impossible to get through...hopeless.

But no matter how dark it gets...there is hope.

His name is Jesus. And He is there at just the call of His name.

Now let me tell you in all honesty...right now I am watching someone take on turmoil from all around, I myself cannot even imaging walking in those shoes....
And as I type those words above, it is even hard for me to comprehend how someone can actually have peace during the depths of that kind of mess piling on them.

It's too much God, take it away from them please, they are an amazing person with a heart for you God...that is your child! Can't you hear the tears, the hurt, the pain, the stress? Take it away and replace it with your peace that passes all understanding...your strength that can give us the faith to move mountains...God the mountain's in this person's life make Everest look like an ant hill. It's not fair...yes, I resorted to even a childish tantrum...anything to get the weight lifted of their shoulders. I have even thought I may have to break out these massive muscles of mine and take care of some people! I just want the hurting to stop NOW!! Lord...help...please...

Back in February, in a post called HIBERNATION PLEASE!, I made a comment about day lilies...some people call them ditch lilies, they are my favorite flowers...so beautiful, vibrant....and they can grow wild in a ditch. I took this picture of a day lily in my mom's yard, and even with the few rough spots, the colors are so brilliant. It is a flower that stands tall and bold...it stands out among the ditch and the weeds...it rises above.

In these times of trouble that take the life right out of us...we can rise above...but only with God's help. He is our brilliance, he is our boldness, our strength, our shelter and our ever present help in time of need. He will help us to shine even in the ditch. He will create something beautiful out of all we go through and He will use it for His glory...if we will wait on Him and rest in His peace.

As hard as it may seem when you are going through something...I know from personal experience...His peace is there...just call to Him and accept it...let it fill your soul...let it revive you...let it give you breath to take another step...even if the steps are all uphill...you can climb with ease with Him by your side.

You're not going under...you're not being left alone...you're not forgotten...you're not going to be trampled to death...

YOU ARE A CHILD OF GOD...NOW GET UP AND WALK IN HIS PEACE. WALK STRONG. HIS NAILED SCARRED HANDS ARE HOLDING YOU....YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS!

Really? That was it?

So...I am here in Ohio visiting with my family and enjoying every minute of it. Now if you have read one of my other recent post, "Rough Ridin'" then you would have read about the ten hour trip my friends and I just took up here less than two weeks ago...good times! This is like a sequel to that one, so if you have not read it, you may want to go back...more so for ending of that story. Basically, I was unexpectedly flipped off a 4wheeler in a deep crik in the middle of the night; it was quite the mud-slingin', flip-flop loosin' adventure. But today as I ventured out into the woods to check on my long lost flip flop and see the site of our sunkin' troubles...I was a little shocked at the site of the crik....

Ummm......it didn't seem that big.

Now when I was flipping around under freezing cold water in complete shock to situation...it seemed as if i was drowning in the deepest ocean, but now to look at this lil' spot that I was catapulted in to...it did not seem like such a hyper-ventilating big deal as it did that night.

Isn't that how problems seem on the flip side of things?

When we are in the middle of the mess it seems...well...messy.
When we are in the center of the storm...we see nothing but stress.
When we are in the tough of the turmoil...we are tired and ready to give up.
When we are in the panic of the pain...it is nothing but pitch black pits for us.

But yet...the moment, the circumstance, the sorrow, the storm, the battle does eventually come to an end. Then we are left looking back.
Now I have found most of the time I can look back at these battles and think the same thing I thought standing before that crik today...."Really? That was it?"

Once we are finished with the fight, the fight does not seem to be as big as we thought (most of the time). We see that we made it through, we had strength to survive something that seemed impossible. Here we stand. Victoriously. Watching the rainbow appear after the storm. And we've become a stronger, wiser person because of what we have gone through.

My thoughts: why can we not remember when we go into a battle, or when we are caught off guard by a circumstance that God is in us, and He is our strength, and with Him nothing is impossible; therefore we are already equipped for the battle, and have no reason to fret, and fear, and hyper-ventilate like I did on my dark night in a ditch.
After repeatedly screaming, "Get me out of here!" my friend Danny pulled me out and put my feet (one bare-footed...sorry had to throw in my flip flop loss yet again) but he lifted me out, and put my feet on solid ground and at that moment I knew I was OK....

Well...Christ is our solid rock/our stable ground, and He is with us always. We can always know that we are OK. But yet, we find ourselves screaming in a panic or begging in frustration to our Lord, "Get us out of here!". Now, I am not saying this for you to feel any condemnation for how you react in a crisis, we are human...it is OK; even Christ asked in agony "Father, take this cup from me". I am just offering a helpful reminder that we need to know that no matter what we go through we can conquer it with His strength, peace, and wisdom; knowing that nothing is too big for our God to handle...so we can take on the "BIG ISSUES" confidently in Christ.